I’ve been reading a few posts around the blogosphere that have been sponsored by the American Cancer Society, which is great. Raising awareness is a fantastic thing. Everyone needs to know about cancer. In fact, everybody probably knows someone who has had cancer, fought it and won.
I am however, taking objection to the request that the bloggers participating in this awareness campaign have been asked to keep it positive. It appears the ACS want people to hear the positive side of things, to show that people can beat it and that while it is a headfuck, it doesn’t always mean a life sentence.
Yada yada.
However.
Not everyone beats cancer. Sure we can all tell the happy side of things, talk about the cakes and the parties afterwards when you hear the magical words, ‘you’re in remission.’ In fact, I’ve been to a few of those parties, I’ve been thrilled to bits for people and breathed a sigh of relief. My best friend in primary school beat leukaemia when she was 10. My great-grandmother beat breast cancer in her 70’s. Nan beat thyroid cancer 10 years ago. Nathan’s father spent the first year of Amy’s life beating cancer. We’ve all got the positive feel good stories to tell. We can all say ‘this doesn’t have to be a death sentence, this doesn’t have to be IT.’ We push the bad memories so far down so that we can move on and forget how that chemo ward smelled, or how sick our loved ones truly looked in the moment.
But for some people, it is it. This is it. This is how they will spend their last few months, with cancer hanging over their heads and invading their bodies. A reminder with every twinge, that this time, you and your family fell on the wrong side of the odds and to be honest, it feels a little disrespectful of the ACS to ask people to try and be only positive when writing about their experiences with cancer. I wasn’t going to link to the blogger who posted about this. I didn’t want my anger to dilute her post. I am so pleased that they got their happy ending and their remission parties. Life was forever changed, but it was not halted. Not that time. I wouldn’t wish what we’re going through on anyone else.
Sometimes treatment doesn’t work. Sometimes there is no hope for forever, just hope for more time. We will be dealing with the after effects of cancer for a very long time. It’s not easy. I don’t think about tomorrow, or next month or how I’m going to cope. I don’t have a plan for how I’m going to hold it all together, but I know that I will because I have to. We’re the ones left behind. The ones no one wants to talk about because our story doesn’t fit into the message of hope they want to send.
At the end of this story, there will be no happy ending. There will be no cake, no parties, no congratulations. Our story will fade quietly into into the distance, leaving just us behind to pick up the pieces.
I have not had cancer. That does not mean I will not be a cancer survivor.
***
For anyone just joining us now, my Nan was diagnosed with Lung Cancer (NSCLC) almost 12 months ago. She’s never smoked a day in her life. Surgery wasn’t an option and radiation and chemotherapy, while buying us more time, didn’t cause the cancer to shrink or stop growing like we’d hoped it would. She’s having palliative radiation at the moment, in order to shrink some bone mets in her spine and lessen her pain.
I was going to close comments, but I think I’ll leave them open. Remember that Nan reads and she is more than happy to growl at you in the comments if you’re too morbid about her. She’s not gone yet. In fact, I expect a phone call tonight growling at me for writing this.
I want to know, how has cancer touched your family? Do you have a positive story to tell, or did everything go to hell in a hand basket. I want to hear, the good, the bad and the ugly. We’ve all got stories.
I don’t see the point of only blogging about the *good stuff*. Fuck Cancer. And Fuck Censorship.
Pop and Ices last blog post..Jesus Come Heal Me!
I would love to say I have a positive story but I don’t!
I’ve been touched left right and centre by cancer in my family, and each and every time has been a painful and emotional journey for all concerned. We have never experienced the joy of remission, only gradual decline in health as the inevitible is faced.
One of the more ‘memorable’ events – my last husband. Diagnosed with cancer on my 32nd birthday, died exactly 3 years later on my 35th. Happy Birthday LouLou.
This was a traumatic 3 years watching a strapping man drop to less than 50kg, and become an angry, yet in denial man – definitely not a joy to be around. In and out of hospital, including being rendered impotent during surgery (accidentally); experiencing a colostomy blowout on an international flight; lapsing into a coma and dying 4 hours later at home in bed, with me by his side.
Definitely no positive memories of the entire 3 year ordeal. It was stressful, emotionally and financially draining, for both of us.
Though, I suppose I can be positive about one thing – at least it didn’t go on for 5 years!
Louises last blog post..3 Going On 16!
I wont be growling at you darling, why would I? it is a very well written blog.We must mix the positive with the negatives to get both sides of the story and sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. Look at today for example we were so sure the weather was going to be sooo gloomy such grey skies and cold cold temperature and now the sun is out bright and sunny.
As our Miss Amy would say “all shiny beautiful”
My mother beat thyroid cancer, and it’s not been back in 25 years. I don’t know how much it’s touched or affected her since.
But I do know this. Some things suck, and it’s OK to say, “this sucks”.
I take care of children with cancer and while most survive, I am still passionately PISSED OFF when some don’t. I love what I do, but I hate cancer and would love to be out of a job. I would love to be able to give a simple injection and say “There you go… cancer’s all gone now!” But that’s not how it works, unfortunately.
And if anyone believes that cancer doesn’t impact EVERY SINGLE PERSON who ever knew and/or loved the person suffering from it, they are crazy. It’s a hell of a thing to live with when it’s in your body, and nearly as devastating when it’s not.
Sending all the love and good wishes in the universe to Nan, to you, and to your family.
Andis last blog post..Swine Flu Incedent by Lauren
How can you raise awareness if you’re only allowed to talk about the remissions and the potential cures?? Wow, and I thought the autism community was a bit wack sometimes. You got us beat, girl.
Mrs. Cs last blog post..John the Babtist
cancer is a sin..
my four grandparents, 3 of my great grandparents, 2 great uncles and many more all have been taken to cancer..
the only ones who are now in remission is my mum and fingers crossed her sister too.. who was recently diagnosed with breats cancer.. and my two second cousins..
life can be so cruel sometimes..
big happy and positive thoughts to ya Nan.. thinking of her and you and family..
Oh sweetheart that was beautifully written.I can see how cancer can tear some families apart because it puts a serious strain on your relationships. The stress alone that cancer causes should warrant a health warning in itself. I love you xox
frogpondsrocks last blog post..Ceramic decisions…
breast*
My Mum had breast cancer and lost part of her breast. She turned it into a boob job and says she wishes she hadn’t waited for something sad and scary like that to happen to get her boobs done! I have been especially touched by the sad story of Jade Goody in the UK who recently died from complications resulting from cervical cancer. I had to have precancerous cells removed after a number of abnormal pap tests and now regularily remind every woman I know to get a pap test. No one should die from a cancer that can be detected with routine scans or procedures. Cancer is something that affects us all whether we like it or not.
Sarahs last blog post..
My grandfather beat cancer but now has so many other heath issues. My great grandmother died of breast cancer at 90. My parents own a daycare center and over the last seven years have lost one parent(to one of the children) to cancer and there was a four year old girl pulled out recently because she has cancer. Also my little brother lost a class mate a few years ago to cancer, he is only 11 now and I believe she died two years ago. So I’ve only known one person to beat cancer, so far, everyone is hoping the little girl who was recently diagnosed beats it. It is not always a happy ending, but when it is it should be celebrated.
Megans last blog post..So I think it’s over
Brilliant post Veronica … I agree with you how dare they.
Nan is lucky to have you in to bat for her , while she still has all her balls in the air.It is a juggling act to keep it all going but I hope all her days are happy painfree ones.
These stories are just as important as the celebrations . A different celebration of lives, lives well lived and the love and support that helped them cope with the inevitable.To give them hope the ones left behind will survive.
Yes, everything did go to hell in a hand basket for my Dad …just when we though Dad’s bone marrow transplant from his brother (Leukemia) was a success … a sudden complication. He was 63yrs.
My Godmother died too just 6 weeks before him of a brain tumour.
Best wishes to Nan and may she continue have a hell of a good time and stay as pain free as possible.
Trishs last blog post..Weekly Winner 23 2009
My Dad died of mesothelioma in 1992, horrible way to go and no hope from start to finish either. In January 1997 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a lumpectomy and lymph nodes removed (slow growing cancer but was in my system), started chemo in March, had a chemo-induced stroke in April – no more chemo for me – completed a course of radiotherapy June to July. In the September my younger sister was also diagnosed with breast cancer, despite a clear mammogram the previous April. It was a very aggressive cancer and chemo was started immediately to shrink the tumour pre-surgery. Four months of very nasty treatment started and then a second variant of chemo began but was cut short in the April as the tumour was growing again. A radical mastectomy followed. She had a course of radiotherapy but in August tumours grew again, in the other breast too. More experimental chemo but to no avail, on the afternoon on 20th September 1998, her 43rd birthday, she died. The next day I had my 46th birthday. Behind her she left an estranged partner, a husband and 4 children aged 22,15, 7 and 6. Since then 2 of my cousins have been diagnosed with the same cancer, one is still alive, the other died after a second occurrence. In February 2006 I had a second primary breast cancer (other side this time and nothing to do with the original cancer) and, after the preliminary lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy (no spread this time but a more aggressive cancer), opted for more surgery and had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. No chemo and no radiotherapy. So far all is good, the anti-hormone stuff I take is buggering up my bones but I’m still here and that’s the main thing for us.
So I guess I know cancer from both sides of the coin. All I can say is that everyone should make the best of every day they are given and a bit of positive thought, whilst not necessarily saving your life, can go a long way to making whatever you have a better one 😉
Yes, cancer has touched me, several times. My dad died from lung cancer in January 2000, he’d been smoking since he was eleven, and he made it to almost 75.He didn’t tell us, we found out on the New Years Eve, when we tried to phone him and he didn’t answer the phone all day. I rang the police to see if they could find him, and they located him in the Port Augusta hospital. Naturally, I went straight up there, but it was too late and he died 10 days later. My mum died from bowel cancer in June 2004, she was diabetic, and apart from that had a poor diet. She grew up in Germany where they eat a lot of fatty things, pork, things fried in lard etc, and she loved chocolate (as we all do) and cakes, biscuits(cookies) too. She lived hours away and had two bowel operations and several chemo sessions all without telling us. Until it was too late and the cancer had spread to her stomach and lungs. Me? I had a hysterectomy at age 37, because of pre-cancerous lesions all through my lower abdomen, caused by the human papilloma virus. I’m the survivor, but even then it was touch and go, I hemorraghed badly during the operation, needing two complete transfusions, because the lesions were more widespread than originally thought, then when in the recovery room I took just over 24 hours to start waking up from the anaesthetic. Just before waking fully I remember feeling as if I was floating in a black velvet cloud and I really didn’t want to leave there. I woke to find my husband and kids all standing beside the bed, they’d been there all night.
I’m so sorry to hear that your Nan is now failing a bit, there is still time for you to spend with her and be glad that you’ve had time to give her many hugs and make preparations for the final goodbye. I hope that final moment holds off for some time yet.
One of my very good friends had a mastectomy a year ago. Just had reconstruction which failed and has had to have it taken out! It’s been a nightmare, and yet she remains so positive and full of life. Lost an uncle to bone cancer just last week – the good and the bad! A well written post to Veronica! Food for thought!
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My dad had colon cancer. He’s still with us, the cancer is in remission, and we’re hopeful it won’t come back. But. The cancer exacted its toll – the year and a half of chemo and radiation and surgery and more chemo were exhausting for him, and exhausting to watch. After more than a year Dad is still struggling with the ramifications of the surgery, and struggling with depression because of that. We’re thrilled that he’s still here, but life isn’t all rainbows.
badness joness last blog post..I’m in love with my boy….
Cancer does suck and my father most certainly did not get his happy ending.
He struggled every day and didn’t last a year after the diagnosis. It was awful watching him waste away befpre our eyes.
My father was not a kind man but he didn’t deserve to suffer a terrible degrading disease like this.
Nobody does.
I had to make really hard decisions for him just twelve weeks after Ivy and Noah were born. A month after that, he was dead. The ramifications of those decisions to palliate him will last forever. My evil step mother decided that I played a hand in killing him and so all of my family suffer those consequences.
Yes, there was no happy ending where cancer was concerned.
tiffs last blog post..24 hours.
my grandfather died on April 20 from Pancreatic Cancer. He was diagnosed less than 3 months prior – on the same day he received an award honoring his generous commitments to a charity organizations.
Cancer sucks.
Both my grandparents died from liver cancer, 3 years apar. Fuck you, you goddamn cancer.
My best friend died of cancer just a few months ago. Fuck cancer. Just fuck it.
lceels last blog post..MBVP (More Boring Vacation Pictures)
I’ve got good stories of people beating cancer – and ‘bad’ stories about people who haven’t.
The one that really gets me isn’t a family member – it’s a patient I took care of at a cancer hospital. Very positive she was going to beat it but didn’t. I got excited with her – and then very sad when it didn’t happen.
You are correct – you have to be optimistic – but realistic as not everyone has the ability to beat this stuff. Hence the need for the ACS.
Tonis last blog post..Two weeks
Veronica – I agree with all of your post. Over here in the UK Hospice’s are funded very much by charitable donations with little government funding. I think it is important that the facts as they are given and that the information provided is realistic. Yes my life has been touched by cancer – my sister’s who is thankfully still with us after a fight. My grandfather who died before I was born aged 42 of lung cancer – leaving my father without a father, this had a lasting effect on his life. My grandmother who died but not of cancer has left me a whole in my heart so big I doubt it will ever heal. I understand why you are angry and agree with you completely.
Big gentle hug
My mom was an oncology nurse who while working pricked herself with a needle and contracted Hepatitis C. The treatment is a horrible form of chemo, which damaged her heart. Her damaged heart most likely was what killed her a month ago. My uncle is having surgery tomorrow to remove his prostate due to cancer. During his pre-surgery tests they found a spot on his lungs and determined it to be cancer too. My father in law died of lung cancer. My best friend’s mother died of brain cancer. Cancer fucking sucks no matter how you look at it.
nikkis last blog post..On Grieving
My dad’s dead.
Cancer can suckit.
Dawns last blog post..Boozeday – Mother Fukke
I’ve seen both sides as a nurse. Some who survive, and those who don’t (even as children). As an individual, I never met either of my grandfather’s because of cancer. And to ask families to “stay positive” sounds completely unfair.
Momisodess last blog post..Sweet and sour
It is amazing how wide cancer goes, isn’t it? It seems that everyone everywhere has their stories. I am no different.
When I was 15 my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Like Nan, operating on it was not an option. She endured two years of chemotherapy and radiation before the cancer spread to the rest of her body. She was 57 years old when she died.
I was 17.
It has been a long road of wondering … would she like my kids, my husband, my choice of job, my house … yadda yadda. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could pick up the phone and call her.
It has been 22 years.
My father. He lost his fight with cancer … actually he never started one. 7 1/2 years ago he was told there was nothing they could do. Three days later, he passed. He didn’t want the fight.
I don’t blame him.
Jenn FLs last blog post..Yesterday
I lst my Aunt and Grandmother within three weeks of each other to cancer. I was horrible. I wouldnt wish it on anyone….
Suzies last blog post..I’m Back!
My grandfather died of colon cancer that metastasized throughout his body. I never remember him not being in bed.
My grandmother had colon cancer (my grandmother on the OTHER side of the family…yoy) and spent the final years of her life with a colostomy bag hanging outside of her body. It wasn’t the cause of death, but fuck…did she have some major surgery and parts of her body cut out to “survive” it.
Breast cancer? yes.
And now, a 4 year old nephew fighting for his life (and losing).
Cancer can bite me.
{{hugs to you and Kim and Nana and all of your family}}
Rees last blog post..A Meme for A Mom
i agree with how you feel completely.
my maternal grandmother has had cancer twice. the first, breast cancer and had a mastectomy, no chemo. the second, a tumor on her bowel, which was just surgery and miraculously also no need for chemo. but, my paternal grandmother, had cancer on her bladder, they didnt catch it in time.
cancer is horrible, and terrifying and just makes me want to do violent angry things to it. i’m sorry for your nan, but she is a strong woman, and you guys seem to be keeping good attitudes about the whole thing.
cancer can definitely suck it and take a long walk off of a short cliff.
Cris last blog post..P.S.
From a different topic totally, I know that the only way to not let something ‘beat you’ is to face it square on.
Good & bad. No picking, no choosing.
Great post.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Saving you from tales of fireflies
My mother’s best friend died recently of what was originally breast cancer, but it got into her bones, which is what finished her. Bone cancer is a terrible, terrible way to die.
The “positive” part that people always seem to focus on is how, whether they live or die, the cancer patients always seem to go out “dignified” in these stories. They either stay strong and beat it, or they stay strong in decline, remaining peaceful and calm right up until the end. To me, that’s the biggest lie of all. My mother’s friend couldn’t handle it, kept fighting long after all hope was gone, making herself sicker and in more pain and destroying the few months she had left. She cried constantly, raved angrily, and never stopped feeling the injustice of it all. She didn’t want to die, and the terror of her fate dogged her until the day she left the earth.
It’s not like it is in the movies. It’s very often not like it is in the ACS stories, where (even the ones that end badly) are always uplifting. The family members don’t want to talk afterwards about how their mothers or brothers or children left the world nearly as dead of depression as they were of the sickness. They don’t want anyone to think less of the departed, who somehow failed in not being strong and positive enough. As though any of us know how we would face our ends.
Anyway. This is a bit disjointed. I join you in saying screw the ACS, though, for saying everyone is supposed to be positive. It ain’t a positive experience, kids. That’s why we’re trying to end it.
Robin G.s last blog post..Shoes and things
My mother was diagnosed with anal cancer last Feb and immediately started chemo/radiation. Our family has never had any illness or any kind of healtha drama. I realized, for the first time ever, that my mother was not invinceable and that, one day, she will die.
Anal cancer is no fun. For one, you have to say “anus” and “anal.” A lot. For another, the anus is not the best place to be zapped w/ radiation. Not only was she unable to sit down or lie on her back, but every trip to the bathroom was excruciating and required an elaborate, painful clean-up process. And because her immune system was so compromised, my father had to move out of the house and my mother had to drive herself to treatment every day.
While in treatment, word broke that Farrah Fawcett also had anal cancer. Her inbox and voicemail was flooded with FF-related messages. My mother – who I’ve never seen angry or upset or sad – was pissed. “WTF? Because someone else has cancer I’m supposed to feel hopeful?”
She has a clean bill of health now, thank God. She was even back to work a few weeks after treatment. (It doesn’t look like FF is doing nearly as well.) My mom is in medicine and received treatment at one of the hospitals she works at. She was expected/invited to be involved in all the cancer-related charity functions and “tell her story.” She very politely told those folks to shove it. Every case is different, she said, and it ran totally contrary to her beliefs to spark a frenzy of false hope in *her*. She didn’t want to “inspire.” She just wanted to get on with her life.
My family has been grazed by many, many types of cancer. As a result, I not only know and love and cherish people who have survived, but I have also known and loved and cherished several who have not.
And still, I, personally, believe that the message that the ACS is trying to spread is a good one, a worthy one, and one that receives far too little attention. I think it’s a needed one. It is EASY to write about what cancer steals from us, how it is the darkest and most slippery of thieves. It is something else entirely to discuss the positive side of cancer. And regardless of the circumstances, no matter how difficult it may be to believe it sometimes, there is always a glimmer of the positive in even the worst of situations. Cancer included.
It is the cancer that is survived which teaches us empathy. That teaches us caution. That teaches us to love deeper and live better.
It is the cancer that kills, however, which gives us new priorities. That reminds you to love your family above all else. That cleaves unto you forever.
I agree with you wholeheartedly that you can be a cancer survivor without ever having cancer.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.coms last blog post..35 Weeks: Prelabor.
When I was little, my then 3 year-old cousin had leukemia. She beat it, although the treatment was HORRIBLE. I cannot fathom being a mother and watching my child go through that. My cousin is now in her 30’s and is a nurse.
My husband’s grandfather lost a battle with a grapefruit sized brain tumor in 2002. He tried so hard to beat it for his daughter. But he could not.
Your post is precisely the reason I HATE HATE HATE it that both my parents have smoked for 45+ years each. Because I will be the one left behind. My children will be left behind. That sucks.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..I have a dirty little secret
Ahhh … hard and painful things to think on, and no, not always positive, not always the fairytale ending. My family thus far has been unbelievably lucky – no deaths from cancer in the three generations above me or my own. We’ve had some brushes, though – an aunt with Hodgkins Disease 25 years ago, an uncle with colon cancer 10 years ago, lots of the older folk with skin cancers removed. Given the sheer size of my extended family on both sides though (we’re talking upwards of 100 people), we are clearly not genetic magnets for cancer. (We get other genetic illnesses instead, and all drop dead of strokes or heart attacks around 89 or so).
However one of my best friends was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago with an aggressive, inoperable brain cancer. Shes 38 and has three small children. Everyone who know her is devastated and heartbroken at this horror. If she’s lucky, she might get 3 years with her kids. 3 years… Cancer can, indeed, bite me.
Kathys last blog post..Menu Plan Monday – Cold House Week
I like your honesty. I wish to heaven that I could have met my grandfather and I’m pissed off I didn’t get to, that when I was just a baby he died of lung cancer. It’s kept me away from tobacco my whole life, but it sucks thinking it doesn’t even matter that you can still get it. What sucks is it’s like this big inanimate blog, I mean it’s not like some crack head who murdered someone and you have a face to hate. It just sucks because it’s so widespread and senseless.
Courts last blog post..Happy Anniversary Hubby
Yeah, Fuck You Cancer!
My Mum was treated for breast cancer twice, successfully, but then she got some douchebag of a radiologist who didn’t believe in full body scans so I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised that the cancer came back a third time and slipped into other organs before it was finally detected (by the GP not the dickhead at Peter Mac) so she was dead inside 8 weeks from discovery to her last breath.
Jaynes last blog post..Elevenses of June
My Mom has been cancer free for 12 years. She was fortunate because radiation and chemo worked to erradicate her breast cancer.
Meanwhile, in mid-December, 2007 a 7 year old girl, in my daughter’s school, lost her mother to stage 4 lung cancer. If not for the kindness of friends and strangers, this little girl would have had a terrible Christmas, but they made sure she had gifts under the tree. Definitely fuck cancer!
Joyce-Annes last blog post..Where does the time go?
My grandmother beat breast cancer…by having them removed. Alive but boobless = happy ending, but still. Fuck cancer.
A good friend of mine in FL died recently of skin cancer. She had it 10 years ago and it went into remission. She didn’t have any idea it had come back, went on with her life, had two gorgeous kids, until one day, her skin was covered in little lumps. She was given three months. She lived three months plus a few days. I didn’t even know about it until a friend called me a month ago to tell me. She didn’t want anyone to suffer with her. She wanted good friends to call good friends and tell them the story. I was shocked, I loved Mary. I miss her. Her family is sad, but okay. She handled it all incredibly gracefully. And you know what she’d say going out? “FUCK CANCER.”
My Dad called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that he has prostate cancer. I haven’t heard from him since before Christmas, and he said that he’d had a really hard time figuring out how to tell everybody that he’s actually mortal. ha. That’s my Dad. We won’t know until August whether it’s the fast kind that’ll kill him, or the slow kind, which he’ll outlive.
Fuck you, cancer.
I didn’t want to post these stories on my own blog, because
1. they are so personal to these people, and I don’t know if they’d want them told on my blog.
and
2. I don’t really have positive stories to tell. I think “fuck cancer” is MUCH HEALTHIER. And more honest.
Have I told you lately that I heart you?
Kats last blog post..Weekly Winners of the What the Hell It’s Still Sunday Variety
yes i can understand your frustrations. but there is no party for some in remission only fear.fear that someday it will come back only next time twice as bad and yes you are right the doctors always say be positive,chin up but its not easy living each day wondering because its like an attack of invaders waiting to happen.
I lost my grandmother to breast cancer (of which she had actually been a 7 year survivor) in 2006, and my beloved grandfather a little over a year from multiple myeloma, which is a horrific cancer. I tried to get a prognosis from his oncologist who kept saying “Well, he’s responding to treatment, so he should stay on it.” Never mind that my grandfather didn’t want measures to prolong his life and had it in writing. Never mind that the cancer sucked all life out of such a vibrant, active man. He decided to end it on his own terms and stopped all treatment and was dead 48 hours later. He had wanted to live out his last days at home, but his retirement community wouldn’t let him because he didn’t have a hospice order. He died in a nursing home. At least my uncle, my youngest son, and I were there when he crossed over, watching the Orioles on TV and talking about family. On his terms.
I have survivor stories, my aunt’s melanoma for one, but really, I’m a survivor at this point, from having been by my grandfather’s side while he suffered. Fuck cancer, indeed. Fuck it sideways with a side of donkey dick.
FishyGirls last blog post..Not Potty Training, More Like Potty Suggesting
I’m so glad you said this. Not ever glad that it’s true, because it sucks, but very glad you said it. Thank you.
SusanBs last blog post..Into Each Life a Little Rain Must Fall
Bad experience: My Pop, 6 months from when he got the news until we had to say goodbye. It wasn’t even long enough to really accept what was happening.
Worst thing was that he never smoked, drank, ate bad food, always ran and walked and did martial arts, he was so strong and healthy.
Good experience: Nathans Nan beat Breast cancer 12 years ago and she is now 82. I wasnt with him then obviously but when I found that out I was really proud of her.
Tanyas last blog post..Thankyou Emily!!!
Hey Ms V and Ms V’s Nan: this isn’t a happy story but here goes; my sister died of breast cancer that metastasised to her brain at 42..that was 7 years ago. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer she decided not to treat it…(I know I know she just wouldn’t) and she was so ashamed of having cancer she wouldn’t talk about it. She lived for three years.
Her doctors said had she treated it she would have most likely been fine…it was not aggressive (as can be evidenced by living for three years with it untreated) and it started out as a small and discrete lump (no node involvement).
The underlying story is that my sister was a really unhappy person for many many years…we knew it and she knew it, but she wouldn’t’ tackle those issues either. There was also religion involved which further subscribed the choices she felt she could make, not about her cancer treatment but certainly about her mental health treatment and her life choices, like marriage and who she had as friends. IT became a bit of a vicious circle.
But as your Nan says you try and take what good there is out of life’s potholes…and for me its been the conviction to live my life in ways that make me happy, that enable me to be a better parent, a better partner, but more and perhaps most importantly, a better happier ME.
So things like my PhD, my new husband, giving my kids all the love affection and boundaries they need as well as refusing to put up with anyone’s rude/racist/sexist or generally unreasonable shit are all part of what I’ve learned from my sister. I miss her and I wish she’d made different choices, but they were hers to make…and I’m still here to make mine.
Cheers V! Oh and V’s Nan? God(dess) bless you ma’am…
I think your post is a perfect mixture of optimism and realism.
I’m not quite sure you can be completely positive when talking about something like cancer.
Your nan sounds awesome–I’m just going on the comment she left here.
Dinas last blog post..Donald Horne
I don’t get it.
There is no positive side to things if there has been no bad.
Cancer is a very mixed bag. I don’t think it’s possible to only focus on the positive.
My cousin beat leukemia, but is slowly going blind, will always be bald and can never have kids.
My girlfriend’s hubby beat bone cancer but the treatment left his body so beaten that he’s one step away from being on the heart transplant list.
Yes they are alive and that is wonderful, but they went through and continue to go through some really bad shit. Even survival stories aren’t all sunshine and unicorns.
Fuck you cancer.
Mistress Bs last blog post..Just when it feels like there is some light at the end of the tunnel
It doesn’t always end badly. Sometimes it’s ugly, ugly, ugly, but then things get better. Sometimes they don’t. Gotta keep that hope, though.
Burgh Babys last blog post..The Light from Below
Well sweetheart I have just returned home after taking your Grandmother to hospital. Her hair is falling out by the handfuls now and it is all over my clothes. I hate seeing my Mother like this. A strong willed, vibrant and independant woman reduced by cancer to a shadow of herself..
Fuck you cancer. I am struggling to find a positive here
frogpondsrocks last blog post..Ceramic decisions…
I have to say that asking people to only give their positive stories is the most amazingly thoughtless thing to do. Are the people with sad stories not allowed to tell their stories? Fuck that and fuck cancer.
Barbaras last blog post..A Holiday
My Dad had cancer. He died when I was 10.
It sucks.
Pias last blog post..My lens has a mind of its own…
You said it. FUCK YOU CANCER.
Not every story has a happy ending and I’m thrilled for those that do. Unequivocally.
Our stories did not end with such happiness. My Dad went through 3 years of different cancer diagnoses and passed away.
My 25 year old nephew developed an aggressive form of bone cancer and within a year died, leaving behind two young children and grieving family.
The only positives I can take away from these experiences is the closeness that developed within my family for each other and with each other.
That’s something cancer can never take away.
Cancer also strips away all facades, eradicates self imposed barriers to love and openess. I learned more about my father in those three years than I might have if we had had ten more.
But reality? Cancer Sucks.
Catootess last blog post..Swine or no swine with optional brain tickling
how can someone celebrate? cancer never goes away you deal with it every day. my uncle was told he had lung cancer and was only expected to live 4months. that 4 months past with him having chemo 3-4 times a week just to keep him alive and laying in a bed not being able to do anything. 10 months ago he lost his fight 3 years after he was diagonsed sure we were happy that he lived longer than 4 months but there was no celebration. cancer never goes away and now im waiting to hear if my 23 year old sister has cancer. Cancer Sucks.
Well I saw Lyn this afternoon and came away thinking how brave she is in face of so much. Our friendship goes back to January 1975 when we started work together at the TAB and we had have a great friendship for those 34 years. We have some very funny memories which are ours to keep. My grandmother died in 1945 of Stomach Cancer and my Mother in 1947 of Liver Cancer and to see them suffer like that was just so horrible, so 6 decades later cancer is still with us- no cure, but many drugs to prolong life, but what kind of life with chemotheraopy and radiotherapy? Lyn is in my prayers.
Cancer fucking sucks. My mom died of cancer after a 2 year battle. She took care of herself, exercised, ate right, didn’t smoke, and drank a glass of wine here and there. She was 54. One of my good friends died at age 23 after a 2 year battle. She also did everything right, but it didn’t help. Her grandfather just recently passed away after a long (7-10) year battle with cancer. He was diagnosed shortly after she was, and told he had a few months to live. It sucks – even if you recover. It still sucks.
raven-smiless last blog post..Priceless
Lost two of my grandparents to liver cancer, it’s so agonizing to them, but it was also awful for me… not being able to do anything about it got me so mad and hurting…
Hi – new here … but yeah – we’ve got a positive and 2 Very Bloody Awful negative stories.
Earlier this year, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. It wasn’t a happy ending. The story is on my blog.
Two years previously (almost to the day) my father-in-law passed away. Bowel cancer. He fought for 18 months and was given the “all clear” before the bastard struck him again from every direction.
Previously, these two were the healthiest and fittest 70 year olds you would ever meet. They were farmers and *worked* 12 hour days every day. Hard physical labour. Good healthy food. No smoking. No drinking.
My Dad had a bowel tumour removed last year. He is recovering well. We don’t think that cancer will come back any time soon.
But he also has an unrelated brain tumour. That one we *think* will be OK because we *think* its slow growing and has probably been there for 30 years. The Drs will check on a second MRI in December. Til then, we are working on the assumption that the cancer is so slow growing that leaving it there is a better option than risky surgery. Meanwhile, he recently came close to meeting his maker with a bad case of pneumonia.
So yeah – the nice stories are great. Uplifting even. But sometimes there is no happy ending and we’re left to pick up the pieces (and with a farm, 4 sibblings and a disputed will, its even more painful trying to keep it all together).
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