I had to stop my pill today a few days early. The fact that I spent most of the day crying over EVERYTHING was kinda that straw that broke the camels back.
I couldn’t do it anymore.
I KNEW the pill made my illness worse.
I KNEW the pill made me horribly depressed.
I KNEW the pill was the spawn of Satan and should be treated accordingly (ie: NOT swallowed).
Hopefully it will get it’s insidious little fingers out of my system fast so that I can start to heal. Because I really need to be well again, at least for a while.
Keep your fingers crossed that I don’t go back to bleeding incessantly.
————
After one of those fights with Nathan today (you know those fights. They go “When do I get time off?! I can’t keep doing this without a break! I am tired and sick and lonely!) I have come to the conclusion that in order to be a good mother, I actually need some time away from Amy occasionally.
This is hard for me to write, because I always equated ‘good parenting’ with being there all the time, on hand all the time.
(Yes, shoot me now. I am stupid)
So I am tired and worn out. I yell too much and I am stressed alot of the time.
I need a break.
I am sick of yelling at Amy, Seven, Nathan, the toaster, the TV and anything else that may annoy me. I am sick of feeling so stressed.
We are in the process of discussing sending Amy to a home based carer for one morning a week. At least then, I would get some time off. Nothing is decided yet, but we have an info pack arriving in the mail so we can do some research.
The social factor will also be good for Amy. She doesn’t get to play with other children on a regular basis since getting to my mothers group became hard to manage.
Like I said, I need a break.
Oh my god!
Fancy stumbling onto a blog from another Tassie girl, especially via a blog from another country!
Now that is awesome!
G
xx
Myst’s last blog post..Tomorrow is…
I love you.. my gorgeous girl.. but so freaking help me .. If that fucking troll comes on here and hassles you today. I will track them down and.. and.. and..
Love mum xxxx
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Phew!!!
Good for you for coming to the realization this early on that you need time off. I’m permanently scarred because it took me too many years to realize this. You need time away to be an effective parent. Period.
Karen’s last blog post..I Learned A Little Bit About Who I Am
Your chile is energy plus, you would have to guzzle Red Bull just to keep up with her. Smart choice to recognize you need a break, toddlers can be overwhelming with your need for vigilance in a scream infested environment. The little darlins love to shriek dont they?
witchypoo’s last blog post..Comments We Love
oh, and Myst, I thought you had found me through Veronica or her mum, Kim, on Frog Ponds Rock.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Comments We Love
And you have to take one. You’ll do no one any good if you are so overwhelmed. 😉
{{hugs}}
Ree’s last blog post..I Don’t Think There Was A Camera
gentle hugs honey.
I hope that nasty pill is out of your system soon too. I hated being on it.
and Amy. Sigh.
It’s ok to put her in childcare one morning a week. Or even two. You need to take care of you so you can take care of her. Time out for mummy doesn’t do anyone any harm and keeps mummy sane.
Whatever you need to do to feel in control, you do. It is far better for Amy to spend a morning or two in care and have a happy mum at home than be with you 24/7 and stressed cos mum ain’t happy.
I love my kids, but I love them more when I get a little break once in a while.
Bettina’s last blog post..Camping Anyone?
oh hon, everyone needs time away from their little ones at some point! Really hope you start feeling soon, maybe even the short while on the pill will help with ttc?
((hugs))
Marylin’s last blog post..Weekly Winners #12
V- you are very smart to have realized that a good mommy DOES need to be an adult woman now and then. Nathan, Amy and YOU will be so much happier! Amy really does need the time with her peers to discover herself – her limitations and her strengths outside of her safe and loving world with you and Nathan. You will always be there as her safe place. And I do mean ALWAYS. You are even a better mommy to have discovered her need for independence and to allow her to grow. The move, the pills and the every. single. day. monotony for you is just too stressful. I know that all will be better when you get your time each week – the knowledge of that will empower you to cope better.
lots of big hugs and a huge high 5 for being so smart! 🙂
maiden53’s last blog post..Happy Birthday to a Great Husband!
So funny you bring this up because I am contemplating the same thing.I have felt a tremendous amount of guilt and questioned myself and my committment because I love nothing more in this world than my son.Then I look at the social interaction for him,the money we need,the happy me I need to maintain.Please keep us update!!
Oh, realizing that I needed a break away from the baby is the hardest thing! I know it in my head now and can type it, but I don’t have your strength to say it out loud yet. Good for you! I am still working on it!
Angela’s last blog post..A Peep Show
It’s a hard thing to do, but once you do you’ll ask yourself, “What took me so long?” Amy is precious, and you do everything for her. You make sure she has everything she needs to be safe, and strong and healthy. You need to do those things for yourself, as well. We did something similar when the boys were very young. Even today, although the pressures on Annie aren’t anywhere near what they were then, Annie still takes her Friday Night Out With The Girls every once in a while. (They know a place with the really HUGE frozen Margaritas – She usually has two.) Do it. For you. For her. For him.
Lou’s last blog post..art class painting decision
Well done to realising that you’re human 😉
I know that I’d be more moody if I stayed at home all day with the kids, they’d drive me insane!
Jenty’s last blog post..Weekly Winners #10
Happy St Patrick’s Day!
thought maybe a greeting might just cheer ya up?
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Spencer
oh hell yeah. i hear ya.
Dawn’s last blog post..NaNoWriMonday – 3:5
aww hun..
big hugs..
i know how ya feel..
i think sometimes.. its good to miss em.. 🙂
Taz’s last blog post..21 weeks old
Oh honey, you’ve made some excellent decisions.
The pill was not a happening thing – get rid of it.
You’ve realised that to be the best mum you can be, you need to put a little something back into you.
Socialising will be good for Amy, good for you, and give you some time to recharge your batteries.
And if your stalker DARES start anything – between your mum and myself, we will have that asswipe gutted like a fish.
Anja’s last blog post..I’m back and it won’t be pretty.
That is a fantastic idea, Amy will probably LOVE being with other children, she will look forward to it, I bet!
Nathan’s sister works 2 days a week and on one day Zara goes to her nan and on the other day to her auntie. The rest of the time they are at home together. It works for them.
mmmmm……days to yourself. I love those!
Even a morning, you can clean and cook (if thats what u feel like) and relax and sit and think…
Oh Honey – of course you need a break! I’m the epitome of spending every second with my children, and *I* need a break from time to time. You have just gone through the second most stressful thing in a marriage – a move. You totally deserve some time to yourself and TOTALLY deserve to be a bitch from time to time. It’s LIFE! Besides, if you were the perfect mom and perfect wife, what would you blog about?
Tara’s last blog post..Weekly Winners, 16 Mar (#5)
Hugs to you, Veronica! You need a break. And that’s okay. Everyone needs a break now and then. The fact that you realize it makes you a good parent to Amy. If you don’t refuel yourself now and then, it’s hard to have much to give. Eventually, you just poop out.
I hope all goes well without the pill and you’re feeling better soon!
Leslie’s last blog post..Cause They Don’t Know ‘Bout Us, They’ve Never Heard Of Love*
HUGS HUGS HUGS !!!!!!!
It is OK to need/want some time for you. Won’t be helping that the pill is sending you up the whack.
Look after yourself. You have just had a HUGE change (Moving house)
So be kind to you !!!
Widdle Shamrock’s last blog post..A great website.
Ditto what others have said. Everyone needs a break sometimes. You are more than just a mommy and need to have ‘me time’.
janethesane’s last blog post..Questions that Need Answers
That overwhelmed feeling is quite suffocating isn’t it? Just step back a little, reassess your priorities, let go of a few things that can wait until “later”, things will fall into place again. Getting over the move will take time. You probably think you are over it already but there is still adjustment time and it’s different from every other move because this time the house is yours. A whole new level of feeling right there. A day a week with other kids for Amy is also a great idea.Try not to be so hard on yourself. Perfection is not all its cracked up to be.
Daycare has saved lives! Mine and Mollie’s! Do NOT give yourself a hard time over this. Amy will love it and you will be a 2000% better mother/partner/individual for it. Congratulations on recognising this now, and not 3 years down the track.
Down with the pill. It f***s everything right up. I’m certain that if I got off the damn thing my health would improve dramatically, however the alternatives for me are NOT GOOD.
Give yourself permission to ‘switch off’ every now and then. You don’t have to be all things to all people 24/7. You really, really don’t. That’s a trap a lot of women fall into (not mentioning any names…). Learn how to be kind to yourself. Find something you love and do it, even if it’s just a few minutes a day.
Enough with the unsolicited advice. Go forth, do what you do. I wish you health and happiness.
Tracey’s last blog post..Bling for Tuesday!
I’m right there with you on this. By the end of the day, my child’s voice starts to feel like knives shoved into my eardrum. It’s clearly because I haven’t had a moment alone in months. Hang in there sweetie. I hope this one morning pans out for some time for yourself, and for sanity’s sake.
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..Delurk and Wave! Rerolling the Blogroll
Every mom needs time away from her babies. Don’t beat yourself up over that. It will be better in the long run, for her and for you.
Candy’s last blog post..In Memorium
You will LOVE having a little time away from Amy. You’ll find that you are able to enjoy her so much more when you don’t spend every.single.second around her.
Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..Happy as a (Boiling Hot) Clam
Those Pills are a Plague and a Pestilence. They made me feel like my evil, bloated twin. I hope you feel better soon soon soon!
And I think as long as you follow your heart, you’ll do what’s best for you and your family…but it’s SO HARD not to let those preconceived notions get in the way of our intuitions about ourselves and our families. Good for you for figuring out that time to yourself will probably make you a better, happier mommy!
That and going off the freaking demon pill. 😉
SusanB’s last blog post..Trip to the park
Okay, that’s the answer to my gmail question. hehe.
You know how I feel about The Pill, of course. I do hope you don’t bleed again, and that the bad feelings fade quickly.
As for the daycare thing, I think it sounds great. But don’t use your time for cleaning. Put those feet up and relax.
🙂
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..That’s what I get for letting him watch tv before age 3.
birthcontrol maes me crazy. maybe that is why i have 4 ids…who also make me crazy. i struggle with leaving them too for what i view as frivolous time. but you now what? when i get home from having my break i truly am a better mother. i hope you are able to get the time you need.
zoe’s last blog post..Pass the Guiness!!
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