I was sitting on the couch last night, happily blogging and writing emails and OH MY FREAKING GOD, was that just a MOUSE?? SKITTERING PAST MY FEET INTO THE KITCHEN?!
Visions of the other night rattle around in my head.
I think. I am very good at thinking. No, my brain wasn’t playing tricks on me. Yes it was a mouse and it is now IN MY KITCHEN!
Sneakily, I do my Sneaky McSneakerson thing and sneak into the kitchen, book in hand to use as a schwacker. The mouse is nowhere to be seen. I move shoes, the rubbish bin, the dog food container, nothing.
No mouse to be seen.
I sit back down, ready to finish reading and I hear it. Nibbling noises in the kitchen.
NIBBLING.
Just as I am about to get up and look, a SECOND mouse runs past. TWO MICE! IN MY KITCHEN!
I stand up.
I sneak. I can still hear the mouse nibbling. I am stealthy and silent. I am one with the floor.
I am hoping like hell I don’t step on a mouse in bare feet.
My schwacker and I slide around the corner….
And discover an empty kitchen.
AGAIN!
Fucking McFuckerton Fucker Mice Fuckers.
[Heh, I wonder if I will get googled for mice fuckers now]
Arghhhhhhh!
I can just see the mice, running laps around the house, just to watch me EXPLODE.
Mouse A. ‘Alrighty guys, I will run out there and let her see me. Once she has seen me, I will disappear back here to you and Mouse B can do it’s thing’
Mouse B. ‘What do I do again?’
(audible sigh)
Mouse A. ‘You run into the giant-space-that-is-empty, past the big-pink-thing-that-moves-and-swears and seriously, how do those things cope without FUR? I mean, really?’
‘…Anyway, past the pink-moving-thing, under the big-white-box-that-is-cold, over to the big-bag-of-mouse-heaven, grab some heavenly food, climb the tall thing and run over to the hole. Then come back here to us. We will take turns until the big-pink-thing-with-strange-fur explodes’
Mouse B. ‘Okay then, who goes first?’
[audible sigh]
(It is here that I start to suspect that Mouse B is stupid and deserves to die)
(Actually they all deserve to die)
Mouse A. ‘Any other questions?’
Mouse B. ‘Uh yes, um when do I…..’
Mouse A. ‘Any OTHER questions?’
[Mouse silence]
Mouse A. ‘Okay we will begin. Word of advice though? DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELVES TO BE SCHWACKED, SMUSHED, SQUISHED, SQUASHED, SMOOSHED, OR TRODDEN ON.’
‘Everyone clear?’
[Noises of mouse agreeing]
Mouse A. ‘Okay then! Off we go…..’
See? The mice ARE plotting. I am totally not going insane. Yet.
Comments
22 responses to “Are The Mice Plotting?”
i hope you catch em soon..
here is hoping there is only two of em too..
Tazs last blog post..28 Weeks Old..
LOLOLOLOL!!!!! I can just picture it!
tiffs last blog post..Lets face facts.
LOL Love the conversation there 😛 Hope ya catch the lil buggers soon!
Marylins last blog post..Weekly Winners #19
What you do is – go to the store and rent a giant girl mouse costume. I’ll leave the rest up to your vivid imagination. Although I really would like to be privy to their conversation when you show up looking like a giant girl mouse. …. Oh God …. it’s so funny ….
Lous last blog post..feeling a little guilty
right now, I’d send you my cat who keeps licking my piece of banana bread!
Rees last blog post..A Meme With 1 Question I Haven’t Done Before
You might be going a little insane. But I dont doubt those guys are plotting.
Suzies last blog post..My Dog has an Ear Infection
As much as I despise mice, I don’t think I could schwack them. I’m more the passive-aggressive type. I’d probably poison them or something (although I guess that’s not the greatest option with a young one in the house). I hope you get rid of them soon!
You might have already gone over to the darkside just a wee little bit. Hang in there!
Burgh Babys last blog post..Just the Facts
skin ’em!
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Forgetting
Get those cats inside, they will take care of it for you. What? It is the cycle of life!
Those mice are sneaky buggers! When i worked at a hotel on the 3rd shift mice would run through the lobby and torment me.. I know how aggravating it can be! Seriously, cats will take care of it!
Talinas last blog post..The test results are in, and THEY SUCK!
Time to get some more cats. The skinny, hungry type.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..Kickin’ Butt and Takin’ Names…and a Meme
ROFL! I’m giggling from Lou’s idea about the mouse costume!
Oh this plotting sounds like bad, bad news….Although I have visions of Tom & Jerry in my head.
Hope you catch’em soon!
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Birthday Karma
I’m catching up on posts again – hahaha for buying children on line and many kisses to Amy for being just so damn cute. Love the red knickers by the way! Hope you find those mice and squish them really well.
Barbaras last blog post..126/366 – Flying
Schwacker is such a good word. I shall endeavour to use it with regularity in order for it to spread.
Anjas last blog post..Don’t you just want to smash this bitch in the head?
Anja pretty handy at spreading I reckon…..
cheeky mare.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Unlucky for some
I am still pissing myself laughing… onward schwacking we will go…
frogpondsrocks last blog post..Just Stuff…
ROFL.
There are peeps in need of medicating here…
Hilarious !!!!
Widdle Shamrocks last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday
of course they are plotting. You’ve heard of the mouseketeers? They aren’t just children disney exploit you know. They have their origin in a secret mouse society that has a secret mouse mission to fuck with human minds. 😉
Bettinas last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday
Yuck yuck yuck. I hate them. Nasty little creatures.
janethesanes last blog post..Monday Monday – Weekend Recap
Hi my name is Bob and I was just hoping for a little mouse porn… them nasty little mice really know how to get it on, ooh baby.
Kats last blog post..Weely Winners
Do you have mice proof tins and jars that you can store your packaged goods in? Keep the cats in the kitchen too and don’t feed them, when the mice start running around the hunting instinct might kick in.Please don’t schwack the mice with a book. Really, that’s NO way to treat a book…
[…] note: It’s probably not going to be that long until you start seeing posts like this. and this. and this and this and this.Wow, seems I wrote a lot about mice last […]