At 3am I was awoken by Amy coming into my bedroom. In her teensy tiny whiny voice that is guaranteed to set my nerves on edge, she declared that she was wide awake and hungry.
I am not at my best at three am, and that’s usually without being requested to make food. I told her to grab an apple and to go back to bed, immediately.
Amy is five and a half and she knows exactly where the fridge is. It’s shopping week this week and therefore, my fridge is full of things like yogurt, cheese slices, apples and carrots and the cupboard contains two different types of muesli bars – all of which she could have eaten, and not bothered me.
But instead, she needed an apple and she needed it sliced and despite slicing her own apples on any other day, she needed me to slice the apple for her.
I very nearly threw the apple at her head. Instead I sliced her off a piece, and sent her back to bed, with strict instructions to STAY THERE UNTIL MORNING.
A little before 7am, Isaac came into the bedroom.
“Mummy, you needa change me. I wee’d and it’s running down my legs.”
I changed him, made him breakfast, tucked him onto the couch, turned a movie on and went back to bed.
Only to find him in my bedroom two minutes later, melting down because I wouldn’t give him a jellybean.
That lasted an hour, long enough for Amy to wake up and continue her whining.
“I can’t make my own toast. YOU DO IT. I can’t find socks. Cut me an apple. Why can’t I pick up the duckling?”
I cut her an apple, told her to suck it up and make her own toast, made sure the duckling was safely tucked under my bed and went back to bed.
I think I slept for another 15 minutes, before Amy’s whining woke me up. Isaac was touching her, or looking at her, or something. I don’t even know what, but she had definitely forgotten how to speak like anything other than a baby.
It turns out that I can sleep through Isaac shouting. I can sleep through cupboards being climbed and cereal being poured. I can even sleep through the TV being turned up.
But I absolutely cannot sleep through whining.
And that is why I have a headache.