Are Ben-Wa Balls The Answer?

by Veronica on May 28, 2008

in Gotta Laugh

So, I was thinking about my pelvic floor exercises today and about how I don’t remember to do them until bedtime. And honestly, exercises when I am about to go to sleep (even if it is just clenching muscles) is not my idea of a fun time. I mean, not to mention that somehow it seems harder to do the damn kegels than to walk a few kilometres.

Now, if only walking helped to tone your vagina…

And anyway, all that tensing and untensing? is going to give me wrinkles. (Does anyone else find themself frowning, or is it only me? Maybe that lady you saw in town wasn’t actually having a bad day, maybe she was just doing her kegels…)

And then! I discovered to answers too all my problems.

BEN-WA BALLS!

You insert them, clench all your [vaginal] muscles (because you wouldn’t be getting anywhere if you clenched your hands) and rock to orgasm. Apparently. And seriously, clenching and rocking to orgasm sounds SO MUCH NICER than just clenching and frowning.

Then, I started thinking of all the downsides. What is your toddler going to think of Mummy sitting in the corner, rocking, with a strange look on her face?

Or your partner, as you gasp while stirring the risotto.

So, Ben-Wa balls would be AWESOME, except for the fact that you would have to find a private moment or two to use them. And who has that kind of time? Somehow,  I really don’t want to start associating vacuuming with orgasms, (although, I’m sure that Nathan would love if I vacuumed more often).

So Ben-Wa balls just feel a little strange to me. Even if everytime I see them (they are here) I am tempted to buy them. Just for medical reasons you understand…

I can’t help wondering though, what would happen if you were wearing them, rocking away and they fell out? What if you were in public? Would they stay in your panties, or would they roll down your leg and disappear into the street. Would you pick them back up and pretend that it fell out of your pocket? Would you be game?

See what happens when I have too much time to think and I am not allowed to have sex? My mind boggles over very small things…

{ 44 comments }

Xbox4NappyRash May 28, 2008 at 11:30 pm

Oh.My.Word.

Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Available for trade

maiden53 May 28, 2008 at 11:51 pm

V- you are hilarious!! Thank you so much for starting my day with a laugh! Before you use them in public, please! practice a whole lot with them at home – they are a bit heavy for weak muscles.

maiden53s last blog post..High School Graduation

Suze May 28, 2008 at 11:53 pm

They sounded tempting until I had an image of myself walking through the office with a blissed out expression, only to hear clang, clang, and the sound of marbles rolling across the floor..

Angie May 29, 2008 at 12:25 am

Can you imagine the conversation you would have with your doctor, say, if they got stuck?
Also I cannot help but wonder if they have the chimes in them like the Chinese stress balls. That would be too funny. :)

Angies last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

Suzie May 29, 2008 at 12:34 am

Thank goodness we are back to sex toys. I think you could pretend they were marbles and ask someone to join you for game. Classy!

Suzies last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

Marylin May 29, 2008 at 12:38 am

OMG what if they got stuck!?! LOL at Angie’s comment about the chimes :)

I had thought of getting some at one point but thought i’d better not just in case I got ‘caught out’ :P

Marylins last blog post..So I made another blog…

Memarie Lane May 29, 2008 at 12:42 am

Screw pelvic floor exercises. That’s what catheters are for.

Memarie Lanes last blog post..A complete library in the palm of your hand.

witchypoo May 29, 2008 at 12:53 am

I used to do my kegels every time I peed, stopping mid-stream several times. Nowadays, I have an unused vadge that flaps together in a breeze.

witchypoos last blog post..That’s Odd

Shamelessly Sassy May 29, 2008 at 2:43 am

And to think, I didn’t even know you could use those to orgasm. *runs to store to purchase some*

Shamelessly Sassys last blog post..It’s Never ‘As Seen On TV’

Talina May 29, 2008 at 3:04 am

I would be so scared the would just fall out… I don’t think my vagina is that strong!

Talinas last blog post..If you want it bad enough and you truly believe…

Dirty Laundry Diva May 29, 2008 at 3:05 am

No sex? Bummer, but why? Wont your cervix keep it all protected from penis poking?

Dirty Laundry Divas last blog post..Life is a changing, thank goodness!

Xbox4NappyRash May 29, 2008 at 3:05 am

Is it wrong that I really want to try these now?

Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Available for trade

SusanB May 29, 2008 at 4:55 am

Oh my God Veronica, I got a great laugh out of that. Great stuff! God, I’ve missed the internet because of posts like this. Thanks for sharing your fascinating findings on pelvic floor exercise, you intrepid researcher you. ;)

SusanBs last blog post..Quick Note: Internet withdrawal

Jenty May 29, 2008 at 6:01 am

LOL, Veronica.
I’ve got some!! In fact, I’ve got my second set. The first set I bought when I was at varsity.
I haven’t actually used them in ages, you just reminded me of them actually! They’re fantastic!
The only thing is… you can hear them clink against each other… or rather feel it. But Lance promises me that you can actually hear it… or rather someone else can’t. ;)
I promise they don’t fall out.

Jentys last blog post..Life is very short

Candy May 29, 2008 at 6:16 am

I have always been curious about these. Do they really work??? How???? You try them, and let us know, ok?

Candys last blog post..Where Do I Go From Here?

Taz May 29, 2008 at 7:47 am

cant help ya sorry

Tazs last blog post..31 Weeks Old

Anja May 29, 2008 at 7:51 am

Bahahahaha… if they fall out there’s something for the cat to play with.

Kat May 29, 2008 at 9:40 am

LOL, I don’t think I’d use them walking around in public just to be sure!!!

You WILL report back on these, wontcha?

But… maybe not until you have the all-clear for sex? I mean… how different really is sex from clenching your vaginal muscles around some metal balls which rumble around in there and clink together?

Kats last blog post..65% Increase in MPG

Hyphen Mama May 29, 2008 at 11:01 am

OMG! I had the same question as Angie!!! Do they jingle? Can you use the Chinese balls instead? Because I don’t have enough music in my day, I think I’d LOVE to have my 4 year-old asking “mommy, what’s that music coming from your bottom?”.

LOL!

Hyphen Mamas last blog post..On Spending $300 to Save $40

lceel May 29, 2008 at 11:03 am

My middle name is Ben-Wa.

lceels last blog post..Almost Wordless Wednesday – new piece

Sarcastic Mom May 29, 2008 at 11:42 am

Well, you just pick it up and put it in your pocket. And if anyone looks at you funny, you lean towards them a bit and challenge, “Yeah, that’s right bitch, I have balls of steel. Don’t forget it.”

I would also like to mention that yesterday, Lou left a comment telling me his middle name is “Dyson.”

I’m on to you, Lou. I’m on to you.

Sarcastic Moms last blog post..No Denyin’ Him

Marie May 29, 2008 at 11:58 am

There seems to be two very real dangers here: getting them stuck, and having them fall out. I suppose jumping up and down might get them out if they’re stuck. I’m thinking jumping jacks. Having them fall out is a cinch. Just pick it up and put it in your pocket. If it rolls away, pretend you’ve never seen it before. Could have been a run-by-ben-wa-ing. You never know.

Sandy (Momisodes) May 29, 2008 at 12:12 pm

LMAO at Sarcastic Mom’s comment :)

I would be afraid of them getting stuck. Once, I had a tampon in. Pulled the string…and the tampon didn’t come with it….I think I have a phobia now.

Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Summer Cut (Make-over)

emmak May 29, 2008 at 12:18 pm

I think they advise to do ten kegels every time you stop at a traffic light…only I never remember to do them! Those balls look like fun though.

emmaks last blog post..Confessions of a Freeganist

Taz May 29, 2008 at 12:25 pm

why cant ya have sex?

cos ya preg?

Tazs last blog post..31 Weeks Old

Sharon May 29, 2008 at 1:30 pm

Hey, if you got really good with them, you could release at will and BOMB the mice! I think the chiming idea is very funny but beware . . . I used to have one of those Indian skirts with a tie belt on it that had little bells on. My younger son loved that skirt and said I should wear it every day because it was so pretty. I found out a few days after that conversation that the real reason he loved the skirt was because he could hear me coming along, and could stop what mischief he was up to! Cheeky bugger!

katef May 29, 2008 at 3:55 pm

I demand that as soon as you are able you test out this theory – my pelvic floor is destroyed and I can’t kegel to save myself, I need to know if this works, it may save me years of wetting my pants when I sneeze!

katefs last blog post..$50?

Leslie May 29, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Oh my word. Veronica, you are hilarious!

river May 29, 2008 at 5:28 pm

I kegel like crazy as often as I remember. I don’t want to end up like my mum who knew the location of every public toilet in every city or town she visited within 1/2 an hour of arriving there. I’ve discovered that coffee is a hazard, so I only have one cup a day now if I have to work the next morning. Seems to help. My bladder can “hold on” quite well if I’ve only drank water.

Marie May 29, 2008 at 10:40 pm

So, while you certainly must keep posts like this coming, my husband has been asking me what Tasmania is like. Could you post more lovely pictures?

Suzie May 30, 2008 at 12:47 am

By the way there’s an award waiting on my blog for you

Suzies last blog post..Warning Another Sentimental Posting Here

Kelly May 30, 2008 at 3:17 am

OMG! I guess I wasn’t the only one who was concerned with them getting stuck as opposed to them falling out. Either way makes an interesting story.

My mother gave me a stress reducer kit for Christmas and I was surprised and somewhat impressed when I discovered that it contained two little chiming balls in it. Woo hooo way to go mom! Now I’m wondering what the heck they are really supposed to be used for!?!

Kellys last blog post..For Your Viewing Pleasure

tiff May 30, 2008 at 8:59 am

Can I just say; Lou, I am trying to visualise you as a ben – wa, xbox, how? Ben wa balls are bigger than one point of entry for you and, well, for the other… ok, not going there.

Also, I like the idea of musical balls. Imagine at Christmas time…Jingle balls…er I mean bells

tiffs last blog post..Where I talk about febrile convulsions…again.

Bettina May 30, 2008 at 9:33 am

I think Anja was mistaken…………. imagine if you dropped one and Seven took off with it! I wonder would aliens kidnap it like they kidnapped your hairbrush………… lmao

Bettinas last blog post..The War Of The Cats

Dawn May 30, 2008 at 12:36 pm

what the hell. give ‘em a shot.

Dawns last blog post..I’m in so much trouble

Mr Lady May 30, 2008 at 1:53 pm

I’d love to comment, but I have to get on Amazon and order something….

Mr Ladys last blog post..100 Words

bronnie June 3, 2008 at 1:11 pm

I have laughed out loud – both reading Veronica’s original post, and all the funny responses. What a classic. Do you think my husband would get them for me for our anniversary? Might be a present for both of us! BTW, I also do my pelvic floor exercises regularly – in the car, waiting at the school gate, watching telly. I always wonder if people can tell …

bronnies last blog post..Great expectations

Romeo Bock June 20, 2009 at 3:46 am

So did you try them? How did it go? I’ve bought some for my wife but she doesn’t know yet – and I don’t know how to present them to her …

Romeo Bocks last blog post..Things that I love

jenn September 24, 2009 at 1:55 am

Well I like them…I like them a lot!
I have had different kinds – latest has a harness of sorts and a choice of weights. I also have some called Smartballs which are very fun. I wasn’t sure they would fit at first but to my surprise, it wasn’t a problem. As for the fun factor…yup…the drive home can be made so much more enjoyable!

Cherie November 7, 2009 at 4:21 pm

I puchased some ben wa balls a little while ago…start of with bigger balls until you muscles get stonger…i am currently 17 and i wear ben wa balls at school…they aren’t that easy to fall out unless you are very relaxed…upgrade to smaller metal balls when your muscles are tighter. If you do use the ball try sitting with your legs crossed and move your upper body in a circular motion your sure to get an orgasm everytime…my boyfriend also loves the penetration the balls gove him when he is inside of me…Cheer hope this is helpful

k February 3, 2010 at 12:08 am

If you have NOT had a baby, is there any point of using ben wa balls for a strong pelvic floor? Would it make me lose? or tighter? I am 21 and i’ve had no baby so i am already tight but i’m not in a relationship and heard that because i’m not exercising my pelvic floor i can become lose? so would it be a good idea to use them while i’m not in a relationship so i dont get lose? Thank you for taking your time to read this.

Will Flaa March 14, 2010 at 5:20 am

Hey grils, ladies,
I’ve probably bought 20 sets of ben-wa balls and I’ve personally introduced them to all my girlfriends since the 70′s… I’ve stayed in touch with many of them and they all are thankful… and their ‘post-me’ boyfriends/husbands are too!… they are fun and they are healthy… I can safely bet I’ll be buying them while living in my geriatric playground/home while still having fun healthy sex.
Not once a problem, not one complaint.
If worried, place them on a condom, tie a sting to it and let them help… unconfortable? pull them out!

Dawn June 18, 2010 at 8:58 am

well i have one that IS freaking stuck as we speak!! i have been trying to grab with two fingers lol no luck i almost got it and coughing DID NADA!! im going to wait for my guy to come home and carefully pry it out i think…if he even can yuck!! this is awfull and to think i had a 8 pd kid naturally who would think 9 months of kegels would get one stuck!!

rach November 9, 2010 at 3:50 am

I wear my balls every day! I even sleep in them and they NEVER fall out xx

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