Food-Issues

On being a bad mother, or a good one. And food. Let’s talk about food.

by Veronica on November 14, 2011

in Autism,Ehlers Danlos Syndrome,Food-Issues,Headfuck,Isaac

A month ago, I was talking to my therapist. Oh yes, I’m in therapy now, to learn how to manage anxiety attacks and get some support in the middle of this chaos that I call my life. Anyway, I was talking to her and I said:

“I have to learn to let it go. My children’s behaviour is not my behaviour and I cannot control it. I can’t fix their meltdowns, even though I can do damage control and try to prevent them in the first place. I am their mother – it is my job to support and guide them and show them what acceptable behaviour is. I cannot force them to act in a particular way.”

It was an epiphany for me, because until I articulated it, I didn’t realise how much guilt I was dragging around. Guilt that my children are louder in public places, that Isaac will scream and thrash, that Amy will lose her temper and shout at me and that they both have a particular set of wants and needs that are not always the socially acceptable thing.

It’s ridiculous really, to be feeling guilty because when my son melts down, I can’t make him silent and approriate.  Because I can’t change his behaviour to suit my wants – all I can do is sit next to him and wait for it to pass. And the looks I have gotten, when I’ve done this.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a bad mother when I let my son scream in public. I am not a bad mother when my daughter shouts at me and I am not failing to provide discipline when there is yelling and screaming in the supermarket.

It is not bad parenting that my children didn’t sleep through the night. It is no fault of mine that Amy has trouble falling alseep, or that no one will eat greenery.

My children are small humans. They have wants and needs and likes all of their own, that I don’t get to control. Not even as their mother.

I am fed up with society telling me that I am wrong. That I am failing in some way, because my children are not round pegs. And I am also sick of parents with entirely neurotypical children, assuming that they have the “right” way of parenting, because they don’t have the struggles that we do.

I am HAPPY that your child loves kale. I truly am. And I LOVE that your kid prefers corn on the cob to sweets and anchovies. But don’t delude yourself into thinking that it’s something you’ve managed as a mother. It’s LUCK. You are LUCKY. And that is AWESOME, but you are no better than the rest of us.

I had to reassess my thinking tonight and instead of thinking about age-appropriate food, I had to think seriously about what my son would eat. And then I made the decision to trial baby food again, because we have feeding issues. We have SERIOUS feeding issues and I am sick of feeling like a bad mother because my kid won’t – CAN’T – eat anything that I want him to.

We saw a speech pathologist last week, who confirmed our suspicions. On top of Isaac’s textural anxiety regarding food, he has swallowing issues.

Is this the autism? Or is this the Ehlers Danlos? We don’t know. What we are pretty sure is happening, is that he is having trouble firstly chewing food and secondly, moving it to the back of his mouth to be swallowed.

His eating difficulties are not my fault. They aren’t something that I can force to disappear, even though we will be doing serious therapy for it, along with some medical tests to make sure that there are no physical reasons for the swallowing issues. But I can’t fix them. I can put the tools in place for Isaac to learn to fix them himself, but I cannot swallow for him. His entire digestive system is affected, to varying levels. I can’t change this and I can’t magic it away. It is something that exists and it is no fault of anyones.

I am sick of feeling judged when I say that my son has feeding issues. When meals are a daily struggle because I don’t care WHAT he eats, I just need him to swallow something (anything, for the love of fucking god). Like his feeding issues are something I can control.

It’s not that easy, but I wish it were.

I will continue to cheer every single time my son swallows something that isn’t liquid. I will count dinner tonight a success because egg noodles dissolve well enough with minimal chewing to slide down his throat easily.

And if this means that he lives for another year on apple and pear puree, then THAT is what I will do, and fuck everyone who says that I’m “ruining” him.

Because at this stage, I don’t care about ruining his long term palate.

I just want my kid to learn to swallow.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

How to bake cupcakes with your children + giveaway

by Veronica on September 2, 2011

in Food-Issues,Gotta Laugh,Sharing The Love,Sponsored Posts

How to bake cupcakes with your children:

First, find yourself a good cupcake recipe. Mine came from a copy of Baked and Delicious.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT TELL THE CHILDREN YOU ARE BAKING CUPCAKES.

Especially do not tell them that you are going to be baking cupcakes tomorrow, while you’re putting them to bed the night before. Your children WILL wake you up at 6am, determined to bake cupcakes immediately.

Stall them.

When you’ve gotten sick of the ear drum bursting whining, get out the mixing bowls and then run for cover. They will swamp you with their sticky fingers and chairs dragged into the kitchen. Attempt to wash their hands, using soap.

Start the mixing and measuring process. When you notice your toddler eating the butter, measure it again. Add more. Fingers will be dipped in the sugar; your job as a parent is to dip them back in the soapy water and shake their hands until they’re dry(ish). A little soap never hurt anyway. Unless it got in your eyes and then it stings like nothing else.

Cream the butter and sugar, trying to keep little fingers away from the beaters. Swear that it will not be your fault if everyone ends up in Emergency, instead of eating cupcakes at the end of this.

Glare. Lots.

Finish adding the ingredients to the bowl and once there is no chance of flour going everywhere, let the kids have a stir. Discover an unmixed pocket of flour, as it bursts in your daughter’s face, leaving everyone coughing.

Carefully drop tablespoons of mixture into prepared cases. Chase your toddler through the house as he escapes with a case full of batter. Drip batter all over the house.

Let the dogs inside.

Open the oven and using a foot and one elbow, stop your youngest kid burning himself. Get the cupcakes into the oven and turn the timer on. Set a second timer, just in case.

Console your eldest child, who is upset that she didn’t get to mix lots, or eat batter with a spoon. Dole out hugs and soapy facewashers in squal measure, keeping both away from the eyes.

At the end of the cooking time, corral your children into a bedroom and LOCK THE DOOR*.

Only then can you remove the cupcakes from the oven without fear of anyone burning themselves. Pop them onto a cooling tray and have a cup of tea before letting the children out.

Wait.

Use earplugs to save your ears while the waiting happens.

Decide that lemon buttercream icing would be the best thing for the cupcakes and only then, discover that you’ve got barely 1/2 c of icing sugar. Go with glace icing and pretend that you’re not cheating by adding icing sugar, butter and lemon juice to a saucepan.

Use your feet to keep the smallest kid away from the hot icing.

Spoon it carefully onto the cupcakes, swearing under your breath as you go.

5 minutes later, enjoy your third cupcake, as the children race around you.

You deserve it.

*I did not lock my children into a bedroom. I should have, as it would have been less stressful.

***

COMPETITION:

Thanks to Baked and Delicious, I got to experience this slightly exhausting baking experience.

That wasn’t the fault of the magazine however, who had a super easy recipe for me to follow, even amidst the chaos. The cupcakes were delicious and soft and I’ll bake them again. Probably when my children are otherwise occupied. Maybe.

I have a subscription to Baked and Delicious to give away, which includes 60 issues of Baked and Delicious and 4 exclusive (subscriber only) gifts, the total value being $1,105.00.

Each magazine comes with a piece of silicone bakeware as well.

If you would like to win this amazing prize, then:

Leave me a comment in the comment box below, telling me your experience of baking with children. If you don’t have children, tell me a cooking story instead.

Winner will be chosen via Random.Org. Competition closes at 9am AEST on the 19th of September. Competition is open to Australian mailing addresses only.

ONE ENTRY PER HOUSEHOLD. Multiple entries will be deleted.

***

I received a subscription to Baked and Delicious as well. I’m excited about this and it didn’t change my post content at all.

Aussie Giveaway Linky
Hosted by Three Lil Princesses

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

How to take your children to a restaurant and not go insane

by Veronica on July 26, 2011

in Autism,Blogging,Food-Issues,Sponsored Posts

We took our small quirky children to a real live restaurant yesterday and it didn’t end in tears. I was incredibly proud of both of them for holding it together and not losing the plot. They even ate a few things.

I have some tips for how to manage this yourself, if you like. My children are 2.5 and almost 5, so definitely at that BAN ALL CHILDREN FROM RESTAURANTS age.

Tips:

Make sure your children aren’t terribly hungry. I fed mine before we left home, knowing that it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t eat much at the restaurant. For them, it wasn’t about the food, it was about the participation and experience.

Pick a day where the restaurant won’t be terribly crowded. Monday lunch suited us and while it was busier than we expected, the children held it together well and nothing went wrong.

Research the menu first. Ordering is easier if everyone knows what they’re having ahead of time. I knew I was eating the mushrooms, we ordered chips and aioli for the kids and Nat wanted something with steak. This lessened the time spent peering over the menu and deciding.

Choose somewhere quieter. Especially if your children have sensory processing issues like mine did. We didn’t research the restaurant first, but managed to luck out with a relatively calm environment, with nothing terribly overwhelming happening.

Bring something to keep kids entertained. I had my iPhone with Angry Birds, but they didn’t need it. Both kids were having too much fun with their lemonade to want to play silly electronic games.

***

Normally, I don’t go out to eat much, because I wasn’t sure how the children would handle it and because I don’t like to impose on the grandparents to babysit too often.

However, I was asked to participate in the Mushroom Mania campaign, which is running across the country. This pushed me out of my comfort zone, and forced me to go out and eat. Unfortunately it seems that Tasmania doesn’t have any restaurants participating in the official campaign, which meant that I got to pick any restaurant I liked and review the mushrooms.

We chose The Squires Bounty in Salamanca as our first place to review and I am so glad we did.

I had the roasted stuffed mushrooms, with roasted tomato, salad and aged balsamic dressing. It was lovely, even if I didn’t expect the mushrooms to be crumbed. Tassie does great mushrooms, normally grown down in the Huon Valley and when I was working in the kitchen, we would get giant boxes of mushrooms delivered. They were always fantastic quality and I got to inspect them closely, as I spent rather a lot of time chopping them for various things.

Basically, I didn’t expect Tassie mushrooms to be anything less than spectacular and I wasn’t disappointed. These were button mushrooms, stuffed with a ricotta mix and then crumbed and deep fried.

The children ate the chips – well, nibbled at them, sort of and Nathan had a steak sandwich.

All in all, it was more laid back than I expected and a lot of fun.

Like anything that involves eating with children, we basically ate and then left, we didn’t linger over dessert, which was a bit of a shame as the dessert menu looked rather tempting.

July feels like it has been the month of plague here, with the flu, a stomach bug, a cold, a crashed car and a Very Grumpy toddler. Nathan now suspects he has glandular fever and we’re just waiting on the stars to align so that we can find time to get him to the doctor for blood tests. It took a lot longer to make it to a restaurant than I anticipated. I guess sometimes, life happens. Especially when you have small children.

***

This post was sponsored by Mushroom Mania and I was compensated for my participation.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Golden Syrup Apple Crumble – the BEST kind.

by Veronica on June 11, 2011

in Blogging,Food-Issues,Sharing The Love

I mentioned on twitter earlier that Golden Syrup Crumble is probably one of the best things to eat straight from the mixing bowl and suddenly it seemed that everyone wanted the recipe. I thought I’d best post it here, so that I can just send the link.

Golden Syrup Apple Crumble

Ingredients:

1/4 c of SR flour
1/2 c of rolled oats
1 teaspoon of mixed spice
1/4 c of butter
1/4 c of golden syrup
1/8 c of sugar (leave it out if you don’t like it super sweet – I was feeling in desperate need of sugar)

Method:

Pop all of the ingredients into a stand mixer and mix until it looks like crumble. A food processor would also work, although be careful, because you don’t want to grind your oats to powder.

If you’re using your hands, rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips, then add the oats and golden syrup and expect to get messy. Using a wooden spoon, or a knife, stir everything together until it’s combined.

Use it on top of whatever fruit you’ve got handy, bake in an oven dish at 180C for 15 minutes or so.

Today I used canned peaches and golden delicious apples, I’ve used an entire tin of fruit salad (drained) before and I had a delicious crumble using apple and blackberries, before the frost and birds put paid to the blackberries. The only time it’s failed is when I used frozen mixed berries, which are frankly, horrendous tasting.

Golden Syrup Apple Crumble

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

On Internet privacy and other issues.

by Veronica on February 11, 2011

in Amy,Autism,Ehlers Danlos Syndrome,Food-Issues,Headfuck

I’ve never been anonymous in this space, which in hindsight is a good thing. Anonymity gives you something to hide behind, a shield between you and the people you know IRL. It also comes back to bite you in the arse when you discover that you aren’t as anonymous as you thought you were.

In reality, nothing on the internet is truly anonymous and you will get shopped for something, eventually.

I’m glad therefore that I never had that to hide behind. For me, it’s meant a close examination of my ideas and what I will and won’t share on the ‘nets. It means that things happen, bad things, and I don’t talk about them here because it involves people whose level I wouldn’t stoop to. Vitriolic blog posts hurt more than being screamed at in person. Trust me, I know this.

Not being anonymous in any shape or form also means that I get to stop and assess how much of my children I am prepared to share with the world at large. How much do I want to be known about them from my viewpoint? How much do I want their schoolmates to be able to find when they’re older?

Tough questions and tougher answers.

I’m not sharing as much here anymore, which is good and bad. Using this space to concentrate on myself and other things has been good for me, so much of my life is tied up in the children and their various needs that a space for myself is sorely needed. That said, I miss the easy sharing and camaraderie, the feeling that we’re all in the trenches of motherhood together.

My kids are hard work. The screaming in my house is only drowned out by the silent screaming inside my head. Amy is beautiful and wonderfully smart, but holy crap can she mask her issues while we’re out in public, leaving me with no support, because people don’t see her at her worst.

Isaac is having Issues. We don’t know what the fuck is going on, but we’re in the depths of an autism assessment and diagnosis process – something, incidentally, that was meant to happen for Amy 6 months ago and instead our Paed dragged his heels about it. I’m sorry, her issues are getting worse with time, not better. Isaac’s issues may be rooted in autism, but we appear to have a swallowing issue, on top of bowel issues, EDS issues and some major major sensory issues.

It just seems too much sometimes, you know?

Normality was never something I was going to get, I’m quirky and odd myself, and normal has never been my thing, but jesus, I’d like something to happen easily.

Amy starts school on Wednesday. I got her papers and information from Early Intervention the other day, outlining her issues and what she’s likely to struggle with. Guess what you guys, she can stay on task for 30 seconds without adult help. 30 fucking seconds, before someone needs to sit with her, cheerleading her and cajoling her into finishing. I’m pretty sure 30 seconds is a generous estimate by the way.  She can also open gates, climb out windows and scale walls. She can certainly get through every single security measure we’ve got here, including dead bolts and window latches well above my head.

I’m terrified that the school will lose her, even with the extra assistance she is going to be getting. For fucks sake, we’ve got 2 adults here, to 2 children and WE lose her. Knowing that they have an obligation to keep your child safe is small comfort when your child is as quick as Amy.

Privacy issues also mean that as they get older, I am less comfortable talking about what they are dealing with specifically. I share parts of things, but not the whole story. Really, who wants to read about the daily grind of trying to get Isaac to swallow something, anything, for the love of god child, you cannot live on milk alone.

Blogging started as a way for me to get things out of my head, and to connect to other mothers. However, the trials and tribulations of a sleepless baby are a bit different to watching your daughter try and make friends while your heart breaks into tiny pieces.

As Amy moves into school and Isaac grows up, they’re becoming the supporting cast, not the main characters.

It would seem that Mummyblogging, for me, does indeed have a use-by date.

I think I’m okay with that.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

← Previous Entries