Food-Issues

I’ve never been anonymous in this space, which in hindsight is a good thing. Anonymity gives you something to hide behind, a shield between you and the people you know IRL. It also comes back to bite you in the arse when you discover that you aren’t as anonymous as you thought you were.

In reality, nothing on the internet is truly anonymous and you will get shopped for something, eventually.

I’m glad therefore that I never had that to hide behind. For me, it’s meant a close examination of my ideas and what I will and won’t share on the ‘nets. It means that things happen, bad things, and I don’t talk about them here because it involves people whose level I wouldn’t stoop to. Vitriolic blog posts hurt more than being screamed at in person. Trust me, I know this.

Not being anonymous in any shape or form also means that I get to stop and assess how much of my children I am prepared to share with the world at large. How much do I want to be known about them from my viewpoint? How much do I want their schoolmates to be able to find when they’re older?

Tough questions and tougher answers.

I’m not sharing as much here anymore, which is good and bad. Using this space to concentrate on myself and other things has been good for me, so much of my life is tied up in the children and their various needs that a space for myself is sorely needed. That said, I miss the easy sharing and camaraderie, the feeling that we’re all in the trenches of motherhood together.

My kids are hard work. The screaming in my house is only drowned out by the silent screaming inside my head. Amy is beautiful and wonderfully smart, but holy crap can she mask her issues while we’re out in public, leaving me with no support, because people don’t see her at her worst.

Isaac is having Issues. We don’t know what the fuck is going on, but we’re in the depths of an autism assessment and diagnosis process – something, incidentally, that was meant to happen for Amy 6 months ago and instead our Paed dragged his heels about it. I’m sorry, her issues are getting worse with time, not better. Isaac’s issues may be rooted in autism, but we appear to have a swallowing issue, on top of bowel issues, EDS issues and some major major sensory issues.

It just seems too much sometimes, you know?

Normality was never something I was going to get, I’m quirky and odd myself, and normal has never been my thing, but jesus, I’d like something to happen easily.

Amy starts school on Wednesday. I got her papers and information from Early Intervention the other day, outlining her issues and what she’s likely to struggle with. Guess what you guys, she can stay on task for 30 seconds without adult help. 30 fucking seconds, before someone needs to sit with her, cheerleading her and cajoling her into finishing. I’m pretty sure 30 seconds is a generous estimate by the way.  She can also open gates, climb out windows and scale walls. She can certainly get through every single security measure we’ve got here, including dead bolts and window latches well above my head.

I’m terrified that the school will lose her, even with the extra assistance she is going to be getting. For fucks sake, we’ve got 2 adults here, to 2 children and WE lose her. Knowing that they have an obligation to keep your child safe is small comfort when your child is as quick as Amy.

Privacy issues also mean that as they get older, I am less comfortable talking about what they are dealing with specifically. I share parts of things, but not the whole story. Really, who wants to read about the daily grind of trying to get Isaac to swallow something, anything, for the love of god child, you cannot live on milk alone.

Blogging started as a way for me to get things out of my head, and to connect to other mothers. However, the trials and tribulations of a sleepless baby are a bit different to watching your daughter try and make friends while your heart breaks into tiny pieces.

As Amy moves into school and Isaac grows up, they’re becoming the supporting cast, not the main characters.

It would seem that Mummyblogging, for me, does indeed have a use-by date.

I think I’m okay with that.

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Amy is eating gluten at the moment.

A decision to do another blood test for coeliacs, coupled with 6 weeks of gluten this time, rather than the 3 weeks (and ‘inconclusive’ result) of last time is sending me around the bend.

Actually, around the bend is a bit of an understatement.

I find I’m spending my days in a state of repressed anger. Constant, bitter and annoying. If the anger fades, it’s only to be replaced with resignation.

You’re eating chocolate sauce from the bottle? Mixed with half a container of cream? FINE. WHATEVER. I don’t CARE. Go outside and do it.

It’s horrible.

I went to go to bed the other night and walked into my bedroom. The basket that holds the socks being tipped out was my first clue. The second was the moved chest of drawers. The third – an open top cupboard.

On my bed lay my laptop, stripped of all its keys and key clips.

The ‘top’ cupboards are 8ft in the air. I can’t even freaking reach them without a chair.

I’m frustrated.

And she was in bed asleep, so I couldn’t even growl at her about it.

Not that it matters to her, she doesn’t care what I’ve yelled at her for – she’ll go and do exactly what she wants to do anyway. No remorse. No idea of consequences.

It feels like I’m banging my head up against a brick wall.

She tipped milk all over the floor, just because she wanted to. She’s been screaming and hitting in anger – normally as a response to ‘No you may not have chocolate for breakfast/draw on your brothers face/kick the dog/paint the walls.’

It’s fucking insane.

I’m finding myself at the end of my tether more and more often.

Gluten sends her haywire. I don’t like it.

I am spending a lot of time outside with the kids, the lack of walls seems to make things easier. Until she starts pulling out my newly grown pea plants, or stamping on the potato plants, or kicking her brother, or tauting him, or throwing toys, or screaming, or demanding food that she doesn’t eat, or or or.

She isn’t very pleasant when she’s like this.

And neither am I if we’re being really honest.

It’s doing my head in. It really is.

Four and a half weeks left.

God help me.

***

Today is meant to be a total communication shutdown thing, in support of Autism. But I decided that my silence, it wouldn’t help anyone. In fact, I doubted that if I turned off my computer and walked away from the Internet for an entire day, that I would be missed.

Because really, the internet is huge – missing me for a day isn’t going to be noticeable.

And I support those who are shutting down for the day. Good on you, I hope it gets people talking.

But I didn’t think my silence would help anything.

Amy has Aspergers. Isaac is regressing, fast, and it’s looking very likely that he’ll be on the spectrum too.

They need me to advocate for them, even when Amy is being so naughty that my teeth itch.

I need to be here, telling people what it’s like to live with a little girl, who can get into anything she sets her mind too, but doesn’t understand the social rules enough to know that destroying my laptop is naughty, or pouring out the milk is bad.

Gluten aggravates her autism, but it doesn’t create it. The autism is there, no matter what.

So I’m not being quiet.

I’m carrying on my day, much the same as I always do.

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White poached chicken. Recipe here.

In another life, I worked in a commercial kitchen. I might even have mentioned it a time, or ten.

However, kitchen work taught me an awful lot of things, the least of which is that the amount of energy that goes into getting your meal on your table at a restaurant is astronomical.

For example, a  brie cheese and herb stuffed chicken breast, with sundried tomato reduction sauce, chat potatoes and baby vegetables.

A popular dish in the kitchen.

So, a few days before you order your meal, I am chopping enough herbs to see us through the next 3 days of prep, generally 500g of each herb, parsley, dill, rosemary, mint and thyme. I have 40 chicken breasts defrosting in water in the kitchen sink and I am prepping vegetables. This included turning 10kg of carrots into batons, 10 broccoli and 10 cauliflower into florets, top and tailing 5kg of snow peas, peeling 10kgs of potatoes and putting them on to parboil whole, before chopping them into a dice, slicing 7-8 large zucchinis and then blanching the lot, before refrigerating everything.

You see, nothing in a commercial kitchen is done small scale, so while the chicken breast and vegetables is not a hard dish to prepare by any means, it is all done in bulk ahead of time, sometimes up to a week ahead. Prepped vegies were used for most meals, so we prepped the above amounts every 3-4 days.

Once the vegies are done, I’m hopeful that the chicken breasts will have defrosted enough to work with. A quick poke in the icy water lets me know I’m good to go, so I start to set up, stalling on needing to julliene a 20 litre bucket of stirfry mix.

First is the bain marie tray I’ll set the chicken in so I can fridge it afterwards. Then the cling wrap, catering size, set at the top of my chopping board. Then comes the brie – I need to cut 40 pieces of brie from the wheel and maybe an extra bit to nibble on. What? It’s a perk.

I set the plastic container of herbs up next to me, with the brie laid out on another piece of clingwrap, spaced out so they don’t stick together. I work fast, moving backwards and forwards, doing 3 things at once. Somewhere, in a trip to the coolroom, I’ve dumped the semi-defrosted chicken into a colander and set it above a bucket to drain while I finish prepping. I beg the apprentice to sharpen my knife because I’m not fantastic at that yet.

Once I start, I need to hit a rhythym, as fast as I can.

Pull out a sheet of clingwrap. Grab a chicken breast and in one motion, remove the tenderloin and any excess fat. Throw the tenderloin into a spare container, slice through the chicken breast to create an internal pocket, dip a piece of brie into the herbs and shove it into the cavity. Then slice the clingwrap off, wrap the breast and pop it into the metal bain marie container.

Repeat. Forty times.

Then scrub your hands, scrub your chopping block and knife, throw any remaining herbs out (chicken blood, cross contamination issues) and put everything in the fridge, well covered.

That’s the chicken done for the next few days service.

When an order comes in for chicken that that week, I don’t cook it. I’m on cold larder/desserts/dishes/general runner (depending on the night and whether the other kitchen hand is working), but I do run to the coolroom and grab the preprepared chicken from the fridge, in between doing everything else I’m doing – which sometimes, depending on the day, would be scrubbing walls with a scourer. Yay.

A chef grabs a handful of cooked diced potato from the bucket and sets it aside, ready to deepfry. The chicken probably takes the longest to cook of any meal, except well done steak because you can’t precook chicken (unlike the roast meals and various other things). The chicken is panfried to crisp the skin, before being thrown into the oven, still in the pan for 30 minutes.

A minute before it comes out of the oven, a chef drops the chat potatoes into the deep fryer, the serve of vegetables into the boiling water to reheat them and mixes a few tablespoons of pureed sundried tomatoes with some cream in a saucepan. All this while the chef is making another 4-5 dishes at once.

The chicken comes out of the oven, is sliced in half, set on the chat potatoes and the sauce poured over. The vegies are salted, buttered and put on the plate too, parsley is sprinkled and the plate is sent.

The customer, usually, appreciates how much work has gone into the dish, they enjoy it, they pay and they leave.

Let’s now look at cooking for children.

With children, the amount of effort I put into a meal directly corrolates to how much is eaten.

If I spend the morning prepping and then spend 2 hours cooking and bringing the meal together, you can guarantee that they won’t eat a mouthful. They’ll hate it, or be too tired, or too hyper, or SOMETHING.

They won’t eat it.

If however, I make a quick tomato sauce, pour it over pasta and serve it with grated cheese, they’ll whinge that there isn’t enough.

While family cooking means that there is always less work to be done than in a commercial kitchen, I sort of miss the satisfied feeling of seeing an empty plate come back and a quick report from the waitress on how much they enjoyed it. Not to mention missing getting to play with food for a living.

Cooking for children is definitely harder than cooking for a restaurant. Trust me.

However, commercial kitchens are more stressful. Give me a screaming baby over a screaming chef any day. At least I have a chance that the baby is screaming because it can, and not because I fucked up.

What would you prefer? Cooking in a restaurant for appreciative customers, or feeding your children day in, day out?

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I am exhausted. Completely and utterly beat.

Mentally and physically.

We had our Paeds appointment today (previous posts here and here) and really, they don’t like to give straight answers do they?

The short results – both children are positive for the Coeliacs gene, but of course that is no guarantee to them actually getting coeliacs, the Paed was quick to point out, no matter that they both already HAVE symptoms of coeliacs AND a clinical diagnosis of such.

He wouldn’t talk about the fact that Amy already gets horrendously sick on gluten, loses weight and is miserable. Or that Isaac stops sleeping, gets eczema and is miserable.

Oh no, until you’ve got a biopsy in front of you with a positive result, no diagnosis.

Which actually, is the same thing he seemed to think of the Ehlers Danlos. He threw around a lot of words like maybe and possible.

Plus, way to get me annoyed, he said ‘the geneticists seem to think both children will develop Ehlers Danlos’. In hindsight, I am fuming at that statement and should have told him outright that unlike coeliacs, EDS is not something you ‘develop’. You either have it or you don’t and it gets worse.

Arghh.

It frustrates me that I seem to know more about EDS and the management thereof than the doctors we see.

Sigh.

So I am exhausted. Relieved that it’s nothing more than Coeliacs, but frustrated that I’m treated like a silly uneducated mother when I’m in the hospital with the kidlets.

But yay! Upside!

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Unicorns and faerie dust and all that.

by Veronica on February 9, 2010

in Food-Issues,Life

Phew! after the fallout from my post admonishing Domino’s for false advertising, I think I need something shiny and pretty to talk about.

Or maybe a unicorn. Actually, if I could be bothered, I could try and stick a horn on one of the horses, but I doubt they’d be impressed and I’m not really sure I’m prepared to chase horses around the paddock all day with a camera.

Anyway

***

It’s been a hard week, this last week. I’m due for my period, my joints keep forgetting that they’re meant to attach to each other and sleep has been restless and broken.

Nan’s house sold and new people moved in. I thought I was fine with that, but it turns out, seeing their car in her driveway was a bit too much to bear. I cried a lot that day.

I miss her. So much. I would have liked to hear her perspective on Domino’s and I know she would have been watching the comments as closely as I was.

I watched a documentary on Palliative care last night. Brilliantly done. It follows four patients through their end of life journey. I cried the whole way through it, but if you’re interested, you can view it online here.

The lady with breast cancer, her attitude reminds me of Nan so much.

I miss her.

***

Photos!

My children play well together. Except when they don’t, and then I fear for my own safety as I wade into the fray of hair pulling and toy throwing to separate them. The house is in a permanent state of disarray, but we’re all having fun. Except for Nathan, the mess makes him twitch.

Susie is settling in well. She’s such a smart puppy and she learns so fast, that aside from normal puppy behaviours, we’ve not had any issues.

We just won’t talk about her penchant for chewing books.

Naughty dog.

***

Again on the Domino’s thing – I rang the ACCC and the government body who deals with food safety and labelling. They’re very interested in Domino’s; as the ACCC says, it’s deceptive advertising to call something Gluten Free and then add a disclaimer that it might not be completely gluten free.

Please forgive me for not knowing which government department exactly I was speaking to, I was passed through 4-5 before I got the right people. It’s someone in the Health Department and they deal with food labelling laws and issues arising from mislabelled food.

Anyway, the guy I spoke to at the Health Department, he says that Domino’s cannot have it both ways and agrees that yes, they are breaking the law in claiming Gluten Free, but then adding a disclaimer. He was lovely and we discussed the issue, including the response I got from the Coeliac Society and Domino’s.

So I can let it go, at least on the internet.

It’s being investigated by the relevant officials now.

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