Life

Dear Amy,

by Veronica on March 29, 2008

in Life

033.JPGDear Amy,

You are one week off 19 mths old. Honestly, where does the time go? I swear I have lost the last 18mths. Someone asked me how old I was the other day and I seriously had to think about it.

Your teeth must have stopped hurting for a bit because you have been pretty nice to be around lately. The sleep thing still isn’t amazing, but anything was going to be an improvement. Thankyou for not waking up 100 times a night. I really do appreciate it.

However, Mummy’s bench is NOT a place for you to sit when I turn my back. I know you were playing nicely with the stuff up there, but Sweetie? We don’t sit on the benches.

Also, I know that you like to play with Seven and she loves you, but you really don’t need to empty the baskets of clean washing just to bury the dog. I know it is funny to watch her try and squirm out from under the pants, jumpers, t-shirts and sheets, but Mummy had all that stuff put there neatly. Having to refold it wasn’t on my list of things to do today.

[Things that were actually on my list today? Nap as soon as Amy does. List status? Completed. MMmmmmm]

Other things that weren’t on my list today were – cleaning up the polystyrene ball that you gave Seven to chew on, trying (and failing) to re-splice the phone line back together, cleaning up all the tissues, baby wipes and nappies that you decided to throw about like confetti and removing tomato juice and pips from every available surface.

That said, thankyou for having such a lovely nap and for being good for Daddy when you woke up. Mummy really needed that extra hour.

Also, have I told you how cute your talking is lately?

You have gone from screaming about being terrified of moths, to catching the moths, throwing them in the air and crying ‘Mof fly down! YAY!!!’ and clapping.

Also, the fact that you can roll all over the puppy, squash her, kiss her, point out all her features ( ‘Nooooose! Mouf! Teef! Eeeeeeyes! Head! Hair! Fooooots!) only to have her roll over and lick your cheek is amazing.

We bought a potty for you yesterday. So far it hasn’t been used, but that hasn’t stopped you sitting on it at every opportunity and proclaiming ‘Yay!’ and clapping when you stand up, even though you haven’t done anything in it. However, I am just happy you will sit on it.

Anyway child, there are many other things I could say but I have a good book calling me and internet that refuses to load even a quarter of what I want to look at.

Love Mummy.

[ADSL should be connected by the 2nd of April. Bring it on!] 

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

A Conversation With My Brother

by Veronica on March 28, 2008

in Life

Dave – ‘Hey Ronni! What are these?’

Veronica – ‘Condoms. Duh!’

D – ‘There are heaps here.’

V – ‘I know, we never used them.’

D – ‘They are studded! Dude!’

V – ‘You can have them if you like’ (although god knows what he will use them for. Water balloons? God, I hope so.)

D – ‘Awesome! Thanks Ronni.’

V – ‘You’re welcome.’

D – ‘I think flavoured condoms would be better for you guys anyway.’

V – ‘Uh, flavoured condoms taste like crap. Plastic crap.’ *shudder*

D – ‘No! These ones taste nice.’

[Oh god, how does he know that? Had he been trying them himself? DUUUUDE!]

V – ‘Dave, I think it is impossible for condoms to taste nice.’

D – ‘No, these ones really do…’

V – ‘Dave, if I wanted Nat to taste like something, I have a perfectly good bottle of chocolate sauce in the cupboard.’

D – ‘Dude! I didn’t need to know that!’

[David has gone green and shaky looking]

V – ‘You forget, we are trying to GET pregnant, not PREVENT pregnancy.’

D – ‘Uh…um…uh…’

V – ‘That was so worth it to see your face. Keep the condoms.’

D – ‘Uh, thanks.’

V – ‘You’re welcome.’

Disclaimer. I promise tomorrow I will be back to talking about regular fluffy (ie: not sex) stuff. No wait, actually I can’t make that promise. You know, something might come up that needs sharing.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Dear Libido,

by Veronica on March 27, 2008

in Life

OystersWelcome home! I’m not entirely sure where you have been, the Mediterranean perhaps? Because goodness knows you have returned perky and in good health. Which is rather contrary to the last month of drought, dry and despair you left me with. Nathan thanks you for that by the way.

Now Libido, you timed your return brilliantly in order to be here for the impending baby making of this month, however we seem to have a small problem.

I CAN’T DO A FREAKING THING ABOUT YOU!

[Not properly anyway]

And you know, that makes me just a touch stressed (like head explodingly stressed) because my rather unliked friend, The Period has decided to stick around for a little while longer.

[It has taken up nearly double it’s alotted time frame for ruining my quality of life and of sex for that matter]

Now, I know my doctor told me that if The Period decided to hang around, then I should take another month of the pill, but honestly Libido, I know that it scares you away and that in turn makes me rather grumpy.

[No orgasms make for an uptight housewife. Just sayin’… You know, I scrubbed my walls today and did all the laundry…]

Hopefully we can come to some sort of arrangement because Nathan’s Libido is missing you and somehow blowjobs just aren’t doing much for me.

[Go figure]

So Libido, what I am asking you is can you talk to The Period and tell it (and it’s goddamn cramps) to fuck off already? Because I am rather over it and my wrist is going to get sore sooner rather than later.

And plus you know, the baby making can’t start until I stop facking bleeding.

Lovingly (because I missed you)
Veronica

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

OMFG and More Poo and Some Blood

by Veronica on March 26, 2008

in Life

020.JPGYou know my daughter? The sleepless one? She has me worried*.

Tonight after dinner she played. Then she wandered down the hall to her bedroom, stood at the gate and asked for her bottle.

So I dressed her in her pajamas, gave her a fresh bottle of water and cuddled her in bed for 2 mins. Then I left her.

She fell asleep!!!

All by herself and all before 7.20pm.

Can you feel the relief positively oozing off me?

——–

Remeber how yesterday I mentioned another poo incident? (Yes, it does make 2 incidents in 3 days. Yes, I am a lucky lucky mother)

Well, the second time I took photos.

(Don’t you just love me? Sharing, caring. That’s me!)

011-copy.jpg

I also took photos of Amy’s pooey feet, but they ended up blurry. Whoops.

And then we had a slight incidence with Amy falling and landing on an egg cup and cutting her ankle. Let us just say that there was blood. Alot of blood. And tears. Alot of tears.

However a Mummy kiss, boobs and a bandaid makes everything better. Once she realised that the bandaid had to stay on, she was off and racing again.

016.JPG

This is the ankle AFTER pressure was applied, boobs were administered and the bandaid had been on for 5 mins.

Poor little pet, the bandaid stuck to the scratch (yes, it is only a scratch) this morning and had to be pulled off. My solution? Remove all the sticky bits and let her do the painful part herself. We had no tears. Woo!

——–

*I’m not really worried about her.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

How To…

by Veronica on March 25, 2008

in Life

…cook Cornish Pasties with a Toddler in tow.

Make the pastry. At various intervals remove Toddlers fingers from the flour/butter/milk.

Cover the pastry and place in the fridge. Stop the Toddler trying to wee on the puppy (I couldn’t make this up).

Check your mince defrosting on the sink. Sigh and complain about how you forgot to get it out of the freezer last night.

Stop the Toddler climbing up and removing books and DVD’s from the bookshelves. Stop the Toddler sitting on the puppy. Clean up the puppy wee. Clean up the Toddler wee.

Peel potatoes and place on the bench. Stop the theft of the potatoes by giving Toddler an apple. Sigh when you notice all the potatoes in the Toddlers lap, along with ALL of the apples.

Slice the potatoes finely, dodging Toddler fingers as you go. Curse the setup of the loungeroom that means the couch is up against the bench. Wonder if locking the Toddler in her bedroom is worth the effort.

Finely dice carrots and onions. Pretend that tradtional pasties contain carrots and onions.

Stop the Toddler removing all the carrots from the bowl. Put the (now full) bowl on the bench behind you.

Yell as the toddler removes your knife from the bench. Growl. Lots.

Then find the bandaids and patch the Toddlers thumb up.

Check the mince.

Discover the frozen bits in the middle. Get shitty and stab the mince with a butter knife to break it up. End up using your fingers.

Yell as Toddler tries to eat raw mince. Growl when she won’t get off the bench (she was trying to sit on it).

Sigh as Toddler has a full blown tantrum on the floor.

Mix salt and pepper into the meat and set aside.

Wash hands and cuddle Toddler until she is happier.

Remove the pastry from the fridge and roll it out using a wine bottle. Curse your lack of strength as the pastry refuses to yield. Use all your weight on the bottle.

Stop the Toddler from poking holes in the (now rolled) pastry. Give her a glass jar and some pastry of her own to roll.

Resume rolling pastry and cutting into circles.

Freak out as the Toddler sticks pastry in her nose and ears. Clean Toddlers ears and nose and try to distract her with her blocks.

Fail.

Slowly put together the pasties and crimp the edges. Stop Toddler eating the onion skins.

Place pasties into a moderate oven and baste regularly with milk.

Cook the rest of the mince and serve with tortillas. Discourage Toddler from putting the tortillas on her vagina before eating them.

Finish eating and feeding Toddler.

Baste pasties.

Lots.

Wonder what that smell is. Toddler comes up and says ‘Yuck! Bum!’

Notice Toddlers feet. Chase down Toddler and clean poo off her feet.

Clean the carpet.

Clean more of the Toddler.

Swear that you are buying a potty tomorrow.

Wash hands and baste pasties more.

Once pasties are golden brown remove from oven and discourage Toddler from trying to eat them while still hot.

Serve with tomato sauce.

{ Comments on this entry are closed }