My first bit of advice? Don’t try this. I test these things so that you don’t have to.
Give Toddler something appealing to do. Maybe fingerpaint with a bowl of cereal?
Once you are sure Toddler is occupied sit down and open your laptop.
Replace Toddler in her highchair.
Sit back down and open laptop.
Get up and replace Toddler’s spoon. Give her an extra 3 or 4 spoons just in case she drops one.
Watch all the spoons fall on the floor. Resign yourself to giving Toddler a daytime bath as she eats with her hands.
Sit down and open laptop. Again.
Start to write.
Freakout as Toddler tries to bash on the keyboard with cereal covered fingers. Shut laptop and run a bath.
Sit in the bathroom and watch Toddler play in the bath. Wish that you had Wi-fi so you could blog while doing it. Wonder if that makes you addicted.
Get Toddler out of bath. Make sure you remember to SHUT THE GODDAMN BATHROOM DOOR.
Dry and dress Toddler. Remind self that as soon as you leave her nappy off she WILL poo on the floor. Elect for a nappy and pants.
Sit down to blog while Toddler plays in the pantry.
Silence.
SPLOOOOOOOOOSH. SCREEEEEEEEEEEAM.
Remember that you forgot to shut the bathroom door.
Pull Toddler out of the bath and strip her clothes off. Cuddle her. Lots.
Re-dry and re-dress Toddler. Remark on how The Pile is running out of clothes. Remind self to do washing already.
Once Toddler is occupied with her ball, sit down and open laptop. Re-read what you have written. Try to remember what you were going to write.
Get into the groove of writing. Get some good stuff down. Freakout when the Toddler bashes on your keyboard AND MANAGES TO CLOSE THE WINDOW!
Console self with the fact that it would have saved.
Realise that your internet had been disconnected and you had written everything without it being saved. Die a little inside.
Put the laptop down.
Read the Toddler a book, play soccer with her, go for walks, feed her, read more books.
Put Toddler down for a nap. FINALLY!
Pick up laptop.
Put down laptop as Toddler cries.
Re-settle Toddler.
Pick up laptop.
Put down laptop as Toddler cries.
Re-settle Toddler by snuggling and cuddling her.
Wake up an hour later with a Toddler still wrapped around your neck. Put Toddler down and sneak downstairs for a little blogging time.
Start to write. Realise that you have forgotten everything you were going to say. Start to write anyway. Inspiration will come.
The phone rings and disconnects the internet.
Give up.
Resolve to write all your blog posts after 9.30pm when Toddler is sleeping and phone callers can be politely sworn at.
hehehehehehe I will not ring you in the daytime any more.. heheheheheh
cheers mum xox
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Favourite Photo Friday (on Saturday)
That’s okay Mum. I like talking to you, it is the telemarketers and other useless phone calls that annoy me. I really don’t want to buy raffle tickets. No, really.
Teach Toddler to type and spell. Sit her in front of laptop to write your blog. As soon as she starts, go to kitchen and empty every single cupboard. Take plates to bathroom and play dishwashing in the toilet. Take sheets from linen cupboard and play at making beds. Cry to go outside. Cry to come back in. Beg for lunch. Refuse all offered food, ask for icecream. Throw self on floor, kick and scream. See how much fun you’re having?
I only blog during naptime. But my son was a pro on the computer by the time he turned four, and my daughter’s well on the way. So if I need to I put my son on one computer, put my daughter in front of Dora in her room, and I can be guaranteed at least twenty minutes of time on the laptop.
Marie’s last blog post..How Mad is MadMad?
hehe… cute..
Wireless, baby, it’s the way to go! Stirring food, blogging, picking up toys, blogging, laying in bed with Toddler, hand dangles off edge blogging.
I love my laptop and my wireless router.
Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..She Thought it was Food Poisoning
My gosh, you’re days are so busy! And yes, it does make you a little addicted.
Cinn’s last blog post..Lying
Strangely, that is exactly how every single day of my life is…..but I’m the addicted crazy mom with the laptop in the bathroom as she’s in the bath
What? do I need therapy?
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..Photohunt 93: Important
hmm. i thought if i bought a laptop and had wi fi i may actually be able to blog on a semi regular basis. apparently not!!!
zoe’s last blog post..TFT: One, Two Freddy’s coming for you…
LMAO! That’s why I blog after 9pm most days.
Jenty’s last blog post..Photohunt: Important
Dude… spoons flying, daytime baths, pooing when no diap, The Pile… we really ARE living the same life in diff parts of the world.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Man learns to protect what’s IMPORTANT.
Damn Funny…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Your Cup Runneth Over
Yes, Wifi *definitely* gets you addicted! Then you can blog on the COUNTER TOP where toddlers cannot reach the computer with cereal-covered fingers. All they can do it cling to your leg and whine…
Marlee’s last blog post..Maybe it’s Time to Send Him to Sunday School…
I am hoping so hard that I can get Wifi in the new house. It would make life so much easier PLUS I wouldn’t have cords running all over the house.
Oh i wont try that
but none here for this teenager 
kaylee’s last blog post..Still Flying …
I have no idea what link i gave you there but that isnt my blog
kaylee’s last blog post..Parties, Parties, Parties
You really should submit this as a guest posting at how2blogger dot com.
I have to get a laptop this summer for when I’m travelling. I hate spending money on something that is working well already, but no way will I travel with my desktop.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Brain Fog, No Excuse for Blogging Mediocrity
Oh, Veronica. You are hiliarous!
I’d love to say it gets better as they get older…yeah, it’d be fun to be able to say that…
Leslie’s last blog post..Hell Has Frozen Over!
You are too funny Veronica! I can only get blog time in when the kids are hyponotized by the TV. Bad me.
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Prince of hearts
ugh im one handed and patting for a nap w laptop crooked on my lap.
Dawn’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
Ah, yes. I do know this routine. My daughter and I have worked out our own variations. She likes to bring things over to me, and put them on my laptop. For example, I have a scribble of crayon across the corner of my laptop.
alejna’s last blog post..a few categories of people
You really need cable girl. This is bad.
Candy’s last blog post..The Crazy
LOVE IT!!!!!!!! I’m adding this post as a resource in my ‘how to write a blog’ section – utterly hysterical.
“Wake up an hour later with a Toddler still wrapped around your neck. Put Toddler down and sneak downstairs for a little blogging time.”
So true, so true….
Thanks for the morning chuckle,
Barbara
Barbara Ling (aka Owlbert)’s last blog post..Viva the Easter Broccoli Bunny – Day 5 of 5, Critical Blog Post Check List