Isaac’s E.C.G.

As we walked into the hospital, I took a deep breath. The hospital smells like cleaning agent and regurgitated air conditioning. It’s not a smell you forget in a hurry. It was bitterly cold outside and I hopped up and down a little as we waited for the lift. Isaac gurgled in his pram and I smiled down at him.

I hadn’t thought about it. I’d pushed it to the back of my mind and refused to even dwell on the possibility of anything being wrong. It’s just a baseline appointment. We don’t expect to see anything wrong here. I breathed.

The lift bell rang as the lift arrived and we stepped in.

Level 2.

The same level all of Nan’s oncology appointments were on.

As the lift doors opened, my heart started to race. I stepped out with a confidence I didn’t feel and walked along the corridor.

We got to the junction of the two hallways. One would take me to cardiology. The other led to the Oncology doctors rooms.

I looked down the hallway I had walked so many times before.

Walk along there. Turn left and then left again. Smile at the receptionist and then a right turn into the waiting room.

The waiting room that would no longer hold my mother and grandmother. We three. The girls club.

From Nan’s diary.

[…] the good thing about Kim & Von is that we can talk about anything, I can be doom and gloom or happy and chatty it makes no difference to them they don’t get uncomfortable and can do the “what ifs” with me. What would I do without my “Girls Club”??

I breathed and walked in the other direction. Along another corridor we three had all walked together more times that I counted, and finally down a new one. One without any lingering memories.

We found our area and spoke to reception. Isaac gurgled in his pram and I lifted him out to feed him. He elected to smile and gurgle instead. Smiling back at him I gave up on the breastfeed.

5 minutes later, his name was called.

Here you go, come in. Can you take his tops off for me? Right. Let’s begin.

She was lovely. We made small talk while Isaac gurgled and tried to eat the ultrasound wand. I watched the screen nervously, but there is nothing to see on a heart ultrasound. The faint whoomp whoomp of Isaac’s heartbeat at intervals broke through the pictures being taken.

Well. Everything looks fine. There are no issues with his heart whatsoever. His mitral valve has no leakiness. It’s a perfect baseline. Once you get him dressed you can leave. No need to talk to the girls at the front desk. Will you need to come back again?

I’ll talk to the Paediatricians about it. I think they want to keep an eye on both children, but it wouldn’t be often, probably every 2 years.

That sounds about right. I’ll see you later then.

She held the door for us.

Thank you so much.

She looked at me and smiled.

Nathan and I walked down the corridors, back to where all my memories lay.

It’s really nice to walk out of the hospital with good news.

Yes. Yes it is.

We walked on.