It’s no secret that I want a third baby, that I’ve wanted a third baby since Isaac was a baby still. It’s also no secret that in that time, I’ve not been pregnant, despite no birth control.
My children are flukes. Conceived within a month of coming off the pill, both of them (with Amy because I was sick of being unwell, so stopped the pill, with Isaac because I’d bled for 6 weeks and they popped me on the pill to stop the bleeding) and we managed to time everything perfectly. Long time readers know this already.
Of course, it wasn’t until earlier this year that we discovered I have PCOS, which is why the pill actually helped with the conception (go figure, also, fuck you to the Gyn who suggested there was nothing wrong with me, it was all in my head* and there was NOTHING SUSPICIOUS about my conception history), but never mind that. Also suspected: Endometriosis, but we haven’t done a laproscopy to confirm, because of the Ehlers Danlos and unecessary operations thing. Go home and suck it up, buttercup.
I’m not sure what my chances of conceiving naturally are. I’m not sure I want to ask anyone, because numbers obsess me and the last thing my brain needs right now are more obsessions. I know that conceiving Isaac took 16 months of TTC and tears. I used to have a TTC category even, but it got amalgamated in a blog redesign.
All of this is to say, I just went through my two week wait. My two week wait that actually lasted 45 days, forty five very long days, with untold negative pregnancy tests and lots of complaining. What normal person has a 60 day cycle?
I DO.
APPARENTLY.
It doesn’t change the fact that I want another baby. It just changes the fact that the chances of me conceiving one naturally are pretty slim.
This is where my gynecologist comes in.
Conceiving another baby should always come with a side of ultrasound wands and ovary stimulating hormones.
I’ve got an appointment on the 5th of October. The idea is to get a script for Clomid and then see what happens.
I ummed and ahhhed over telling you this, Internet. You see, you tend to have opinions about people having babies and when they should have them and how many they should have and how they should definitely not have any more children once they’re past the point where YOU deem that YOU would stop.
(It’s just SELFISH, is what it is, these people daring to have BABIES in a way that I don’t think is APPROPRIATE.)
(Let me stop you there, before my eyes implode and I call you names that I really shouldn’t.)
(Really, you need to stop having opinions about my life.)
But, Internet, you’re not me and I want another baby.
Having a broken reproductive system doesn’t stop the wanting.
So I’m sharing this with you, because honestly, not sharing it has probably contributed to the insanity that I have been feeling lately. It seems that not writing things out is bad for my head. Whoa, newsflash.
Hopefully this ends up being easy. Hopefully the Universe smiles down upon us and grants us an easy pregnancy, with a happy smiling baby at the end.
Sure, it would be the only time the Universe has chosen not to fuck with us, but hey, a girl can live in hope.
*I think that there is something written on my forehead in ink that only doctors can read saying: Case too complicated, obviously is making it all up, send her home with NO HELP. ABORT MISSION. NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU NOW. But maybe I’m overreacting. I’ve got a lot of issues.
My 3 girls are all IVF babies……..so I hear you on the longing…………..
No 1 took 4 yrs………………….4 long years.
You need to do whatever you feel is right for YOU.many of us have your back.
I still want another one…………………sigh…………
You go girl…..
My babies are IVF babies too. Just a word of warning, infertility is not a topic one discusses lightly on blogs without one’s suit of armour on because everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY will have an opinion.
And Clomid made me batshit crazy. Nasty little sucker. Plan a massage or two through your cycle to keep you sane.
Best of luck
I wanted a gazillion more babies but it wasn’t to be, between miscarriages and a borked uterus growing fibroids instead of fetuses. Good luck, keep your legs skywards and fingers crossed everything connects xxx
See a chiropractor. I know it seems strange, but many of my colleagues have seen success with women with histories very similar to yours…PCOS, 60 day cycles, the whole nine… conceive successfully. If you’d like me to explain more, feel free to email back. It’s much less expensive and invasive than IVF… you’ve got nothing to lose.
http://icpa4kids.org/Find-a-Chiropractor/
Wishing you good vibes for successful baby making with or without the gynae and a beautiful baby at the end of it all.
Oh yeah, I know about idiot docs. Like the one who told me that I don’t have PCOS, I just need to lose weight. Or the one that told me that fat women only have babies because doctors can’t stop them. Or the one that told me I should be happy I only ovulate every few months – most women would kill to not have their period.
There’s a PCOS conference in Melbourne in a few weeks, run by POSAA. Check out the schedule at posaa.asn.au – it looks freakin’ awesome. Professor and I are going, so if you come I’ll sit next to you 🙂
I feel your pain. PCOS is a dreadful thing when you are trying to conceive, my husband and I are on our 27th pregnancy ( I think, I did stop counting after about the 20th miscarriage). We are in the extreme danger zone (week 6 – week 9), my gestational diabetes is messed up and I am trying to stall my excitement. We already have 3 beautiful children, but I’ve always wanted 4.
No one has the right to tell you how to conceive and when to stop. these are things that you and your partner alone can decide on
I have PCOS too. MissE was conceived on clomid. MissS was conceived after 2 miscarriages and masterh “just happened” I would like a 4th. But im terrified now i just wont get it. 3 angel babies 3 beautiful healthy babies. Goodluck with your journey. I hope it is easier than you expect. We are constantly told by strangers and family that 3 is enough and we shouldnt want anymore *sigh*
I hope you get your baby, sooner that later and I’m very glad you chose to share this xx
Well, you know we’re trying too… has been 9 cycles now. Frustrating isn’t even the word, especially when everything is a finely considered balance between how many years your children will ideally be apart in age, and especially when you’re the sort of person who normally can control most things… THIS thing, is something completely out of our control. And it’s terrifying.
My daughter was a pill-forgetting accident. I cannot believe that we were that lucky, looking back on it now, and with what I now know through countless forum chats with other LTTC’ers.
Time is marching on for me … I’m 36. It’s scary. I don’t know what else to say… but I’m there in that space with you, and sending you lots of love.
ps. This month was going to be our visit to the FS but for the other issues I’m having at the moment (see post). Thought I should sort that out first 🙂
Yay for babies. I have a serious case of baby lust and the good thing about my baby lust is that I will get a lovely new baby, sooner or later without having to do a damn thing, other that hold your hand and slap anyone that dares to upset you. xox
Sending positive vibes your way, V. Let’s hope the unvierse is listening. xx
You do what’s right for you! The number of kids you have is no one’s business and what’s right for you is right for you. Not them. One of my pet hates is people that judge you because of the size of your family and who think they know what’s best.
I hope you get your wish.
xx
Ahh yes, the broken reproductive system. Half of mine is missing so I have some ‘issues’. I look forward to hearing it was much easier than you thought and seeing a beautiful little bubba… and third children are awesome, I was a third 😛
Oh V, so crossing everything for you that it happens, and soon.
Not sure if we’ve really talked about this before, but I have PCOS too. It took me two years to have A… 10 months of that was with no cycle at all. Yep. (A side note – every new doctor would say, ‘gee you must have lost a heap of weight!’ because PCOS often affects overweight women – nope, just my body deciding to be broken randomly.)
I was on Metformin when I fell pregnant – it took me a year of gradually increasing the dose. Got to the maximum dose and the day before I was due to go back to the specialist to talk about the next step (not even sure what that was – my mind wouldn’t take me there) I had my first and only positive pregnancy test. Amazing.
We’ve been trying for number 2 for a while now, and I’m on Clomid (on the 4th cycle of that now and if I’m not pregnant by the end of this one he’s putting me back on Metformin). Major breakdown last week with another long cycle and negative tests, so I absolutely hear you on that.
I don’t usually get so personal in blog comments! but just wanted to let you know there’s hope. xx
I am all for any kind of assistance when it comes to wanting to grow your family, and I really wish you all the best in growing yours. Good on you for writing this out … I had no idea. And now I can silently cheer you from afar.
We do what we have to do.
There’s no ‘off’ switch for maternal instinct.
I have PCOS.
I have endeometreosis.
I FINALLy have a cycle, naturally for the first time ever without assistance – 42 days long (possibly minus ovulation, though!!).
My son was conceived on a break from fertility treatment, thanks to a naturopath from heaven.
Supplements galore, reflexology and a horrible diet (including 2 organic eggs every day – you’ve got that sorted!) broght us a real live Magoo to love.
That single blue line is mocking me again now!
I wish you lots of strength and the blessin you’re after.
🙂
I also know the pain of wanting babies desperately. I finally have my girl and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I officially start ivf today to freeze embryos for later. I couldn’t stand not having another one and I’m officially maternally old. I wish all the very best for you. Ttc is such a hard journey. Every woman deserves the children she wants.
I really hope that your dream comes true, sooner rather than later.
you do what it takes to have that third baby … OK? xxxtracey
More babies for people who want them? I say rock on with your bad self. Best of luck to you and your wonky parts.
Two IVF popsicles here. And after all that I’m back on the pill for PMDD(? a severe form of PMS). You would think infertility would at least get me out of birth control but yay for messed up hormones.
If it’s any consolation, I have two close people with PCOS who both conceived on clomid. So you might not have to go the whole way. Good luck with it, you know your family and what it needs.
Ooo sending lots of baby dust ur way.
oh and as for wonky cycles mine averages from 45 days to over 6 months (something to do with wonky thyroid). took ages to conceive Miss K.
think it’s awesome u want another – u will ROCK it!
Boy or girl?
Let me know, I’ll put an order in for you.
But maybe get pregnant after the wedding so that morning sickness doesn’t spoil the big day.
Best of luck on your journey to baby number 3. Whether it be baby 3 or baby 15 … that is YOUR choice to make and no one has the right to judge.
So…I warn you, opinionated MAN with an opinion about to comment…you have been warned!
ahem…I say “women who want babies should have babies that are wanted.” If we have medicine for migraine headaches, irritable bowels, and toenail fungus that no one gives a shit about anyone using; why the HELL would anyone object to using medicine to have a baby that is wanted and will be loved???
If anyone wants to complain about number of babies, baby making methods, or any other aspect of your baby decision process, just mark it as the trollish spam that it is. Secret hint: no one else here wants to read it either.
Ah babies . . . I say if you want another one go for it! It is none of my business how many kidlets you want. It is only my business how many I want . . . . and I am soooo done.
Good luck and hopefully it all works out in the very near future!
I am very sorry, PCOS is a horrible nasty bugger that not enough doctors know enough about! I feel your pain because I was diagnosed with it as well. It took years of clueless looks, poking, proding and claiming I had a thyriod problem to FINALLY find a doctor willing to do the hormone tests on me to see I had PCOS and too much testerone. I am on a long journey as well to get healthy enough to convince my body to want to ovulate after 7 long years of not conceiving. So I am sending you LOTS of baby wishes and LOTS of good thoughts. I am hoping to try chlomid in the next few months as well!!
Would adoption ever be an option for you?
Hi Nancy,
In an ideal world, I would happily adopt a baby. However, the criteria for adoption are harsh, it’s a long and time consuming process, filled with more red tape than most people imagine and it’s also very expensive.
i regularly have 50+ cycles thrown into the mix. i also have the womb of death [with multiple deaths to it’s name] and would give anything for just ONE baby.
i do hope you get your much longed for third baby and i hope it’s as easy as the first two “seemed” to be [they “sound” like they were easy AS ttc stories go 😛 – which i don’t say to diminish the pain of the 16mths it took to conceive Isaac, every month you’re not pregnant when trying TO be pregnant feels like a year rather than a month, i mean more in the sense of not needing any real medical intervention aside from the Pill to fall – which in itself can be frustrating because you then start to think “well why AREN’T i falling?”].
as for other peoples opinions on whether or not you should even try for a 3rd – is it their body? their life? no? then really, they have no right to feel ANY need to tell you whether you should try for a 3rd or not.
and i have to say, the comments were going so good – i finally thought, *yay* a ttc post with NO comments bringing up adoption – knew i spoke too soon…..
Good luck honey! I second what River says though… you don’t wanna have ta be sober on your wedding night!! 😉 xx
Me! I do! I have 60 day cycles! And no baby. Major suckage, friend. I’m sorry you’re in all that mess. *crossing fingers*
I get it. No judging over here 🙂 Good luck! All crossables are crossed .<)
Good luck on clomid. It is supposed to be pretty good with PCOS. And not everyone has bad side-effects. I didn’t. It didn’t work for me though. I didn’t have PCOS though. Diagnosed “unexplained infertility” but possibly some endometriosis and most likely age related. IVF did it for us with our first. There is always hope until ALL avenues are exhausted. Hang in there.
Once you want a baby, there is NOTHING that can change your mind. I believe that is something to do with the wiring in a woman’s brain. Call it ‘clucky’ but I think there is some science behind it.
There are so many miracles happening everyday, and the Universe owes you guys a miracle (Or two. Or eight. Or sixty three.) 😀
Good luck babe xxx
I followed the link in your comment at The Bloggess’s post about the towels and stickers. Because I just can’t resist another woman with a broken reproductive system, apparently. 🙂
I have PCOS too (60 day cycles were short ones for me), and you’re the first person I’ve ever heard about who also had an easier time conceiving because of birth control pills. Good to know it wasn’t all in my head! The pregnancy that finally stuck though, was thanks to Clomid and soy isoflavones in combination, because neither one worked on its own. I always like to share that because when the Clomid initially didn’t work for me, I got all kinds of messed up in the head: “Three miscarriages on the pill and now I can’t even trick my damn body into ovulating? WTF?!”
I hope baby #3 comes very soon for you, with a minimum of trouble.
Since I’ve never been pregnant at the same time as you and since I haven’t gone through all your archives yet, I am curious: Do you like being pregnant? I mean, everyone likes the end result, but are you one of those glow-y, non-pukey types?
Even if you are… can you write about the horrors of puking through your nose or something, at least once? Just for me?
No, I am not. I absolutely hate pregnancy, Isaac’s pregnancy was a nightmare, I bled through the whole thing and was still having vomiting episodes at full term, I had nearly three weeks of prelabour and my joints all fell apart.
I spent much of Amy’s pregnancy laid up in bed, only emerging to vomit and drape myself over the couch miserably. I weighed less giving birth with her, than I did pre-pregnant.
No, the end result is the entire point. Pregnancy is just what I have to suffer through to get there.
Wow that’s horrible I had no idea you’d been through all that Veronica. I hated pregnancy too (but it was the aftermath that nearly did me in… another story for another time) but it sounds like a holiday compared to that. So that’s how your joints got stuffed.
*hugs*
Good luck to you and your family, I hope the future brings you more blessings and unlimited happiness.
xo
I’m scared for when I want to try
I had secondary infertility before I had my son, my second child. For me, the answer was a laparoscopy ( I had endometriosis). It took me 3 YEARS to convince someone to take me seriously and not that, ‘surely it’ll happen soon’ and to actually be placed on a waiting list for surgery. It only took six weeks to fall pregnant after the surgery.
Will they consider you for surgery if they don’t find that you have PCOS?
If you want to talk about this via email, I’m more than willing to chat further with you about it.
I hope you get your wish, I know just how frustrating it is
Hey, you should do whatever you want and not care about what people think ! It’s your life and only you live it, feel it !!! We all have that magic number in our head with the number of kids that will make our family complete. 🙂 Just do whatever you have to do to try to have that baby . 😉 And stop listening to the internet : lots of people have too much time in their hands and don’t know what to do with it . Hugs ?
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