So, mice have soft fur….
…And I was thinking, since I am such a bloodthirsty killer, I could totally make a mouse skin blanket out of mice that I kill with my schwacker.
But, see, mice are dirty. So I would have to wash the skins first.
1 – Schwack a mouse. Maybe do some reflex training so that I am actually fast enough to schwack the mouse. So far my schwacker remains completely clean of mouse blood. So does my conscience.
2 – Keep the mouse comatose, but not dead. Give mouse a bath, along with shampoo to make it nice and clean.
3 – Carefully dry the comatose mouse (maybe I need some mouse chloroform to keep it asleep?) and fluff their fur appropriately.
4 – Sharpen my very good, very sharp boning knife. Sharpen it to really really really fucking sharp.
5 – Kill mouse humanely. Maybe with a hammer blow to the head. Very quick and as the mouse is asleep (see above for mouse chloroform), very humane.
6 – Cut mouse’s head off, trying (and I guess failing) to keep blood away from the fur. Make an incision along the stomach and back legs and using the knife carefully peel the skin off.
7 – Feed left over mouse bits to the cats. Hope that this will teach the cats to catch mice so that I don’t have to do it for them.
8 – Make sure the mouse skin is clean of flesh and carefully peg it out to dry (use drawing pins). Refer to handheld manual, ‘How To Dry Mouse Skins For Use As A Blanket’ (albeit a very small blanket. More of a mouse warning sign).
9 – Make sure skin stays nice and dry for the next few weeks.
10 – Repeat x150 to get enough skins to sew together.
11 – Make sure the remaining alive mice see the mouse-skin blanket at every opportunity. Taunt them with it until they fuck off forever.
Hopefully by about mouse #5, the cats will have gotten the idea and I won’t have to schwack so many of them. (The mice, not the cats) Maybe I will even recruit the cats to hand me dead, pre-washed (read: licked) mice for me to skin for them.
Oh the possibilities…