My Bathroom Really Needs a Lock

by Veronica on April 2, 2010

in Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Gotta Laugh

I was half way through my shower today, when I spotted my razor on the wall.

Hmmmm. I thought. I haven’t done any maintenance in a while. Maybe I ought to look into that.

Sure, my razor was a little blunt and I probably ought to buy a new head for it, but what the hell I figured, I’ll work carefully.

Just as I started, the bathroom door flew open and in crawled Isaac at the speed of light.

‘Hey-yo!’

Hmmmph. ‘Hello kid.’

‘Here-ya!’ He demanded, passing me a face washer from the floor.

‘Thankyou.’

Nathan followed him in shortly, smirking, and I glared at the both of them until they left.

Back to what I was doing, I was contorted in an awkward position when Amy raced in. I quickly changed to shaving my legs and she didn’t notice.

‘Hi kid. What do you want?’

‘I needa use the potty.’

‘Oh. Okay. Quickly then.’

She left and I went back to what I was doing.

Now, the upside of being bendy is that I can see bits of myself that you probably can’t, meaning that shaving is more sight-work and less guess-work.

The downside of being bendy is that my skin is so fragile, I have to be incredibly careful not to tear great chunks of skin out. Which, incidentally, I have done before, leaving a 4 inch long and inch wide gash down my shin. My shower looked like a scene from Psycho that day.

So, I’m contorted into an awkward position, again, half upside down and moving carefully. I wasn’t really prepared to see a mouse run under the washing machine. Luckily I didn’t start jumping up and down trying to schwack it while I was still contorted.

Heh.

As a side note, we bought new shampoo and conditioner yesterday. Apparently it has a ‘cooling’ action or something, anyway, I didn’t pick it out.

You can see where this is going.

No matter how careful I am, the fragility of my skin means I cut myself numerous times shaving anyway.

And we’ll add that to some distractions.

And ‘cooling action’ conditioner, still in my hair while I was shaving.

Yes.

Maybe it would have been pleasant for a hard core masochist. Me, not so much.

Laugh all you want, it will be your turn next time.

So for this Easter, I wish you undistracted showers, sharp razors and conditioner that doesn’t make your girly bits feel like you dunked them in mouthwash.

A basket full of eggs and a pleasant weekend would also be nice for everyone.

Fiona April 2, 2010 at 2:51 pm

heh. being rather blind in the shower and clumsy, I’ve made soem nice gashes over the years!

Sharon April 2, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Presumably you avoided the Psycho shower scene this time though…..Hope you get the chocolates, lots of them.

WackyLisa April 2, 2010 at 4:14 pm

I’m legally blind (by the US standards) and have EDS thus I’ve had some amazing shaving injuries. I will admit to being a bit of a masochist but even I sad ‘Ow!’ out loud as I read this.
This is why I use a trimmer on my girly bits and an epilator on my legs. But I have torn skin with the epilator if I’m not careful.

I hope you have a peaceful weekend too

little Old me April 2, 2010 at 5:19 pm

All I can say is owwww

WarsawMommy April 2, 2010 at 5:46 pm

Yeah. Investing in a lock for the bathroom door – priceless. I LOVE mine!

Sharnee April 2, 2010 at 7:14 pm

Oh yeah, I once did the same kinda thing but with a hand that had previously been touching deep heat. WOWSERS. xx

Treacy April 2, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Oh my. I was cringing reading this.

Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo April 2, 2010 at 7:46 pm

and one day, you will be in the shower – a bathroom with a lock – and doing some maintenance and you will discover a pubic hair on your razor.

And it will not be yours.

Veronica April 2, 2010 at 8:09 pm

Sharnee – OUCH!

Kelley – I figure I’ve got at least another decade before we get to that point. But yeah, it’s gonne happen. Remind me to keep spare razors about!

Veronica April 2, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Sharon – No Psycho scene today :-)

river April 2, 2010 at 9:08 pm

Why not try one of those creams instead? You spread them on, leave for a few minutes then scrape off with the plastic paddle provided. No razor, no cuts. There’s newer creams that spread on then rinse off in the shower. Again, no cuts. Then again, razors are cheaper.

Marylin April 2, 2010 at 10:21 pm

Ouchies! I’m with river for the cream instead of cutting yourself – works well for me!

I love having a lock on the bathroom door… in fact tonight I intend on having a nice long bath with it unlocked cause there are no kidlets about to disturb me! :P

badness jones April 2, 2010 at 11:06 pm

I always use my husband’s shampoo as shaving cream – and he got me once with the cooling action shampoo too. I’m glad I’m not the only one it’s happened too, but I’m sorry it had to be you!

Veronica April 2, 2010 at 11:17 pm

River and Marylin – The cream does horrid things to my skin. It burns, even when it’s not left on long at all. Makes things hard!

Tanya April 2, 2010 at 11:23 pm

Hehe. I did have a giggle. The only time I’ve been anal about shaving is when I was pregnant, which was the hardest. I kept imagining the midwives saying, ‘Uh…does she know what a razor is?’ So I was laying back in the bath shaving everyday. What a waste of time.

Becky April 3, 2010 at 12:19 am

Yeah, so TMI, but I got this bit of advice from a dirty, dirty manwhore one time, and it actually turned out to be true: Did you know you can use a beard trimmer down there? You can— you use a beard trimmer, which gives it a very nice, neat, well-manicured appearance while cutting down on the possibilities of accidentally cutting off the critter. Then you only have to use a razor to “keep it between the lines”. The thing that’s neat about that method is that it DOESN’T ITCH OR GET ALL STUBBLY FEELING as it grows out! It’s soft when it’s trimmed, and it stays soft as it grows out!

I would have posted this on my blog the day I tried it out and found out his advice was true (and probably effectively scared away any male readers that I have), but the Bean reads my blog. And we only have one beard-trimmer in the house, so…. yeah. I don’t think he’d be pleased to find out about its alternate usage, no matter how thoroughly I clean it afterward.

Libby April 3, 2010 at 12:51 am

Why does anyone need “cooling action” on their heads? That just sounds like trickery to hurt someone.

You should sue.

Kristin April 3, 2010 at 1:41 am

Ack, fall is here, go natural. And yes, locks on bathroom doors are good. We have one and I do use it, much to my children’s consternation.

Kristy April 3, 2010 at 7:43 am

My bathroom doesn’t even have a door! (Only a little room for the toilet, so the shower is pretty much just out in the open.) Yes, I have gotten very used to being shower watched. Careful with that razor! Geesh!

achelois April 3, 2010 at 12:27 pm

We can’t have a lock because of those in the house with epilepsy. I can’t use ‘that’ cream either the burn oh the burn. I am lucky as so unhairy I only need to shave my legs rarely. Middle aged now I have become lazy about the other places. That;s probably why spouse is asleep and snoring and I am awake blogging! I must try harder so don’t be surprised if I don’t blog for a while it will be because I have gone and had a brazilian……

Treat yourself Veronica to an expensive razor with lubricant. A girly pink one.

I bet the spouse just let the crawler in first to get a glimpse of you in the buff.

The girl child is drawn in by the need to learn where you keep your razor for in the years to come rest assured no beauty product will ever be yours alone. Fast forward to the teenage years and she’ll think she owns the bathroom and you’ll be putting a lock on the outside of the door with a key around your neck! In an attempt to reclaim the space.

There’s a bit of me that wonders why we women shave our girly bits at all, nature has its reasons. I get images in my mind of cavewomen laughing for some reason. If you have EDS do not wax it away, when the strip thingies are pulled off the skin comes off too leaving lasting trauma.

Sounds like the conditioner would make good dog shampoo. I can’t have anything in the bath with the word ‘invigorating’ on the product. An experience with an invigorating product in the bath with ingredients involving mixtures of tea tree, peppermint and lemon left me buzzing for days. Give me almond oil, coconut and musk and I am a very happy bunny. In saying that I really don’t like anything peachy or apply in the bath, even typing that makes me cringe.

With my EDSey skin before attempting any type of razor torture I really go over the top with pure coconut oil any hint of dryness and my skin tears . I could never shave my head as I;m sure my brain would fall out.

When the children were little I would on occasion visit my mother or a childless friend and languish in their bath, my guilty pleasure. Claiming to spouse left with children that I was needed urgently.

Long post Veronica, thank god for blogging I know you get it when I go on too long its because the EDS is kicking me where it hurts.

Dreams do come true and one day you shall have an ensuite, just for you.

I hope the Eater Bunny visits and leaves much chocolate.

Mrs. C April 3, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Aren’t you supposed to mention FERRERO ROCHER at the end of the post instead of the basket of eggs? Do you still get cash if you edit the chocolate IN to the post?

Feel better soon, hon.

risingrainbow April 3, 2010 at 1:48 pm

Sounds to me like you need a good lock on your door , if not for privacy, for safety. Glad you didn’t do any irreparable harm.

tiff April 3, 2010 at 3:09 pm

I have a lock on my door but the kids all know how to unlock it from the other side.
Rotten, it is and I am the first one shouted out of the bathroom if i invade their privacy. What’s more is that David uses my shower time to corner me into conversations about things I don’t want to discuss.

I really hope you get a nice quiet shower and that you feel better soon and that your scalp looses the cooling zing soon.

Dr Mim April 3, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Ferraro Rocher Ferraro Rocher Ferraro Rocher….I want royalties V :):)

Had to laugh at the razor post…I’m very blind, wear glasses (funky ones) and take my life and the health of my va-jay-jay in my hands every time I get near myself with a razor or shaving implement.

Dr Mim April 3, 2010 at 8:13 pm

HA! @ Becky I use my husband’s beard trimmer all the time!!!! He knows….he doesn’t mind…LOL LOL

Joyce-Anne April 4, 2010 at 7:07 am

I avoid shaving my legs as often as possible. But, with the northern hemispbere warming up this will change. Yuck.

Jayne April 4, 2010 at 9:34 am

With my dodgy eyesight I’ve given myself some interesting artwork with the razor but whoa! Wincing in sympathy for the ‘cooling’ action…almost bringing tears to my eyes for you!

ExMi April 5, 2010 at 2:26 am

i cant decide which is worse – cutting yourself shaving or getting waxed. either way, i had enough of option 1 and have now chosen option 2.

although this does remind me of a story my bff in university told me – she cut an entire chunk out of her clitor*s once while shaving down there….not cool, right?

anne nahm April 5, 2010 at 6:02 am

i lolled!

statia April 6, 2010 at 8:21 am

This is why I have a resident under carriage shaver.

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