I got such a good response from my last Vibrator post (that I completely forgot to link to until now), I decided to do a little bit more googling for you, my loyal (and hopefully easily amused) readers.
This is a lovely glass dildo (heh, hello googlers!). See how it is so pretty and stuff? The website says (and I quote)
To take art to another level, this dildo can emit a sensationally beautiful color display. Just turn the little silver dial at the bottom clockwise to begin the display. It will rotate different shades of blue and red hues.
Okay, I’m curious. Why, if I am busily enjoying myself, would I need a colour display? Maybe so I could read porn by battery light? No, that can’t be it.
I just don’t get it. I really can’t see anyone leaving the dildo out on the mantle piece during a dinner party as a talking point. (Or maybe you would? Depends on the type of guests you have over I guess).
Maybe it is simply for the viewing pleasure of your spouse.
This pretty purple one can be mounted to a wall, table, floor you know, any flat surface [dare I say it? The washing machine]. One wonders what would happen if you tried to use it in the shower. Is the suction cup strong enough to hold up in wet conditions? Or would you end up sliding down the wall until your knees hurt.
I wonder is all. That’s not so wrong.
Look! I found a Make Your Own dildo kit. Nathan maintains that it looks like a Kentucky Fried Chicken meal. ‘Pick any 5 accessories! Choose your own toy! Build a meal!’.
Yes. I know that I am tacky. Shush in the back please.
I find all kinds of things on the website I am shamelessly stealing the photos from perusing.
Like this next one.
The fist! and it’s counterpart The hand.
Yes, these are the size of an average mans hand. Yes, they are indeed made of latex and as far as I can tell, no, they don’t vibrate.
I have one word.
Ouch!
However some people like this, so I am not going to knock you. Just, I don’t think it is for me.
Moving right along.
For the tech savvy of us there is the Ipod Vibe.
The website says Gives ‘feel the beat’ a whole new meaning with the OhMiBod vibrator. It combines the ideas of two things we enjoy — good music and good sex. When connected to your iPod or other favorite MP3 player, the OhMiBod pulsates a slim vibrator to the beat of the song(s) that you’re currently listening to. Putting the player on random could result in a great mix of rhythm, beats and vibrations.
Interesting. I wonder if Metallica would be as fun to masturbate to as it is to clean to. Or sing to. Heh, I am such a housewife.
Or this one? This one turns your entire hand into a sex toy. I wonder what it does to your wrist? Repetitive Strain Injury here I come! I know that if I let my fingertips vibrate (in a completely non-sexual way you dirty pervs) for too long they go numb. Would that be a good thing? Or a bad thing.
Hmmmmmm.
This is a rabbit with a difference. Or at least it looks different with all those sticky out bits.
Even more different, it ejeculates, apparently you can unscrew the base and fill it full of water.
Wouldn’t that end up messy? Because last time I checked sperm is slightly more viscous than water. Hey! At least it wouldn’t stain the sheets, right?
Right?
Heh.
You KNOW you enjoyed this. Everyone needs sex toys to spice things up sometimes.
EVERYONE.
Yes, even you there. Stop shaking your head at me, if you read this far then you enjoyed it and don’t tell me you didn’t. I wouldn’t believe you anyway.
To everyone else, I hope you appreciate that I went all quality control on your ass and didn’t use photos with naked models in them. You really didn’t want to see the photos of the penis extenders. Or the nipple clamps.
All photos courtesy (okay, not courtesy of. I totally stole them) extremerestraints.com No, don’t knock them because of their name. They have good stuff.
{ 40 comments }
I keep thinking things like “How do you keep them hygenic”
I think keeping one’s nails clipped is wise for more than typing.
witchypoo’s last blog post..More Perverse Parenting
I object….
…to the use of the word spouse.
Some of us like to enjoy such technology with delivery persons, neighbours, jehovas witnesses, local clergy or even just random shoppers.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Should I be worried…
oh AND…
reading witchypoos comment, the Dutch don’t waste ANYTHING.
So they will sell off any old things they have, cards supermarket, internet market sites, stalls, anywhere.
you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a woman trying to flog you a 2nd hand dildo.
’80,000 miles, 1 female owner’
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Should I be worried…
Not being a woman, some of that stuff is a little beyond me – however, I will file some of it away in the mental file so when gift-giving season
cumscomes around I’ll have an idea or two for certain people I know. That said, I will never, EVER, hear a washing machine running through the spin cycle again without my mind taking a little swing through some vivid imagination.Lou’s last blog post..Word For Wednesday is frosted
OMG the hands…. THE HANDS!!!
and that sure puts new meaning to the iPod Touch
almost pissed myself at the washing machine comment!
Marylin’s last blog post..13 things that give me a headache.
I am very impressed by the ipod vibrator. Its sort of artsy, savy and dirty all at the same time. Impresive.
Suzie’s last blog post..The Adventure of Insane Mommy Part 2
First time here…laughing my ass off. You are brilliant
.
And the reason I came? I could see one side of a twitter conversation and I could not resist. I sooo needed this
Kendra’s last blog post..Pink Crocs
omg…I am in love! Will you marry me woman and have my babies! hahahahahaha
Deeg’s last blog post..Im Only Raising A Person Afrerall…
Oh. My. Goodness.
Jill S.’s last blog post..The Making Of
I love your public service announcements…blogging the best of the best and saving us from having to explain those internet histories. (Some of us have children who notice stuff like dildo in the google box…)
julie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen…
Oh sweety I nearly wet myself laughing at this little image…
[Or would you end up sliding down the wall until your knees hurt]
Thanks for a great start to the day..
xxx mum
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Yay!! (I think??)
haha..
Taz’s last blog post..24 weeks old
heheee!!
Having a good giggle imagining whipping the glass dildo out as a centrepiece at a fancy dinner party.
Those hands freak me out :S :S
The rabbit kind of scares me too
Thank you for a very educational and amusing post
Dee’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Joy
I love that you post this even though you’re mom reads! That means you are both super cool.
Who in the world would want a vibrator that ejaculates? Isn’t that one of the nice things about a vibrator, that it doesn’t?
You should check out the Hitachi Magic Wand, changed my world forever!
Lori’s last blog post..THE Plan
(people are currently fanning my passed out person.)
Oh, The Joys’s last blog post..Mother Groove
Kentucky Fried Chicken. There is so much wrong about that.
Ree’s last blog post..I Haven’t Closed a Bar
You crack me up. I don’t think that I would want any of those…definitely not with the one with the spikey things. OUCH!!!!
Toni’s last blog post..The circle….
Wow. Hilarious, and very brave! I wish I had the guts. I was thinking today of a post about my libido, which usually whispers in my ear but today jumped up and ran around the house screaming…but then realized I couldn’t post it, because I have too many relatives who read my blog and who would probably have a heart attack after reading even that VERY TAME statement…Thus I must be satisfied with vibrator-post-goodness over here. Whee!
SusanB’s last blog post..A Good Day
You need a visual display so that you can really shoot rainbows and moonbeams out your vagina! lmao
Bettina’s last blog post..The Race.
Bahahahaha… sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
And while I’m getting my groove on it lights up my life.
Instead of water, use drinking yoghurt… just a tip.
Anja’s last blog post..What next? A foetus in a thong?
Now what I need to know is how much they charge to ship to Australia??
Actually – I just had to put a ‘not in front of your children warning’ on my link to you in my post.. ROFL.. I reckon that is awesome!
katef’s last blog post..Seuss-love
So, I used to work at a sex shop (for about 1 week) and I have to admit the ejaculating one and the IPOD one are totally new to me!
Wow, good post… Now does using a vibrator cause any potential problems with implantation? I guess if you shove it way up through your cervix huh? Random thought..
talina’s last blog post..Let the madness begin!
Veronica, you are awesome.
Leslie’s last blog post..The Girl Who Cried Labor
Like you I’m also wondering why anyone would need a pretty light display. The suction cup looks interesting but it would have to have some pretty powerful suction. And witchypoo? They’re washable.
The iPod one is curiously appealing…….!
Cat’s last blog post..Freezer Meals
Anja – yuck, drinking yoghurt? Yuck!
Hmmm, spikey – ow, musical – too many different styles on my ipod, could be quite startling. The suction one though – interesting thought. As for the glass one, use it as a centre piece at your next dinner party.
Barbara’s last blog post..102/366 – Mashed
All I keep thinking in my head is “Kentucky Fried Chicken made it all the way to Tasmania? What the hell is wrong with this world?”
Oh, and that hand… why does it appear to be a woman’s hand? If you’re going to go with a hand, at least make it a truck driver’s hand. Not one that looks like my mom’s hand…gives me the creeps.
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..Pet Peeve Thursday–The Tax Edition
Kentucky Fried Chicken Meal
BWAHAHAHA!
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Because I’m long-winded, even in Haiku. Geez.
ok……
interesting
I have never used a vibrator (or anything else)
note to self: must try everything at least once
thanks for being open as usual!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! Do you know what you are blogging about? What a dirty, dirty girl you are!!!
(Yay! More vibrators!!!)
missburrows’s last blog post..Cut your banana with a spoon
Bwaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!
I love it.
Gunfighters last blog post..A Question For The Men
What a great amount of information! I will be forwarding this to my awesome single sister who is into this kind of stuff!
I am interested in some of the vibrating panties to use while doing housework. I think I would get a lot or nothing done.
Connies last blog post..The Connie Diaries ~ September 1985
Ha! I knew iPods had accessories, but I never imagined this!
Great post.
Reluctant Housewifes last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Movement
Holy CRAP! That “rabbit with the sticky-out parts”? YIKES!
You re right. This was educational. You should consider rerunning this in another month or so to help people out with their Christmas shopping ideas.
Debbies last blog post..Do you think Milton Bradley was aware of this side-effect?
I remember reading this. I think I was too speechless to comment at the time! hahahaha.
I don’t know what I love better. The fact that you wrote this or your MOM’s comment! Love you both!
Thanks for linking!
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvanas last blog post..An issue of space
Well Hi There, nice to meet you too!
What a first post to read at your site! That ipod thing is hilarious! Who knew?
Valarie Leas last blog post..Flashback
I’m curious about the light up glass dildo. Do you think you could see it lit up inside you, like when you put a light to your finger? Maybe that’s why it lights up, you can have a light show while enjoying yourself!
Man, I was so totally gypped, my ipod doesn’t do that. Not even the video one or the touch. bwahahahahaha.
Great post, really glad I found you thanks to June Cleaver’s Nirvana, I got a great laugh.
You know I’ll not rest til I know what the freaking lights are for.
Dddivas last blog post..Win a boxful of cash!
Wow – I am speechless.
Amused, entertained, but speechless.
This was hilarious!
Eternal Sunshines last blog post..It’s Not You, It’s Me
Comments on this entry are closed.
{ 3 trackbacks }