Sleepless Nights

Month: February 2009

Strung Out

I awoke early this morning with Isaac snoozing soundly – still at my breast and a crick in my neck from where I had been sleeping sitting up all night. It wasn’t yet dawn, so I wiggled him over to his side of the bed and swaddled him, before arranging my pillows and attempting to fall back asleep.

A minute later, my soundly snoozing boy was wide awake, well aware that he had been moved and he was more than willing to let me know how unhappy he was at this fact.

And this is how my days and nights go.

Isaac is more than happy to sleep, just provided that he is sleeping on my chest or breast without interruption from me or anyone else. Woe is Isaac if I try and put him down for just a moment to do anything minor in his eyes, like pee or eat. Unfortunately for Isaac, using the toilet and eating are kind of neccessary to my survival and therefore, his.

It would maybe be easier to be a human pillow all the time if there was another human pillow that Isaac would be content to swap me with. Say, maybe the other human who helped give him life. But no, apparently I am the only one who will do. Some days I would be more than happy to stagnate on the couch, with nothing more to do than change nappies, breathe in the smell of a warm baby and breastfeed, but there are two other people in this house, plus me and things need doing. Which, yet again apparently only I can do.

So, this morning I awoke with a baby on my chest and after trying to move him, 10 minutes later he was back on my chest and fast asleep while I made the best of it and dozed myself. I’m tired, I’m strung out, my breast is still sore and there are these two short people who need every ounce of me that I have to give.

No matter that they have another parent. A PERFECTLY GOOD other parent, who has changed his working hours in order to be home nearly all day every day, who gets a PERFECTLY GOOD amount of sleep each night and should in theory be PERFECTLY GOOD at changing nappies and giving cuddles and preparing sandwiches.

Heh.

I’m thankful it’s Sunday and Nathan doesn’t work today at all.

I’m thankful that I went into town with Nathan while he worked yesterday and managed to cope for 3 hours alone with both children – Amy in the stroller, Isaac in the sling, not a playground in sight and I didn’t go insane or lose Amy. God knows I needed to get out of my house. This SAHM thing would be a lot easier if the staying home part wasn’t exactly what we do every day.

***

I’m also feeling a little strung out, because the mother of our kittens disappeared 6 days ago. Hit by a car? Caught in a trap? Shot? We don’t know. We do know that her five kittens were much to young to be weaned, although we are trying to make the best of it.

Unfortunately we started with five kittens and are down to three today. Seven killed two by ‘playing’ too hard. Unfuckingfortunately she two she killed were two of the kittens who had mastered the eating of food and weren’t doing too badly at all.

I now have 3 kittens living in my bathtub [so they can’t make too much mess, they haven’t mastered cleaning themselves yet] hampering my showering and keeping me on tenterhooks as I keep them alive by the skin of their teeth. Yesterday I was hopeful that all three would survive, they were healthy and active and LOUD and not having too many issues with their eating.

This morning I am worried about two of them and wishing I had the equipment and the inclination to bottle feed them. There is something that goes against every bone in my body to be all ‘come what may’ and let them take their chances. Dammit, I don’t want to let them die, no matter how much easier that would be; for me now and in the long run.

Sigh.

February 15, 2009
Cheese and Rosemary Scones

Equipment –

Medium mixing bowl
A sharp knife and a butter knife (not shown)
Mixing spoons and cups
An oven tray, greased
A cheese grater

The Cast of Characters-

1 ½ cups of self raising flour
1 cup of grated cheese
1/3 cup butter
400ml (approx) milk
3 stalks rosemary
½ tspn salt

Preheat the oven to 220C (200C if using a fan forced oven) 430F

Place the flour and butter into a large mixing bowl together

Using only the tips of your fingers, rub the butter into the flour, until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs.

Strip the rosemary stalks by grasping firmly at the top and running your fingers down the stalk.

Chop the rosemary finely with a sharp knife.

And add to the flour mix, along with the grated cheese.

Stir through gently and then add around half the milk.

Grab a butter knife and using a cutting motion, mix the milk into the flour. You will probably need to add a little more milk, but don’t let the mixture get sloppy. You are looking for a dough consistency.

This is about half mixed. Remember if it is too dry you can add a little more milk, or if it is too wet you can add a little more flour. DON’T OVER WORK THE DOUGH! Or your scones will end up tough.

Turn the dough out onto a floured bench and using a rolling pin (or in my case a glass bottle) roll the dough out to be about an inch thick. Mine is a little thin.

Using a cutter, cut rounds out of your scone dough. I used a well floured glass to cut mine.

Grab the scraps and ball them all together.

Roll them out and cut more rounds. Make sure you use up all your scraps!

Place the scones onto a greased tray, making sure they are touching, even if this means you don’t use the whole tray. Brush them with a little bit of milk and put them in the oven for about 15 minutes, or until golden brown on top.

Serve warm with butter.

Enjoy!

February 15, 2009
Crispy Potato Wedges

Equipment –

A chopping board
An oven tray
A plastic bag
Measuring spoons (not shown)

The Cast of Characters –

5 medium sized potatoes, washed, but not peeled.
1 tablespoon flour
2 teaspoons of paprika
2 teaspoons of mixed herbs
1 teaspoon of all-purpose seasoning
1 teaspoon regular salt

Preheat the oven to 200C (390F) and grease your oven tray. Place all of the ingredients, except the potatoes into the plastic bag and shake to mix.

Chop your potatoes lengthwise into wedges.

Place your wedges into the plastic bag with the seasoning.

Shake well until the potatoes are completely coated in the mix.

Place the wedges onto the greased oven tray in a single layer.

Bake for 30-40 minutes, or until the potato is crunchy on the outside and soft throughout.

Enjoy!

February 15, 2009
Because I don’t have anything better

Due to a bout of mastitis and not much sleep, I am left with nothing more to share with you than photos. I’m getting better now, but I still can’t stand up for any longer than 2 minutes at a time. It’s day two on antibiotics so fingers crossed tomorrow is better.

Summer gives us good sunsets.

Unfortunately for Isaac, Daddy does not possess boobs. Pity really.

Isaac and his Great-Great-Grandmother.

Amy has a feather! LOOK DADDY! A FEATHER! So he rather obligingly snapped a photo of Amy holding it.

I like bumblebees. A lot. Actually, I like my camera a lot too.

Nan’s garden is full of flowers. You all know how much I like flowers. [Nan being my Great-Grandmother]

Thanks HONEY. Oh the pale, I have it.

Daddy and Isaac talking. I think. Who knows really?

See above. Good sunsets.

I could happily snap for hours at Nan’s.

Heh, it’s kind of like Weekly Winners – only not.

February 13, 2009
Wakeful Baby

Wakeful baby. Is wakeful.

It’s 11.35pm and I am awake with Isaac.

[Updated: it is now 12.09am and he has successfully nommed himself to sleep. Think of me as I move us both from the loungeroom to bed]

Now if I was more together, this post would be coupled with a photo, but cut me some slack. I just went to change Isaac’s nappy and I am so tired I forgot HOW to change him, half way through the change. In fact, I think I may have forgotten that I was changing him at all. I don’t quite remember now. I know that I eventually remembered what I was doing and his little bum is now all parceled back up.

And boobs! He wants BOOBS, RIGHT NOW plskthnx.

Couple this with the flailing and the om nom nomming and the wiggling and the snuffling and oh god did I mention the flailing?

He’s a good baby though, especially of a daytime when other people can see him. He naps like a champion – in my arms – my naked boob right in front of his mouth just in case he needs a little more. He is content for whole minutes at a time, so long as he is Up! And looking about! And being talked to! Less content if he is down in his bouncer at ankle level. I can only imagine that the fun things to look at do not reside at ankle level.

He doesn’t cry much either, but then he is only 3 weeks old and if I recall, it took Amy about 5 weeks to find her voice. Some days I wish she would lose it again.

And the best bit? He stays mostly asleep overnight, waking only to feed. He is however, the noisiest, fussiest sleeper I have ever seen. He snores, he fusses, he snuffles and growls. He also seems to need the tip of my little finger in his mouth all night.

I am still trying to work out what is better; a pink and wrinkled little finger that has been sucked on for hours, or a soggy nipple that has had the same thing happen to it.

Needless to say, I’m not exactly sleeping lately.

To be honest, it’s not exactly the easiest time to be dealing with constant breastfeeding and entirely sleepless nights (although, it does mean my blog name is good for a little while yet). Nan’s tumour has grown. Lots. And faster than we expected too. After the great news in November that it had shrunk so much, it’s now back and spreading.

Not content to do what most cancer does though, her cancer has spread to her heart. Not something we were expecting. If it had of spread, the liver ‘should’ have been it’s next port of call. Funnily enough, her liver is clear and healthy. Heh.

The crappiest bit though? Yeah, there isn’t anything left that they can do. Chemotherapy will just make her sicker – and the radiation that she had before isn’t an option anymore. (She developed Radiation Pneumonitis from the last lot, therefore, no more.)

It’s shit. Actually, it fucking sucks. It all fucking sucks.

The doctors are saying three to six months. Knowing Nan, we are counting on twelve. Still not enough. No where near enough.

It’s not meant to be like this.

***

Also, does anyone know how to get lanolin based nappy cream out of toddler hair? I have shampoo’d it once, but then Amy tipped the entire bottle of shampoo into the bath water and etc etc, so I didn’t get around to shampooing it a second time. She had a severe case of naughty today. Sigh.

Will try and shampoo it again in the morning.

***

Finally, remember that Nan reads my blog, so keep that in mind when you are commenting. She might just decide to growl at anyone that gets too morbid.

February 8, 2009