It has been 52 hours since I last breastfed Amy.
We didn’t plan it this way, but this is how it is happening. After a busy day yesterday, I found myself at 5pm without having fed Amy.
So I let it go.
When she asked for boobs shortly after that, I distracted her. Just to see if we could go a whole day without a feed.
All day yesterday and all day today. No feeds.
Amy tries to pull up my top and pats my chest saying ‘Boobies? Please?’
I tell her my boobies have no milk left.
She cries a little and snuggles in deep to my chest. Strokes my neck and then puts her hand into my top to assure herself that I am still Mummy. That my boobs are still there.
It is breaking my heart.
I know that if I don’t take this chance and run with it, we won’t be weaning anytime soon and while I am happy to keep breastfeeding, I really want to conceive and weaning is the only thing we haven’t done yet.
I am sad. And worried.
What happens if she gets sick? How am I supposed to deal with it without boobs? Boobs make everything better.
But sad mostly.
For my little girl who is growing up so fast. Who soon, won’t need ‘Mummy boobies!’ when she is tired or hurt or sick.
I am missing my baby.
—
I haven’t fed, or expressed since about 5pm on April 3rd. I have no idea what exactly I am doing or even if I really want to do this. Most people have a plan and drop one feed every few days. Me? I’m sailing by the seat of my pants and hoping to god this doesn’t blow up in my face.
So I am sitting here with porn star sized boobs (okay, so they are a little saggier than porn stars boobs) and a heat pack on my chest. Great look, you should try it some time.
Honest.
Good for you, friend. Really.
Pretty soon, she will learn that it was not boobies that made everything better, but YOU that makes the sun shine in her little eyes. Trust your training of her up till now to have created a little girl who can find comfort in a myriad of ways, because you’re such a great mom and have given her a wealth of resources of love.
This is s a really big step, but you guys will come through it stronger.
jessica’s last blog post..Try them out Thursday! 4.3.08
aww hun..
i hope it all goes ok for you..
i know it would be hard..
little Maddison now holds her bottles for feeds its great..
hugs..
am here if ya need an ear.. 🙂
Taz’s last blog post..23 Weeks Old
Sweetie, totally understandable, you are mourning a stage in her life. But it won’t be long and she will forget all about boobies and and want a vodka… LMAO
Kelley’s last blog post..Hmmm…. Dr Phil, super hero?
Wouldn’t it be a pissah to find out that boobie milk is what gave her such whirlwind energy?
witchypoo’s last blog post..Hamburger College
(((hugs)))to you. My Sweetheart..
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..The flame from my woodheater..
Veronica, this is a very tough time. Especially when you’re making the decision for her, and it’s not because you don’t want to. I had to wean little G before we were quite ready, and it was heartbreaking. But like others have said, it will be a short period in time, she will get over it indeed. She is getting to be such a big, pretty little girl now!
But you will get through it. And hopefully as a result, you will have a another lucky baby soon to snuggle your porn star boobs!
Hugs to you.
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Fashion Friday: Marathon of Dance
Oh Veronica, I’m so sorry. Weaning is often times much harder for mommies than it is for anyone. Losing that special one-on-one time can he hearbreaking. I struggled with this last year when we weaned, and I think I cried every day for a week (also because my boobs were killing me). Make sure to give extra hugs and kisses as you both transition. I promise it will get better soon, and hopefully you will all have a new family member. Big *Hugs* to you and Amy.
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..Looking Inside Out
Bless you. It’ll work out in the end. Tears maybe necessary and help.
HRH’s last blog post..Open oven, Insert Holly’s head…
Aww Veronica, huge ((hugs)) for you. I can only imagine how this feels for you, Amy will still love you and need you even without the boobies! You will always be the person she comes to because you’re her MUM not her boobies 😉
Marylin’s last blog post..Too Kute!
One: My apologies for neglecting you lately. Yes, I suck.
Two: When I weaned, I just stopped nursing. It worked fine (for me, physically, you know, yo just cold STOP). My babes took another few days.
Three: I am betting you should be welcoming a new little one maybe for Valentine’s Day? 🙂
Mr Lady’s last blog post..100 Words : Hidden
Porn star sized boobs? Really. How about doin’ a Lotus and giving us a shot of ‘The Rack’? I mean, for posterity. You know. So that someday, when you complain about how saggy and deflated your boobs have become, we’ll all have something we can refer back to – and know what used to be – and we’ll be able to sympathize.
lceel’s last blog post..No Haiku Friday
Oh, wow! That is a big change. Exciting but scary, I’m sure, like the rest of life. 😉
Hugs to you and Amy both, and I hope everything goes great. It is SO hard to see how fast our children grow up!
SusanB’s last blog post..Silly Sleepy Goose
Oh, you have just described ME and my weaning. I have no idea if I’m doing it correctly, and I really don’t care. We are down to 1 feeding, only at night. He is so distraught in the morning, patting my chest, putting his hand on my boobies, making sure they’re still there. Looking at me with those sad little eyes. Breaking my heart into Little. Pieces. Because when he’s sick, or hurt, or sad… the boobies fix it all. But I have to. Really. I have to.
Good luck to you. I feel your pain.
Hyphen Mama’s last blog post..There’s Something to be Said About Not Speaking
When she hurts she needs you, not boobies. It’ll be ok – give her lots of hugs and kisses and she’ll get there.
Barbara’s last blog post..96/366 – Man and Boy
Soon enough with all that space to play in and Seven & the kitties, Amy will be so busy the boobies will be forgotten, or at least a distant pleasant memory. Cuddles and stories work just as well for comfort.
I was coming here yesterday but my internet connection dropped out and I couldn’t get back on ALL NIGHT! Today I’m visiting my daughter who doesn’t have a phone line so I won’t be back again till tomorrow.
Having never breast fed, I can’t give you any advice – but I can give you hugs. {{hugs}} and tell you that boobs or no boobs, you’re mom. and Mom’s make everything better.
Ree’s last blog post..Finally
It is a sad time. No need to apologise – certainly not to me, anyway.
Karen (miscmum)’s last blog post..Been there, done that
I think now is a good time – hard as it is.
By the time Bub #2 comes along Amy should have forgotten all about boobies and it will help with any jealousy that might crop up over new baby.
G
xx
Myst’s last blog post..When you’re hot – you’re hot!!!
CABBAGE LEAVES! Get some plain old cabbage leaves and stick them in your bra. It will help, I PROMISE!
You can also try sudafed (or psufederine (sp?)) to help dry you up. Take sage or eat foods with lots of sage in them. You might want to hand express just a bit to move the milk. Stopping this quickly can give you mastitis pretty quickly. Just move the milk a little with basic hand expression – just until you relieve the pressure a little, but you will still feel full.
Good luck, Veronica. I can’t imagine how hard this must be, but I was JUST TONIGHT thinking that Colin and I might venture down the same path soon.
Tara’s last blog post..Floating around in space
I’m flying into a territory that I personally haven’t experienced, but a thought did race through my mind as I read your words.
For your body to be able to welcome new life, Amy needs to move forward and so do you.
But damn, this has to be hard for you. Boobie time is such a bonding thing between mother and child. Gentle hugs to you, honey. Although, I think that before long there will be another little person needing boobie time. Just a feeling I have. *winks*
Anja’s last blog post..Update and rant.
Doing it without a forced plan sounds like just the right thing to me! And I think Barbara is right! Cuddles and lovies will soon replace that, and will be all she needs. Good luck, darlin!
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I like to kill 2 birds with one stone.
Aw, I remember the pain (physical AND mental) of weening all three kids. Hugs.
Jill S.’s last blog post..Dear Manuscript,
oh my big step here… I did not breast feed my babies wish I would have now but I didn’t. Good luck and know that this will NOT be the last fly by the seat of your pants deal in her life.
just a mom’s last blog post..DAY 94,,,, SSSSOOOOO IT IS THE WEEKEND HUH,,,,,
Aww. It is a very grown up step. You’re smart to go with it, I think. I’ve sailed by the seat of my pants for most of the last 2 years, and we’re doing okay… The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, as its been said… mama’s raised baby’s long before there were ever a million books on the subject to confuse us, and I think your instinct is your best guide.
Mine hasn’t had boobs for comfort when he’s been sick or hurt, and you just get by with hugs and kisses… or you’ll find something that works for her.
Kat’s last blog post..Friends.
Being very male here now, so don’t shoot… but that’s a magic photograph.
…and good luck, with the other, er, stuff.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Ignorance & Bliss
I think you took advantage of a very perfect moment. Once things are settled (and your boobs don’t hurt so much) you’ll see that a hug and a snuggle can be just as comforting as anything else. Good luck!
No photos of you and your ice pack? He, he…
Anyway, it’s good that you are weaning her now you can try for another baby after your body gets back on track! Best of luck – Oh, I love the black and white of her, she is gorgeous!
talina’s last blog post..The space men stole our hotel!
If your gut is telling you the time is now, I’d go for it. It sounds as if this is a good opportunity to wean. It’s hard, though. I stopped breastfeeding Julia when she turned three. She was old enough that we were able to talk about it and agree that it was time. We just quit cold turkey. It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do. And less than two months after that, I got pregnant.
Lots of luck to you and Amy!
Leslie’s last blog post..For Those About To Pretend To Rock, I Salute You
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