An Indoor Pond

You know how when you are looking for one thing, you inevitably find another? Well…

Yesterday I was in the shower and Nathan came rushing in telling me we had a problem.

‘We have MICE!’

‘How do you know?’

‘I saw one. Der.’

‘Oh okay. Ummm, let the cats inside then and we will buy some traps when we go out.’

‘Uh huh.’

Bear in mind I was trying to wash my hair while we had this conversation.

Little did we know that mice were going to be the least of our worries. Heh.

Soon after I got out of the shower, we had a good look at where the mouse had disappeared.

Nathan pulled back the lino in the dining room and peered into the mouse swallowing gap. Nothing. He pulled back the lino further and discovered! a board. Not just any board though, it was a board covering A HOLE. In my floor. Where someone had put their foot through the floorboards and never bothered to patch it up.

Wait though, it gets better.

Guess what we found in the hole? Go on, guess.

Water!

So you know, when Mum said that walking through my house (with it’s slightly uneven floors) was like being at sea, she wasn’t far wrong.

Thanks Mum.

Sooooooo, after my parents showed up (Mum armed with a container of tadpoles, just in case we couldn’t fix it), we set to work pulling up part of the floor and digging a drain to let the water out.

It was muddy and messy and did I mention the mud?

Oh god, the mud.

The water turned out to be grey water that was flooding back under the house because the drain was built by a fucking moron built exactly level with the house and EVERYONE knows that water won’t run up hill.

You know, this might explains the slightly musty smell that we couldn’t get rid of.

Heh.

I did suggest to Nathan that we just pull the entire floor out, plant reeds, let some frogs go and call it an ‘Indoor Outdoor’ area. I really wanted to watch frogs while sitting inside.

Sniff.

(I may very possibly be more my mothers daughter than I think.)

But anyway, we dug a drain and let the water out. The really muddy part came when the drain filled up and had to be emptied with buckets, so that MORE water could come out.

And then more water.

Is it bad that I could carry on a conversation with Nathan and Dad while I was outside and they were inside? I have to growl at Dad publicly for throwing bits of rubble through the hole at me.

Thanks Dad.

So I have come to the conclusion that whoever built the house was an idiot, because honestly, who digs a house shaped hole, lays flagstones (Yes, I said FLAGSTONES, not concrete or footings) and then puts a house exactly level with the yard.

I mean, honestly?!

This is AFTER I rinsed my hands. Thank god I don’t keep my fingernails long.

And mud is good for the skin, right?

Anyway, we now need to concrete the entire dining room, very soon. You know, before the floor collapses from dry rot and we drown.

The aftermath outside. See? An inside pond with reeds and frogs wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.

At least until I discovered frogs in my socks.

Maybe I should be breeding trout instead.