Sleepless Nights

Author: Veronica

  • Are Ben-Wa Balls The Answer?

    So, I was thinking about my pelvic floor exercises today and about how I don’t remember to do them until bedtime. And honestly, exercises when I am about to go to sleep (even if it is just clenching muscles) is not my idea of a fun time. I mean, not to mention that somehow it seems harder to do the damn kegels than to walk a few kilometres.

    Now, if only walking helped to tone your vagina…

    And anyway, all that tensing and untensing? is going to give me wrinkles. (Does anyone else find themself frowning, or is it only me? Maybe that lady you saw in town wasn’t actually having a bad day, maybe she was just doing her kegels…)

    And then! I discovered to answers too all my problems.

    BEN-WA BALLS!

    You insert them, clench all your [vaginal] muscles (because you wouldn’t be getting anywhere if you clenched your hands) and rock to orgasm. Apparently. And seriously, clenching and rocking to orgasm sounds SO MUCH NICER than just clenching and frowning.

    Then, I started thinking of all the downsides. What is your toddler going to think of Mummy sitting in the corner, rocking, with a strange look on her face?

    Or your partner, as you gasp while stirring the risotto.

    So, Ben-Wa balls would be AWESOME, except for the fact that you would have to find a private moment or two to use them. And who has that kind of time? Somehow,  I really don’t want to start associating vacuuming with orgasms, (although, I’m sure that Nathan would love if I vacuumed more often).

    So Ben-Wa balls just feel a little strange to me. Even if everytime I see them (they are here) I am tempted to buy them. Just for medical reasons you understand…

    I can’t help wondering though, what would happen if you were wearing them, rocking away and they fell out? What if you were in public? Would they stay in your panties, or would they roll down your leg and disappear into the street. Would you pick them back up and pretend that it fell out of your pocket? Would you be game?

    See what happens when I have too much time to think and I am not allowed to have sex? My mind boggles over very small things…

  • I Need To Not Think

    I have made a decision.

    I am not going to google for pregnancy symptoms anymore. I am refusing to type ‘bleeding during early pregnancy’ into my search bar. I do not want to look at ultrasounds of egg sacs implanted in women less pregnant that I am.

    I am not going to make myself crazy anymore.

    I am going to accept that my uterus is wonky and I am not going to be able to see anything until 7 or 8 weeks. I am going to accept the fact that I will have to wait a fortnight before even attempting to think about another ultrasound.

    I am going to remember, that at 7 weeks pregnant with Amy, she only measured 5w5d and at 20 weeks she was lucky to measure 18w. I am going to accept the fact that all my babies are probably going to measure small, or as in the case of the ultrasound yesterday, not be able to be measured at all.

    I need to think about the fact that my sonographer was younger, so probably NOT as experienced as he could have been. I need to think that everything is different this time, and as long as I am still feeling sick and tired, then everything should be on track.

    I need to not be crazy anymore.

    I need to think about the fact that he saw ‘good indicators of pregnancy, but it is too early yet for an egg sac’. I need to remember that he didn’t spend long looking because of the position of my uterus.

    I need to think and I need to not think.

    I need locking in an air bubble for a fortnight, where all I do is sleep.

    I need to stop looking twice when I wipe after going to the toilet, just to check the state of the spotting today. I need to stop stressing about it, because stressing is not going to change the outcome. I need to stop cursing the dildo cam that made me spot.

    I need to turn my damn brain off.

    So…

    I need stories from my wonderful readers about similar ultrasounds and the damn wand, stories of bleeding and healthy babies at the end, stories of how you coped until 12 weeks was up and then, from my childless readers I would love stories about anything you fancy. Just please, reassure me, or take my mind off it somehow.

    Please?

  • In Which I Talk About Pregnancy

    So, I had some more bleeding last night. Now, before you freak out, it was light and it stopped quite quickly. Again. It was accompanied by ABSOLUTELY NO cramping, so that is a good thing.

    However, it did mean that I used my referral to get an ultrasound done this afternoon.

    Unfortunately, I have a retroverted (backwards) uterus, so in early pregnancy, nothing can be seen using an external ultrasound probe.

    Bring on the latex covered vaginal probe. Or the dildo cam as Tiff says. AGAIN!

    YAY!

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, there are very good indicators of a pregnancy that is nicely implanted in my uterus, but it is still much too early to look for a heartbeat.

    Methinks that the ultrasound machine they use in the clinic is a teensy bit less sensitive than in the hospital, because I had a scan with Amy at about the same time in my pregnancy and they were able to magnify and see everything. Then again, maybe my uterus was just being difficult. Again.

    So, the pregnancy is in the right place and I will be asking for another scan in about a fortnight or so when things are more developed.

    Moving onwards.

    The nausea that began as easy to cope with, has mutated into ohmygodIthinkIamgoingtoretchrightaboutnow GASP! So, think good thoughts for me as I sip slowly on tea or soup and not much else. Also think good thoughts for my family, who are going to be sick of vegetable soup by the end of the week.

    Very sick of soup.

    Poor guys.

  • For Lotus

    This photo is for Lotus and the very gorgeous Braden.

    Lotus sent this top over from America for Amy. Before she sent it though, she put it on Braden and took a photo. The thought of the two of them, wearing the same top is amazing.

  • Seven

    Last night, as Nathan was taking the rubbish out, Seven (the puppy, for anyone that is new here) ran onto the road and was hit by a car. We are very lucky, in that the guy who hit her, immediately brought her to the door.

    She was limp. She was completely unresponsive. She was bleeding from her nose.

    We thought that she was going to die.

    After laying her down and checking her over, she was still breathing and nothing seemed to be broken. She was just….limp. And unresponsive.

    So, we bit the bullet, went bugger the cost and took her to the vet. Somewhere between here and the vet, she actually started to lift her head and move a a little, so we were hopeful, that maybe she wouldn’t die.

    The vet was honest and said that she was in a great deal of shock, she had bleeding in her lungs and she was in pain. They suspected a possible broken pelvis and maybe a fractured leg.

    We left her there and the vet promised to ring in the morning (this morning).

    9.30am came and went and I couldn’t wait any longer, so I rang the vet.

    Seven had a good night, her lungs are now clear, she is awake and happy and amazingly, there is nothing broken. We can pick her up this afternoon, she is fine.

    I am thinking, maybe we should change her name to Lucky?

    So that is why there was no blog post last night. By the time we got back from the vet, I was so tired, all I wanted to do was sleep. So I did.