Sleepless Nights

Author: Veronica

  • Photos and what I’ve been doing lately.

    Things have been happening this week, so I thought I’d bring you up to date, considering we didn’t get raptured last night.

    I took some photos for Sunday Selections:

    Sunset

    Sunset: It’s about time we had some pretty sunsets.

    Moonrise

    And long exposure of a moonrise.

    Links:

    I wrote an article for the ABC’s Ramp Up website. You can see it here and I would love any shares you can manage.

    I was included in the Top 25 Inspiring Families round up over on Circle of Moms.

    Also, and I’m rather excited about this, I’ve been featured in the upcoming “Power Moms” book, due out later this month. I don’t have many more details than that, but there you go. A book.

    Elsewhere on the Interwebs:

    I have a review blog, that I’m hoping to get some more vlog reviews done on today.

    Lauren knitted some sheep socks and they are fantastic!

    Amanda recommends this post from Marita: My body is a wonderland.

    Zoey would like you to read this post about unconditional love.

    Becky’s breasts are contaminated. Apparently.

    These photos and recipe from Sarah made me hungry.

    Ames survived the Rapture.

    Maid in Australia got to go to Samoa. Sort of.

    And finally, this post from Melissa made me cry.

    So that’s me. What have you been reading this week?

     

  • Let’s talk about guilt

    Half an hour ago, Nathan went to visit his brother and took the children with him. Immediately, I was struck with a sense of urgency. The kids aren’t here, I am alone, surely I ought to be Doing Something Productive?

    Before they left, I had plans. I was going to try to update this blog, write an article for the Mummy Bloggers Blog and maybe write something else, to be pitched for publishing elsewhere. I was going to drink a cup of tea, listen to music, write stuff and then read a book.

    I was going to relax.

    Then the car drove out of the driveway and the guilt hit.

    I am here alone. I should be Doing Something.

    I should be Making The Most of the time I have sans children and I should be proving that I am a productive member of the family, even when that family has driven away, leaving me in peace.

    Which is stupid really, considering the things that suddenly felt all important were: scrubbing the windowsills, folding all of the dried and hanging laundry and doing more, scrubbing the benches and putting dishes away, or vacuuming.  I was also convinced that I needed to make apple crumble.

    I mean, WTF self? Why so productive all of a sudden? Alone time should be relaxing.

    So, why the guilt? All of the things that I felt I should be doing, are things that I can do while the children are home.

    Things I can’t do when they’re at home include writing, eating and drinking a hot cup of tea without someone stealing it. I should be doing those things.

    But the guilt. Oh the guilt.

    So I asked on twitter.

    And got a slew of replies, from women who feel equally guilty if they’re not being productive when given alone time.

    Firstly, I am glad it’s not just me.

    Secondly, I am a bit terrified that there is a huge contingent of women who can’t take time for themselves when they’ve got it, without feeling guilty!

    Is this how we’re programmed?

    I’m just not sure. Men don’t jump out of their seats when their girlfriend walks through the door and start scrubbing coffee cups, just to look busy (do they?)

    I do know that I feel guilty about the time I spend on the computer and have been known to dive off the computer when I hear Nathan coming, racing to somewhere, to do something productive, so it looks like I’m busy.

    Only the thing is, I consider blogging and it’s assorted things work and so does Nathan. It brings in money, and makes me happy, so why do I feel like it’s not worthwhile?

    And really, the only time he grumbles about me being on the computer, is when I’m so deeply engrossed in reading or writing, that I don’t notice the children getting into mischief right next to me. This probably happens more than it should, but I’m a focused kind of person who kind of switches off to the rest of the world when I’m busy.

    It’s really annoying actually, to feel this level of guilt about alone time.

    Do you feel guilty when you’re spending time alone?

  • Bakers Delight and the BCNA – Pink Buns

    Subtitled: I took my daughter into a commercial food preparation area and no one cried.

    In aid of the Breast Cancer Network Australia, Bakers Delight is icing finger buns with pink icing, selling them and donating the proceeds to the BNCA.

    It’s a pretty cool idea and something I was happy to support, especially as cancer has been a bit of a theme in our family. My great grandmother beat breast cancer years ago, but sadly lost her sister to the disease. Her sister’s ring will be my wedding ring in a few months and while I never met her, I like the family connection through my Nan.

    Because the BCNA was asking bloggers to raise awareness, somehow I managed to get myself an invite to the closest Bakers Delight store, to see what they’re doing first hand and ice some buns myself.

    Of course, being a “mummyblogger” I took Amy with me. What better way to ice finger buns, than to take a 4yo into a bakery?

    We had fun, icing buns and chatting to the staff. Amy loved it and was so well behaved. I couldn’t be more proud of her behaviour.

    Bakers Delight is aiming to raise $1m to give to the BCNA, which helps support women with breast cancer.

    And, if you live in the area, I can highly recommend Tim and his team at Bakers Delight in Claremont Village. Their finger buns are delicious.

    ***

    Disclosure: I was not paid for this post and I didn’t request to be. Amy and I did get to bring home the finger buns that we iced, plus a loaf of bread and some rolls – but that was because the owner/baker Tim was generous, not because he had to.

    Supporting people through cancer is something I feel strongly about and therefore, so is this cause. If you can buy a bun in the next week and photograph yourself (or your child) with it, then send it to me, I’ll add your photo and blog link here.

  • Decompressing, whinging, sad and stuff. My brain hurts.

    Sometimes, I write things here and it all goes along swimmingly. Sure, you don’t get the whole story of the ups and downs, but that’s because no one wants to read 3000 words on how my feelings are feeling and how my kids are acting up. Not to mention I don’t want to write 3000 words about my feelings.

    Other times, I go to sit down and write and come up blank and I end up walking away from the computer, rather than writing things out. When I’m feeling like my blog isn’t my safe place anymore, there is usually someone tromping all over it with their muddy boots, making smart arse comments designed to make me feel bad.

    And let me be clear, I’m not anonymous in this space. I’ve never been anonymous. People find me here and then meet me IRL, or the opposite happens and I have no issue with this. In fact, if you know me IRL and you’re reading here and I don’t know you are, I’d love to hear from you. Even if you’re my next door neighbour, or one of the school mums.

    This space stops being a place to talk, when I’m seeing snarky comments written about me. When there are judgements being passed, when they have no idea. When people don’t believe that what I’m doing is beneficial for anyone and so they set out to make me feel bad, by snarky, passive aggressive shit posted online.

    That is when I retreat.

    I’m not sure if I stop writing to save my own sanity, or because I get angry enough that I want to throw rocks at people, but either way, I sit on my emotions and stew and nothing gets written.

    Then I get PMS and I cry on the phone to my mother because it’s a week til payday and I’ve run out of bread and milk and while there is enough money to buy more bread and milk and not have a cent left, this shit sucks.

    When it’s not about the money really. It’s about feeling powerless, and angry. About being bitter and not having anywhere to talk about it. About being hurt and upset, because seriously, what adult goes out of their way to make someone else feel bad? Are you five?

    My last major retreat from being able to blog was shortly after my grandmother died, when shit happened and I was so broken emotionally that I couldn’t connect enough to write what I was really feeling. Sure, I wrote surface stuff, but writing about how breathing hurt, or how I just wanted to sit in the sunshine and cry, that wasn’t happening.

    I still miss my grandmother and the emotional shell I drew around myself 2 years ago has shattered and I’m feeling things, crying and being miserable. Grief is a process and you don’t always move forwards.

    Amy’s Kinder Aide was speaking to me yesterday morning about Amy and some issues we’ve had in the classroom regarding friends. She looked at me and said ‘Amy is such a lovely child. I look at her and know her grandmother would have been proud. I think about Lyn a lot, and know she would have been so proud.’

    I had to leave, because I was going to cry.

    It is lovely to know that my grandmother made such an impact on people.

    And then I cry, because lung cancer in a non-smoker is not how life is meant to happen.

    Life has been getting on top of me and that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad and emotional and not want to write about it.

    What isn’t okay is feeling like I can’t write, because of the judgements being made.

    That’s when I get upset.

    This is MY space. Not anyone elses. And if you feel like I’m not contributing to society enough, or that autism isn’t real, or that my joints don’t really dislocate, you can get stuffed.

    And that’s that.

  • How to grow apricot trees from seed

    A while ago, in the middle of our Summer that wasn’t, we ended up with a couple of kilos of apricots in the fridge. Being the frugal person that I am, I wondered if you could grow apriot trees from seed, so I did some googling.

    It turns out, you can grow apricot trees from seed, but there is no guarantee that they will produce fruit.

    I decided to do it as an experiment anyway, because you can never have too many trees, even if they don’t produce fruit.

    First, you have to take your apricot seeds and let them sit somewhere for 3-4 days, until they dry out and you can hear the seed inside rattling. I ended up with about 40 seeds.

    Once they’re dried, use a nutcracker or similar to crack the hard outer shells. Don’t damage the kernel inside.

    I used a hammer to crack ours and ended up with about 25 seeds that were usable.

    Soak the seeds in water for 3 days, changing the water every day.

    NOTE: Apricot seeds are highly poisonous, especially to young children. As few as 6 could land your child in hospital, so please don’t leave them where a small curious child might decide to try them. I popped mine into a Tupperware container and set it aside on a high shelf. For once, we had no dramas.

    Once the seeds have been soaked, wrap them in damp paper towel and close them into a snap lock bag. The put them into the fridge for 5-6 weeks. This is enforcing winter, to help with germination.

    At the end of 6 weeks, they should have sprouted inside the bag. You can now plant them into pots. I used small jiffy pots to begin with, because that’s what I had.

    I had 20 seeds sprouted at this stage, and one day, I had the bright idea of putting them out into the sunshine to help them grow. I had one seed just sprouting leaves and the others were close.

    What I hadn’t thought about was our very naughty puppy. Within 5 minutes, she had jumped onto the table they were sitting on and eaten most of my seeds. I was furious and wished a tummy ache on her, but apparently apricot seeds aren’t terribly poisonous to dogs. I should probably be grateful for that, but I’m having a hard time with it.

    I managed to save a few and with some time and water, they sprouted little trunks and leaves and they were adorable.

    I potted them up into potting mix and they’re living on my bathroom sink for winter.

    Because they already had an enforced winter sitting in the fridge, they won’t be able to be planted out into the garden until the threat of frost has passed. This means that they’ll get about a 15 month growing season this time, before winter starts again next year and they lose their leaves for it. I’ll probably have to repot them again in a few weeks, because they’re growing rather well. The biggest one is probably 25cm tall and gaining a few cm every second day.

    Amy wasn’t all that interested in the growing process, but I can imagine that other children would find it fascinating, even though it’s a bit of a slow process.

    So there’s how to grow apricots from a seed! It wasn’t at all hard, like making bread, the hardest bit was leaving it alone while it did its own thing.