Animals

The Day A Kitten Fell Out Of The Sky (kinda)

by Veronica on November 23, 2008

in Animals

So remember last week I promised to tell you all about how I wound up with a kitten in my bathroom cupboard?

Well…

November 11th.

The morning of November 11th, my tabby cat (as yet unnamed) was pregnant. She had spent the last few nights yowling to get inside and nesting every time she was in here. Nathan didn’t believe she was nearly big enough to be ready to give birth, but I argued, saying that she wouldn’t be complaining quite so much if she wasn’t. I suspected that she was only pregnant with 1 kitten and REALLY just wanting to give birth under our bed.

So, in the morning she was pregnant still. You could tell, she was fat and swollen and grumpy. Not surprising really.

However, that afternoon when I went outside to feed them, she wasn’t fat anymore.

I went to get Nathan to confirm my suspicions.

‘Uhm, hun? You know the tabby cat? She’s not pregnant anymore’

‘What do you mean she isn’t pregnant anymore?’

‘I mean, she isn’t pregnant anymore. Come see and double check for me though’

‘You’re right, she isn’t pregnant anymore’

‘I TOLD you she was ready to give birth’

‘Well… maybe…. heh…’

We debated whether the kitten that she had birthed was still alive, as there was no sign of it and she was sitting on our kitchen doorstep asking to be fed. We figured it would either turn up, or it wouldn’t.

Yes I know, we’re not really the most optimistic couple.

Nathan did look at me strangely though as I wandered around the yard ‘just checking’ all the likely spots that a kitten may have been hidden.

[Old shed? Not that I could see. Under the house? Not that I could see. etc]

An hour later, I went to the toilet and completely freaked out because I could HEAR a kitten mewing. I finished in record time, assuming that Seven had found the kitten and was killing it.

I was wrong. Heh, all that wasted alone time, even if I was in the loo.

Once I had heard the mewing though, I knew for certain that she hadn’t had a dead kitten, or abandoned it. I raced around like an idiot trying to track down the mewing. I even got Nathan in on the act, huffy sighing and all.

After about 20 minutes of no luck finding anything, we gave up. The mother could look after it where ever she wanted too and we would just hope that Seven didn’t find the kitten while it was alone.

UNTIL…

I was on the phone to Mum and Amy was playing outside with the animals. Next thing I know I hear frantic mewing from a kitten, giggling from Amy and unimpressed meowing from the mother cat.

I dropped the phone and ran outside. Amy had hold of the newborn kitten and was hugging it. Seven was racing around her barking like mad, trying to steal it, the mother was freaking out and I was standing in the middle of it.

Needless to say, Amy was NOT impressed when I stole the kitten back from her and gave it to it’s mother. Tears, tantrums, snot – you name it, we had it.

The mother cat picked up the kitten and instead of taking it back to where ever she had birthed it, she brought it inside!

Where Amy promptly stole it again, while I locked Seven outside so she couldn’t play too.

For the second time in 2 minutes, I rescued the kitten and gave it back to it’s mother. While I held Amy and explained why she couldn’t have it, the mother cat [who really really needs a name] picked it back up and dragged it through my lounge room, finally settling on taking it underneath the recliner.

Obviously the recliner is the safest place in the house, seeing as how toddlers and puppies can’t wiggle under there.

Me though? I really didn’t want a kitten living under my chair. The logistics of that? Just ugh.

So while Amy screamed that it was ‘AMY’S KITTEN! MINE! AMY’S!!!’ I went and found a box and some scissors. I sat down with Amy and explained that no, it was the cat’s baby and Amy couldn’t have it. But that Amy could help me make a bed for the cat’s baby where it could sleep.

Luckily once Amy realised that she was helping me and the ‘Cat’s Baby!’ she calmed down pretty fast and helped me hack a box to pieces.

We lined the box with an old sheet and popped it into the empty bathroom cupboard. Amy patted everything down nicely and was very good about it.

Then I went and got the kitten from underneath the recliner and with it mewing it’s little head off, I convinced the mother cat to follow us to the box.

Where I quickly shut the door until she settled down to sleep and feed the baby.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, I picked up the phone long enough to tell Mum I would call her back.

Funnily enough, everything I just wrote about happened within the space of about 7 minutes. Heh. It was…hectic.

What I gathered from what Amy had to say, was that the mother cat brought the kitten down out of the roof where Amy then stole it to ‘cuddle!’. Luckily she is mostly gentle.

Now I would love to say that the kitten has since spent all it’s time in the bathroom, being quiet and not disrupting our lives.

But I would be lying, because in the last 2 days, I have spent more time than I should tipping the recliner over, to find the kitten and convince the mother to move back to the damn bathroom already!

Somehow she isn’t that interested in staying in the bathroom. SOMEHOW living underneath my chair is much more appealing to her.

Sigh.

Damn cats.

Assvice of the day? Get your cats desexed.

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And then? My head exploded.

by Veronica on November 20, 2008

in Animals

So I don’t think I mentioned it, but last week one of my cats had a kitten. A tiny little ginger tomcat that Amy adores.

Eventually I will tell the story of how that kitten came to be living in my bathroom cabinet with it’s mother (funny story, no really) but not tonight.

Tonight, I am much to exhausted to talk about kittens.

Instead, I want to talk about death.

And destruction.

Namely, the death I intend to inflict on the father of said kitten.

We have 2 cats. They aren’t desexed because we didn’t have the money to get them done. Shuddup about the stupidity of not getting them spayed, because honestly? I’ve heard it all before, mostly from my subconscious at 2am.

So, 2 cats. One of which has had a kitten. So, that leaves ONE cat, not pregnant or lactating.

Unfortunately, that second cat? She wants babies. She wants them bad. She wants them SO bad that she sits underneath my bedroom window all night yowling for her boyfriend.

Who is only to happy to oblige her, seeing as how male cats and teenage boys are incredibly similar and spend a whole bunch of time thinking with their penis’s.

[Side note, should that be penis’s or penii?]

Unfortunately, in the obliging, he doesn’t seem to feel the need to be quiet.

This means that at 2am, I end up with cats screeching underneath my bedroom window while they get their freak on. Even the torrential rain last night didn’t put them off, they simply burrowed under the house and screeched and screamed UNDERNEATH MY PILLOW. Underneath the floor.

Which in turn, sets Seven off.

Seven isn’t a large dog, but man oh man, can she bark.

Nathan and Amy manage to normally sleep through all the cat sex and barking. Me however? I wake up if a fly buzzes near me.

The only way to shut ANY of the animals up is to let Seven out to chase the intruder cat away (no seriously, she is like a big brother. A big brother who might just kill the suitor if she catches him).

So for the last three or four nights, I have been kept awake by all the animals in my house.

I swear, if I get my hands on this ginger tom cat, I am going to squeeze his neck until his eyes pop. He’s lucky I don’t shoot.

Damn lucky.

Please, for the love of god, just ONE night where I sleep through? Please? Without animals waking me up shagging, or barking, or meowing? Please?

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NOT the spider that was in my cleavage.

by Veronica on October 28, 2008

in Animals

So today I was sitting on the couch with Amy, reading my book and sharing her 2 minute noodles (don’t judge me here).

When! All of a sudden! A GINORMOUSLY HUGE SPIDER crawled out from behind a picture. Luckily, said picture was on the opposite wall to Amy and I, so we were able to observe the spider.

My thoughts?

‘Geez that is a big spider. That is one big fucking spider. I don’t think I have seen a spider quite that big for a while. My word am I glad it is on that wall, not this wall. Uhmmmmmm “Natty?!!! Come here please and rescue us?” from the ginormously huge spider that looks like it could eat my face.’

Amy’s thoughts?

‘Look! Mummy! Spidey! Spidey Mummy, LOOK! Spidey! Dere! Big Spidey! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! Can you see? SPIDEY MUMMY!’

Yeah, I think I passed my total lack of fear onto my daughter. All she wanted to do was get close enough to touch it!

So I made Nathan come inside and rescue the spider from our toddler. What? Me? I wasn’t going near the thing! I might not be *scared* of spiders, but I am not going to taunt one into jumping on my face and nomming on me!

A container was procured and said spider was captured with a minimum of fuss. If you don’t count Amy REALLY wanting to touch the thing.

Then? Nathan went and released it near our boundary fence, away from toddlers, pregnant partners and cats. It can go about it’s business without fear of toddler attack.

But – before Nathan released it, I totally photographed it to share with you. I hope *someone* at least squeals.

HUGE GINORMOUS SPIDER.

And honestly, no joking, this spider was at least as big as my hand when all my fingers are splayed out. And no, I don’t have small hands in the slightest. This spider could give my cats a run for their money. Actually, if I had to put money on it, I would bet on the spider walking away while the cats nursed injuries.

It was that big.

And yes, I watermarked it so that no one could steal the image and use it without my permission. Somewhere, someone out there is googling for GINORMOUS SPIDER IMAGE. I don’t want them pinching mine.

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Snippets.

by Veronica on July 19, 2008

in Animals, Headfuck, Pregnant. Finally.

Seven? Stop eating my goddamned underwear! If I get out of bed in the morning again and find all my underwear chewed I swear I will shove it down your throat. (Yes, it would probably help if I had folded and put away the clean washing, but whatever). At least they were clean.

Amy, I love you, but can you please help me evict the Two that has suddenly taken hold of your toddler body? I want my non tantrumming, non squealing, TALKING toddler back. Also, not climbing for a while would be nice. Mummy’s heart can’t take anymore climbing and leaping ‘Tatch Me!-s’.

I bought my first article of Maternity stuff today. A pair of knee high boots with no heel. Oh so gorgeous and oh so comfortable. Also some tights so that I can get through winter on a song and a prayer while wearing my stretchy material skirts (that are so much sexier than the stretchy material pants).

I also bought more underwear (Seven, you keep away from it you hear me!) because I was getting to the point where I was going to have to go commando. And honestly with all the increased *ahem* (TMI) mucus you get in pregnancy, I really didn’t want to be going commando. Especially not in winter.

Winter? You can fuck off. I am sick of being cold and depressed and sunlight deprived. Thanks.

Dear my Freezer, I would love if you could magically make things appear inside yourself that I felt like eating. IE: Frozen strawberries (that are too expensive to buy) and yogurt. Yes, I KNOW this would make you a magical freezer and it would mean that I would have to pet you a little each day, but honestly, I am good with that.

My skin has gone to shit. I look like a teenage pizza face again and nothing I am doing is fixing it. Sigh. Time to bump up the Vitamin C and fish oil I think. Also, I need to stop being lazy and wash my face more. With CLEANSER.

Dear Nightmares. Go away.

Dear blood pressure. Please rise, I am sick of feeling dead. (Yes, the doctor did check my blood pressure yesterday and he did say it was low, but he didn’t seem too concerned. Hmmmph). I am drinking a metric ton of water/cordial a day and it seems to help, but….

Seriously, I am sick of needing to pee every 30 minutes. Uterus, any time you want to move away from my bladder is good with me. Honestly, I won’t be upset or anything.

Oh and tonight? I can’t seem to string anything coherant together. Can you tell?

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Schwacking and Nearly There

by Veronica on July 6, 2008

in Animals

Please ignore the fact that I am showing nothing but a tail and a bum, but this is my newest resident. Or it was.

I caught this with MY HANDS in the house today.

I was laying on the matress we had thrown into the middle of the loungeroom floor (it was cold, Amy was miserable and I was exhausted. Snuggling in the lounge all day sounded good) and I looked over towards the study.

ZIP! went a brown flash. ZIP! it went again. I bounced up, parked myself in front of the zippy mouse so that it was stuck in the corner (it was hiding behind the steam mop) and yelled for Nathan to grab me a glass so I could catch it.

Because CONTRARY to popular belief, I am actually quite soft hearted and have a hard time schwacking mice when I am presented with them.

Nathan handed me the glass and went and grabbed a cat, just in case.

I moved towards the mouse and the furry brown flash ZIPPED it’s way past me, into a pile of odd and ends. Nathan started lifting things and I held my trapper (the glass) ready.

ZIP! ZOOM! ZREEECH!

[It was a very fast mouse]

The mouse zoomed past me AND….

Got itself hidden underneath the green article of clothing you see pictured above.

(Said green article is used to a) help keep my pants up and b) cover anything that might want to show when I have to unbutton my pants due to pregnancy.)

I darted over to the hidden mouse, cupped my hands around it and picked it up. The mouse squirmed ALOT and I may have squealed a little bit.

Nathan tried to rush me out of the door, as I frantically found the camera and snapped a photo. A cat was procured, the mouse’s tail was held (by me) and the mouse had a quick death.

At least, that is what I like to think. Once the cat got hold of it, I didn’t bother trying to keep an eye on them. I just put the cat outside and ran around gloating that I was super speedy mouse catching woman!

One down, who knows how many left to go. It’s going to be a long winter…

And we are almost there. I am 11 weeks and 3 days today and so far so good. The spotting has been mostly stopped for a while (I still have the occasional bit of pinkness, but nothing much) and I am still feeling decidedly pregnant.

Soon, very very soon, I will start watching for the end of the morning sickness and exhaustion. God knows I will be very happy to see the back of them.

In the meantime, I will be paying alot of attention to my belly. I started feeling Amy move at about 12 and a half weeks (I blame my skinniness) and I am definitely ready for it again.

Oh and I weighed myself the other day, I weighed 62kg (136lb) when I fell pregnant, when I weighed myself this time I was 57kg (125lb). Sigh. I suppose I will just have to hope that I manage to gain it back.

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