Gotta Laugh

Obviously, I have kinky elves living in my house

by Veronica on January 8, 2012

in Gotta Laugh

I appear to have lost my bra.

Now, this is not a big deal, considering I slept in my own house, in my own bed and it’s not like I’m racing around the house trying to find where I kicked my jeans/bra/shirt/shoes. It’s also not like I’m in any huge rush to get properly dressed.

It’s just that now, my bra is missing from where I left it last night.

And somehow, I’ve gone from tens of pairs of cotton undies, to owning only three pairs of underwear that do not have lace. How does this happen? Do I have kinky elves, that instead of being helpful and cleaning my house, are merely stealing my undergarments? And why are they not stealing the good stuff, instead preferring my 10 packs of Big W knickers?

I can’t help but think this is a little weird.

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All she needs is a goat and a sense of humour

by Veronica on January 3, 2012

in Blogging, Gotta Laugh

I get a lot of really weird and crappy pitches to host guest posts on Sleepless Nights. Normally, I either send a polite email back, explaining why their post won’t fit, or I ignore them. Last night however, I couldn’t help myself and this exchange ensued, leaving me amused.

Subject: Proposal for a guest post for your blog

Hey,

I am Kate and I work for Parentingclan.com I’m trying to grow it by reaching out to other bloggers. I’ve been reading your site somedaywewillsleep.com some time and I’m a big fan. I’m interested in writing a guest post for you — something you’ve never posted on — and I have some ideas that I think your readers would love:

1.       Over parenting or Attached parenting: Which one would you choose?
2.       Change your child from spoiled to disciplined
3.       Make your toddler get down of your nerves

I know you’re busy, so I can write everything up and send it to you in one document, which you can drop right into WordPress. I’ll handle all editing, bylines, etc (feel free to edit) so this is super-easy for you. Plus I can give you 2-3 articles per month if that’s okay with your end as well.

All I want is li’l credit in terms of two do follow backlinks in author’s bio and no link would be embedded anywhere in the content.
Let me know what you think of the same.

Thanks,

Re: Proposal for a guest post for your blog

Hi Kate,

How do you get toddlers to get down off your nerves? I have a lot of trouble with my toddler climbing my nerves and I’m not sure how safe a ladder they make.

I’d also be interested in what you consider disciplined. I’m currently aiming to teach my children how to argue effectively, because I’m certain that a future in politics is the only possible choice for a female who insists that she is right all of the time and everyone else knows nothing.

Cheers,
Veronica

Re:Re: Proposal for a guest post for your blog

Hey Veronica,

I don’t have a toddler of my own yet. But yes my cousin has 2 of them. So I get to learn a lot from her like the way she handles them.
So if you want I can send you some of the tips in the form of an articlE.

What say ???

Re:Re:Re: Proposal for a guest post for your blog.

Hi Kate,

I’m not quite sure how you can write articles about toddlers if you don’t have any of your own. They’re an acquired taste, like oysters, or avocado. They smell worse though and have a tendency to leak bodily fluids everywhere.

Maybe you could babysit and toilet train a small goat for a month and then write about that? It would give you a crash course in managing a toddler and child services wouldn’t mind I don’t think. I think my readers would be fascinated by your goat experience.

Veronica

—

So far there is no word on the goat experiment. I can only assume that she loved my idea so much, she is out there right now looking for a goat to babysit, so that she can report back.

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Happy Birthday to me!

by Veronica on November 12, 2011

in Gotta Laugh, My body is broken.

This is my present from Amy.

It’s her and Isaac, outside throwing a ball, while ducks fly overhead.

It is absolutely the best birthday card I’ve ever gotten.

I’m twenty three today and feeling good about the whole thing. I think I might have finally caught up to my mental age (a screamy baby and no sleep, like ever, makes you feel much older than seventeen) and I think twenty three suits me.

Amy also did Nathan a drawing.

On his back.

When he refused to wake up.

It’s a parrot. You can see it’s beak to the right and the eye at the top (including a pupil). And then it’s “all curled up” according to Amy. Made me laugh anyway.

And, I tried to take a photo of myself, for a record of how I looked at twenty three. But the camera wouldn’t play nicely, so this is the best you get:

I didn’t realise how weird my hands looked until I checked the photo out on the computer. But you know what? That’s actually a pretty accurate representation of me lately.

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Justifiable Homicide

by Veronica on November 9, 2011

in Gotta Laugh

“Nathan, I swear to god, if you do not stop snoring right now, it will be justifiable homicide and I WILL NOT DO TIME.”

It was just before 5am and I had two hours until my alarm went off. None of that meant anything when the animals woke me up. The absolute worst sound at 5am is a cat fight happening in your loungeroom, with two dogs joining into play “referree”.

I had stumbled out of bed to let them all outside – some of them with a shove, before climbing back into bed and having my ears assaulted by the sounds of a suffocating elephant.

“NATHAN! SHUT UP!”

It wasn’t working and I had tried all of my tricks that I use, including but not limited to, kicking, swearing, poking, elbows and leg hair pulling. The last one usually worked a treat, but not this time.

It took nearly 15 minutes of increasing grumpiness of my part and then finally, just as I’d threatened to murder him, and was contemplating getting back out of bed to grab a glass of cold water to tip on his head, he rolled over and shut up.

I would like to have it on the record that I didn’t punch him in relief and despite being really very grumpy, I kept my elbows to myself.

He’s very lucky that I love him.

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And there went the last shreds of my dignity

by Veronica on November 7, 2011

in Gotta Laugh

Yesterday, I took my children to the Brighton Show. An institution for as long as I can remember, when I was a kid I would beg to be taken, as it usually fell on the same weekend or close enough to my birthday.

I was a little worried about how they would cope with the heat, the noise and the crowds, but they both did really well.

Except for Isaac and the jumping castle.

Now, to be fair he hasn’t been on a jumping castle before and he wasn’t prepared for it to be so hard to walk around. Nor was I impressed that in the middle of the 2-6yo set jumping, there were two boys who looked to be twelve-ish, jumping around and bowling over the smaller children. It might even have been okay, if they both weren’t very large for their age and completely oblivious to the little ones.

It didn’t take long for Isaac to fall over and start to cry and refuse to walk back to the entrance where I was standing.

So I did what countless other mothers have done before me, I kicked off my shoes and braved the dodgy terrain to go and rescue Isaac. It was all going well until we got to the exit and my ankle dislocated and down we went in a tumble of limbs, sliding down the inflatable ramp.

Isaac thought it was hilarious, but of course, he wasn’t the one wearing a dress and flashing his knickers to the crowd of waiting parents and teenage hanger-ons.

Not my finest moment.

Not at all.

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