Headfuck

Veronica is in hospital..

by Veronica on October 11, 2008

in Headfuck, Pregnant. Finally.

Hello it is Veronica’s Mother here. Veronica has been admitted to hospital for observation. Vonnie has an infection and has started a course of antibiotics. They have done a fetal fibronectin test and we will get the results tomorrow. We want a negative result because that will mean that Veronica isn’t in early labour. A positive result means that there is a 50/50 chance that Veronica will start labour within the next 7 days..

But at this stage (8.00pm on saturday night) all seems to be well. Veronica’s cervix is not dilated at all *phew* The baby is fine with a good heartbeat. He is nice and active and kicking Vonnie in the bladder..

So now you all know as much as I do..

cheers Kim

******************

updated:

shit shit shit..

Vonnie has just rung me, the test results were positive. So they will now give Veronica steroids to help mature the babies lungs just in case…

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Surreal (TMI)

by Veronica on October 11, 2008

in Headfuck, Pregnant. Finally.

I started to lose my mucous plug yesterday morning.

It started off looking like snot, with the occasional bit of blood streaking. This morning, it is reddy brown and I can’t deny that is it happening anymore.

It all feels a little surreal.

Only, I’m worried it won’t be. It took us so long to conceive this little one, even being pregnant still feels like a  dream sometimes.

Baby is moving well and I am not having contractions. I am crampy and a bit uncomfortable though. And worried. Very worried.

Think of me today as I head to the hospital again.

25 weeks 2 days.

Way too early for this crap.

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Sunday TMI

by Veronica on October 7, 2008

in Headfuck, Pregnant. Finally.

So today is Tuesday, but I don’t want to talk about today. I want to talk about Sunday.

Sunday I had lots of plans. Do some laundry, make some bread, clean up a little, enlist Nathan to do a bunch of stuff. You know, normal weekend stuff.

What I did not want to do was pass a small blood clot and bleed a little. Now in the interest of full disclosure, it wasn’t fresh blood, more of a browny sludge (you can thank me later).

So I did what any pregnant women does. I panicked a little, then I rang my hospital for advice. Said advice being, ‘We’re really sorry that you live an hour away, but we DO need to see you. Can you come in?’

And being Sunday, of course I could come in, because Nathan was home and Mum was available to watch Amy.

24 weeks and spotting.

One vaginal exam and an ultrasound later, they had no idea where the bleeding was coming from, or what might be causing it. They said ‘Another doctor will be around to talk to you soon’.

They lied.

Soon for me, is in the next 30 minutes maybe 45 if they are busy. Soon is NOT nearly 3 hours later.

And 3 hours later would have been okay, if the doctor would have actually been able to tell me something. Or at least apologize for soon not actually being soon.

Diagnosis – No idea. Go home. And he was rude about it.

Firstly he was Indian, which, fine. He’s Indian, it’s not going to affect how he does his job. He spoke good English and yada yada yada.

However.

He did not UNDERSTAND English very well. Our whole conversation was him telling me what I was meant to do, me asking him to clarify and him completely misunderstanding me and talking me in a whole big circle again.

He could not tell me why I was spotting. He could not tell me the results of the swab they took, nor the urine test. He refused to answer all questions as to why I might be bleeding instead answering with a ‘well the ultrasound looks normal, so we think everything is fine’. He couldn’t tell me if I had an infection (a possibility bandied around while I was in the awkward position of having my ankles together and my knees apart wearing no pants).

He asked me where I lived.

‘About an hour out of Town in *insert suburb here*’

‘Is that towards Launceston? Or down south?’

‘No, towards Launceston’

‘Well why are you here then? Why aren’t you being seen at Launceston General?’

‘Because this hospital is closer?’

‘But why you not go to Launceston instead? Or another Hospital closer?’

‘Because this is the closest hospital! This is the ONLY hospital within a 100km radius’

(You arrogant idiot! Why else do you think I would travel an hour ON A SUNDAY to be checked out!)

‘Oh’

(If you didn’t find him telling me to go to another hospital ironically hilarious, it’s because I have never mentioned how bad the funding for our health system is at the moment. All the smaller health clinics and hospitals have been closed. And even if they were still operating? Hobart is still closer than ANY of them! AND none of them are equipped to birth babies.)

He gave me an order for blood tests and told me I had to get them done before my next appointment with the midwives. Then he contradicted himself a bunch of times until I had no fucking idea what I was meant to do with the blood tests.

Further examination of the order has shown that they are stock standard 26 week blood tests that will be drawn at my next appointment. They do not require a special trip into town and they are not testing for why I might be bleeding. Asshole.

According to an ultrasound, the baby is fine and my placenta is fine. No obvious cause of any bleeding.

I have been given orders to return if I feel the need (fat fucking chance. I will go back if I am in active labour, or if I am bleeding red.) or to call for reassurance.

I felt like I was treated badly by the doctors. The first doctor who did the exam and ultrasound, asked my age and then told me how ‘very very young’ I was. Quite a few times. Then she said ‘And you have a 2 year old at home? Goodness you are YOUNG’.

Yes lady, I know I am young. I don’t feel young. I made the conscious decision to have my children NOW rather than when I am 35. This is what works for us. We own our own home, I write on the Internet (for small amounts of money) and I planned my life this way. My pregnancies were not accidental.

Back the fuck off.

I left stressed and upset, feeling like I hadn’t been listened to. All I wanted to know is WHY I was bleeding and what might have been causing it. Failing that, a decent consolation that no, everything is fine and none of this will affect your baby would have worked for me.

Anything except what I got.

I do need to mention the Midwives at my hospital though. The lady who was there for my exam, did the Doppler for a heartbeat and showed me where the coffee and tea making stuff was, she was lovely. So absolutely lovely. Thank you to her.

So today is now Tuesday and I have very light pink staining. I get crampy when I stand up for more than 5 minutes and I am spending more time stressing than I reasonably should. The good thing is, any contractions I might have are still Braxton Hicks and while uncomfortable, aren’t painful.

Sigh.

So, that’s what’s been up with me. How are you?

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And then.

by Veronica on August 2, 2008

in Cancer, Headfuck

It’s glaring; the blank page I sit in front of. Many nights I just can’t face it and so I click away, without writing anything. I think about plenty of things that I would like to share with you, but when it comes time to put words onto the screen, my articulate nature fails me and nothing feels right.

Things beep in the background, the dryer is running and I watch TV as I comment on your blogs. My attention feels constantly half diverted. Listening for a waking toddler, listening for the silence that heralds naughtiness of all kinds.

My brain races at 100 thoughts a second, I try and pull a singular thought out to share with you, but it slides away eel like; out of my grasp. There is so much to share and yet, I draw a blank.

The baby wiggles and I can feel her/him a little more every day. A little more regular, a little stronger. I am looking forward to the day when I can feel movement enough to share with Amy, but for the moment I am content to keep it all as mine. Selfish. The movements keep me sane through random bleeds and days of emotional instability.

I must admit, I can’t be the easiest person to live with at the moment.

You see, the news we got back about Nan wasn’t good. As well as the primary tumour, there are cancerous lymph nodes and what looks to be secondary tumours in both lungs.

Inoperable.

Treatment will be given and taken accordingly, but it has left me struck dumb.

And so, I sit in front of the blank screen, unsure of what to write about. Sure life goes on and more so life with a toddler, but trying to avoid thinking about something always leaves me thinking and wondering.

Amy however, has none of these issues and continues to drive me insane. She climbs the walls, LITERALLY. How the fuck am I meant to keep anything in order when she can CLIMB? UP MY WALLS!

Actually, how the fuck am I meant to keep anything in order full stop.

So.

Tell me a story. Make me laugh. Direct me to a post of yours that needs comment love. Distract me my lovely internets. If you really can’t think of anything, tell me who your favourite blogger is at the moment [so I can stalk them too].

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Wits End

by Veronica on July 23, 2008

in Headfuck

Are you at your wits end? (Yes!)

Are you contemplating beating things into very small pieces with an iron bar? (Oh god yes)

Have you seriously considered locking your children in their bedrooms? (or the closet… Just for a little while. But yes.)

Have you got things going on in your life that you can’t blog about, but you are seriously thinking of murdering people? (Please tell me I am not the only one…)

Has your toddler been so fucking clingy and needy lately that you are ready to send them outside with nothing but a stick? (Yes. Yes and yes. Or maybe I will sell said toddler to the Gypsies. I haven’t decided yet.)

Do need some time out? (I would kill for some time out)

Well let me be your wits end sponsor!

I will bring you chocolate when you need it. (Everyone needs chocolate sometimes.)

I can run interference while you go to the toilet/shower/eat in peace. (Because damn, what I wouldn’t do to poo/shower/eat by myself)

I know where the good cheese can be found. (Even if I can’t eat it right now)

I will hold your hand as you cry over that thing that everyone seems to think you should be over by now. (Because god, hurting over something is SO last year. Especially when that something is huge and life changing.)

And I have a good store of wine in the bathroom. (That I can’t drink. I actually bought it to cook with)

I am skilled at the bedtime song and dance routine. (And that person who has an angelic sleeping angel (who falls asleep easily every. single. fucking. night. can just go get fucked)

I know all the methods you can use to not smack the toddler. (These are very handy if you have a toddler like mine, who just LOOKS at you and then determindly does whatever she got in trouble for again.)

I am becoming very good at NOT strangling the dog. (Things which I will happily pass on to you in your hour of need, because GOD FUCKING KNOWS, if I have to clean up one more crap, or rewash a whole basket of washing because it was pissed on, I might just need you to counsel me.)

And all these skills for the everyday low price of NOTHING! Yes, that’s right, NOTHING. Nothing to pay, nothing to spend, absolutely nothing.

I will do all this for free because I love you. Honest. Just one condition…I need you to do the same for me.

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