Sleepless Nights

Category: Life

  • Results

    I had a whole long post written in my head, but then Amy went to bed and my tiredness schwacked me in the head, so I will be brief.

    Biopsy showed that the tumour is definitely cancer. The tumour is covering all three of the major openings to Nan’s left lung, so surgery would require the whole lung to be removed.

    But, surgery is a possibility, depending entirely on the results of a PET scan. PET scans take about a fortnight to book into too (waiting list) and we will have to travel to Melbourne to get it done.

    Then, after we get THOSE results, treatment options can be discussed.

    The good news though? The cancer is a “squamous cell non-small cell lung cancer” which means that it is a slower growing cancer. (Name is provided for anyone wanting to google it or whatever. Also for Mum).

    So, I need everyone to pray that the nodules of possible cancer that the CT scan picked up are not in fact actual cancer. I need you to pray that the lymph nodes are not involved. I need you to pray that the pain Nan is feeling in her side is not the cancer moving to her bones.

    Okay? Because having the PET scan show that those things haven’t happened would be fantastic.

    And I need that right now.

  • Flooded

    I was going to write a post all about sleep and lack of it.

    Then disaster struck! AND…

    My blog flooded.

    It had fish and everything. Tell me, how did fish get into my blog?

    Then the flooding got worse.

    Now, I might be super-speedy mouse catching woman, BUT I am not a big fan of deep water and somehow leaving my blog to dry out was better than having to use scuba gear to write in.

    (Shuddup about how I am writing this. I can hold my breath or something like that)

    ****

    Tomorrow we get the results from Nan’s biopsy. Think good thoughts for us.

    And don’t drown as you leave a comment, okay? Drowning is bad.

    Flood via Netdiaster.com

  • Dear Neighbours…

    Hi! You might recognise me, I am the mother of the family that moved into this bedraggled house in March. I would just like to let you know, that if you continue to rev your loud ass car up and down my road at 10pm on a Sunday, you might just find me outside with a large stick, ready to jam it up your arse.

    You might not realise this, but I have a 22 month old little girl who doesn’t sleep much. SO I would really appreciate you not waking her the fuck up, just as I am about to go to bed.

    Sincerly, Veronica.

    PS. I have a good store of wooden planks filled with nails. You might want to check the road out with a torch before you ever try this again. Thanks.

    ****

    So, last night the neighbours were being young, noisy boys and revving their cars up and down the highway. Which would have been annoying, but mostly okayish, had their cars actually still had their mufflers intact.

    Amy woke often, crying for Daddy [I can only assume that Daddy is the go to man for scary car noises], which was all well and good, until he had to leave for work.

    Once Nathan left, I was stuck with a pissed off, non sleeping toddler. On my own. In the middle of the night.

    She didn’t sleep one bit. Not one freaking IOTA of fucking sleep was had between the hours of 11pm and 6am this morning. NOT ONE.

    Needless to say, when Nathan walked in the door this morning, he was met with a little girl happily squealing ‘DADDEEEEE! HI DADDEEEE!’ in the middle of the loungeroom.

    I didn’t even bother getting out of bed, just told him that she hadn’t slept all fucking night, cursed the neighbours a little and went back to sleep myself.

    Darling man let me sleep.

    Amy however needed to reassure herself that I was still home by running into the bedroom every 30 minutes to share whatever needed sharing [cold feet, snotty noses, a banana, and lastly, a can of diced tomatoes and a can opener].

    You would think after not sleeping at all over night, that she would at least have a nap for me, right?

    WRONG!

    She stayed awake and happy all day. At least until she curled up on my lap at 5pm and promptly passed out. 2 hours before bedtime.

    Sigh, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be a good night.

    She’s in her bed now, fast asleep (thank goodness she had had her nappy changed shortly before passing out, we had also managed to eat dinner) and I am in my bed, typing this and getting ready to snuggle with a book for an hour.

    Then? It’s an early night.

  • Stretched Thin

    My firewood was supposed to arrive today. So, I didn’t spend the day locking us in Amy’s room and sleeping, I didn’t spend the day playing in a warm bath with Amy, and I didn’t spend the day in my pajamas on the couch with a book.

    I would have much preferred to do those things, rather than waiting endlessly on a guy who never showed up.

    BEFORE the weekend he said, I’ll make sure I’m there he said.

    I say HAHAHAHFUCKINGHAHA.

    Next time I’m just gonna stay in my pj’s and bugger everyone else.

    I did however get things done today. Like the cooking for Nathan’s birthday lunch tomorrow (I could totally have done it in my pj’s). And Nathan cleaned up the trainwreck of a house and washed the dished while I dried.

    [Again, I could have stayed in my pj’s for that]

    I spent 2 hours trying to get Amy to nap, before giving up and letting her get back up. I didn’t let her pour salt all over the kitchen floor, but she did it anyway.

    I wouldn’t have let her fingerpaint with guacamole had she given me a choice. Unfortunately when you are 22 months Mummy’s wants and needs are very unrealistic.

    [Leave your nappy on. Do not stick that in your vagina. Don’t feed the dog your lunch when you are still hungry. DO NOT empty my kitchen drawers onto the floor. Stop shaking your drink all over the floor. GET YOUR BLOODY FINGERS OUT FROM MY CHOPPING BLOCK WHILE I AM CHOPPING THINGS.]

    And to add to the stress, Nan had her bronchoscopy today. Thankfully the doctor was able to take a sample of the primary tumour for testing. This means that Wednesday when we see the doctor we will know what we are dealing with.

    We will hopefully know what type of cancer it is and how fast it is likely to move without treatment. Nan will hopefully be able to discuss a treatment plan.

    We will know more than we do now.

    Knowledge is power and all that.

    I feel stretched thin.

  • Dummies are the Spawn of Satan.

    So the dummy weaning. Not going so well.

    I don’t mean that she is still using one, no, not that at all. She hasn’t had a dummy since I decided that she was going to give them up right! now!

    What I mean is that the SLEEPING that accompanied the dummy use is not going so well. Actually scratch that. The sleeping that accompanied the dummy use has become non existent.

    Naps? HAHAHAHA

    Overnight sleeping? HAHAHAH FUCKING HA.

    Sleeping for any amount of time at all so I can sleep to? Yeah well, if you got any sleep last night then I want to throw my shoes at you.

    Hmmmph.

    So, lets go over a regular day (today) here at Sleepless Nights (see? SEE why I didn’t rename my blog the week she actually slept through the night? It would have been a STUPID idea).

    12pm – Nap time. I have been hanging for nap time since we woke up this morning. I want a nap, I NEED a nap. I change Amy’s nappy, make sure her trackpants are comfy and put her into bed. She has a drink, her dog and duck, her soft blanket and a kiss.

    12.01 – Screaming at doorway (it’s gated with a convoluted assortment of crap designed to make it impossible to climb. For me as well). I clamber over all the crap and resettle. I leave.

    12.02 – Repeat.

    12.03 – Repeat.

    Repeat every minute until 12.45 when the bedroom goes silent. Hope like hell she is asleep and retire to the couch with a doona and pillow. I just start to doze off when a little voice calls from the hallway ‘Mummy! Ewwww, POO!’

    12.50 – Change a pooey nappy, remake bed, resettle, kiss and leave.

    12.50 and 5 seconds – Cue screaming.

    Over the next 40 minutes, I climbed in and out of her bedroom lots. Like fucking LOTS. No sign of sleepiness, no sign of settling.

    [I was so tired, my head might have exploded right about here]

    1.30 – Give up, climb into her room, cuddle toddler, curl up in her bed with her and try to fall asleep together.

    1.31 – Remove toddlers fingers from nose. My nose, not hers. I wouldn’t have had an issue if she was picking her OWN nose.

    Repeat for AN HOUR.

    There was no sleep forthcoming for me, and Amy seemed quite content to never sleep again.

    At 2.45, you *may* have been able to find me threatening to do horrible things to Nathan’s sleeping body if he didn’t wake the fuck up and help me out here. He woke up.

    After an afternoon of stress, a few inconsequential arguments (‘Put the cat down! AMY PUT THE CAT DOWN! SEVEN, STOP TRYING TO EAT THE CAT! AMY, PUT THE CAT DOWN NOW! SEVEN! PUSS! AMY! ARGHHHHHHH’) and some food, it was bedtime.

    Bedtime wasn’t quite so stressful. It only took an hour and 10 clambers in and out before she finally settled and fell asleep (at least, I am hoping she is asleep, it’s pretty quiet in there).

    However, the last few nights, she only managed to stay in her own bed until about midnight, after having her scream for 20 minutes I would just give up and take her into bed with me.

    Hell, it’s the middle of winter here and if I am going to be awake for hours with a bouncy toddler, by GOD I am going to do it from the warmth of my own bed. Path of least resistance and all that.

    Have you tried sleeping with your toddler lately? They are poky and bony and they kick! Seriously, what is with the need to kick me in the bladder hundreds of times!

    AND, since I weaned Amy off the breast, she seems to feel the need to assure herself that my boobs are still there. I am spending a lot of the night with a sleeping toddler twiddling my nipple. I don’t even know if she knows she is doing it, but whenever she wakes up, she shoves her ice cold hands down my top mumbling ‘boobies…’

    I am so freaking tired I feel sick. Please don’t tell me that naps are going to disappear forever, because I don’t think I could handle that right now.

    Am off to sleep now, g’ni…zzzzzzzzzz….