Pregnant. Finally.

Sunday TMI

by Veronica on October 7, 2008

in Headfuck, Pregnant. Finally.

So today is Tuesday, but I don’t want to talk about today. I want to talk about Sunday.

Sunday I had lots of plans. Do some laundry, make some bread, clean up a little, enlist Nathan to do a bunch of stuff. You know, normal weekend stuff.

What I did not want to do was pass a small blood clot and bleed a little. Now in the interest of full disclosure, it wasn’t fresh blood, more of a browny sludge (you can thank me later).

So I did what any pregnant women does. I panicked a little, then I rang my hospital for advice. Said advice being, ‘We’re really sorry that you live an hour away, but we DO need to see you. Can you come in?’

And being Sunday, of course I could come in, because Nathan was home and Mum was available to watch Amy.

24 weeks and spotting.

One vaginal exam and an ultrasound later, they had no idea where the bleeding was coming from, or what might be causing it. They said ‘Another doctor will be around to talk to you soon’.

They lied.

Soon for me, is in the next 30 minutes maybe 45 if they are busy. Soon is NOT nearly 3 hours later.

And 3 hours later would have been okay, if the doctor would have actually been able to tell me something. Or at least apologize for soon not actually being soon.

Diagnosis – No idea. Go home. And he was rude about it.

Firstly he was Indian, which, fine. He’s Indian, it’s not going to affect how he does his job. He spoke good English and yada yada yada.

However.

He did not UNDERSTAND English very well. Our whole conversation was him telling me what I was meant to do, me asking him to clarify and him completely misunderstanding me and talking me in a whole big circle again.

He could not tell me why I was spotting. He could not tell me the results of the swab they took, nor the urine test. He refused to answer all questions as to why I might be bleeding instead answering with a ‘well the ultrasound looks normal, so we think everything is fine’. He couldn’t tell me if I had an infection (a possibility bandied around while I was in the awkward position of having my ankles together and my knees apart wearing no pants).

He asked me where I lived.

‘About an hour out of Town in *insert suburb here*’

‘Is that towards Launceston? Or down south?’

‘No, towards Launceston’

‘Well why are you here then? Why aren’t you being seen at Launceston General?’

‘Because this hospital is closer?’

‘But why you not go to Launceston instead? Or another Hospital closer?’

‘Because this is the closest hospital! This is the ONLY hospital within a 100km radius’

(You arrogant idiot! Why else do you think I would travel an hour ON A SUNDAY to be checked out!)

‘Oh’

(If you didn’t find him telling me to go to another hospital ironically hilarious, it’s because I have never mentioned how bad the funding for our health system is at the moment. All the smaller health clinics and hospitals have been closed. And even if they were still operating? Hobart is still closer than ANY of them! AND none of them are equipped to birth babies.)

He gave me an order for blood tests and told me I had to get them done before my next appointment with the midwives. Then he contradicted himself a bunch of times until I had no fucking idea what I was meant to do with the blood tests.

Further examination of the order has shown that they are stock standard 26 week blood tests that will be drawn at my next appointment. They do not require a special trip into town and they are not testing for why I might be bleeding. Asshole.

According to an ultrasound, the baby is fine and my placenta is fine. No obvious cause of any bleeding.

I have been given orders to return if I feel the need (fat fucking chance. I will go back if I am in active labour, or if I am bleeding red.) or to call for reassurance.

I felt like I was treated badly by the doctors. The first doctor who did the exam and ultrasound, asked my age and then told me how ‘very very young’ I was. Quite a few times. Then she said ‘And you have a 2 year old at home? Goodness you are YOUNG’.

Yes lady, I know I am young. I don’t feel young. I made the conscious decision to have my children NOW rather than when I am 35. This is what works for us. We own our own home, I write on the Internet (for small amounts of money) and I planned my life this way. My pregnancies were not accidental.

Back the fuck off.

I left stressed and upset, feeling like I hadn’t been listened to. All I wanted to know is WHY I was bleeding and what might have been causing it. Failing that, a decent consolation that no, everything is fine and none of this will affect your baby would have worked for me.

Anything except what I got.

I do need to mention the Midwives at my hospital though. The lady who was there for my exam, did the Doppler for a heartbeat and showed me where the coffee and tea making stuff was, she was lovely. So absolutely lovely. Thank you to her.

So today is now Tuesday and I have very light pink staining. I get crampy when I stand up for more than 5 minutes and I am spending more time stressing than I reasonably should. The good thing is, any contractions I might have are still Braxton Hicks and while uncomfortable, aren’t painful.

Sigh.

So, that’s what’s been up with me. How are you?

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24 weeks.

by Veronica on October 2, 2008

in Pregnant. Finally.

Well here I am at 24 weeks.

The baby still feels like he is breech and he spends alot of time kicking me in the bladder. Sigh. My boobs are leaky (man, I had forgotten how annoying leaky boobs are) and sore.

I feel stretched and my tummy itches an awful lot. I have less room in my lungs and I am just about at the point where I can’t put washing in the washing machine, or get it out. (Front load washing machine, sitting on the ground. Not the best place for a pregnant woman).

So far, aside from the occasional ‘Mmm, that would be nice right now’ I haven’t had hardly any cravings whatsoever, unless you count the craving for Amy to not need to sit on my belly. No midnight need for chocolate pudding, or dashes to the supermarket to procure pickles. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like pickles all that much anyway.

However the nausea that had been plaguing me? Is mostly gone. I just have to remember to eat small meals often and head to bed before 9pm (lack of sleep makes my nausea terrible) and it is mostly controlable. So much nicer to be actually able to eat! Fingers crossed that I can keep it at bay for the rest of this pregnancy.

Weirdest thing ever? I have been finding myself needing to snack on something (anything!) at 2am. I wake up hungry and can’t fall back asleep until I eat something. Foods of choice lately have been pears, apples or bread and cheese. Once I have eaten I fall back asleep without any hassles. Not sure what I can do to stop needing midnight snacks, but apparently eating right before bedtime doesn’t help me.

Not long to go now. I suspect that the 16 weeks are probably going to fly. It’s funny too, even when I am tired and sore and complaining that pregnancy sucks, I am still so happy – so LUCKY – to be here. Feeling the baby hiccup and wiggle, well that’s just awesome. I can’t wait to be done, but today? Right now? It doesn’t suck so much.

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I Don’t Look Sick

by Veronica on September 22, 2008

in My body is broken., Pregnant. Finally.

So, as I was awake last night vomiting again, I came to a conclusion.

I don’t do pregnancy well. Sure the payoff at the end is OH so worth it (bring on my baby!) but the journey? Not so fun.

And I blame a good portion of my pregnancy woes, not on pregnancy, but on my CFS and how it relates to my pregnancy.

I found out the other day that I’m not immune to Rubella (German Measles. Very dangerous for the baby if I catch it during pregnancy). This set alarm bells ringing in my head, because at last count I had been immunised for rubella 3 times. Once as a toddler, once when I was 12 and then for a final time at 16 – less than 4 years ago.

I knew my immune system was pretty bad, but I hadn’t realised that it was actually non-existent. Makes me wonder that there is something that all the blood tests that have been run (admittedly, prior to being pregnant) have missed.

Surely a disappearing immunity to a disease I was immunised against should raise questions markers for my doctor?

But the thing is, I don’t look sick. I might look tired sometimes, but generally, unless you know me quite well, I don’t look sick. I don’t talk about it outside of immediate family (Mum, Nan and Nathan) much.

When I was barely 13, my hip started to hurt. I couldn’t walk and I felt a little off. Tired and headachey and sick. Xrays showed nothing, blood tests showed nothing conclusive and yet, I was still sick. I couldn’t walk (6 weeks on crutches) and I couldn’t go to school.

My headaches continued, as did the tiredness, even after my hip was better enough to walk on. Funny though, after my hip got better, it was a steady stream of other joints/muscles putting up complaints.

I was so sick and exhausted, that I couldn’t brush my own hair. I needed help getting out of bed and I had NO hope of washing my own hair. I just couldn’t keep my arms above my head long enough to get anything done.

I was nauseous alot of the time and couldn’t eat much without wanting to vomit. I lived on pasta and salad for months. Doctors told Mum that I was ‘faking it’ and ‘anorexic’ because they couldn’t find anything else wrong. God knows I wasn’t either of those things.

It was the most frustrating 2 years of my life, trying to get a diagnosis and treatment.

After nothing was found in my bloods (except one slightly raised infection counter that is STILL raised, but not high enough for them to consider) and nothing was found on a CT, they diagnosed me with CFS, told me to exercise lightly and regularly, watch my diet and go home and cope.

That was almost 7 years ago.

I have been at home, coping, with no better diagnosis than CFS, for 7 years.

I still have days where I can’t eat. I still have the muscle aches and the joint pain and the overwhelming tiredness. Most of the time I can ignore it, but pregnancy aggravates all my symptoms terribly.

It’s silly, little things like stirring soup? Make my arms ache and I have to sit down. I can’t chop vegetables without resting. I can’t stand for long periods of time and I walk a very fine line between eating enough so that I don’t feel sick due to an empty stomach and not eating so much that my body revolts and I lose it all again. I don’t heal very fast or very well.

It’s hard, not that I am sick, because hell, I have been dealing with it for *this* long, I know that I am not going to lose my ability to cope, but because to other people, if I don’t look sick, it isn’t really happening.

That is the problem with auto-immune diseases (yes, CFS is considered an auto-immune disease. It is also only supposed to last 2-5 years before you recover), you don’t look sick. It’s even harder because even if you are visibly sick, it is an invisible illness.

The medical profession is very good at fixing obvious problems. A chest infection; an earache; a broken leg; but if your disease is hidden, you get thrown in the ‘too hard’ basket and left to cope.

The medical roundabout of trying to get a diagnosis is dizzying and frustrating, because of not looking sick.

To other people, I don’t look sick. Hell, sometimes I have a hard time convincing Nathan that I am having a bad day. My headaches don’t go away and something is generally aching at any given moment. But I don’t look sick.

And sometimes, I don’t know whether that is a curse or a blessing.

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Well It’s Official

by Veronica on September 11, 2008

in Pregnant. Finally.

I seem to be having a baby!

Oh wait, that isn’t the news you were waiting for? You want to know the sex of the baby?

Well, how about a photo first?

See, isn’t the little one gorgeous?

So gorgeous. Okay, I might be a little biased though.

We are having…..

….. A boy!

And it’s a good thing we wanted to know the sex, because the baby wasn’t shy in the slightest. Hell, I could have told you we were having a boy after 5 minutes in the scan he was that eager to show off his bits.

No denying it, there is a little boy in there.

Oh and we have to have a stern talk to him, because at this point in time, he is firmly breech, bouncing around squashing my bladder. Ah well, he has plenty of time to turn upside down. Don’t you little one…

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21 Weeks

by Veronica on September 10, 2008

in Pregnant. Finally.

Tomorrow I will be 21 weeks pregnant. Also tomorrow, I have my anatomy scan which should *hopefully* let us know what sex the baby is.

Once we know the sex, then Nat and I can start discussing fun things like names. Sorry about the quality of the photo, the mirror is covered with dust and dirty finger prints. A perfect example of my entire house actually.

This pregnancy makes me nervous actually. Knowing that at the end of this all I should (hopefully) have a second child at home who needs me right! now! mummy! along with Amy.

I know that I shouldn’t worry, because hell, things will work out eventually – I might not shower, or eat anything that doesn’t come with instructions to stick in the oven and heat, or use the toilet, but things will work out.

I am worried about things like; how am I going to manage breastfeeding in public? I have NO qualms about breastfeeding in public (and I refuse to cover the baby’s head, would you eat in an airless tent? No, me either), but I am nervous about how to go about breastfeeding in public with Amy about.

Amy gets bored very easily and I can’t see her wanting to sit still for 30 minutes while I feed her sibling.

So, my other option would be to invest in a sling that I can breastfeed in. Only, because I didn’t use a sling with Amy (yes, you can call me stupid, I wished for one ALOT) I have no idea what works with newborn babies.

Advice? Sling recommendations? Anything?

Sigh.

Anyway, feel free to tell me what sex you think the baby is. I will be back tomorrow evening to let you all know what the scan said.

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