We aren’t buying gifts for anyone this Christmas except for Amy.
Now just let me read that sentence over again while I wait for the guilt to subside.
It’s taken me a while – and lots of whinging to Nathan – to come to terms with why I alternately feel compelled to not buy for anyone except our daughter and then within the same moment, feel incredibly guilty that we aren’t buying for anyone else.
Part of our decision came down to money. Nathan and I both have large families and to buy for everyone just ends up much too expensive for us.
It doesn’t help that I am notoriously tight with money, taking a long time to actually make a decision to buy anything big (it took weeks of contemplating a Dyson before I was ready to say ‘Yes, let’s buy one’ and then we bought it with money we had put away).
The other part of our decision came down to my annoyance with the commercialisation of Christmas. I don’t want to spend every year trying to outdo myself with gifts and decorations. I don’t want or need that kind of stress. I don’t want people to expect anything from me except good food and company, because good food and company I can always do.
I don’t want to make myself crazy making sure that no one is forgotten.
It’s much easier just to remember Amy.
Much easier.
I will still be making biscuits and truffles, wrapping them in cellophane and giving them for gifts. I will still be making something to take to Nan’s for Christmas lunch.
So really, everyone will still be getting gifts, they just won’t be getting things I have bought. Instead, it will be things I have made with my own two hands and sometimes I wonder if that is enough.
Common sense tells me that of course it is enough, but I worry that I will go to all the effort of making these things – while 9 months pregnant – only to have them pale in comparision of gift wrapped stuff from shops.
Am I being stupid? Probably.
But that doesn’t change anything, I’m still not buying presents regardless of how conflicted I feel about it.
What are you doing for Christmas? What are your plans for gift giving? Who do you normally buy for?
If you don’t celebrate Christmas I would be even more interested to know what you do celebrate. How do you deal with a holiday season that seems completely skewed towards a Christian holiday? Do you mind me asking?
(I’m not a religious person by any means, Christmas for me is about good food and good company and a tree and tinsel, not so much about the religious significance.)
I’m with you Veronica. Most of the gifts we give are home made too. And, believe me, they seem to be just as appreciated as bought stuff. You do what you think is right for your little family and don’t worry about what others think 😉
You are NOT being silly at all.
I have handmade christmas cards, bought a very cheap block of chocolate and one small thing for each person (Meaning both sets of parents and grandparents, siblings and their partners and children) so it comes to 22 people all up. I spent on average $6 per person. Other people in the family just get a handmade card. Nathan gets a special present and Jordon gets a special present and Santa will be coming to him as well. I still spent over $100 but I was proud of my efforts.
Easter will be easier as I will be making handmade easter eggs and truffles and wrapping them in cello around a small basket. Found the baskets for $1.20 each and the choc mould for cheap too. Then it will still be the same 22 people.
I also went to the op shop for the christmas decorations, big bags of tinsel for $2.00 each.
I do christmas on the cheap too 🙂
Tanyas last blog post..Pregnancy as an excuse
Being a christian the skewing thing isn’t a problem for me at all, but I can see how it can be for others.
We are putting a big emphasis on hand made/home made/cooked gifts this year, but for years we’ve had a thing in place where we don’t buy gifts for our siblings, just our nephews and nieces (oh and our parents) and all with a limit of $15. It’s way too much otherwise.
I’m not a religious person either. Christmas for me is about family gatherings, I have 3, since I have family members who don’t get on, lucky me, 3 christmas lunches. I don’t do the handmade gifts, because I’m crappy when it comes to making stuff. I buy only for the immediate family, kids (and their partners) and grandkids, every year the gifts have gotten smaller and cheaper as the kids grew to understand that $$$ don’t mean everything. Now we’re at the point where it’s gift cards for everyone (except the 4 yr old) and I buy these as I can afford them during the year. Everyone else gets a card sent to them. I think your idea of making things from your kitchen is an excellent one and it most certainly does qualify as a gift.
My family is a little odd in that we don’t buy cards or gifts for each other on any occasion, birthday or Christmas. It stems from all travelling a lot and spending a lot of occasions away from each other. Rather than spend money buying something to send in the post and then not be there to enjoy when the other person opens it, we celebrate occasions when we are together and so often end up exchanging gifts on no one’s birthday! We love each other a great deal and shower each other with special things that mean something, just not on the appropriate day. As a result I find it hard to get enthusiastic about buying things around the holiday season. Last year I made apricot jam and spicy apple chutney as gifts for friends and handmade a few little gifts for my mother-and-sister-in-law.
We didn’t buy Amy anything last year figuring she was too little to really understand and would have enough to open from other family members. This year I am handmaking a few things and making jam and chutney again but won’t be sending anything over to my family. Strange, but it works for us, puts the meaning back into these commercial occasions. Amy is getting her big girl bed and pink dora linen for Christmas!
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mmmm truffles yum.. I am proud of you Veronica..
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You’re right! It all becomes a commercialised circus and the true meaning disappears into the distance of artificial snow (for us in SA anyhow!) On the other hand I must say that I do love Christmas and all its pomp – but it does get expensive, and your idea of handmade thoughts is a fabulous one. I would MUCH rather have some home-made treat than another tube of Ylang-Ylang handcream, which not only costs a fortune, but joins the other 20 received through the year! Know what I mean? BUT Christmas Pies, carols, Santa … I’m a sucker! LOL!
Yeah, I think it actually makes me enjoy Christmas more now that we don’t buy for extended family much. We have strict budgets for our kids and will be buying for our nephew because we see him several times a week but other than that no presents. The food and having a special day together are what’s really important to us.
By the way, I gave you an award today, which I’m duty-bound to inform you of here. I always read you and you made my day when you friended me on the NaBloPoMo thingy. So mwah!
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I have 4 siblings, and we just buy for each other’s kids. And it’s just a small gift. I do gifts and stockings for Regan and Sam, and Mark and I do stockings for each other, but no other gifts. We’ve stopped doing gifts for extended family, but we buy for Mark’s mom and sister – ’cause that’s his whole family. I send out lots of cards, and I’m going to make some goodies with the Princess to give out to friends and family and neighbours, to start teaching her about the joy of giving. Every year we seem to whittle down what we spend and who we spend it on a little more. DON’T feel guilty, I think everyone enjoys watching the little ones open their gifts best anyways. If Amy likes drawing or painting, you could take her best work and make colour copies of it for her to give to everyone….
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What you are doing is very admirable Veronica. Taking the time and making the effort (while 9 months pregnant) to make biscuits and truffles for everyone should be appreciated as much as fancy ‘gift wrapped stuff from shops’ if not more.
Christmas for us has always been about enjoying the company of family & friends, celebrating everyone being together and eating way tooo much fab food!
This year we’re trying a Kris Kringle gift-giving thing,.. we’ve all pulled out a name from a hat and are buying only for that person with a $10 limit. Everyone gets a gift to open and setting a limit makes everyone feel more comfortable about it and it’s more about the fun of it than anything else. And Christmas should be all about fun (and food! yum truffles!).
We have a certain trend that we follow. If we go away for the holidays (which is very expensive) we only by for the kids. If we stay at home over Christmas we buy gifts for the family with the money we would have spent on holiday.
If they don’t like it that is just too damn bad.
Just like in the States our little country is also going into resession so it’s not like everybody has money floating around………I mean duh!!!!
hey
hmm
we always spend xmas eve with bjorns family.. and xmas day with mine.. although this year bjorn has to work xmas day so dont know how we will work it..
maybe have a dinner instead of a lunch seeming.. Maddi might understand it better and its Cai first xmas…
think we are only buying for a few this year and of course the kids.. lol
Rather than everybody buying gifts for everybody else – expensive and difficult – we put all the names in a hat and each person drew one. If you got yourself or a spouse you had to put it back and draw another. The name you drew is the person you’re to get a gift for on Christmas. Limit $50.00. Easy. No one gets left out.
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I am totally with you on this one. To me, it isn’t about the religious part of the season. I have, ever since my children were little, celebrated everything about the season. It has never been about the gifts. Family, friends, just the enjoyment of the “spirit” of all the holiday. Not just one aspect of it.
I do get my children something. But even into their teens, they never really want anything. They usually tell me a couple of things, never anything way over the top. My son has a birthday around Christmas, so I always sort of “diminished” Christmas in favour of his birthday. (If that makes any sense). I watched so many parents make such a huge deal out of the holiday that it made (IMHO) their kids look like spoiled brats. I vowed my kids would never be that commercialized. Touch wood, they aren’t and they are 15, 13 and 10.
I also feel like giving homemade gifts aren’t enough. I always feel like the receiver is looking at me like I am too cheap to actually spend money on them.
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I’ve stopped buying for most adults, save a few and am only buying for the children in my family. The rest will be getting my awesome homemade banana chocolate chip bread. The money and energy just isn’t there this year for me to do more.
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I think your idea should work just fine. So often, the holidays are completely ruined by all the running to the stores, Christmas lists, and expectations. Our families are small, thankfully, so we don’t have to shop for many, but we have been paring things down over the years. On my husband’s side, we each just draw a name out of a hat and then shop for one person. My side is smaller, so we still do a gift per person, but I don’t know how long that will last. Making biscuits (cookies?) and truffles is a great idea. Most people will understand the reasons and appreciate the yummies. The people who do mind should be thankful their greedy selves are getting anything at all. 😉
Hi Veronica!
Sorry it’s taken me soooo long to get over here! You know what’s been going on in my life right now though 🙂 I cannot believe it seems like just yesterday I was telling you I was going to try to keep this baby inside me until at least week 32 or 34! She arrived at week 28! Crazy! It has been a crazy roller coaster ride having had give birth to a preemie.
As for Christmas, it’s usually my favourite time of the year but this year I haven’t even had time to think about it! With the baby being in the NICU for the next few weeks/months (until her due date), I haven’t had time to think about the holidays and Christmas presents. I doubt I will do much shopping. I prefer to give gifts from the heart and make presents for people (baked goods, jams, preserves, scrapbooks, etc) but this year will be different. I’m hoping our friends and family understand. Right now my main focus is making sure my baby is growing, developing and that she is able to leave the NICU and come home with us soon.
Miss reading your blog. Thank you soooo much for your continuous support throughout the pregnancy, the birth and now the first few weeks of Little One’s life 🙂 Love ya! XO
P.S. How are YOU doing? I have been thinking of you and the little one inside you. Hope all is well!
Cs last blog post..3 Weeks Already
This time of year is awful when your not Christian. My son is in love with santa. WE keep telling him there is no such thing (because if you say that there you have to deal with the questions why is he not coming to our house does he hate me). It doesnt help. he feels left out. I remember feeling that way as a child. I simply do not give gifts to anyone as it is not my holiday. I do not take part in secret Santas or any of that stuff. If people dont understand it is too bad I dont ask them to fast on Yom Kippor. But in short it is not a fun time of year for any of us,
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I wish we could do that too, we don’t have any extra money and everyone else in his family is loaded. I feel awful spending the little we do on their gifts when they spend as more on one person then we do on 5-6 . I have gotten to the point where I dread Chritsmas coming because it makes me feel so poor and cheap compared to the rest of them. I say if you can do ,good for you worry about your own kid not everyone else! I wish we could do that, instead we never buy anything for each other and spend what little we have on others.
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I do the same thing most of the time!
This year we’ll probably be getting our family’s pictures professionally done, and then we’ll give just the photo.
I’ve done cookies in the past, too.
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We buy for our parents and siblings and their spouses, our niece, and Oscar. It is too much, particularly when we have so little this year. We are scaling way back, except on the kids. I’ve been pushing for giving only to the kids since we had Oscar last year, but no one else gets behind that.
Jennis last blog post..Here I Am, Still Pregnant. And I’m Okay With That. Except When I’m Not.
Every year my hubby and I beg his family not to buy presents for us or the boys. It gets to be SO CRAZY. The boys get enough presents from Santa, they don’t need so much. I understand the grandparents wanting to get them a little something, but come on! And then his sisters want to exchange gifts too. We are adults! Christmas is not about gifts! I say immediate family only, and grandparents. That is all. Unfortunately not all of our family agree on that.
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All I will say is…I have 7 brothers and sisters and 17(I think) nieces and nephews… there aint so gift giving going on here!
I DO like the secret santa idea though.
The families bunch together, put the names into a hat, everyone pulls one and buys 1 gift for that person.
Everyone gets a gift, and everyone only has to buy one.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Making that list, checking it twice
i’m doing the same thing, just buying for my kids. i’m making braided rugs for some people and other such things for other people. i too and worn out by the materialism. all that work just to open up a bottle of lady stetson and a manicure kit. no thanks.
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I’ve got a smallish family. Every year I insist that we keep Christmas to a minimum. This year I’m hand-making gifts (meaning my kids have painted, made, colored SOMETHING for each of the grandparents and their uncle). I’ve spent around $30 on all of it.
We spend the bigger money on a big holiday party a few weeks before Christmas (we still can’t afford it, but I use my savings because it’s what’s most important to me). To me family, friends and love are all that matters at the holidays. I’m trying to instill that in my kids.
My kids are the only ones getting real gifts this year.
You’re right on target.
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Hugs! And you know… why spend gobs of money on something someone else might not like…
Is it because they feel obligated to spend gobs of money on something you might not like…?
Exchange cards and call it a day.
Or do gag gifts you find around the house… like a recycling party. Just exchange the pressies randomly from everyone and open ’em. People can trade them if they like. One year I went to a party and there were horrible needlepoint things, old diaper disposal systems, etc. Funny!
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I see your guilt, and I raise you insomnia! Good for you, we cut way back this year, too. Immediate family only, and less extravagant than last year. Money, apparently it does not grow on trees.
Are biscuits the same as cookies?
Cats last blog post..Part I: The FAG Made Us Miss Our Exit
This is actually the first Christmas I have to think about this. I don’t think my parents or brother will be expecting anything since I’m the ‘poor’ college student but I think I will get them something anyways. Then there is the boyfriend I should probably get him something. Normally my parents just give to me, my siblings, my cousins (cause they lived with us for five years), my aunt, and grandparents, that’s about ten people, and other then my brothers and myself the others only get one or two things. But this year is so different my older brother wont be here and I actually do have the money to buy for others. I’m not religious but my family is so Christmas is a big deal, we always go to the midnight service at church. I think what you are doing is a great idea, it’s probably what I would do if I had a kitchen, but since I don’t I think I am just going to get for my parents, little brother, and boyfriend.
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We buy for the kids and even that has been minimised this year. We buy for Grandparents and for our niece but everyone else has homemade gifts.
That’s just the way it is.
tiffs last blog post..Dynamically opposed
Even though Christmas is about family and being with the ones you love, I still go a little overboard with the gift giving. I never try to outdo myself from the previous year, I just really love giving gifts.
Although I have to say, this year I may not be able to give as much as I would like. But I also give out handmade gifts, usually baked goods because I’m AWESOME in the kitchen!
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“So really, everyone will still be getting gifts, they just won’t be getting things I have bought. Instead, it will be things I have made with my own two hands and sometimes I wonder if that is enough.”
Honey, that’s what Christmas is ALL ABOUT. Shortman, Dive and my stepdaughter get gifts. Everyone else gets food we’ve made or something I’ve made. Mr. Hot is one of 6 kids – there are 7 nieces and nephews that go along with them. I’m one of three, but my sister has 5 kids and my brother has 4. If we bought for everyone, (22 + spouses + Mr. Hot’s mom and my parents?) – we’d have worked our way to the poorhouse YEARS ago.
And believe me, with a Catholic mother and a Muslim father? Christmas has NEVER been religious. 😉
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Since moving back to the mainland, I have been going to Christmas dinner at my brothers. This has meant buying gifts for family that are “obligation” more than anything else, as they are there. This year, we agreed everyone is going to spend a set amount on scratch tickets, and they will be handed out at dinner. Much cheaper, much less stress for sure! The only gifts I worry about are my daughter and granddaughter, and those are bought because I want to, not because I have too, what a difference that makes!
I have this conflict as well, particularly this year. Being 9 months pregnant, having already spent a lot on baby necessities, and with me not working, I don’t have a lot of energy or money left to blow on Christmas. Growing up, my parents always commented how this Christmas wasn’t going to be big, and yet they were always fabulous to me. With my sister, my parents, and me all having our own budgets now, it seems like there’s more money to go around, meaning bigger and bigger Christmases. This year, I’m spending more than I wish, but I refuse to feel guilty about not splurging on huge or numerous gifts. I feel like if someone else is sizing up gifts and feels like they got shafted, that’s their problem. Christmas should amount to more than that. And I’m baking too, unless Baby gets here before I can do it!
I think homemade gifts are the best, because they’re not just a gift FROM you, they’re a gift OF you. Know what I mean? And anyone that isn’t satisfied with a Christmas gift they’ve received really doesn’t GET Christmas.
You are doing more than anyone should worry themselves over – making good treats for them is grand. We are doing near the same thing – we’re only buying things for Braden, really. (Bought some things per the Blogher/JCP review, but that was not our money, eh, even then the biggest thing went to the little stinker.)
We are squeezing blood from a stone to travel to each side of our family this season, and if they don’t consider that a gift they can suck it. 😉
I am with you too …handmade is much more special than more clutter and the expense too.
For my family we doing Kris Kringle but doing our own partners – so we get exactly what we want *wink*
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Hello there! I think that’s a great way to do it. In my family us siblings don’t “do” birthday presents so Christmas is always big. However Mum and Dad have asked for charity donations in their names (I’ll still get them something small each – handmade soaps and a book respectively). My siblings are a mix between cash (for the traveller), items picked up from small businesses and owners, and books/games for the young’uns. Peter’s family gets calendars that my Rotaract club is producing for charity (they are lovely and feature the work of local artists) whilst Peter gets a house. 😉
For me Christmas is a religious event and that’s where the focus is. From there the focus moves outward to family and community. Definitely not pressies only.
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Did you need my address for some of that good sutff? it is hard to “change” things like that.
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Be careful girl. Those truffle making sessions can become addictive and then you have bucketloads of them and realise that you have spent WAAAAAAAAY more than you intended.
AND people hear of the wonderous truffles and then start ASKING for them! Dammit!
Good luck babe. I would much prefer something baked by someone I love than some trinket. Unless it was a new MacBook of course!
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I wish I was just buying for my son. Mind you there’s not a lot of people for me to get presents for but I still find it stressful because I never know what to get people.
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I think its a wonderful idea, we buy for the children really (mine and my niece). My parents , sister and hubby will get a small thing but that is that.
I do like the idea of baking something, but for the moment my baking still sucks
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