I must confess, I am not a coffee drinker. I mean, I USED to be [back when I was working and a caffeine high was the only thing that got me through the service. I can see why alot of kitchen staff end up on amphetamines] but I am not anymore.
I kicked my coffee habit shortly after I quit my job. It was hard, but I ended up pregnant shortly thereafter so it ended up for the best I suppose [plus the smell of coffee when I was pregnant with Amy made me heave].
Lately though, I find myself craving a coffee. Not so much for the caffeine (although sure, a boost would be nice) but for the ritual.
I want to be able to sit and sip and read a paper in peace. I want to feel like I have 10 minutes peace before I have to do anything. Dammit, I want to drink a whole drink without a short person asking for a sip every 30 seconds.
Amy – ‘Sip?’
Me – ‘No sweetheart, it’s coffee’
Amy – ‘Please sip? Please?’
Me – ‘It’s coffee. You can’t have a sip.’
Amy – ‘Please? PLEASE? SIP! Imawannasipnowplease’
Me – ‘Go bug Daddy’
Amy – loses her shit and tantrums.
See how that conversation went? See? That is how all my conversations go with Amy at the moment. Because no matter what I have, she wants it.
Sandwiches? Are all for Amy. I may hold them, until she decides that I am not allowed to. I may *possibly* be allowed to eat the crusts. No matter if I maker her her own IDENTICAL sandwich, she wants mine. Her is ‘yucky’.
Chocolate milk? All Amy’s. If I share one sip I have just consented to having the entire drink drunk.
It’s the same with everything.
And really, I don’t mind all that much. I ration what she can and can’t share, I don’t drink things I can’t share while she is awake and I set all the sandwiches on my plate and let her steal a few. I negotiate.
But some days? I really REALLY crave the ritual of sitting down to sip at a coffee. Unbothered.
Just to have 10 minutes that is completely mine where I don’t feel guilty for not sharing. For not doing something else instead. For not neglecting everything else that needs doing.
[I need to do the dishes. Dammit, they can wait, they won’t multiply. Fuck, I think they multiplied. The toys need picking up. Maybe I can scoot them all into the corner. No, that won’t work, Amy will just scoot them back out. I will do it in 5 minutes. The washing machine just finished. The dryer is beeping at me. We are nearly out of bread. I need to work out what we are having for dinner. The dishes need washing. Amy needs her bum changing. We should go outside later. I need to do….]
And somehow, even if I mange 10 minutes, I emerge feeling like I spent the whole 10 minutes doing stuff anyway.
I feel like I am losing myself.
Mmmmm…..
I am sitting here with my cup of coffee. Alone in the kitchen. Catching up on some blogs. It is heaven.
Oh, did I mention the children are in the next room being VERY NOISY? I didn’t even notice!
You deserve the award and I am a lurker here too. So let’s just agree no guilt about comments left or not left! Life is too short to keep score.
My two year old was begging for coffee one day. Crazy begging so I thought I would end this tantrum once and for all. I gave him a sip thinking he would hate it and this would be over. He sipped and then this look of pure joy came over his face. I am wrong AGAIN!
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvanas last blog post..WHO AM I?
Oh, Momma, you are not alone. I don’t even fix myself food anymore; I just eat Oscar’s leftovers. I feel like every second of my life is consumed by being a mother – I prepare his food, I feed him, I clean up after him, I play with him, I wash his clothes, I soothe him to sleep, clean up some more and on and on and on. And I don’t mean to complain- I love my son and love being with him. But is it so wrong that I want a shower that’s longer than five minutes and more frequent than twice a week? That I want to read a book without pictures? That I want to eat my own meal?
I wish I had a solution, but I don’t. I hope it helps knowing you are not alone.
Jennis last blog post..Oscar’s First Steps – With Video!
You totally are losing yourself. Some may say different but they are liars. having kids does that to a gal. Just think of it this way in 2014 you can have 10 min for coffee while they are in school. Its not that long…well…thats just depressing forget it
Suzies last blog post..Super B
Oh Veronica, it is tough sometimes being a Mum isn’t it? But those hugs and kisses and the spontaneous “love you’s” really make up for it. I can honestly say I don’t think I sat down with the family and ate a meal for about 7 years….. lol. Now that my kids are older, and still drive me absolutely batty somedays (like yesterday, for instance), I just stay up later than them and read or blog or just sit on the couch. (My hubby thinks I have lost it on those nights … lol)
My very active little boy asked for coffee at three … I gave him one. It was mostly milk and a little sugar, but he thought he was in heaven. He doesn’t drink it any more. My daughter, however, likes it. I get her decaf. I figure it can’t be worse than a pop or a cup of tea. It hasn’t stunted their growth too much.
Maybe Amy is just bored? She could be further advanced emotionally and mentally and even physically than her real age. She may just need some other type of diversion.
Jenn FLs last blog post..I Would Like to Thank the Academy ….
I don’t know what to say. That chile has you totally trained.
witchypoos last blog post..Bad Psychic
There are times when I think it’s a miracle that the human race survives, at all. Being a mother, a Mother – because I think the word should be capitalized wherever and whenever used, like Pope – is the hardest job there is. And yes, it’s a job. And underpaid, underappreciated, job. And there are times when I have to wonder why any woman, having had one child, would go back and have another. Women – Mothers – have to be the most amazing creatures on earth. To do what they do, to go through what they go through, sometimes without even a thank you, and to do it willingly, just amazes me. Sometimes. Other times, I see something of what they get out of what they’re doing, and I am jealous.
Lous last blog post..Tuesday Treat
My 16 month old wants everything that enters my hands. Not so much with his dad. If it looks like it’s consumable, and I may enjoy it, he wants it.
Sip. More. BEEEE-ZE! (Please) Quickly followed by his new found tantrum skills if he doesn’t get it.
I wish I could say something more helpful, but all I have is: I can so relate.
TheMamas last blog post..More Than 6 Words Monday
I think all kids act like that . I feel some days like ..there is no me or I’m a mom but nothing else!
Veronica, I’m with you. I know just how you feel and it’s tough. Especially when you’re pregnant, too!
The thing that helps me bust of it is usually a change of scenery. I pack up the kids and take them somewhere – whether it’s just a walk to the end of our property, a trip to a nearby lake to feed some ducks or to the mall to walk around.
I hope you get some time to sip some coffee soon.
am right there with ya hun..
sucks hey..
yeh they eventually got a little bit of blood but not much..
thinking of ya..
hugs..
Tazs last blog post..Weekly Winners – 6
I SO get this. I blogged about losing myself today too. Crazy coincidence.
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Can Someone Hand Me A Light?
Veronica,
Toddlers really can be impossible. Honestly, it does change and gets, well, different. I won’t necessarily say easier, but you will be able to get 10 minutes again!
Debs last blog post..R.I.P. Hermie
I am firmly of the belief that situations like this are why television (and DVDs) were created!
Yes. Anything Mommy is eating, must be MUCH better than what is on toddler’s plate. Even though it’s exactly the same.
I gave up coffee [again!] a month ago, but before that I would tell Wynnie that she couldn’t have coffee because it would give her hair in her arm pits. My dad used to tell me that when I was a kid (that might have been a 1970’s living-in-farm-country ism). It was great because she DID NOT want hair in her arm pits. Then one day she said “Mommy, you must have been drinking coffee… you have hair on your bottom!” Awe hell. I hate when my geniusness backfires.
Now, I try to get my ‘ritual’ fix with hot tea. Although it isn’t really the same.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..A Boy and His Trains
Dishes fucking DO multiply, don’t they?! I swear they do it when nobody is home, too. Bastards.
I know what you mean about “losing yourself”. It isn’t easy in that regard and every mom I’ve ever known anywhere has the same crisis, usually repeatedly, during their kids younger years.
I get about 20 minutes in the morning sometimes now – C gets to watch Thomas, I get to drink a cup and write a post or read a few. Its nice. I start to go crazy if I don’t find some way to have a little time to just do what I want to do.
Kats last blog post..The Britax Frontier
Be prepared.
It goes on for a very long time.
Hugs and coffee…and a small room that you can hide in, that Amy does not know about, stocked full of all your favourite things, so that you can do an occasional bolt and have a private snack.
tiffs last blog post..Doctorland and other stuff.
#1 I agree with witchypoo, that child has you very well trained. Heh.
#2 I’m wondering now if I did it wrong all those years ago. I know others here will tell me I’m just not remembering it right, but I DO remember sitting and sipping coffee, reading numerous books, showering alone, even sitting at the table at mealtimes. The kids all seemed to amuse themselves, even as toddlers they weren’t under my feet too much. Perhaps they were all as emotionally distant as me? Although I also remember kisses and cuddles, playing, bedtime stories, splashing in mud puddles, teaching them to say the alphabet backwards on the way home from shopping.
Flippantly, make your sandwich, and hers, but you hold hers and giver her yours until she decides to swap?
Seriously, I don’t believe you are not losing yourself, you are evolving more and more into Veronica the mother. This is just one of the moulding phases you will go through.
In many many years you will look back and realise you weren’t losing yourself, you were becoming yourself.
Take care.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..The end is nigh
C’mon Von throw that child outside the weather has been so nice lately and let her make mud pies she will be sooo engrossed that you can have all the coffee you want.
After your next kiddo is toddling, they will fight more with each other and that will give you all the peace you need to keep the coffee to yourself. You’ll just have to sort out all their little wars. :]
Peace to ya today. And hugs.
Mrs. Cs last blog post..Sick, Sick, Sick.
It gets worse as they multiply……… until they are old enough to make their own breaky anyhow 😉
Bettinas last blog post..Bloody Idiots!
I love the smell of coffee, but can’t stand the taste of it. Yesterday we had to explain to Aaron why he couldn’t have any of daddy’s beer.
nikkis last blog post..I’mmmmm Baaaackkkkkk!
Delaney absolutely LOVES coffee, and I indulge her. To avoid hearing the screaming and begging, I’ll just give her a sip. I figure, it’s only a bit and it hasn’t hurt her yet. And then I get that nice, calmness for about 25 seconds.
Taras last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Hockey for Breakfast
See, the problem with the dishes is that you said, “Fuck” in their presence. So they did. Snort.
Rees last blog post..WW – Frankenmuth Michigan
Widdle Miss 3 is the same.
Wants everyone to ‘share’ with her.
Widdle Shamrocks last blog post..Hot Hunk Thursday
Love your Nan’s comment. Made me remember sending all of mine outside. A Lot. Probably explains why I was able to get so much time to myself.
Laughed out loud at Ree’s comment.
God, I understand this to a TEE.
For fuck’s sake, whey can’t we be closer!? I’d take Amy for a whole day, in a second’s time, for you, sweet friend. And then, a week later, you could take Braden.
Sometimes, the Internet, we think she is a sweet liason, but really she is a cruel tease!
<3 you.
Sarcastic Moms last blog post..I only wanted to crawl in a hole and die for a little while.
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