Sometimes, I write things here and it all goes along swimmingly. Sure, you don’t get the whole story of the ups and downs, but that’s because no one wants to read 3000 words on how my feelings are feeling and how my kids are acting up. Not to mention I don’t want to write 3000 words about my feelings.
Other times, I go to sit down and write and come up blank and I end up walking away from the computer, rather than writing things out. When I’m feeling like my blog isn’t my safe place anymore, there is usually someone tromping all over it with their muddy boots, making smart arse comments designed to make me feel bad.
And let me be clear, I’m not anonymous in this space. I’ve never been anonymous. People find me here and then meet me IRL, or the opposite happens and I have no issue with this. In fact, if you know me IRL and you’re reading here and I don’t know you are, I’d love to hear from you. Even if you’re my next door neighbour, or one of the school mums.
This space stops being a place to talk, when I’m seeing snarky comments written about me. When there are judgements being passed, when they have no idea. When people don’t believe that what I’m doing is beneficial for anyone and so they set out to make me feel bad, by snarky, passive aggressive shit posted online.
That is when I retreat.
I’m not sure if I stop writing to save my own sanity, or because I get angry enough that I want to throw rocks at people, but either way, I sit on my emotions and stew and nothing gets written.
Then I get PMS and I cry on the phone to my mother because it’s a week til payday and I’ve run out of bread and milk and while there is enough money to buy more bread and milk and not have a cent left, this shit sucks.
When it’s not about the money really. It’s about feeling powerless, and angry. About being bitter and not having anywhere to talk about it. About being hurt and upset, because seriously, what adult goes out of their way to make someone else feel bad? Are you five?
My last major retreat from being able to blog was shortly after my grandmother died, when shit happened and I was so broken emotionally that I couldn’t connect enough to write what I was really feeling. Sure, I wrote surface stuff, but writing about how breathing hurt, or how I just wanted to sit in the sunshine and cry, that wasn’t happening.
I still miss my grandmother and the emotional shell I drew around myself 2 years ago has shattered and I’m feeling things, crying and being miserable. Grief is a process and you don’t always move forwards.
Amy’s Kinder Aide was speaking to me yesterday morning about Amy and some issues we’ve had in the classroom regarding friends. She looked at me and said ‘Amy is such a lovely child. I look at her and know her grandmother would have been proud. I think about Lyn a lot, and know she would have been so proud.’
I had to leave, because I was going to cry.
It is lovely to know that my grandmother made such an impact on people.
And then I cry, because lung cancer in a non-smoker is not how life is meant to happen.
Life has been getting on top of me and that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad and emotional and not want to write about it.
What isn’t okay is feeling like I can’t write, because of the judgements being made.
That’s when I get upset.
This is MY space. Not anyone elses. And if you feel like I’m not contributing to society enough, or that autism isn’t real, or that my joints don’t really dislocate, you can get stuffed.
And that’s that.
<3
I hear you. Hugs BG Xx
{big squeeze} xx
Well put as always, even when sad and whingy you are still eloquent as all hell. It is your blog if they don’t like what you write there are other bloggs!
You are wonderful, and motivational.
Next time someone makes mean comments about you, I’ll bring rocks and hunt them with/for you.
*HUGS* <3
Sending love xx all of it.
Sending love xx
‘And then I cry, because lung cancer in a non-smoker is not how life is meant to happen.’
This … This is how I feel about my father in law. It sucks so bad.
when the internet hurts, I disengage. It’s the best way. Sounds like you retreat when you need to. People suck.
No need to explain. It’s your space. A debate is good, but being mean and trampling over someone’s feelings is not.
A far away huge (((HUG))) <3<3<3 beep the lot i say speak your mind V I love what you have to say! 🙂
((((HUGS)))) I’m so sorry to hear people are leaving you crappy comments. Honestly, I just don’t understand how that benefits anyone. I say blog as your heart tells you to. If you need to pull back you should – but know there are many of us out here who support you 🙂 Your blog is a breath of fresh air – love your work ms V!
I can honestly say it will pass. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt while it does. But it will. You will be ok x
Sometimes people can be pathetically petty in an attempt to make themselves feel important. I can’t say don’t let them bother you because I understand how that is not possible at times. What I can say is that, anything I have ever read about you or by you, shows an extremely strong and loving woman who has faced many obstacles. Through it all, it seems to me that you have remained a strong and loving person and that, at least in my opinion, is simply awesome. I say write it out and tell all son-of-a-bitch-bastards who feel the need to hurt to simply fuck off.
Sorry for the potty mouth but it just felt right! 🙂
And that is that. Anyone who doesn’t like it should bugger off. I really don’t understand why people read blogs they don’t like, frankly my life is too short.
So, I’m staying here, at a blog I like, written by a woman I respect enormously and who I think has entirely too much crap to deal with to put up with stupid commenters. So there.
I adore you. Anyone who says different can get stuffed. (haha – so amused at that phrase.)
How is the contribution you make to society anyone’s business? How could anyone question your clear, well documented and obvious genetic connective tissue disorder? How could anyone be confused about the reality and impact of autism? Moreover, how could anyone be bothered to spend their time criticising you? You’re just one woman, you’re not a political issue. The sort of person that could be bothered forming a critique on the things that are going on in your personal is not worth wasting your precious mental energy on. They’re just bizarre, nasty people. I hope that you can regain a sense of this being a safe space. I think that all of the readers who value hearing your story would love to form a protective shield around you to keep the vile, nasty people out. They are just people with too much time on their hands and a malicious bent towards judging others. Don’t underestimate the number of people you help when you let your words out and share them with us. I’m sorry that people have been attacking you and making you feel more vulnerable. It sucks.
xxxx
Ignore the miserable bastards Veronica. They aren’t worth one minute of your time.
xox
That is exactly what her father says as well Sharon.
Good! I hope she’s listening to him 😉
You know those people are just jealous at how together you are with everything you have going on, cause their lives are easy and shit. 😉
*hugs* sweetheart. Will try to make sure I’m online tomorrow morning n hopefully we’ll snatch a good chatter on skype.
Love you sweety. xxxx
It’s hard, isn’t it. Because you are open and a straight shooter people try to pull you into their muck. They project their own issues onto you and try to bring you down to their level.
And to make matters worse, if you name and shame you become one of them and it turns into a “hesaid/shesaid” shit fight.
I hate fighting shadows, I despise people who do this. And if I could I’d run ’em all out of the country. But I can’t, so breathe… just breathe.
*I am the better person, I am the better person*
Oh Veronica, I haven’t been commenting so much recently but read every single one of the 72 comments on a previous posts on a recent post. I was so very angry at the vindictive, nastiness exhibited by some that I just couldn’t comment for fear of what I would say. Now I wish I had.
I think that those nasty people are in the minority and the majority of loyal followers of your blog, admire, respect and love you. For your honesty, intelligence, tenacity, and the rest. I think the thing is that often when your EDS is at its worst, you don’t blog much about it. You may mention it but you rarely go into the detail of the mind blowing pain and what it is like to live life, bring up children etc. with a inherited condition which has a massive impact on your life. So the people who may make judgements on that aspect are just ignorant frankly. What I don’t understand is if people don’t particularly like a blog why they feel the need to frequent it. The world being full of different people and different blogs.
With the autism, I just think some people will always prefer to think that it is a naughty child, or some such crap. Unless they were put in the situation of raising a child or children on the autistic spectrum, I really don’t think their opinion matters one bit. In that regard, I think its ignorance and also a very inhumane person who would write hurtful unthinking comments and frankly they should be ashamed of themselves. What keeps me going somedays is the people like you Veronica, because you restore my faith in human nature. I get overwhelmed as I mentioned in a recent post (on my non existant blog atm) and this was only a radio show, but on that show, the bigots, the nasty nasty uncaring people who were given airtime really upset me and so coming here reminds me that not everyone is like that. The world is full of people who are judgemental, nasty, bullies, enjoy cliques, whereby pleasure is gained from shutting people out. Those people who are very probably deeply unhappy themselves, choosing to project their own shortfalls upon other people rather than look to their conscience and behave towards others how they would like to be treated themselves. Occassionally one’s worst critics may learn that they are in fact wrong, apologise and everyone can move on. Others prefer to live in glass houses and throw stones. It doesn’t seem to matter to them how much hurt feelings, they cause. how abhorent their behaviour is. they will never change. To that end Veronica whilst I understand everything you say, this is the reason to keep on blogging, so that the good, nice, intelligent, people like you are not crushed by insignificant small minded nasty people. I wish with all my heart that I could take away the hurt for you but I can’t but it will make you stronger. The thing is about sensitive people is that they are also the one’s that bigots, jealous, just plain nasty people tend to pick on. But you will always be stronger than they for you have your dignity, your integrity, verity and probity. I wish they would go away and they should but sometimes particularly when emotive topics may be up for discussion, the nasties crawl out of the woodwork and actually comment and gossip amongst themselves in some way I suppose in the doing so, believe perhaps that this validates their behaviour, which is just a sad example of how human beings behave I guess. Sensitivity is not a failing and I would be equally as downhearted. Life gives you enough of a bad time without people deliberately going out of their way to upset you or leave thoughtless remarks.
I always admire the way you deal so eloquently with people who do leave hurtful comments. Respecting their right to give their point of view. I would have enabled comment approval long ago, to weed out the vindictive, simply not allowing them to keep on doing it. Not the ones who write a point of view respectfully which may not wholly agree with you but who write with honesty and integrity. Those whose sole purpose is to attack, vindictively would be zapped. But I know you prefer to deal with these things head on. But I do think that behind the scenes most of which I am unaware of, that you hint of there is a whole load of bullying and nastiness that is not acceptable and I am not suprised you retreat I would do exactly the same.
You are right Veronica, this is your space, to do with what you want and no one can take that away from you. So don’t change ever.
I just want you to know as ever in a very long way, that I think you are just fine as you are. I know its very crass but don’t let the b&^%$ds get you down. Easy to say not so easy to do.
Sometimes I do just blog about the shittiness of some days, and it really helps. I tend to steer away from politics etc. simply because others do it so much better and when you do it. I admire that you are not afraid.
I just hope I haven’t said anything to upset you because if I have I would be mortified. You have a difficult enough time as it is. Yet you take time to teach idiots like me with pictures – oh yes pictures as well, how to grow trees for goodness sake.
Ages ago I was involved with an online support group and in the end I had to bow out although I didn’t do it gracefully which I regret now but the nastiness and cliquey behaviour I was on the receiving end of was really unpleasant. It taught me a big lesson. A multi faceted lesson about the human race really. It toughened me up but saddened me at the same time that I had to be more cynical about people.
But this space is yours and I can only admire that you do not name and shame. It just proves that you as the above comment says, is the better person.
But I also hear you…..
tons and tons of gentle hugs my friend.
People are crazy! I mean if you don’t like something then don’t follow or read it! Right??? lol
Anyway, I’m here from the Super Stalker Sunday Hop! Thanks so much for linking up with us! Hope to see you again this weekend!
Kortney
http://www.kortneyskrazylife.com
Big hugs. People are asses and rarely get what they deserve.
WTF!? People are saying this to you? You must ignore their ignorant bullshit and keep on keeping on Veronica. I love this blog and admire you very much.
Veronica, we are in similar headspace. I’ve been having a rough time, lately. I understand how you’re feeling. I’m not sure why some people choose to try and tear other people down. Just know that the problem is theirs, not yours. You are divine and I adore you.
I love your blog. Write about what you want to write about, ignore the judgmental people and think about us other ones, who will enjoy what you write!
I look forward to every new post.
Veronica “Welcome to the InterWebs” is one of the first blog posts I remember reading and commenting on. I think it might have actually been the first blog post I ever commented on. And you replied to my comment and I got so ridiculously excited because holy shit, I put my little hand up and someone replied.
I think you’re lovely. I think your writing is wonderful. I think you provide a voice for a lot of people who don’t have the capacity to say some things themselves.
I also think that the distance a comment on a blog post provides is enough for some people to forget that they are actually impacting on a real person. And I also think that some people are just arsehats.
xox
There are some seriously gorgeous comments on this post honey.
Ah, I’ve missed something in the previous post comments, but then I’ve been chasing my own tail up here and decided I needed to spend a few hours reading/stumbling/tweeting today, before I get bogged down in my own book again this week.
The problem with illness is that unless people can see it, they are not willing to believe it. Mental health is a classic, but I’ve heard of people dissing those with IBS, Crohn’s, and any range of less than obvious ailments. There are things that should not have to be explained. Anyone who has met you would see that you do not “put it on” when it comes to your health. In fact, you aim to get out there and get with things.
You are no bludger and your contribution to society comes in manner of ways, not least of all as a mother and in the your post on asylum seekers that drew such wide readership and long comments. Ignore the spiteful comments. There will always be nay-sayers. If that’s all they can do, it is them who should be questioning their own contribution to society, rather than tearing down one who does little more than try to foster cohesion and mutual respect. X
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