Don’t piss the universe off

The morning of Nan’s funeral dawned grey and bitter. Awoken by Isaac looking at me and smiling, I was hoping like hell I could feed him and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, Amy woke up part way through the feed, so I was listening to her yelling ‘Mummy! I AM awake NOW!’ while Isaac kept breaking off to smile. I dragged myself out of bed and looked at my outfit hanging on the door ready to be put on. It wasn’t going to be a good day.

Mum forwarded a copy of the Eulogy to me. It was a first draft put together by my uncle. It was good, but it needed editing and polishing. So, I rang Mum, we talked and then I rewrote parts of the Eulogy and tied it all together into a cohesive speech before sending it back to Mum.

Just a heads up for anyone else who may or may not be involved in organising a funeral. Rewriting a eulogy on the morning of the funeral? Yeah, I don’t recommend it.

I was so stressed that my uncle would be upset with me for rewriting parts of it, but I pulled myself up, tucked myself in and figured that of course he wouldn’t be annoyed, it was only a first draft after all and it was too long and missing chunks and it was better now.

Right?

Eventually we were all ready and packed into the car.

Turn the key. Click click click goes the car.

Nothing.

Again, turn the key. Click click ffffft.

Nothing.

Fucking fuck of a fucking car. Fuck.

Dressed to the nines, we were standing in our very soggy front yard with a dead battery. FINE. We’ll just change the battery from the other car. Nathan jumped into the other car and checked to see if that one would start. Click click whirrrrr fffft.

Two cars. Two dead batteries. What are the odds? Dear universe. I know that you can fuck things up if you choose to, but really, don’t we have enough going on? FortheloveofGOD.

A phone call later, Mum and Dad were on the way to help get our stupid fuck of a fucking car started.

I have never been so stressed in my life. We quickly rearranged Amy’s care arrangements, knowing that no way in hell we had enough time to get her out to his parents AND back to the funeral.

Mum arrived and after enough swear words to make a sailor blush, our car was started and running.

I had the shakes, I felt nauseous and I was more than ready to be done with this day.

We got to the funeral uneventfully. Just as the car died. In the car park.

Oh my fucking god.

But we’d made it and everything could be sorted later. My stress levels were through the roof (have I mentioned I was a little stressed?) as I got Isaac out of the car and into his pram to walk in.

I flicked my head back, drew in a deep breathe and walked through the glass doors. My uncle saw me, looked at me and then immediately looked away. I didn’t notice really, I was too busy looking for Mum. I was about to fall apart.

I found Mum and started swearing about the car. Nothing better than a minor emergency to take your mind off the big things.

I was keeping my shit together fine, until I saw two of my parent’s friends walk through the front doors. Two men, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. Two men, who weren’t there for any other reason than to say goodbye to Nan and provide support for US.

I burst into tears I was that pleased to see them.

The service was lovely and I cried the entire way through it. All the work put in and it pulled together perfectly. I made it there on time and Isaac was good throughout. You can’t ask for anything more, can you.

And if a certain family member of mine refused to acknowledge my presence there, merely exchanging polite words when I initiated conversation, well then. That’s not my issue. That’s his.

****

In other things:

I asked and I received. I had my big girl panties all ready, but it turns out I didn’t need them. Not really.

Go on, go and read it.

And… I had my breast checked by a GP today. Definitely a lump there and it feels mobile so that is a good thing. In most cases, mobile lumps are benign cysts. I’m not terribly positive that it does move though and I’m the one feeling it at every available opportunity. HOWEVER. We’ll just not think of that. I am off for an ultrasound of it (‘it’ sounds weird. I almost feel I should name it) next Thursday. I’m much less worried now that I’ve seen the doctor and we’ve got things in motion for checks and stuff.

Right.