When I was working with ABC Radio, covering MONA FOMA, we copped some flak for not being professional enough, for not reviewing the events “correctly” for not adhering to the lofty professional ideals that other people would have.
See, the thing is, we weren’t chosen because we were professional music and art critics, we were chosen because we were people, able to tell other people what we were enjoying.
Then, the local paper ran a story about us and I copped even more flak, for being at MOFO when I had young children, for not being chained to the oven, for getting out of the house and GASP, actually doing something I enjoyed, while my children were cared for by their father.
SOMEONE CALL CHILD PROTECTION, THIS MOTHER HAS A LIFE.
I was stung and angry, because these people passing judgement, they didn’t know me and my personal situation. They didn’t know what I did for a living, just that I was a 22 year old mother of two and obviously was irresponsible, going out and working for the media. I used “gives young mothers a bad name” as my bio on twitter for a while, because it amused me.
Months later, I was featured in the newspaper again, in a story about twitter and social media.
Obviously someone who read my blog decided to get all upset that I have the audacity to tweet when I am (GASP) disabled and should obviously only be allowed out to collect my morning quota of sunshine, before being locked back in my box, never to bother humanity again.
Apparently if I’m able to write things online, I am more than able to attend a 9-5 job and WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE, THINK OF THE REAL DISABLED PEOPLE OUT THERE? (Yes, the ones happily locked in their boxes.)
Again, it stung and I was angry. Angry because broken joints mean that yes, I can write a blog post while laying down and publish it, but I can’t get up of a morning without relocating half a dozen joints. Angry because someone made the assumption that they knew what I lived with every day, when I chose to share parts of my life and angry that when everything is so hard for me, I still can only feel sad that people would like to make it harder.
Yes, I attend brand events, as disabled as I am. I do this with the help of good joint braces, pain killers (the good ones) and an awfully long recovery time afterwards. I do it with a smile on my face, even when my ribs are dislocated, because hell, I can’t change it, so I can’t let it stop me living.
I’ve had trolls, on and off since I started blogging. Nasty commenters set on destroying my reputation and having Sleepless Nights shut down, angry women declaring that breastfeeding is disgusting and sexual and people deciding that they knew what my life was like, just because I shared a snippet of it with them.
I was on A Current Affair last night and woke up this morning to two comments, from someone who sounded decidedly familiar. Once I’d done an IP check and worked out where they came from, I stopped feeling stung. This person, they know that I have kids on the spectrum, that we have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, that I do brand work and that things are hard for me.
I wasn’t upset, not in the way that the other comments made me. This person, they know my situation and they choose to believe that I am a liar. So be it. I cannot change what they think and the more I argue the point, the more they think I’m lying.
This person, they lost their power to hurt me years ago. I read the comment, worked out who they were and went “yeah, so?”
Trolls are hard to deal with sometimes. Everyone has an opinion about your life and how you should live it, even more so when you live your life online.
Today’s troll was the easiest of the lot, because I could just laugh at him. In the scheme of other comments left, it was relatively mild.
You want to complain about me giving my daughter panadol? Fine. I hope no one treats your daughter they way you’ve treated me.
And that’s what I wanted to talk about today.
Comments
28 responses to “Everyone is a critic”
*shaking my head*
Got nothing to say about deliberately hurtful people. Except maybe eternal diarrhea.
Some people need to get a life!!!!! Hugs
Shit, that sucks!
I dont know how I would deal with trolls – but I would imagine I would be just as angry as you are – and FAIR ENOUGH. What a fucker!
I get so annoyed when people judge others. I don’t care if they know them or not – it’s impossible to know exactly what someone else is going through, because we all have different filters. What arrogance, to think that your opinion is the ONLY opinion.
Okay, end rant. I think you’re awesome, and I’m 4 years older than you and can’t imagine doing all you’ve done and are still doing – morons who troll you are just ridiculous *hug*
Whoever he is, he’s a twat. Ignore him, Veronica, it seems that empathy and compassion are so lacking in the world!!
I hate the trolls.
I wonder if these people realise they what they are doing is “cyberbullying” and that legislation is getting closer to making this criminal behaviour?
e.g. in Vic: “Students or parents involved in cyberbullying could be jailed for up to 10 years under a Baillieu government push to stamp it out.” http://www.theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/brodies-law-to-be-used-to-cut-out-school-bullying-20110820-1j3wz.html
10 years jail? I’m sure it won’t come to quite that extreme, but maybe these commentators should think twice about what they are putting out there, permanently, on the public record. Clearly they don’t think it is serious. It is.
* When I say that this is “cyberbullying”, I’m using the excellent guidelines on the Daniel Morcombe Foundation Guide for cyberbullying (7 points) http://www.danielmorcombe.com.au/foundation_red.html
Is it worth considering a comment guidelines page on the site?
I love your attitude! You are such a brave and inspirational person so keep doing what you are doing so well. Trolls begone!
That sucks. Wishing you a troll-free life from now on.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this Veronica. I’ve been there on the being a ‘bad’ sick/disabled person, you simply can’t win with those twits and as you say there is no point in arguing. All I can say is enjoy your life, live it as you wish, and everyone who doesn’t like it can stick it up their super tight sphincters.
Man, what a week you’ve had, eh? Stand resolute, I think you’ve doing great š
some people need to get a life.
I think you are inspirational xxx
“Yeah, so what?” indeed. Good for you for looking at it this way. Can I come crying to you when I get my first troll?
Laney š
Good on you for publishing it far and wide that you’re laughing at him. Seeing he feels the need to check up on you, he’ll get the message. How boring or sad his life must be if he needs to try to control yours.
Some people just can’t believe in a disability that isn’t able to be seen. You look whole and healthy, so to them, you must be. Well, pfft! to them.
As for giving your daughter panadol….ha! we’ve all done that. My eldest had an ear infection at 6 months and I gave her panadol then (along with her medically prescribed anibiotic) so that we could both get some sleep.
None of us are bad mothers because of it, and I’d venture to say you’re a much better mother than some I know.
Take it as a compliment. He/she obviously can’t stop reading, I think in the advertising business they either want you to love the ad or hate the ad, either way you remember the ad WIN.
Either way keep doing what you do. I enjoy reading.
p.s imagine how many times they click to see if you reply to their comments..great for the stats ;-p
I like to say either way…a lot.
I am SO envious of you having trolls. It means you have a successful blog!
I think the reason trolls’ comments initially sting… is because what we put out there is personal. We display our hurts for the sake of reconciling them. Most people are really supportive of that. Trolls, clearly, are not.
But it’s true. They don’t have to have a fantastic opinion of you. They don’t matter.
“the more I argue the point, the more they think Iām lying”
This really resonated with me. I have a chronic compulsion to Make People Understand – doesn’t matter “understand what,” I just need to explain it, all of it, until they get it. And I KNOW that all I’m doing is fueling their fires, giving them more ammo to spend and deliberately ignore or misinterpret, but in the ~25 years that I’ve been a legal adult I have not yet been able to coax myself to the point of, “Yeah, so what.” I admire you for that, and if you had a technique you used to arrive there, please share!
On disability: It is my hope and dream that some day our society (i.e. the world, since you and I live in quite different, yet similar, societies) will wake up and realize that it is not necessary for a person to be chained to a time-clock, sitting in an office from 8-5 every Monday – Friday, to be a productive employee.
I don’t speak for you, because I know nothing about your situation (except that it sounds dreadful), but I know *many* people – my own father among them – who have medical conditions that make it difficult for them to do the “in an office 8-5 M-F” thing. However, IF the employers in the community would let go of the idea that ALL workers must be congregated together for a specific set of hours, they’d be perfectly able to work.
My own situation, which seems to be settling down a bit *fingers crossed*, is such that I have days where I am in too much pain and too weak to stand up long enough to finish taking a shower. There are times I spend the entire four hours of the day I am awake, in tears, because the narcotics aren’t working and because I feel so ashamed that I can only manage to stay awake for four hours a day. There are days I have to wait until my teenage son comes home from school so he can help me go to the bathroom because I’m in too much pain to walk that far.
Yet I’m able to continue working full-time (most of the time), ONLY because I have a job that allows me to (a) work at home and (b) select my own hours and workload. (Medical transcription.) If I can only work for an hour before I need to go lie down, I can do that. If I can sit here (as yesterday) for 14 hours almost without a break and type my little fingers off, I can do that too. Although I shouldn’t.
If I had to show up to a regular job and clock in, I wouldn’t be able to work. Period. (Hell, I can’t even commit to dinner with friends – all my plans are always tentative, with “Call me four hours ahead of time to see how I’m doing and whether or not I’ll be able to make it.”) But because my employer is, thankfully, flexible enough to realize that I don’t have to be under their thumb for 8-9 hours a day, 4-5 days a week, I can.
There will always be jobs that require people on-site for a certain period of time, but there will always be people who can fill *those* jobs. There are other jobs that do NOT require an office presence, or a strict schedule. When employers start realizing that people who WANT to work are out here, maybe they’ll stop sending those more-flexible jobs off to other shores. If they let people who are currently considered “unable to work” have a go at a non-traditional work setting/schedule, perhaps more people like me, and others I know, will be able to work despite our issues, and MAYBE, eventually, the stigma against people with “hidden disabilities” will go away, or at least fade. One can hope.
PS After reading your previous article and the troll’s comment, all I can say is: Anyone who doesn’t understand the difference between “appropriately treating an earache which has woken a child at 3 A.M.” and “drugging our children for a ‘good night’s sleep’” is truly not worth one drop of your energy. This is not someone who’s unclear on the concept, it’s someone who’s deliberately twisting your words for shock value. What a cretin.
Oh, you horrible, horrible mother, giving your child medication to treat the pain they were in! Someone call DOCS!!
I especially loved the selling out comment. Doesn’t that imply cash for comment? I can assure daddydaycare, Kellogg’s nor ACA paid Veronica to say that she wished Kellogg’s had an allergy free range of cereals. However, they were lovely to listen to us.
Hi Veronica, I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your blog and especially like your MONA FOMA reviews from the non-professional point of view. As a mum who also lives in Tassie, I like having a Tassie blogger to follow and one who is not afraid to tell it like it is! The way you challenge the status quo with your blog posts is very refreshing, keep it up and don’t go changing! I wish I had your confidence when I was 22 š
Well said. You know when I read the troll’s comments I thought: That says a hell of a lot about them and their issues, and absolutely nothing about you. Just proved he must be a hell of a dickhead.
Firstly I am so sorry you have had to endure this cyber bullying. Its beyond me why people act this way. What happened to “if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all”?? Other than that I can only imagine the green eyed monster has gotten the better of them as I truly do think you are your blog are such a success and a credit to be reckoned with!
It’s sad that people can’t just wish others well in their success. You’re getting noticed – more and more offers for travel, appearing the television – so inevitably, someone wants to pull you down. As hard as it is, I hope you can see it for what it is and ignore it. It would be really sad if it affected your decisions or goals. Don’t let it have that power.
Oh Darling, they’re sad pieces of work, aren’t they, hope they look good in green cause if their jealousy turns them a bright green they too will be surely noticed!!!
You know how much you’re loved, how clever you are!
Hey I’m cheesed off I didn’t know which of the loverlies you were on ACA … well done Luv, good on YOU. xo
*stabs* excuse me. I’m going to hit someone. Not you. But GAH
ARGH! I hate people like that… just had one of my neighbours at my door about 30 min ago guns a-blazing (figuratively) to pull me down a few pegs as Alfie had been left in the garden this evening while my (disabled) mum was here (so he didn’t jump up on her constantly, as he’s at *that* age).
Funny how the only times she’s ever bothered to speak to me in the 2 years we’ve lived next to each other has been to be a rude, self righteous know it all!
*hugs* at least we know these people aren’t the important ones! x