For Sale or Trade

For Sale or Trade:

One toddler. Slightly snot encrusted, but in a much better mood than yesterday. Is currently running, jumping, leaping and shouting BOO! at me. Can stand on one foot, hop, count, sing (tonelessly) and talk. Also gives good cuddles, declares ‘I LOVE you!’ occasionally and will accept any and all kisses.

Hates having her hair brushed, having me wash her face (hence the snot encrustation), raw pumpkin and being told no.

Is still mostly incapable of sleeping through the night, although occasionally she will sleep through for 3 nights and then wake up every hour for a month.

Likes any and all food (except raw pumpkin) olives and cheese especially, feeding herself, reading books all by herself, stealing any and all food from my plate. Loves being outside, kissing Daddy and climbing (onto the bench/table specifically).  Is a good problem solver and will move objects so that she can climb/destroy/wreck-rend things properly. Will play with something only until she figures out how it works, then throw it away.

Be careful, she can open lids of things.

For Sale or Trade:

One 6 month old puppy.

Chews things. Alot. Has a penchant for toddler shoes and women’s underwear (both stolen from the washing pile and clean). Barks only occasionally and is generally quiet.

Has shown lots of talent in the garden digging area, so if you need a digging dog, she would be perfect. Digs up pea seedlings in order to eat them. Eats everything, so is a little tubby due to living on a Toddler diet.

Insists on chasing and chewing on the cats, much to my annoyance at 2am. As much as she bashes them though, I caught her curled up asleep with the Tortoiseshell kitten this morning. Heh.

Is good with toddlers, randomly cleaning faces and playing. Doesn’t seem to like snot much though, probably a good thing.

For Sale or Trade:

2 Kittens.

Mostly grown, one tortoishelle and one tabby. Have no names aside from The Tortoiseshell and The Tabby. Both can catch birds, mice, frogs and lizards, although I try and discourage frog and lizard catching.

In fact, I can hear frenzied bird squeaking right now. Oh no wait, that’s okay, it’s gone quiet. I don’t suppose I will have to feed them now.

They don’t eat much and they cope well with puppy chewing and toddlerness. Will however eat any and all table scraps (including peas and carrots) if allowed. Continuously surprise me by not getting fat (like the dog).

They don’t eat my underwear or scratch or miaow.

Although, one of them is living in my roof of a night time (does anyone want their own personal roof cat?).

Generally unaffectionate and a little skittish.

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For the toddler, I want at least her weight in chocolate and you can only borrow her. For an hour.

For the Cats, well they are worth their weight in gold with the lack of mice I have had lately. So gold offers only.

And for the puppy? Well at the moment I am willing to accept any offer. She’s giving me the shits.