How To Write A Blog Post While Toddler Is Still Awake.

My first bit of advice? Don’t try this. I test these things so that you don’t have to.

Give Toddler something appealing to do. Maybe fingerpaint with a bowl of cereal?

Once you are sure Toddler is occupied sit down and open your laptop.

Replace Toddler in her highchair.

Sit back down and open laptop.

Get up and replace Toddler’s spoon. Give her an extra 3 or 4 spoons just in case she drops one.

Watch all the spoons fall on the floor. Resign yourself to giving Toddler a daytime bath as she eats with her hands.

Sit down and open laptop. Again.

Start to write.

Freakout as Toddler tries to bash on the keyboard with cereal covered fingers. Shut laptop and run a bath.

Sit in the bathroom and watch Toddler play in the bath. Wish that you had Wi-fi so you could blog while doing it. Wonder if that makes you addicted.

Get Toddler out of bath. Make sure you remember to SHUT THE GODDAMN BATHROOM DOOR.

Dry and dress Toddler. Remind self that as soon as you leave her nappy off she WILL poo on the floor. Elect for a nappy and pants.

Sit down to blog while Toddler plays in the pantry.

Silence.

SPLOOOOOOOOOSH. SCREEEEEEEEEEEAM.

Remember that you forgot to shut the bathroom door.

Pull Toddler out of the bath and strip her clothes off. Cuddle her. Lots.

Re-dry and re-dress Toddler. Remark on how The Pile is running out of clothes. Remind self to do washing already.

Once Toddler is occupied with her ball, sit down and open laptop. Re-read what you have written. Try to remember what you were going to write.

Get into the groove of writing. Get some good stuff down. Freakout when the Toddler bashes on your keyboard AND MANAGES TO CLOSE THE WINDOW!

Console self with the fact that it would have saved.

Realise that your internet had been disconnected and you had written everything without it being saved. Die a little inside.

Put the laptop down.

Read the Toddler a book, play soccer with her, go for walks, feed her, read more books.

Put Toddler down for a nap. FINALLY!

Pick up laptop.

Put down laptop as Toddler cries.

Re-settle Toddler.

Pick up laptop.

Put down laptop as Toddler cries.

Re-settle Toddler by snuggling and cuddling her.

Wake up an hour later with a Toddler still wrapped around your neck. Put Toddler down and sneak downstairs for a little blogging time.

Start to write. Realise that you have forgotten everything you were going to say. Start to write anyway. Inspiration will come.

The phone rings and disconnects the internet.

Give up.

Resolve to write all your blog posts after 9.30pm when Toddler is sleeping and phone callers can be politely sworn at.