A very long time ago, I started blogging on the Internet, instead of scribbling all my thoughts down into a paper diary. It was good fun, but the dinosaurs weren’t great at commenting and I was pleased to see a slow evolution taking place, bringing a lot of people to blogging with me.
It was after the first blogging conference I attended that I realised, I was just too nice to get ahead.
Unlucky for me, I genuinely liked people, I enjoyed both reading and writing and I suffered from pangs of guilt if I didn’t get around to reading my commenters blogs at least on occasion. As blogging exploded in Australia, along with blogging opportunities, I failed to get ahead. I wasn’t cut throat enough, or pushy enough, or able to effectively promote myself in a “I’m so much better than everyone else” kind of way.
Even worse, I had a huge case of Ethics and Morals that were hampering my every move.
It was sad and I was woeful, until I realised that my future didn’t have to be in turning my kids into online monkeys posing for the camera, or selling my soul for a piece of profit.
NO!
My future Internet fame could lie in SEX TAPES.
Surely sex tapes were likely to gain me more exposure that mummyblogging ever could? If I flashed my creativity in front of a video camera, SURELY someone would notice me and send me lots of money, for very little work. It worked for Kim Kardashian, right?
Unfortunately, my husband refused to help me storyboard my sex tape idea. He had “things to do” that involved fixing our lawn mower and hanging out the washing. I had such a good story planned for the teddy bears and toy goat too.
Things got even wonkier when I realised that I had no idea where the toy goat actually was and I wasn’t sure a unicorn was going to cut it.
But then! Inspiration struck!
I found a partially clothed Barbie Doll and a Zhu Zhu Pet.
And so, Internet, because my fame will never lie in cut throat mummyblogging, I give you Interspecies Barbie Doll Porn.
What more could you want?
Obviously my other failing is not having the patience to put together a stop motion movie.
You’ll have to use that imagination of yours instead.
Comments
31 responses to “I am too nice to get ahead in blogging. Obviously my future Internet fame lies in sex tapes”
Well..I’m sure that weird sex scene is sure going to help your stats!
Make sure to keep us updated on the story. Perhaps…they could have a baby 😛
OH MY GOD! You are so on a winner with Interspecies Barbie Doll Porn. Would you like me to review it and do a giveaway on my site?
Bwwhahahaaa! x
Oh absolutely. I’ll be the latest Internet Porn Mogul.
LMFAO
Interspecies Barbie Doll Porn is soooo gonna be the new catch-phrase!
And we’ll be able to say,
“We were here at the very beginning, eyeballing it in all it’s true technicolour glory…” *snort*
Rofl! Love it!
LMAO
You made my day. V x
LOL! I’m actually at work reading this and have to lol in silence if you get my drift!
Oh. Dear. God.
I love how Barbie’s eyes are all glazed over.
Love it 🙂 Thanks…..for the laugh and the sentiments 🙂
Haha I’ve been waiting since your tweets last night to see the results. Perhaps you should have pixelated some areas? You wouldn’t want to offend people now would you… LOL 😀
I did think of that, but then I couldn’t be bothered working out how to do it!
I’m pretty sure those deviates amongst us are happy you couldn’t be bothered HAHAHAHA!!!
As a non-regular reader I’m really hoping I clicked on this link because it mentioned blogging not the sex-tape bit – you’ve got me worried now. Very creative attempt at fame and fortune – hope it all happens for you – and good on Barbie for her dedication to the cause.
I’m absolutely sure it was the blogging bit. The photos were just icing on the cake!
I’m eternally creative, provided that I amuse myself at the same time. And agree, go Barbie – I couldn’t have done this without her!
I am literally laughing out loud!! Oh Veronica, you crack me up!! Don’t forget to have Barbie take an STD test afterwards.
That Zhu zhu pet looks rather smug
Well that was my first snort laugh in days. Love it.
Love it! But yes, an animated .gif at least next time please 🙂
I always knew that Barbie’s morals were suss … but zhu zhu pets? I’m truly shocked. Mind you, last year I had a poodle that liked to eat them. Zhu zhu pets that is.
anyone else notice that zhu zhu was one with a trunk….
Super Interspecies Barbie Porn there..
He was chosen specifically. I wondered if anyone would realise!
I will wait for the sequel, “Two Barbies, One Blog”.
I’m really loving the new direction your blog is taking. More sex please!
Too hilarious veronica! Only wish I thought of it first. Please let us know how the story unfolds : )
I’ve never understood the quest for internet fame. The need to be the biggest, the best, the most looked at.
People start with a simple online diary, a place to put down their thoughts, their worries, their joys, then they see their readership growing and start following their stats, they begin wondering why “x” has hundreds of followers, while they have only a few…….
Oh what a picture to wake up to. So so funny….thank you!
That little barbie doll is HOT. I’d do ‘er.
Beastiality Barbie. Teaching kids to fuck giant hamsters since 2012.
I guess it would be wrong to admit that I’m a little turned on by those photos?
That is hysterical!!! And totally makes up for the reality shots!!! Thank you so much!! Now I can get back to my happily ever after and fantasies … although saying that here after this post gives those words a whole new meaning… so glad I found your blog 😀