I have a confession.
You know how a lot of people worry about messing up their kids? Yes? Well… I don’t. I never soul searched while pregnant with Amy, wondering how it would go if I did everything wrong. How she’d grow up if I fucked it up.
Never. Not once. I still don’t. Somehow, I trust implicitly that I’m not going to fuck it up, that even if I make mistakes, I’m pretty sure both kids are going to be okay. I love them unconditionally and I’m happy that some days, that’s enough.
However, I worry that I’m going to fuck up these horses.
I worry about that a lot.
I think part of that is the fact that I haven’t actually ridden in oh, about 6 years? And that now I’ve got horses that I am responsible for and ohmigod, I think I’ve forgotten how to put a bridle on. How am I meant to be the ‘alpha mare’ if I’ve completely forgotten what I’m meant to be doing?
Emma is forgiving. Belle, probably not so much. Belle is highly strung. She’s more interested in being a horse than having human interaction. Getting a halter on her the other day was an exercise in patience.
Cue minor panic attacks.
And it’s stupid, truly it is, to be having panic attacks over horses. Horses for goodness sake.
I think I just need to remind myself that everything will be fine. That doing something wrong once is not going to fuck everything up forever.
You know, as long as the ‘something wrong’ is not something major. Like uh, forgetting everything I’ve ever known.
I wish Nan were still alive.
And breathe.
***
I suppose this is as good a time as any to announce that my other website ‘Two Mares‘ is live. I’m over there writing about the horses and the issues I’m having/not having with them.
Feel free to click over and have a look. I’ll be editing this post for language and cross-posting it there too.
You could even subscribe for me…
If you’re interested that is.
I never worried about whether or not I was messing up my kids either. Such a thing just never occured to me. Back in those days people didn’t worry about inhibitions and psyches and whether or not your kids needed “extra help”. We just had the kids, loved them, taughtthem right from wrong and hoped for the best. Mostly they turned out okay.
Going over to Two Mares now.
You’re so funny. I don’t – and haven’t – worried about that either. It really is like something to confess these days, isn’t it? It’s very popular to have anxiety attacks over your kids. Anyway, I’m on the same page. I’ll go check out the horsies. Even if it is a cause for worry, I’m so glad you have them.
Agree, as long as it’s not something major, then everything else is just normal parent stuff-ups.
Heading over to your other site now. I love stalking you don’t I.; )
Awww heck, you just love ’em, feed and shelter them and then love them a bit more don’t you? It all comes good in the end. children and horses 😉
I never really worried about messing up my kids either. I figure everyone has issues and the mother is always the one who gets blamed – no matter what we do.
Good luck with the horses. (I’m scared of them.)
I do worry about taking care of our hamster and mouse properly. (Ha)
Of course I’m interested. How could I not be?
Odd. I’m so screwed up that I just automatically assume that I’ll screw up my kids as well. I don’t worry about it, I feel like it’s inevitable and there’s always counselling.
I’ve always been a bit wary of horses, ever since one stamped on my face after I fell off. I used to love riding before that, but that put me off quite a lot! I got back on a horse the next day but it was never the same.
Haven’t ridden for years but you’ll remember how things go, give it time and practice 😉
Wow! V, I really, REALLY love the way you write. Coming here and reading your posts is always so refreshing. I realize that some days are more difficult than others, but your posts are so “real”. Know what I mean? xoxo
i havent ridden in years either.. they say you never forget..
things will work out fine and you will get there.. promise..
hugs..
I’ve never worried about how I’m bringing up the boys either tbh. I guess I must have a certain amount of trust in myself?
Gotta admit though, I’m not so bothered about the cat either, so long as he’s fed, brushed and has clean litter (he wont go outside since we moved) he’s fine. 😉
LOL, I’ve got no advice for ya. Horses freak me out big time and my mom is a horse owner…
New site looks good, I like the theme in particular.
In a funny way I understand what you mean about ‘messing up the kids’.
That stuff will happen, and it will pass, and everything will work out.
Some things you just know?
I love my kids – they love me. I agree on the right from wrong stuff and apart from that look back and think sometimes I was somewhat crazy sometimes I was sane. Most of the time I was just me doing the best I could. Looking back the only thing I wished I could change from looking at photo’s was some of the awful outfits I made them wear when little! Sorry for that. I was not the perfect mother I don’t think thats good its good to let them know early that mother’s most of the time just go with the flow and not perfect. So that when they are parent’s they don’t worry too much either. I look back and know I worried sometimes that my house wasn’t tidy enough compared to others. I pretty much learnt as I went along and that at the end of the day they were stuck with me. Warts ‘n all. If its not broke don’t fix it is my motto.
You and the horses are going to be fine. Trust your instincts. Can’t wait to check out the new blog. Take Care.
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