Nathan and I were playing Minecraft the other night when we heard a scream. It echoed around the entire house, leaving us listening for the sound of a baby waking up, or a terrified child.
[Related, yes, we play Minecraft together. It’s not just a game for children. Shut up.]
When no one woke up, we looked at each other and sighing, headed for the torch.
“It was, wasn’t it?”
“Yep. It was a possum.”
I knew we had a possum, because the other night, she was dancing an irish jig on the roof above my bed at three am. Later, I prayed for her death, while wondering how wrong it was to hope for something that inconveniences me personally to, you know, DIE.
We headed outside to our one large gumtree on the property and started looking. BANG, there she was. I glared at her and she chittered at me anxiously as I shone the torch in her eyes, wishing that my torch was actually a laser so that I could get rid of the destructive fucking thing.
Not that I’m bloodthirsty or anything.
(I am.)
It’s no secret that I don’t like brushtailed possums. My wish for them to pack up their bags and move far far away from my house is well documented and loudly voiced. They’re destructive. They kill my baby trees. They break tree branches. One fucker has been stealing my chicken eggs.
I am not impressed to have yet another one living near my house.
However, if I’m really lucky, this one will also get hit by a car, at which point I’ll do a little dance of glee, before composing myself and celebrating internally.
I am such a bad person.
This is why I need a protective ring of triffids around my house. Not only will they take care of marauding possums, but I can put them to work hunting down the mice that are currently eating all my seedlings. Sure, they might kill me too, but DETAILS.
Comments
6 responses to “Invasion of the garden eating monsters.”
That’s hilarious, the possums have probably got together to piss you off
Oh gosh, good luck! At least we love the bushbabies living in our roof
You need to just borrow the triffids so that once the possums and mice are gone you can return them before they start on you and your family.
I had to google “bushtailed possum” to see the difference between the hideous creatures we have in the states, who have a gross scaly tail that could never be described as bushy. Yours seem…almost cute, by comparison. Irritating as hell I imagine, but not quite as evil-looking.
Gross: http://www.richwooders.com/appalachian/wildlife/copyright/opossum-www-richwooders-com.jpg
Remind me to never inconvenience you.
My dogs kill our possums. My neighbours (and I) cheer every time.