This guest post comes from the lovely Marylin. Marylin and I ‘met’ through the internet when SN and her blog then were only a few weeks old. She’s one of my very best friends. She blogs at Softhistle.
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Yeah, there we go. I said it.
I want another baby.
Reeeally want another baby.
My OH is happy to oblige, as he would love one of his own.
We’ve only been trying since April of this year, and I know that’s not long in the grand scheme of things.
I was just so sure this month.
My boobs were tender, I can smell the rabbit pee even though he’s just been cleaned out, I keep getting tugging pains down there when I cough and such.
My period is due tomorrow.
I have one test left. One of those expensive “can tell before your period is due” types.
I tried to not use it.
I really *really* did.
But… my impatience and need to know attitude got the better of me.
So now I know that I’m *not* pregnant.
Yet again.
When I had my two kids I was pregnant straight away, so I know I’m fertile.
The OH has never had any kids before, so he’s not sure if “maybe (he’s) shooting blanks”.
I have no idea to be honest.
I hope that’s not the case.
I know that really there is a lot going on in my life with having a special needs almost-3-yr-old, but I can’t help yearning for just one more.
Just one more chance at having another child who could be normal.
I know you’ll all hate me for saying that.
It’s just that life is so different with the 3yr old than it was with the 5yr old. Everything was different and not what I expected.
I would love the chance at having a child who learns to talk and walk and jump at the ‘right’ ages.
I want the chance to finally maybe just MAYBE have that elusive little girl that I’ve yearned for.
Every month that goes by is another month lost.
I guess maybe it’s just not meant to be…
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This was written about 3 weeks ago, currently at the start of the 2ww again… oh the joys. >_<
I hate pregnancy tests (but you already know that). I know how awful the month to month heartbreak is. All I can say is I completely understand wanting to have a ‘normal’ experience – and I’m still sending you all my baby dust and thinking of you xox
Loads of hugs here, sweetie.xxxx
I don’t hate you. I want another chance too. I understand what it feels like to feel like you’ve had something stolen away from you and to desperately want to get it back. It’s ok. You’re allowed to feel this way. It’s ok. We know it doesn’t mean you love your child less. Feeling robbed doesn’t mean you love what you have any less.
(((hugs))) And good luck xx
I’d offer you one of my babies; but I’m pretty sure you want a “new” one, not a “used” one.
Although mine are fully housetrained, they wash dishes and everything….
wishing you lots of positive luck Marilyn..
@Zoey – I hope I come through the other side of this soon, and I am *soooo* happy for you btw! xx
@Brenda- thanks sweety *hugs* right back atcha
@Arienette- I wasn’t sure if people would maybe be pissed that I dared to say that I wanted another chance at ‘normality’, whatever that is!
@Jane – thank you! Fingers crossed by Christmas I will have a baby in my tum…
@River- lol I may have to have one just for the dishwashing… hmm, do any of them do laundry? 😉
@Taz – thanks sweety xx
Hugs and lots of baby dust going your way!
Better buy a whole freakin bunch of tests in bulk!!! Then, you’ll probably get preg right away and have all these tests laying around.
I can totally understand wanting another child, wanting to give your new partner a child. It’s a wonderful gift. And wanting a normal child, although I am sure that doesn’t take away from your love of your 3 year old. One of the best miracles is our unlimited love. One of my young friends had a horrendous pregnancy last year and her baby only drew 1 breath and then died. She knew that was going to happen and chose to carry her anyway. Now she is 4 months pregnant with a healthy little girl and we are so thankful.
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