“Nathan, I swear to god, if you do not stop snoring right now, it will be justifiable homicide and I WILL NOT DO TIME.”
It was just before 5am and I had two hours until my alarm went off. None of that meant anything when the animals woke me up. The absolute worst sound at 5am is a cat fight happening in your loungeroom, with two dogs joining into play “referree”.
I had stumbled out of bed to let them all outside – some of them with a shove, before climbing back into bed and having my ears assaulted by the sounds of a suffocating elephant.
“NATHAN! SHUT UP!”
It wasn’t working and I had tried all of my tricks that I use, including but not limited to, kicking, swearing, poking, elbows and leg hair pulling. The last one usually worked a treat, but not this time.
It took nearly 15 minutes of increasing grumpiness of my part and then finally, just as I’d threatened to murder him, and was contemplating getting back out of bed to grab a glass of cold water to tip on his head, he rolled over and shut up.
I would like to have it on the record that I didn’t punch him in relief and despite being really very grumpy, I kept my elbows to myself.
He’s very lucky that I love him.
Oh, SING IT, SISTER. I also sleep with a snorer of truly epic proportions. Usually it does not wake me (I think my subsconscious filters it out) but if I am woken by something else, it is impossible to get back to sleep.
I often give up and go to the spare bed in C’s room. Or forcibly wake himself and send him to the couch.
A temporary fix is to fiddle with the willy. Seriously. But not too much, or you’ll never get back to sleep.
A more permanent fix MIGHT be the SnorRing. It goes on their little finger and sounds like the worlds’ most expensive placebo, but I swear, it worked on my husband, his best mate, and his uncle.
(one night in desperation I muttered at my snoring husband — “I’m going to get the big knife and stab you with it.”
And in his sleep, he said “Weeeeeeell, I’ll just stay awake all night then.”
But he was snoring again in seconds.)
My husband snores too!
Ear plugs. Seriously, a bag of those orange foam ones are god sends.
Mine sleeps on the couch in the loungeroom.
Otherwise he’d have dug his own 6 foot hole and filled it with himself long ago.
For a long time I’ve though I could write a marriage self-help book based entirely around the idea that if you have separate bedrooms (feel free to play in the one bed as much as you like but go to your own room to sleep), everyone will be happier and less stabby.
Hahah, I totally understand this post.
I usually tell Stef that he is grinding his teeth (which he sometimes does) but I have found it’s the only thing that will make him listen and turn over.
Also, don’t know if it’s me, but sometimes I listen to the snores and can hear something different in each one. Like – that one sounded like a rabbit being killed by a chainsaw, that one sounded like a bus engine etc. Entertaining yet very annoying.
ps: i have been shit at commenting lately and I am sorry. Actually I have been shit at reading any blogs at all.
Absolutely self defence, really.
🙂
my HB snores occasionally,usually when hes on his back asleep.. its so annoying ive threatened to get separate bedrooms lol usually a quick “ROLL OVER” works..
Oh I hear you my friend if I don’t go to bed before him I get the snoring all night, You poor thing I feel for you. Have a great day my friend
Always Wendy
Ear plugs. I love them. AND they kind of serve as an acupressure way to get to sleep. I put one in my ear that is up every night. Love it.
Your husband most likely has sleep apnea.
Snoring is never normal, and snoring is always a sign that something is wrong.
When a person snores to the point that they keep a bed partner up, the snorer is most likely having more than “just a hard time breathing”. During episodes of apnea your oxygen saturation levels can severely plummet, causing a host of other issues.
For his sake, and the sake of your children he should see a sleep specialist ASAP.
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