I started this blog back in 2007, because I discovered that if I didn’t connect with adults in a meaningful fashion, and really quickly, I was going to go insane. My daughter was almost a year old and still not sleeping through the night, or napping during the day. My physical and mental health were at an all time low and I was isolated geographically.
My blog became my platform. A place for me to share what I wanted to share, to rail against the state of motherhood as I saw it, and to remember to laugh. I connected and wrote, and loved and lived and grew as a blogger.
While this was going on, the Australian blogosphere was a tiny place, filled with mostly photographers and business bloggers. Personal blogging hadn’t quite exploded onto the scene and there weren’t a huge amount of mummybloggers.
Because at that stage in my life, I was merely a vessel for my screamy baby to cling to, I gravitated towards the US Mommybloggers, reading and devouring their stories of personal triumph and failure. It was the failures that gave me more hope, because these women were doing what I had to do every day – picking themselves back up and continuing to live their life, regardless of what else was going on.
It was a time of change in the US Mommyblogosphere, as conferences popped up all over the country and mummyblogging exploded – while I watched from half a world away and tried to keep my sanity intact. This is not an easy feat when your toddler insists on trying to throw herself off all the furniture and you continue to fail to get pregnant.
Slowly, my blog grew and I developed a community here. A group of women, most of whom I am still proud to call my friends, they held me up and supported me through a scary pregnancy, a tough health diagnosis and subsequent diagnoses for my children.
Blogging in Australia has changed dramatically in the last five years. This is not a good change, or a bad change, it’s merely change and it is what it is. There are a large amount of mummybloggers in the sphere now and brands clamouring to work with them. There are comments and an “A List” and awards and conferences and through it all, I’ve continued to write here, telling my story, writing out the things that needed to get out of my head.
Traffic grows, pretty consistently, but comments here have dropped lately and I miss them. I miss the conversation, but I can’t be someone I am not and I cannot try any harder than I am.
People declare that we should care about our readers, more than we care about ourselves. I love everyone who reads here, but I’d be lying if I said that Sleepless Nights was anything other than what it is. It is therapy for me, it is how I prevent myself stabbing pens into my eyes.
The comment drop off, I can see why and how it’s happened – the explosion of Mommyblogging in the US caused a very similar effect and I saw established bloggers turning off their comments in an effort to make blogging “pure” to make it about the stories and the writing.
People don’t have enough time to read everywhere and there is a bit of market saturation. Plus you know, broken genetics don’t make for the most uplifting reading.
I must admit, it’s tempting sometimes, to close comments and pretend that I don’t care about the conversation. I’d be lying, but I hear tell that I am a decent enough actor when the circumstances call for it and I’m pretty sure I could pretend for a little while.
Maybe I just resent being judged on visible numbers, rather than on the quality of writing. Maybe I resent being told what I ought to be doing, and how I ought to care more about the perception of others, rather than my own fulfillment and sanity.
Or maybe I’ve annoyed too many people by pointing out the things no one wants to talk about and I’ve got no chance of ever being given a fair trial.
I’m not quite sure anymore.
What I do know is that after almost five years, I am comfortable in this space and I know that blogging is cyclical. What goes around, comes around, and eventually, everything turns full circle.
I will continue to write stories and poke at things that annoy me, because that’s what I do. I will break rules and publish on the weekend, and I will not track my readers to find out when you care more about reading and when you care less.
I will write.
Because, without this space, I would have gone mad a long time ago.
Your blog is *important*, V. I don’t know about the rest of it, I don’t know about politics or popularity or awards, but your blog? It’s important, on a personal level, to me. And, I’m sure, to countless other people. Mothers, struggling through their own sleepless nights; bendies struggling through the no-mans-land of pre-diagnosis disability; parents desperately trying to find hope in a mess of allergies, intolerances, and spectrums of ‘normal’.
You personally have made a difference in my life. Without you I wouldn’t know what I have. I wouldn’t have a name for my pain and I’d still think I was just making it up in my head. Without you I’d have felt that little bit more alone while feeding a dairy-allergic baby. Without you I may not have found the anchor that I need occasionally, my own ‘shouting into the black’ blog.
Just by telling your story, by being honest and truthful to the writing, by being true to yourself, you’re doing an important, worthwhile thing. I don’t know if it translates to awards, but I like to think that the reason your readership is high but commenting is low is that the very people gathering around you to listen are the vulnerable ones, the ones who don’t currently have the energy to reply, the ones who just need to cling to your life-raft for now. They’ll emerge from the woodwork, when they can, but meanwhile you’re helping them just by speaking.
Thank you. So much. When I read this this morning, you made me remember why I continue to write and won’t close comments. And God knows, I’ve been in the position of “just hanging on” enough to understand it in other people.
xx
Oh no, no, no. Turning off comments defeats the whole purpose! Like you, I blog to write and keep sane, but I love the community and the conversation. I think the Aussie scene is a bit different to the US mOmmyblogging thing. I think we are more relaxed, more willing to share and more real. And you’re right, it’s a cycle, and the comments will come back. Because what you write is interesting and meaningful and relevant.
Yes, and I will say that while I’ve thought about it, it’s not something I would do. I love the conversations that happen here.
I am a new reader of your blog, found my way over here from a blogger I read religiously. First, I know how it it to have a little one that doesn’t sleep. My almost 2yr old has GI problems and I’m lucky if I get a couple of hours sleep in a row let a lone a nights sleep. This has been going on since he was born. Some days I wanna run in the opposite direction of my house and scream my head off. The only thing keeping me from doing that is know and repeating to myself that it’s not his fault.
As for the comments dropping, they come and they go and it’s no reflection on you. It’s a change, people change as do blogs, and of course, as mothers, we know that there is not enough time in the day anymore. Things get pushed aside. It’s sad but it’s true. I have enjoyed the few posts I’ve read and I almost leave a comment of sorts. Keep this space for you (mine is simply for the sake of my kids for my journey for them when they get older).
Hugs
My daughter sleeps better now that she is older enough to sleep propped up on pillows. It seems to help, but oh, I hear you. She didn’t sleep through regularly until well after her third birthday.
And I agree, comments dropping, it’s just a change. Things are cyclical. x
I read your blog, I don’t always have something to say.
Leave it open! Communication is a wonderful thing.
I’ll definitely be leaving it open. I like the coversations that happen here.
I discovered blogs while I had a newborn and needed something else to get through the days/nights and to see that there was light at the end of the tunel. Shes now 13 months so i did survive. Reading blogs really did help, I really think i would have gone nuts with out them. I found your blog through another blog and added it to my favorites. I enjoy all your posts and look forward to them popping up in my inbox.
I found blogs so much more helpful that parenting magazines, that insisted on telling me what my baby “ought” to be doing, and didn’t provide any support for what she actually WAS doing.
I’m glad you’re here.
I’m here. I’m hearing everything you say re: the scene. Fear not there are readers, followers. I’ve been questioning my own self and the direction, I’m new – still treading water – but you said something that is been playing on my mind – true to oneself – in the current climate with the all the new and shiny lights it’s hard to find your own niche’ only so many frogs can fit in one pond before the water gets way dirty.
You’ve done that stayed true on your path and that’s the best part – you’ve got your pocket of awesome.
I like your writing in fact, I love digesting it’s adult content with a vernacular that makes me smile. Your voice is loud – and your quality of writing is in fact what makes me come back, you make me think.
I love the phrase “pocket of awesome”.
It is hard to stay true to yourself sometimes and I’m not always sure that I’m managing it. But it’s also a little bit like being tied with elastic, eventually you’ll run out of give and snap back to reality.
I love your blog, don’t change!!
I won’t, promise!
I need to comment more. I often read w/out leaving a comment, been sidetracked by real life…..so I guess I’m part of the “problem” 😀 Not to worry about changing anything…love your stuff for what it IS..your voice, your perspective…
I’ve been trying to comment more, but like a lot of people I guess, time runs out, or I get distracted and forget what I was going to say.
I’m not going to change things – I’d probably fall apart screaming if I tried to be anything I’m not!
I feel horrible because I’ve gotten so bad this year with commenting. Well,with blogging altogether. But I love your blog. And I could care less about numbers. I took a long time to come to your blog. I’d heard about it, I’d seen you around. But as you said – we were at saturation point.
But once I’d read just one piece by you…I was hooked. There are only 4 or 5 blogs that I read just for the writing itself. Yours, my friend is one of them.
Yes, saturation point. It’s going to be interesting to see where things go from here, because there are new blogs popping up every day (yay, new blogs!) and relatively few older ones quitting.
I’m glad you read for the writing. x
Comments for all blogs started dropping off last year, that’s the first I heard of it. I’ve heard that the “real” writers turn off comments because they don’t need to have a conversation. They just need to write. I think it’s mainly bloggers who need or want them. I also think FB and Twitter are taking up more of everyone’s time. And let’s face it, FB and Twitter are easier to read and more importantly, don’t REQUIRE comments so much as approvals.
I’m over blogging. Been doing it since 2006 and you’re right, it was smaller, more cozy. I’m a Twitter addict. And anyone who reads my blog (and FB) knows it!
I seem to remember a few mommybloggers hand wringing and closing comments three or so years ago, while wailing about their growing traffic and “I don’t want you judging me on comment numbers, I’M POPULAR DAMMIT”.
Or something to that effect. I figured it would happen here too, and like you say, facebook and twitter have eased it along. Much easier to click like, or retweet and not have to expend the extra energy.
I love twitter, right up until the point where it gives me the shits and I abandon it for a week, before crawling back again. Heh.
Once upon a time only particular gatekeepers, who had the skill but also the luck, could have voices. They were the ones who got jobs or got publishers interested. Everyone else wrote diaries or reached only the people they could physically touch.
Then the internet came along and anyone could have a voice. And some of those voices are badly written or uninteresting or so different to me I don’t care about them. But it’s not about me and what I’m interested in reading – it’s about their right to have a voice. They are as important as I am.
If other bloggers want to focus on the readers, that’s their right. But it doesn’t mean everyone has to. I believe people who make those sorts of statements think they are being helpful – they see it as a way to achieve ‘success’ without wondering if we all define success the same way.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be ‘paid’ for what I do – either in money, recognition or whatever. It would be the most awesome gig ever. And I’m more than happy to make little tweaks like publishing at 7am to catch the US evening. I schedule everything anyway, so the time is irrelevant. But to say that, for example, I shouldn’t write about evolution or vaccines because it upsets people? That would devalue the whole point of the blog.
If I would have to change what I’m doing in order to get ‘paid’ for it, then I might as well get a job. Because I wouldn’t be doing my brand of blogging anymore.
Yes, and yes. You’re exactly right.
I love your blog. I love reading your words. I love how you parent realistically. I love that you are much younger and wiser than me. I love that one day when my partner and I start the baby process I’ll be able to read your earlier blog postings and know that there is someone else who knows and has actually lived through it all to tell the tales.
Keep it up!! Love, Lucy xxx
Thank you. xx
I don’t often comment, but I read! I do love your blog because it gives me hope. Hope that one day my 2 year old might sleep, that one day I will be able to read a book for an hour uninterrupted….I also love how you don’t seem so drawn into mommy blogging politics.
Yes! One day your two year old WILL sleep and one day you might be able to read a book uninterrupted. Although I can read more often with two children than I ever could with one, as they play together.
I’m not sure Amy sleeps through the night anymore, but barring nightmares and pain episodes, she doesn’t wake me anymore and it’s blissful.
I read you.
You’re important.
Suzie
xx
Thank you. It’s why I keep writing. x
I still read every post, but I don’t always comment. Sometimes because others have already said what I want to, or because I just don’t know what to say, and it seems silly to comment with “I don’t know what to say”. Other times I know what I want to say, but can’t get the words right, so I tell myself I’ll come back later, then time gets away from me, just as it does from everyone else. Also something like “cute ducklings” really isn’t much in the way of conversation.
That’s a very good point. Sometimes, I click away because there’s nothing to add, too.
You type to the beat of your drum – don’t ever change 🙂
I don’t plan to! Except maybe for getting better at it all!
I’ve been here since nearly the very beginning. Never commenting enough – here or anywhere else – but the third kid tends to suck up that last ounce of time to do such things.
You have been an inspiration all along and it has been such a wonderful thing to follow as your voice grows and evolves in just the way that YOU want it to. Not in the way advertisers or sponsors or cliques or any of the other popular trends out there want it to. I’ve sat quietly and watched all of the evolving with the US mommy bloggers. So many changes, and so many that have clearly failed to stay themselves.
I, too, wonder where this saturation will take the entire practice of blogging. It would be wonderful if some of that cozy, community feeling could come back.
You have been reading for an awfully long time. I am so pleased you’ve stuck around.
I would love some of the cozy community feeling, but I think it’s something I need to work at building, rather than something I could wish back.
Im’ glad you wrote this and glad I read it. I’m new to blogging and really do it for myself, but readinf your post and a few others of late, I know I need to keep that in mind as I proceed.
Me personally, I tend to read blogs that are about people and their lives, not about things they are trying to sell.
xx
I’m glad I wrote it too – I feel better with it out of my head.
I read blogs for the same reason and tend to skim the sell-y posts. Which probably defeats the purpose for those bloggers!
As someone who’s not a mummy blogger and whose kids are teenagers, I come back for your ability to tell a story that reaches out and touches the reader regardless of topic. I think that’s the sign of a good writer/blogger. I think there is an over reliance on type casting bloggers, although I can see why it’s useful at times, but in many respects that pushes quality to the side. And in many cases holds back or limits the writer. I do think things are cyclical as you say and that the Oz scene is changing again with the slow recognition of a variety of blogging styles.
I think that’s why the whole rise of mummy blogging construct sits uneasily with me. I understand that brands have realised the power of the mummy blogger, but it doesn’t always equate to quality of product as to the blog itself, and often feels artificial and limiting. Though that may be a whole other conversation.
I don’t like rules, or formulas, as they stifle the voice of the writer. I think that’s why I like your writing as in many respects it says screw you, I’m me and you can suck it, whilst also providing engaging and thought provoking work. Don’t change that.
I think I’m probably doing okay when people come back just for my stories! I agree too, on the over reliance of type-casting and having only certain bloggers fit into certain niches. It just seems a bit limiting.
I adore your writing, I hope you keep doing it for a long time.
I am curious how much the rise of smart phone and tablet usage has contributed to the drop off in comments. It is just so damned hard to comment from my iphone, especially if the evil captcha is present, that I tend not to even try any longer.
I would go very quickly mad if I stopped writing. Never fear, I’m rather wordy and I expect that will continue.
I hadn’t thought about the iPhone and Tablet phenomenom, but I suspect you’re right. It’s such a pain to comment from a mobile device (unless you’re an anonymous, anyway) that most people don’t.
I love your writing so much! You have a unique ‘voice’ AND excellent spelling and grammar (yes, it is important).
I’m not going through the same things as you, but as a reader above mentioned, I read your stories because they are your stories and you write them so well.
I agree with you about the whole, ‘being judged on numbers rather than the quality of writing’ point that you raise. Honestly? If blogs were actually valued on the blogger’s ability to write well, really well that is, then I think the D-listers would automatically become the A-listers and the A-listers would probably become the D-listers.
Problogger always said focus on writing excellent content, and sure, I agree that should be the most important part of blogging.
But that’s not the case anymore. Being an excellent writer with an excellent voice is no guarantee anymore that your blog will do well anymore. Now it’s all politics.
Thank you for noticing my spelling and grammar. I agree, it IS important and I’ll stop reading a blog if the spelling and grammar are terrible.
Politics. Cough, spit. Sigh.
Word. Whatever that means. I know what you mean. And you know what I mean. I write for me. I try to get better at writing for me.
I think getting better is a natural process that happens when you write most days. I can’t read some of my old stuff.
I don’t really get the publishing posts is better on certain days. Personally I get all the posts emailed to me (well of couse only the ones I’m subscribed to) -and if I can’t read them when they come in – I file them in a blogs folder in my email and read (and sometimes comment) when I get a chance, which for me, given I work during the week, is more often than not the weekend!
I don’t get it either, I subscribe in a reader, so I get everything no matter which day. Maybe the thought process is about transient traffic, not so much the subscribed readers?
Glad you’re gonna keep blogging! I’m goin thru the agonizing process at the moment of trying to decide if I want to blog. Whether I have anything decent n worth reading to say or keep it as a journal to myself. Similar reasons to you – for sanitys sake, but also to document this journey I’m on with the drug trial. Have been agonizing over this for a few months now with much push and shove from friends to ‘do it.’ but there’s also that side of, if people don’t like what I write, could I take the criticism? Thoughts of the possible uplifting comments havnt even entered my mind.. Because fact is, this world is cruel. People DO judge.. From those cynical look down the nose types of people.. To your carefree people.. To your ‘Christians’ who apparently go by scriptures such as ‘..Judge not lest ye be judged…’ and ‘love your neighbor as you’d love yourself..’ it’s a cruel world. People are cruel. I can show my spikes n look like a tuffy, but under that, I’m really a super softy, n can I handle the harshness the world is more than eager to throw my way in one big spiraling shit storm if I make the slightest grammatical error or have an opinion differing to theirs or seen as controversial?? I really don’t know if I can. It takes guts n u girl have them. Love your blog n super glad ur gonna keep writing! x
Oh, I’ll definitely keep blogging!!
For me, time is a big factor in being able to comment, and I really don’t do it very often anymore. I am also reducing the number of blogs I subscribe too. not sure about everyone else, but my life is going through some big changes, and I just can’t give as much as I used to. I comment when I feel it is really necessary, otherwise I share posts around when I don’t know how to comment but believe the post is important for others to read.
I’ve found WHAT I a reading has changed greatly. I have unsubscribed to many of the blogs I started following initially, and mostly to the really big bloggers. They aren’t where my life is at right now, and they don’t need my support in that way. For me, it’s become more about the relationships, the stories and the voices. Mostly, I am feeling that, these days, it is enough to “listen”.
That makes sense. I’ve been in a bit of blog reading upheaval too, changing who I read and why.
Not sure I have much to add except #golfclap. Not Like Normal People came into existence because I feel like I can’t say many things I want to on kitchenMage, both topically and because food bloggers are only allowed to be shiny, happy, twee people and I am NOT exactly the unicorns farting rainbows of gratitude type. Even so, NLNP is almost empty of posts because I can’t figure out exactly where I want it to end up.
I love NLNP. I just thought I’d say that.
I really have no issues with popularity because I do not write to be popular, but mostly for myself. However, I do love the instant gratifiction on comments
The comment instant gratification is a bit addictive I think. “They LIKE me, they really really LIKE me!”
“I will *write.*
Because, without this space, I would have gone mad a long time ago.”
Yup. That sums it up for me.
I’ve been having a bit of an existentialist crisis lately… about life and love and death and everything. And, of course, blogging- somewhat ridiculously, it is that bigger part of my life that it effects and reflects my faith in humanity and the world and everything.
But I’m getting that shift in perspective, slowly. Things are changing, moon rising, whatever. I think it’s getting back to basics and the essence of it and stop trying to see it from other people’s perspectives- the only view that matters is mine 🙂
I do wish you’d been there this weekend V, along with a few other bloggers who didn’t come- just to make it a fuller perspective of the Aus blog scene, a proper cross section.
By the way- so jealous of the belly :p xxxxx
I think sometimes, it takes an existential crisis to make us realise which bits need dumping and which can stay. Blogging can be amazing, but it can also be terribly bitchy and competitive. It depends on which side of the coin you’re looking at.
I wish I’d been there too, simply for the socialising. Heh.
I’m not a blogger, and my kids are older than you. I read your blog because I like your clear writing and because I’ve read enough to care about your family and how you’re doing. I don’t care about popularity, A-lists, blogger politics, etc. I’m glad you’ll keep writing, for yourself and for all of us who enjoy your stories and your honesty. (I don’t comment on posts about blogging because I don’t have one myself, but I always read them all).
I think I’m “doing it right” if people are coming back for the stories and because they’re invested.
Thank you.
You do what you have to do. Which is write. Yes, comments are validating, but better to get them from people who actually read the post than those just wanting you to click through to their blog.
Back in 2007, I was still on Livejournal for the personal stuff, rather than too open on the outside internet.
YES. And yes. I think readers and friends are better than unique visits and “HI! I’m visiting from XYZ! Feel free to visit me too!”
I’m not a blogger, just someone who stumbled upon your stories a little while ago. Thank you for letting me peek into your lives, You have a lovely family. (Waving to you from Clemmons, NC. USA)
Thank you for reading and enjoying it.
xx
This post has been tumbling around in my head since yesterday.
In short I just wanted to say: I discovered blogs 3 months ago (late, I know). I found yours in a sea of options. I’m still here. I read what you write and really enjoy it. Thank you.
Not terribly late in the scheme of things. I’m glad you found my blog 🙂
Hello V, many thanks for your comment on my wee blog yesterday. This is an interesting post for the relative newcomers like me, fascinating to see how this medium has been changing over the years. Wonder where it will go next.
I think Marita has a great point about phones and iPads etc I find commenting extremely difficult from them and yet, like many mums, I use them all the time. When I get to sit down at my laptop, I feel I need to create stuff rather than comment. Am now using Google Reader apps on my phone and iPad so may comment even less.
I know it’s a pit. Someone advised starring fave posts and making sure you get on the laptop to comment. We’ll see. Aiming to read widely for a while so could be hard… then probably back to reading more narrowly.
Anyway, it’s so good that you ‘old timers’ keep sharing your experiences and insights. Love the tummy by the way… oh you reminded me of how hard it is to breath when pregnant!
I am really interested to see where blogging goes next. It has so much potential, and bloggers, really, can do anything.
I agree with you and Marita about the iThing/tablet revolution – I rarely comment if I’m reading on something other than my desktop, because it’s just too hard.
I have become a terrible commenter – I am struggling to keep on top of everything and commenting has been one of the first things to go. Thanks for this post and for reminding me that conversations are at the heart of blogging – it’s worth finding the time 🙂
I find commenting is the first thing to go when I’m busy or exhausted. I’m trying harder, just because I do love the conversations.
I have never commented before but I am here …reading. Taking it in. Enjoying.
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