Sleepless Nights

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  • Explorers Journal

    Read this post in a David Attenborough voice, okay? It will work better that way.

    ***

    Day 4 of my self imposed exile and aside from brief forays to the chook pen and toilet, I’ve not left the house. The small female human has been braver than myself however, using every moment that I’m distracted to disappear out into the frozen wilderness. Luckily the sun has been out during the day, easing the thaw a little, although not allaying the cold.

    The small boy child has been voicing his pissedoffedness in many and varied ways, throwing pencils and tantrums alike. Warm milk seems to soothe the dangerous beast within his breast and I’ve been taking advantage of that.

    I had to venture outside after dark tonight to see to my personal needs, our toilet remains outside. An oversight on the part of the builders, but something I have to put up with. Whilst out there, I checked our thermometer and discovered that the cold isn’t treating it well. Temperatures taken from the unbroken band of mercury show that we are well below zero.

    I remain hopeful that tomorrow will dawn sunny, if cold and that my garden will escape unscathed. I’m eternally hopeful.

    I suffered today with an extreme tiredness, made worse by the even more extreme willfulness of the small female human. Around lunchtime I had a burning desire for a roast duck dinner, but in the end, couldn’t be bothered slaughtering a duck, although goodness knows the first part would have at least warmed my hands up. No, instead the ducks are earmarked for eggs this coming Spring (oh! why must the warmth be so far away?) and babies that will be eaten next season. Another time I will regale you with tales from my property and our trying to be self sustainable lifestyle.

    Sleep has been in short supply, between the children and my nervousness. The cold seems to sap all my remaining energy and I can barely feel to type. (insert tiny violins here) My nervousness stems from the fact that it appears I will be speaking as part of a panel to the MEAA next week some time, as organised by the Walkley Foundation. It should prove to be interesting and good fun, if I can get my nerves and I’m not good enough complex under control. I’m hoping to freeze myself out of it.

    My time here, it grows shorter and I can almost hear my book and hot chocolate calling me. I just thought a note from the wild frozen tundra would help you wait for me, a little longer.

    Goodbye dear readers! And I hope it’s warmer wherever you are.

    ***

    I couldn’t help myself. It’s fucking freezing here tonight, already -2C and I needed the giggle. So yeah, the MEAA. It will be FINE. Promise it will be fine? Also that it will warm up. Please.

  • A sign that there isn’t enough sleep in this household lately…

    … this morning, I tried to brush my teeth with facial scrub.

    Yuk.

    I do these things so I can warn you against them.

    You’re welcome.

  • Seven things you should do while your blog is new.

    Or, do them now if you haven’t already.

    I’ve noticed I’ve got some new bloggers following Sleepless Nights now (hello!) and thought that I’d repost this. Originally I posted it in the forum at Aussie Mummy Bloggers (where you don’t have to be a mummy blogger, or an Aussie to join) but thought someone out there might benefit from the info too. It’s handy info and if you enjoy it, I might occasionally post more blogging stuff here.

    Seven things you should do while your blog is new.

    #1 – Sign up for Technorati and add your blog. Technorati used to hold more weight, as it was the only blog ranking system, but even though less attention is paid to it, it’s invaluable to have your blog listed and gaining authority. Most blog ranking engines (Top 100 Aussie Women Bloggers for one) will still use Technorati to work out rank.

    #2 Submit your blog to Google. Google is fantastic for driving search engine traffic to your blog.

    #3 Sign up for Feedburner. Absolutely necessary for obsessive stat checking.

    #4 Get a dedicated email address solely for blog related things and display it openly on your website. I’m not sure how many times I’ve gone to email someone, only to discover I can’t find an email for them. Very annoying. People need to be able to contact you. I’d advise NOT using hotmail, as eventually, they will impose a send/receive email limit and it will drive you batty. It’s apparently to combat spammers, but if you’re trying to email someone and can’t, spammers will be the last people you want to throw stones at.

    #5 Sign up for a stat tracking service. Statcounter offers a good free service that I use and adore.

    #6 Use Google Reader or Bloglines to keep track of all your bloggy friends updating. So much easier than clicking a link every single day to see if someone has updated.

    #7 and finally, subscribe to someone who knows blogging like a business and can tell you how to do it better. Sometimes the advice won’t be relevant, but other times, you will wonder why you didn’t think of it yourself. I recommend Problogger for one.

    What would you suggest that I’ve missed?

  • On the nature of living with a (mostly) invisible disability.

    If you watch me walk down the street, you probably wouldn’t know that I had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. Mostly because I try not to get into positions that end up with me walking down the street – which strikes shopping off my list.

    If you notice me walking, I probably look okay, to you. You don’t see the slight hitch in my step as my hips sublux over and over again and you (hopefully) don’t see the intense concentration on my face that shows I’m placing each foot consciously, making sure they don’t turn in/fall apart/trip me over.

    Most of the time, I don’t even notice these things either. The conscious foot placing has become second nature, like making sure everything is in it’s place before I stand up. Falling isn’t as fun as it sounds. I’ve put up with them for so long, ignored them for so long that they pass me by. I don’t notice how hard walking is, or how my hips slide around in the joint.

    Until I have a major crash and I discover that I’ve burned so much energy being okay, that I can’t be okay anymore.

    When I dislocated my knee at the beginning of the month, I was crashing and crashing hard. I don’t pay much attention to my daily dislocations, mostly because they’ve happened so often that they’re nothing special anymore. I do however say fuck a lot as I busily try and relocate things and I have been known to kick Nathan in the shins for huffing when asked to reduce my many many dislocated ribs.

    My knee however was different. It was dislocated badly for almost 3 hours, leaving me unable to move. By the end of the 3 hours, I’d gone from being mostly okay with just some minor pain (when the fibula was totally dislocated) to openly sobbing as it slowly slowly relocated over whatever tendon was holding it out of position.

    That was the straw on the camels back. The next few days I spent curled up in the recliner, braced and taped to within an inch of my life, not really able to do much of anything except issue orders and dole out cuddles.

    I’m still not recovered from the big crash. It’s probably the hardest I’ve pushed myself and the farthest I’ve fallen since I was in High School and determined to be like all the other teenagers competing in our Rock Eisteddfod. Yes, I did it. I also spent a month in bed after it.

    It hits me hard after a big crash, just how bad my EDS has gotten. My left shoulder slides around in it’s joint and my pelvis feels like it’s a wobble board. My ribs fall out of place and my collarbones forget how to hold together, along with many many other things.

    And it’s stupid little things that drive me insane. Not being able to hold my arms up long enough to brush my hair, without running out of energy and needing to sit down where ever I am. Being exhausted, but at the same time, being completely unable to sleep. And if I do sleep, waking up with more dislocations than I fell asleep with and hurting oh so badly.

    People don’t see that when I’m out and about though. Hell, people don’t see it full stop. Even Nathan doesn’t see the bulk of what dislocates and how bad it is, day to day. If I told him about every dislocation I’d never get anything else done.

    Ehlers Danlos is an invisible disability and you can’t see it on me. Not unless you’re bendy too and can spot the symptoms across a waiting room. Unless I’m wearing a bright pink wrist brace (which I’m totally going to start campaigning for, the beige colour is shit) you can’t tell.

    Unless I’m exceptionally grumpy, no one knows that I’m feeling crappy. On days when I simply cannot brush my hair without needing to sit in the middle of the bathroom floor exhausted, I don’t leave the house. Easy as that.

    May is Ehlers Danlos Syndrome awareness month, so this is me, making you aware. Because this month, I don’t think we’re seeing any doctors and I’m getting a little tired of having to go over the same thing over and over again with our doctors. EDS affects everything. My collagen works like sun soaked chewing gum, unlike most people’s, whose collagen works like snappy rubber bands. Things hurt. My pain is bad, my joints are bad and I’m tired.

    And people can’t see it.

    Which is a curse and a blessing in the same breath.

    Thumb Hypermobility

    Wrist and thumb hypermobility

    Little Finger Hypermobility

    Ankle Subluxation

    More photos here

  • Sleepless Nights goes naked.

    So, I’ve been watching all my friends strip their makeup off and show themselves bare for everyone to see.

    And I wanted to do it, but I canNOT take photos of my face with my DSLR, I end up photographing the curtain behind me or focusing on the lightbulb. Not great. So I thought some more and wondered what I could photograph instead.

    But you know, no one wants to see my post baby belly, nor a photo of my naked feet. Promise, you don’t.

    AND THEN!

    I realised, you know my avatar photo? Guess what? That was taken after dinner on a day when we’d not left the house, so not only have I not got any makeup on, but I probably haven’t brushed my hair either. (I do run my fingers through it and tie it back, but meh)

    So, here I am, naked of makeup. Thanks to Nathan for the photo, taken while I was sitting at this very computer.

    Obviously I was having a ‘good skin day’.

    So that’s me, naked of makeup.

    Thanks to Mummy Mayhem for coming up with the idea! (and yes, I know I’m a day late. Shush in the back)