Sleepless Nights

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  • It’s been a long time.

    I started this blog in August 2007, when Amy was almost 1. I was lonely, living in the middle of nowhere, with no adult conversation.

    I am positive that blogging saved my sanity, more than once.

    This little space, it’s been my safe haven. My place to hide, a dumping ground, somewhere to write out my thoughts and stresses, deal with them and move on.

    When I started, I had no readers, except my mother. For months, no one was reading here, until I participated in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). I picked up a few readers over the course of that month (Hi Marylin!) and slowly, my readership grew.

    Blogging is fluid. I’ve gained readers and I’ve lost readers and 2 years later, aside from my regular commenters, I have no idea who reads here anymore. I’ve got less time to comment now, although I’ve probably got more blogs in my reader. Nowadays I tweet as much as I blog and I enjoy every second of it, even if the social media moguls are sure that I’m ‘doing it wrong.’

    It’s funny, I still check my Feedburner numbers most nights to see how many subscribers I have (in the scheme of things, not very many) and I will check my stats and referrals to see where people are coming from, at least once a day. Some things never change, and my obsession with stats is one of them.

    I think, after all this time that things are starting to fall into place for me.

    I’m a little late I know, but today is Delurk Your Lurkers day and I would LOVE to know who is reading here and a little more about them.

    Who is your favourite blogger (while I’ll be thrilled if you say me, I know that it’s not true across the board, so be honest) and who was your first blog read?

    My first reads were Lotus when she was still on Myspace (Gasp! I know!). Once I’d moved away from Myspace and convinced her to come too (aren’t you glad I did?) I found MiscMum and promptly lurked all over her blog roll.

    And 2 years later, here we are.

  • Dear Facebook:

    Dear People of Facebook:

    If all your photos are of you (topless) with your mates (also topless) I’m going to start to wonder if you’ve become a male stripper. Please, stop my wondering and fill out the Work part of your profile. I don’t care if you’re working for Manpower, I just need to know whether or not to avoid Manpower shows.

    Also you? Yes, you. Your breasts are lovely. I’m not offended, although I didn’t really need to see them. I’ve got photos of my breasts up too, of course, my breasts had a baby attached to them, but whatever. You know what made me want to stab my eyes out? The terrible photoshopping job that was done on your ‘model’ pictures. Please, have a look at your legs and then look at the way the reflection is sitting. The angle is all wrong and it’s making me stabby. Ask your photographer to either a) photoshop well or b) don’t photoshop a reflection in. The photos are of you, a bad job of them looks bad for your portfolio. And makes me want to stab things.

    You there! Group creator! Stop using the word ‘retard’ as an insult. It is offensive and it makes me cringe inside. Stop it, or I’ll start flagging you as offensive. Actually, I’m going to do that anyway.

    Right, now, the one who writes EvErYtHiNg LiKe ThIs, doesn’t it take 10 times as long to type a simple sentence? It makes your words indecipherable, not cool or smart. You don’t look awesome for doing it. You look like a fucking jackass who doesn’t know how to use a shift key. You could be talking french for all I know and it would still shit me. Stop it.

    Stop Capitalising Every Word Of Your Status Updates. It’s not a giant long fucking title, it’s a status update. Type it like a regular sentence.

    You! I went to high school with you. I KNOW you know basic grammar and spelling, use it. Apostrophes are your friend. So are commas and full stops.

    Text speak is for TEXTS. Not for status updates. I’m pretty sure you’ve got a qwerty keyboard in front of you (and if you’re updating FB from your phone, I will forgive you. a little) so USE IT. I’m not trying to learn another language, I’m trying to read through my timeline. If I friended you, likely I care about what you’re up to. Make it easy for me, please? Plus, it makes you look stupid, when everything lks lik dis, lolz epic fail /jk.

    Photos!!! Learn a basic fucking edit. If the photo is blurry, delete it. Sure your kid might be cute, but I can’t tell when it’s the doorway 4 metres behind him that’s in focus. On the same rant, if you’ve got 20 photos of the same thing, maybe you ought to only upload one? I don’t care that in this one you’ve got one eye squinted and in that one you’re looking to the left. EDIT. DELETE. UPLOAD ONE. I’ll care more if I’m not wading through 10 photos of you with your eyes crossed.

    For people with kids, I want to see the photo updates. I don’t want to click on an album and find 200 photos in it. My cousins wife has the right idea, she uploads photos in 1-2 month albums. It means that each album gets 20-30 photos and I actually look at them and CARE. (It helps that their son is a little younger than Isaac, actual family and rather cute.)

    Phew!

    I think I feel better now. Of course, feel free to add to my rather venty list.

    ***

    Disclaimer: Cos I need one otherwise people will whine at me about this: If you think this is about you, it isn’t. I know most of the FB friends who read here (they’ve either emailed or commented before) and they don’t annoy me. I will forgive a typo, I make them all the time. I will forgive a slight grammatical slip, although if you’re confusing your and you’re or their, there and they’re, I might get stabby. Fuck, I will forgive most things. Just please, at least pretend that you know how to craft a sentence? I’m pretty sure you can speak well enough, why can’t you write it too?

    Sigh.

  • Weaning

    Apparently we’re weaning. A nursing strike since early this morning and a complete breast refusal seem to have been the nail in the coffin and he just doesn’t want to feed. At all.

    It’s hot at the moment and normally, that sparks a day of near constant feeding. Not today though. Today, he hasn’t wanted a bar of me, except to wrap around my head and yell ‘AH AH AH’ as he pulls my hair.

    I’m finding it hard not to feel like it’s me he rejecting, rather than the breastfeeding. I knew that night weaning was on the cards sooner rather than later, and was planning on doing that sometime in the next few weeks.

    He’s beaten me to it though.

    Sigh.

    I breastfed Amy until she was nineteen months old and somewhere, in the back of my mind, that’s how I thought it would go with Isaac.

    I would say that I don’t mind and that he is almost 12 months old (a week until his first birthday) and that it is all fine.

    I’d be lying though, because I do mind.

    Even if I can see the benefits to weaning.

    It’s hard. I can’t force him to feed.

    And with how bitey he’s been lately I’m not sure I want to anymore.

    Anyway. However it goes, I’m taking the chance to nightwean now, while it’s being presented to me.

    It could be my impending period (#4 since they returned) changing the taste of my milk. I expressed a little into my hand and it does taste salty rather than sweet. Natural weaning process? Maybe.

    I’m rambling now. It’s hot and we are doing CIO. As much as he doesn’t want to feed (complete refusal), he also doesn’t know how to fall asleep without boobs.

    Sigh.

    SIGH.

    </end ramble>

    ***Update: A 2am screaming session + engorged painful breasts – meant I caved and fed him and he caved and fed. Not sure where that leaves us now, except for me, awake at 2am and finishing up expressing a breast. I think I’ll keep up with the weaning anyway, just slightly slower than I had originally planned. Weaning over the course of a fortnight, for my comfort.

    ***

    The nominations for the 2010 bloggies are still open for a little while longer. I would love love love if you could nominate this blog (https://somedaywewillsleep.com) for Best Australian and possibly my other blog for Best Writing or Best Kept Secret (http://veronicafoale.com).

    Please?

    Pretty please?

  • A lack and an excess.

    If you’re here for the post with the controversy, you can find it here. Otherwise, move along.

    ***

    I ran out of Tramadol last night. I wasn’t prepared for how panicky that fact would make me. Before you start worrying that I’m addicted, no. I’m not. I’ve not needed to take a Tramadol for nearly a month now and that made me happy. The 20 I was given on prescription have lasted over 4 months. However, a badly dislocated collar bone that wouldn’t reduce, that then pulled out a few ribs and my shoulder left me curled up in a little ball and wishing that the drugs would take effect faster.

    Eventually of course they did and I was able to move. Today everything is back in place, leaving me with a mere lingering stiffness through my left shoulder.

    It wasn’t the first time and god knows it won’t be the last time. That is what worries me.

    I’m lucky, the painkillers I’ve been prescribed haven’t had any side effects for me. No stoned feeling (I’m on a ship! A ship I say, oh fuck, seasick) like panadeine fortes or complete lack of anything helpful like with over-the-counter medication. They just take the pain away, leaving me able to function.

    So to run out of them, knowing that it will be at least a month before I can see my EDSy doctor, it leaves me a little stressed. The same way running out of baby wipes, asthma medication or anti-nausea tablets does. I know that I’ll be okay in the event of a bad dislocation, hell, I’ll just cry a lot until it reduces, but that doesn’t help the panicky ‘oh fuck’ feeling that I’ve got.

    See, the dislocations, they aren’t rare. If I’ve not had a bad one for a week, I know one is coming, which then triggers the anxiety over it, which then triggers the panic attacks and then it’s a vicious cycle.

    Not fun.

    My period is due. Of course, I will now most likely be telling you that my period is due for another 2 weeks, seeing as how my body can never work out whether it wants to bleed every 29 days or every 42. Stupid fucking thing. I can tell you that I ovulated (how do you know? I can hear you screaming – well I went from okay-ish to nauseous and floppy-as-fuck in a day, always a clear sign that my progesterone is on the rise) and that my body is gearing up to drown me, but I couldn’t tell you exactly when that’s going to happen. My request would be sooner rather than later please.

    Of course, my period being due means that I am going to bend, flex and dislocate all over the place until I bleed enough to drown a small country, curl up and die from cramps and then come right again, only to start the whole process again.

    [As a side note: Yes, I am going to see my GP to discuss endometriosis and other assorted fun gynecological disorders. The pain and screaming of last cycle convinced me of that. She will also prescribe more tramadol, more anti-nausea tablets and other stuff. Luckily I can just get baby wipes from the supermarket without a prescription, so I don’t need to panic about those for too long. Thank GOD.]

    The floppiness always leaves me exhausted. It takes twice as much effort to walk and move, to pick the children up and change nappies. When I feel like this I spend a lot of time just laying on the floor with them, playing. Really it’s resting, but they think we’re playing and it’s easy, so we’re going to go with playing.

    So bleh. I’m sore and I’m exhausted. I’ve got a lack of pain meds and an excess of insomnia. Yay me.

    Heh.

  • 2010 Bloggies are now Open

    Alternate title: Whoring my blogs and the blogs I adore.

    The 2010 bloggies are open and I’m practically squeeing with excitement. Last year I was lucky enough (and proud enough, thrilled enough, over-excited enough) to be named a finalist in the Best New Zealand or Australian Blog, alongside Kelley (who totally should have been on my list) and Tiff. Of course, I didn’t win, but being a finalist = awesome.

    So this year, I am hoping to repeat that again, even if I might be hoping a little hard.

    Anyway. I wanted to share my nominations with you. I don’t read blogs in all of the categories, so I don’t have nominations for those.

    You can nominate up to 3 blogs in numerous categories, more categories than I mention here. If I haven’t mentioned a category, feel free to share your picks for nominations in the comments.

    Without further ado!

    Best Australian or New Zealand Blog:

    This one. Sleepless Nights. Because you love me, right?

    Mummytime – Brenda at Mummytime is awesomely funny.

    Miscellaneous Mum – Karen is an Author and she was one of the women who inspired me to start my own blog. So you can blame her.

    Best African Weblog:

    Tertia at So Close – I’ve been reading Tertia for a very long time now. She writes about life in South Africa.

    Jeanette Verster Photography – Biased? A little, but her photos are to die for.

    Best European Weblog:

    Benefit Scrounging Scum – Bendy Girl is funny and bendy and broken and she still makes time to make me feel better.

    Everyday Stranger – Shannon is having a delurk day over at her blog. I’m not sure I’m a lurker anymore (more of a fangirl) but I did it anyway. She writes, amazingly.

    Best Canadian Weblog:

    As a side note, I would have totally nominated Whiskey in my Sippy Cup, but she’s been deported back to America (okay, not deported, but she’s not in Canada anymore. Sniff)

    Attack of the Redneck Mommy – I think she is the only Canadian blog I am reading at the moment. How slack is that? Dear Canada, please show me your good bloggers.

    Best Photography of a Weblog:

    Jeanette Verster Photography – Again. Because have you seen her photos?

    Three Ring Circus – Tiff wins awards for her photos. They are that good.

    Best Topical Weblog:

    Veronica Foale – My other blog, shamelessly linked here. I write about life, about grief, about everything really.

    Frogpondsrock – She is pretty eclectic too, but worth reading if you aren’t already.

    Fugly Horse of the Day – A one woman blog, highlighting the need for responsible (aka: high class) breeding in the horseworld. She posts about animal neglect, about horses, about rescues. Worth reading if you like horses, or even just animals.

    Most Humorous Weblog

    Buffoon Blog – I only recently found him, but anyone who can utter a manly squeal makes me crack up laughing.

    Blog of Becky: How not to live your life – If you don’t read her, you should.

    Magnetoboldtoo – It’s Kelley, we all know Kelley, right? No? Well, get on over there and read her. You won’t be disappointed.

    Best Writing of a Weblog:

    Veronica Foale – Again. Yes, today I’m shameless.

    Ordinary Art – The woman has a gift for words.

    Everyday Stranger – Again. Her writing is amazing. Read her, even if you don’t nominate her.

    ***

    I think that is all I have the effort/energy to link right now. There are a lot (A LOT) of categories and you are allowed to nominate yourself. Nominate your friends, your own blogs or your literary crushes. God knows that’s what I’m doing.

    Go forth and nominate! And feel free to leave your choice for nominations in the comments, I am positive I missed a blog or two or ten.

    Or twenty.

    Squeee!