Blog

Place Toddler away from you. Lament the lack of childrens DVDs you have all the while getting ingredients together.

Remove Toddler from your ankles. Remove onion from Toddlers mouth. Wonder how the hell Toddler manages to munch on an onion like that.

Peel and slice onion. Ignore the chunks that toddler has nibbled out of your (last remaining) onion. Get sick of Toddler trying to bend your knees backwards and pick her up.

Race to the bathroom to rinse Toddlers eyes as she screams in pain. She can eat raw onion, but not look at it? Weird kid. Towel Toddler off and place her away from you.

Sauté off the onion and some bacon. Remove a cling-on from your leg. Give in and open the door so Toddler can harass sit on molest play with the kittens.

Remove Toddler from the puddles. Place back amongst the kittens. Resume sautéing the onion.

Race down the path as Toddler disappears from sight. Promise her a nice tasty RIPE apple if she will juse leave the unripe ones on the tree alone.

Swear lots and race back to your onions, Toddler on hip. Save them from burning just in time. Remind self to remove pan from stove before chasing Toddler.

Toss up the odds of the kittens crapping inside vs your Toddler not running away. Decide that it is worth it and bring the kittens inside.

Remove a smaller, spikier cling-on from your leg. Swear. Lots.

Add mince to pan and cook. Resist Toddlers attempts to climb your body. Drag yourself, the Toddler and a kitten (all attached to your legs) over to the cupboard. Swear when you realise Toddler has lost the tomato paste. Search for tomato paste in toy box. Recover tomato paste from bookshelf. WTF?

Add tomatoes, tomato paste and seasonings to pan. Add water and cook for 45 mins stirring occasionally. Avoid stepping on kittens. Throw them back outside and tickle the Toddler to avoid a tantrum.

Spend 45 mins entertaining Toddler.

Sit Toddler in her highchair and dish her up dinner. Realise that you completely forgot to cook pasta.

Give up.

Eat the mince without pasta, just add extra cheese.

Enjoy.

Oh the tired, it has me.

So do the annoyances.

Little things are pissing me off more than normal.

1) I applied for a blogging job a week ago. I haven’t heard anything back from them. Seriously, if you don’t want me to write for you, then just shoot me an email saying ‘Sorry, not what we are after kthxbai’. Limbo annoys me. Not knowing annoys me. I want to know one way or another soI can move on, or write posts. Also? I would really like the job.

2) I had to pull my spacebar off to remove crumbs from underneath it. When I put it back on, it didn’t feel right. After much fiddling it feels right again, but half my spaces don’t actually show up. Also? I seem to be having a bunch of trouble spelling. I am having to delete every second word and retype it. Can we say annoying?

3) It is raining. WOOT!!! The bad thing? All my clean clothes are still on the line. Ah well, I don’t suppose an extra rinse will hurt them.

4) There are swarms of flying ants outside. I am hoping like hell that the rain washes them away, but still! Last time they were about, it was New Years Eve and I ended up with thousands of them in the house. They were mostly dead the next day, but vacumming up an inch of dead bugs off the floor? Not my idea of fun.

5) The space bar typey thing. STILL!

6) My period is due on Friday and I am hating the waiting. Am I pregnant? Am I not? Am I thinking about it too much? Am I going to go insane? Will I have BIG issues if it actually shows up? (Uh, yes to nearly all those questions. The ones I know the answers too anyway). We had sex at the right time, I feel ‘funny’ I don’t feel normal. However, I want it so badly I probably reading too much into stuff.

7) Again. The space bar. It is pissing me off. Why is it funny? Why isn’t it registering if I hit it on the edge where I ALWAYS hit it? (It even has a shiny patch worn from where my fingers hit it!)

8) Finally? WP has a new update? Seriously, didn’t I just do that? What a hassle.

But it is raining outside and it sounds fantastic. And my fingers aren’t cramping too badly from having to retype every second word. And Amy went to bed like a dream. And the house is tidy.

So maybe it isn’t a complete write off.

Now if only the space bar would work…

Babies, Toddlers, Children, lend me your ears!

I am here to tell you, that despite my foray into perfect child mode (as suggested by Braden) I am still the revolutionary that you know and love.

I am Amy The Sleepless!

Mummy had gotten a bit smug about how easily I was falling asleep lately. In reality I was just mustering my energy for my new! and improved! attack on Mummy’s sanity.

Instead of falling asleep at naptime and bedtime, I am setting a timer (in my brain) for 10 mins. When Mummy puts me down, I sleep just long enough so that I am not exhausted. Then? I scream until Mummy comes to lay down with me. Last night I clocked up an impressive 3 1/2 hours of screaming with two 10 minute naps thrown in.

I know Mummy has been having some issues with her CFS lately, so in my mind this is the perfect time to break her spirit. Then she will allow me to live on chocolate and potato chips!

In order to break her as quickly as possible I have a few tricks. You can try these too!

1- Scream like your heart is breaking when Mummy puts you into your bed.

(OPTIONAL STEP: Sleep for 10 minutes until Mummy is sure you are down for the night.)

2- Climb out of your bed and stand sobbing at the top of the stairs, until Mummy climbs back up to put you back to bed. (You can substitute whatever is stopping you from getting to your Mummy/Daddy. Some parents even install gates! The cheek!)

3- Snuggle right into Mummy’s neck when she picks you up, still sniffling and sobbing quietly. For an added bonus of guilt, wrap your arms around her neck as well.

4- Make her prise you off so that she can lay you down. Scream.

5- (OPTIONAL) Save up all your pooey nappies, so that you can poo as soon as you go to bed. This way your Mummy will HAVE to get you out of bed to change your bum.

Repeat, over and over again. Do this for hours and hours until your Mummy cries.

Last night I was so successful at this that I had Daddy coming into cuddle me as soon as Mummy left me. They were tag teaming! Aren’t they clever parents?

At one point I had both Mummy and Daddy in bed with me. This was when I dug my feet into their sides and wiggled until they had no room left. It worked a treat, until they decided to leave me to my own devices and left me. I had to repeat my 4 steps over and over again, until Mummy came back and cuddled me some more. Good times babies, good times.

After all the screaming I did, I was a bit exhausted and I slept from 11.30pm – 7am. This was just so that Mummy would think that it was a phase.

HA! Mummy is silly.

For naptime today I repeated steps 1-4 (with #5 thrown in twice) many many times until Mummy was ready to crack.

A few more days of this and Mummy’s spirit will be completely broken.

Viva la Revolution!

Remember the competition I was running? You know, the one where I got all the traffic and now I am going to be all lonely? YES! That one!

Well it is 8pm here on Sunday night. The deadline.

And the winner is…..

Comment number 1 (wow! I was dreading having to find the comment too!)

Congratulations to Becky from Blessed with Olive Plants!

I will be sending you an email shortly (as soon as I troubleshoot my email program. Silly thing is playing up). I hope to hear from you soon, however IF I hear nothing within 48 hrs, or the email bounces I will draw it again.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

And thankyou to EVERYONE who entered. Every single comment made my day.

(PS if you are looking for my weekly winners, they are here)

Amy had a ball yesterday playing in the Gardens. About halfway through the day she discovered a mud puddle. Fun times!

She had so much fun jumping in it. Luckily I had thought to bring extra clothes (sort of) and she was able to play.

Junk food!

An awful lot of space. She had great fun running away from me all afternoon.

Mum’s birthday cake was gorgeous AND delicious!

Instant toddler entertainment! Amy has stopped calling them dooooogs, now they are ‘Hoss’s!’ Look at how much drier it is getting. That little bit of green you can see is from the horses splashing water from their trough.

Running to yell at the ‘hoss!’ Closely followed by her cat.

And this one is because we all need a little more cute in our days.

See more Weekly Winners here!