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After an incredibly stressful night and morning, Evelyn’s blood tests came back. Her bilirubin is still on the rise, but they’re happy to continue to let us have her at home for a few more days, provided that we take her into hospital immediately if we have any concerns.

She’s still feeding well and has gained 20g overnight (probably the sole reason we were allowed to take her home again).

They are completely baffled as to why her bilirubin keeps rising when she’s feeding so well and gaining weight – especially when she’s had three sessions of phototherapy now. Consider me baffled as well, but I’m not going to think about it until I have to.

In the meantime, this is me celebrating the fact that I don’t have to take Evelyn back to hospital until Friday. Maybe her poor abused heels will have time to heal now. She’s covered in stick marks, poor baby.

Evelyn’s first night home was interesting. Amy and Isaac were over the moon to see us and then they promptly got very naughty – which I expected. I found a nice sunny spot for Evelyn to hang out in in her bassinet, so hopefully her jaundice will be improved by tomorrow.

Overnight, she was unsettled, until I had the bright idea that her cot probably smelled wrong and gave her my tshirt to sleep on. She promptly fell asleep and stayed that way. I woke up two hours later in a puddle of milk, only to discover that Evelyn had wee’d through her suit and wraps. One clothing change later and a feed, I was slightly less leaky, but Ev’s chances of leakiness had increased. Another hour’s sleep for us both, before she needed a nappy change, at which point she wee’d the moment I had her lie there without anything under her bum.

Yet another suit and new wrap later, she had the biggest feed ever and fell asleep for two and a half hours.

All of this is what you expect with a newborn. Isaac came to bed with me at about 2am as well, so from 5am he was keeping up a running commentary of his every thought next to me. Luckily I can sleep through Isaac’s observations and so, it appears, can Evelyn.

I’m quietly nervous about tomorrow – not in the same “the hospital is making me insane” panicky way that I was nervous about all her other bilirubin tests, but quietly nervous. Improved levels will mean that she comes home for good. Raised levels will mean another hospital admission for her, probably without anywhere for me to stay. It’s stressful to contemplate and I am trying not to.

Personally, I think her jaundice is improving, but having her look slightly less orange is no help when we’re going on blood tests. Especially not when she only looks less jaundiced in natural light, not the fluorescent lights they have in the hospital.

The hospital insanity has started and continues to worsen. Knowing that something is best for your child and not wanting to kick things when it happens – those are two different things.

Evelyn and I are in hospital for another night, even though her jaundice levels are below the line for phototherapy. The reasons for this are completely sensible – they don’t want to send her home today, only to have her rebound and require time in special care next week without me. Logically, this makes lots of sense and it’s the decision I was expecting to be made when her bilirubin levels came back this morning.

Knowing that it’s logical doesn’t stop me wanting to cry however. Hospital is such an unreal environment and my mental state is suffering a bit. Add in hormones and I’m on shaky ground a bit.

Of course, this will all improve when we get to go home tomorrow, bringing Evelyn back in on Monday for a repeat blood test, while praying that everything is improving, not worsening.

Her poo has gone a lovely black/green colour, which I can only hope is all of the toxins leaving her system as fast as they can.

On the upside, she is feeding amazingly well and not needing bottle top ups.

Basically, it’s all good news, I’m just insane and hormonal. Also eminently thankful that I have the tablet, my kindle has books on it and my phone has music.

Oh! And even better news? Today’s weigh in shows that Evelyn gained weight. Only a tiny amount, but can we all give a cheer for my super milk producing breasts?

Now I’m going to hunt down the tissues and have a cry.

We were hoping to take Evelyn home today after her discharge from NICU yesterday. Unfortunately, while her bilirubin levels are below the cut off line, they have increased overnight, in quite a big jump.

This means that we could take her home tonight and then bring her back tomorrow – knowing that she would likely need phototherapy and a few days in NICU, or, we can re-admit her today to spend 24 hours wrapped in a biliblanket.

Luckily, the family room is available, so I will be spending another day in hospital here with Evelyn, hoping that she is improved by tomorrow.

The bonuses of this are that I shouldn’t have to use the hand pump that the hospital loaned me to express once I get home (the ever gorgeous Kate has posted me an electric pump and I am so grateful I will kiss her the next time I see her) and that I will have my own room for a little bit, with Evelyn rooming in and hanging out in her cool blue light blanket.

She’s still feeding really well, better in fact than when she was still in NICU, and is latching perfectly. Her weight loss has been minimal (30g in the last 2 days, but she did wee everywhere shortly before her weigh in) and she is waking herself for feeds.

All very good signs.

Edited to clear up confusion! The hospital has awesome electric pumps, I was talking about the hand pump they’d loaned me to take home, while I waited for Kate’s in the mail.