It was after I dropped Amy off at school that my hands started to hurt, badly. We were on the way to the supermarket and I’d already had to talk myself out of vomiting a few times this morning, so my head really wasn’t up to ignoring the pain in my hands.
By the time I was 3/4 of the way through the supermarketing, I was unable to push the trolley and the pain was at the front and centre of most of my thoughts. Luckily, with the help of unlimited lollipops, Isaac was being practically angelic and just following along behind us, as Nathan pushed the trolley and lifted the heavy things, like milk and rice.
(Side note: It takes three lollipops to get the supermarketing done without meltdowns or screaming. What I need now, is to find lollipops without artificial colours.)
I held on, until I got to the chemist, knowing that I had scripts for regular tramadol (that doesn’t give me insomnia) and panadol oesto for the arthritis pain. Only, when I went to fill the script, I discovered that it was out of date and I was out of luck. Fun times, you guys, fun times.
By the time we made it home, I wasn’t in the best frame of mind and Isaac deciding to have a meltdown over toothpaste wasn’t really something I wanted to deal with.
I managed to take some slow release tramadol (that does give me insomnia) and now, two hours later, it has kicked in and while I’m still in pain, I’m rather stoned and I don’t care quite so much. It was a choice between stoned, or knocked out. Sometimes there are no good choices.
This Winter has been really bad. I’m coming out of the other side of SAD, smack into depression and anxiety, but I think that if I can hold on until the weather warms up, I might be okay. My soul is screaming for long hot days spent laying in the sun, letting the warmth fix my joints for a little while.
***
I was outside using the pitchfork to poke holes in the swampy patch in my back corner. I had a bag full of mint that needed to be planted and Isaac was helping me, by tipping out the roots and running away with them.
Three holes in, the pitchfork handle snapped in my face, as the bottom (metal) end threw itself up into my forehead.
“Mummy! It hit you in the head! MUMMY!”
Funnily enough, I realised that.
My forehead still hurts, but the cut is healing, at least.
I can’t say that it’s helping either my mental or physical states to be beating myself up with a pitchfork, however.
On the upside, with some help from Nathan, I got 20 currant cuttings planted out (not sure what types – Mum had forgotten) and a bag full of mint plants planted. And the raspberry canes survived being transplanted and are shooting up.
Finally.
***
It’s been dark inside my head lately. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting to the fact that eventually, this will change. It might not get better, or easier, but I can count on it getting different at some point.
Different is good.
I’m discontent with my house, with my lack of garden, with a paddock full of nothing, that screams its nothingness at me every time I see it. With the clutter and the lack and the excess and everything. I am discontent.
I need to work on getting things inside my head sorted, so that I can work on getting things outside of my head sorted.
And until then, I’m going to keep dreaming of moving house and living somewhere that isn’t falling down, that has a garden to sit in and just be, and storage space and cupboards for everything. I hear that they exist, somewhere.
Until then, I’m going to keep planting things and hoping that they grow and help sort my sanity out.
***
I don’t think this post makes much sense. Sorry about that.
Comments
42 responses to “Painkillers, headspace, broken joints and assorted other things that won’t make sense”
Don’t worry. It all totally made sense. I get SAD, too. I take vitamin D supplements (1000 or 2000 IU a day, which is way more than the recommended daily allowance. I don’t know how they measures dosages out there, but it’s 2.5 times more or 5 times more of what “they” recommend daily.)
Anyway, it totally helps. And this reminds me. Now that winter is just around the corner for us, I need to start taking it again, lest I get the blues.
Sending love!
I’ve got the Vitamin D supplements too, but had forgotten to take them this last week. Shall rectify that now.
xx
For lollipops without artifical colours do a search for Feingold safe lollipops.
For the rest – cant do much but offer gentle hugs and the knowledge that your cheer squad in Lithgow is doing a RA RA GO V cheer.
Google found me some (why didn’t I think of that?) here: http://www.organicsaustraliaonline.com.au/ And now I have colour free lollipops coming. YAY.
Your RA RA cheer made me smile.
hang in there hon.
massive hugs
I am hanging in there, writing about it helps lots. Not my forehead of course, only time will fix that – but everything else.
xx
aah honey I will print this out and show it to your Dad. It might inspire him to build you a greenhouse. xox
And the post made a lot of sense.
I was just saying to Nat that we needed to sort out the greenhouse soon.
It totally made sense! Probably more than my post about Joel last night,lol. Mine was Mersyndol and Valium. Can’t take Tramadol. And am so pissed off with Panadol Osteo I could stab someone.
But on that cheery note, I do hope the warmer weather brings you some improvement.
I’ve found the oesteo helps some of the minor bone pain that is probably early onset arthritis. I know it helps my hands when they hurt. Sigh.
Why can’t you take tramadol?
Yep, made sense and, poop on the out-of-date script, I know that sinking feeling well (((hugs))).
Yay on the mint and saplings 🙂
I think I saw some lollipops without artifical colours/flavours the other day, will check em out for you 😉
Frustrating. Means I’m back to the GP now, just for scripts. At least he’s not far away.
Stoned or not, you’re punctuation, spelling and grammer are spot on. Im’ impressed.
Seriously, roll on Spring! and Summer! and lots of long, hot days.
Even when my fingers want to fly and dance on the keyboard, my grammar is usually okay. Of course, I keep forgetting what I’m meant to be typing, but that’s okay.
It makes sense. I totally get it. Big hugs BG Xx
Thanks, I hope you’re feeling a little better now too?
I’ve been there too. Sorry that life is grey. Hold on to the thoughts of sunshine. It’ll come!
I’m hanging in there! Yesterday was nice, today is feeling slightly stormy. That’s okay, stormy is good too.
sometimes no sense is good sense.
Or something like that.
Heh.
x
I’m pretty sure I’m the most fun when I don’t make any sense.
I hear those types of house and garden exist too.
Hugs. This winter has been a real bastard.
They’re out there somewhere, in the box full of things I want and cannot afford.
Ah, I am sorry this winter has been so hard on you. We are just beginning our descent into winter and I admit to being a wee bit worried about my mental state this year . . . hopefully I get to a point where it really won’t affect me like it did last year.
I have to say, I am really impressed with your ability to write so clearly while stoned . . . it is a talent!
I’ll cross my fingers that your winter is mild and easy. xx
Oh Dude. I can’t LIVE without organic lollipops. Occasionally, we’ll let them have a dum dum (he’s allowed one a week from his speech therapist) and he’s gotten better about not being so crazy, but we’ve also explained to him that a lot of candy has not real colors and aren’t good for our bodies. He knows that any candy I have in the house is “good” candy. And that most candy in the stores is “bad” candy. He won’t eat it. I’ve scared the poor kid. Haha. (Actually, he’ll eat a little bit, and then turn the rest down, because “too much candy will make my belly hurt.”)
Also, look into some sort of fish oil. (I take Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega, don’t know if you can get that specific brand there, but they’re one of the best). That will also help with the depression. We’re big on the vitamin D here too.
Organic lollipops, sorted. I have a feeling they’ll save my sanity. God knows the sucking calms the other stims.
*hugs* sweety. Our autumn is almost on top of us now (I love autumn!), so not long now for your summer! Lots of love xxx
Where are your autumn photos then, hmmmmm? Distinct lack of posting from you lately, lady.
Hugs. I hit myself in the face with a gardening fork as a kid and still have a scar, at least you have some growing things.
I don’t know what support network you have, obviously your parents are highly important! But is it worth looking at somewhere warm and sunny and tropical? Even here in the centre there is lots of natural bush so it looks like there’s lots growing even though it’s so dry. I would suggest country towns because they’re extremely cheap, but they have no services for kids so that’s bad.
Veronica don’t listen to Deb, You are absolutely FORBIDDEN to move further than 2 or 3 hours drive away from me.
You should move to… infact I would go with you as well. Maybe we need to set up a blogging commune somewhere warm and sunny that we can all retreat to during the grey winter months.
*sputters* Don’t encourage her Marita.
Agreed. We absolutely need to be somewhere sunny.
Warm and sunny and tropical is in my sights, once we can afford it. We bought this house super cheap and our income is pretty small, so either I need to win lottery, or get more writing gigs. But honestly, I would love to move somewhere warm.
I know I may be boring but I have to mention Hypervitaminosis D, which is basically vitamin d overdose, which builds up overtime in the body rather than all in one go. Have to mention it not particularly for your attention Veronica as I am sure you are aware of the dangers of it already but to anyone who is just desparately trying to help themselves and clutching at straws. It causes some serious health problems, including bone pain! Along with some pretty horrible other stuff. Unlike some vitamins D is not just peed out or broken down in the way others are it can stay build up over time and cause horrible problems. Google appropriate sites and the information is there, although it was brought to my attention via my pharmacist as I take prescribed calceous which includes vit d for osteoporosis another little present I got from having ehlers danlos.
I am so sorry your hands hurted so. I wonder if using a pitchfork is recommended for someone with a tendancy to overuse injuries Veronica? I am not even sure if they do ergonomic pitchforks! Perhaps it breaking was some body somewhere trying to tell you something, although the bash in the forhead sounds painful, hope the cut heals, EDS and cuts don’t mix. When possible I use steristrips to aid healing.
If it helps Veronica, I need my whole house decorated, new flooring throughout, new furniture, a complete garden makeover (and yes OH is a gardener) despite the fact, its so small it pisses me off. One son, just written his car off, a lorry backed into daughters on Friday. My health is shite. Most of the time I ignore these things but some days I just want a perfect life. So know how you feel, roll on warm summer days for you Veronica and smiles and weddings and fun. Here the nights are drawing in and the papers are reporting a snowy winter. Oh good can’t wait!
Gentle hugs and hold onto your dreams, dreams can come true, you have a lifetime for them to happen. I just hope some of them happen soon.
xoxoxoxoxo
I knew about it, but I bet some people didn’t.
I don’t think using a pitchfork is recommended, so really, it’s all Nathan’s fault as he should have been digging the holes for me (and aquiring the concussion in my stead, like a NICE husband-to-be would. ARE YOU READING THIS HONEY?)
xxxxx
It totally made sense, I enjoy reading your blog, can relate to it.
Hope you feel better Veronica. xxx
Thanks Rochelle 🙂
It makes sense to me.
Total sense xx
I wish I could make it warm for you.
Honey pops. Like lollypops but natural, no additives, no gluten, no wheat.
That’s what Ivy recommends for large shopping trips. (Me too)
Where do I get Honey pops from?
The post made A LOT of sense. Apart from all the things going on in your life, Winter just drags everybody down. Winter is depressing and the idea of this dates back to ancient tribes who believed that Winter represented death. (That was what Stonehenge was built for – to honour the dead during Winter.)
Arthritis pain plays up when it’s cold too, not a good combination. Keep placing one foot in front of the other, Summer is just around the corner…time to let the kids play outside, bask in the sunshine and enjoy the smells in the air from the summer plants to melt away the blues. (Or at least some of them!)
Love you V, hang in there xxx
hang in there… sunshine is almost here 🙂 whatever works whatever works! At least you found a solution in the lollipops 🙂