There comes a time in a new baby’s life, when they stop sleeping all day and start having some wakeful periods.
Then, a few more weeks into the new motherhood gig, you will find your baby starts sleeping even less and wants to become more part of the family, rather than just a cute blob parked in the corner.
And if that baby is one of my children, there comes a time when they stop fucking sleeping altogether.
Two hour naps turn into 30 minute-and-fuss sessions. You will find yourself looking at your cute little blob while saying under your breath ‘I just got you to freaking sleep, 30 minutes is not enough sleep, go back to SLEEP. SLEEP SLEEP SLEEPSLEEPSllleeeppslepepepslsls….’ Conversation at this point becomes useless, because your adorable blob is looking at you with very SAD eyes [Can you see my sad eyes mum? Pick me UP! Or else, I will have to drop my bottom lip and piiiick meeeee uppppppp] and wanting to feed, a-freaking-gain.
No matter that the last feed was barely 45 minutes ago, your baby is HUNGRY and needs you NOW WOMAN, where are MY BOOBS?
At which point, you will feed him again, because dude, it’s easier than looking at that wobbly bottom lip and if you’re lucky he will go back to sleep.
If you’re lucky. Apparently, not if you’re me.
Sure, he goes back to sleep, just so long as I don’t move my nipple away from his mouth. So what if he isn’t actually feeding anymore, that nipple is like a comforter and removing it will cause DEATH DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM. Or you know, your baby to wake back up.
Same difference.
Once the baby wakes up, he isn’t really awake. He has realised however, that your nipple is no longer in his mouth and he will thrash and flail like a hooked fish in order to try and find that nipple again. He won’t however, open his mouth at all which would allow you to shove your tit back in there and shut him up.
All this causes passive aggression.
Like wandering around the house with a baby in your arms, muttering stupid things like: ‘Am I the only one with working boobs in this house?!’ [Answer: Yes] ‘Am I the only one able to settle a crying baby?’ [Answer: Yes. Not the only one available, but the one one able.].
Sleeplessness makes you a little silly.
Because as horrible as the first 3 weeks are when your newborn has no idea what sleep is and how to achieve it, sleeplessness is accumulative. And your 8 week old baby? Knows exactly what sleep is and knows he doesn’t want to be doing it.
[And let’s not get into sleep and toddlers and nightmares and did you know Amy pulled all the carpet up in her bedroom tonight in order to not fall asleep? Tonight I have discovered that Amy’s bedroom carpet is actually a large mat and isn’t actually nailed down. But, whatever.]
Your toddler knows when things are particularly bad too. This is when she chooses to be naughty. Like, finger painting the walls with Isaac’s zinc cream. Like unfolding every single bit of unfolded washing. Hey, but I bet if you ask Amy, sleeplessness and mummy distraction/inability to get up due to baby on boob makes for lots of fun. Or maybe complete boredom. Something.
Sleeplessness also makes you slightly less nice to the people around you. Someone says ‘I’m tired’ and I have to resist the urge to laugh maniacally and yell ‘SUCK IT UP SWEETHEART!’ Because you know, you might get to sleep tomorrow. I probably will not.
I do not need to resist the urge to laugh and yell if the person complaining about tiredness also has a baby or a sleepless toddler. Then it’s all about solidarity in sleeplessness and circle hugs and chocolate and comatose like zen states.
So in short, I am fucking tired and it doesn’t make me a nice person [actually, some people would call me downright bitchy. whatever though]. This child of mine will sleep one day, right?
Heh. Someday.
Oh babe, I feel for ya. I have one of those babies who at 9 months still thinks an hourly boob overnight is only a base rate of boob. She can have extras on top of that. Beefcake has become a little bit less tolerant of my bitchy lately and complaining of how tired he is. I am thinking of yelling loudly in his ear each time I wake up during the night. That wouldn’t be too bitchy would it?
Alis last blog post..Laying it out
Oh sweety, I have been there! (well, except for the breastfeeding part, take it from me though, a fussy baby will be fussy even if he took a bottle instead)
HUUUUUUGE ((hugs)) for you, it DOES get better. Max is living proof! xxxxxxxxxxx
Marylins last blog post..Weekly Winners #haventgotaclue
Oh God – we had a busy week-end and I feel totally sleep deprived – I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, at least tonight I will sleep!
Keep your chin up – it must get better!
🙂
Janet Bs last blog post..What makes your Monday rock?
Big *hugs*, Veronica! And yes, one day you will sleep again.
Jenn FLs last blog post..In a Jam
I totally had one of those days today too (well, I didn’t have a toddler pulling up carpet). Maybe we can catch up on sleep when our kiddies are 14 and want to sleep until midday and then we’ll be bitching about how they never wake up!
Sharnees last blog post..these babies, I made them!
did i write this? geez…i have a 6 week old and he’s up more during the day and only takes 30 min naps!!! at night he sleeps no longer than 2 hours. he still has to be swaddled for him to sleep!
i cant wait to sleep 4 hours in a row!!
Oh love, I am so sorry. I am sending extremely sleepy vibes to both of your children.
sleep deprivation is the worst thing I can think of.
Barbaras last blog post..74/365 – Spring Sunshine
Oh I have been there and it sucks sweaty monkey balls. Hope you get good sleeps soon.
anne nahms last blog post..Lump
I’m sending this post to my sister.
She has a new baby too ; )
Dinas last blog post..Day 7….in which we all feel a lot of love
LOL Sleep? What’s that?
Mrs. Cs last blog post..Me and My Little Brother
Oh boy, do I sympathise! My kids didn’t sleep thru till they were 2+ and I distinctly remember the zombie-state! It will get better and you will probably not go insane in the meantime. Except at the people who tell you they’re tired.
Tonis last blog post..My Boy
Did I ever mention that the reason I am not a mother is because I’m a total and complete wimp? I’d totally crumble under the pressure and probably be with Amy on that carpet pulling thing. I am totally in awe of you. And a little scared of you right now.
Someday. Yes honey. Someday.
Rees last blog post..Mute Monday – Hell
Ohhhhhhhhhh, I’m so sorry. If it’s any consolation, I’ve been there too. And, I am definitely one nasty person when I don’t get enough sleep. I hope he sleeps (again). Have you considered supplementing with formula or is that a non-option?
Joyce-Annes last blog post..Frustrated with a captial F
I had hoped your second baby would be like my second and actually sleep. Sorry ;-(
These are some great tips, we’re expecting in april, and we’re trying to get as much info as we can. thanks.
I swear I was thinking of you at 5 this morning. Mack at 31 months has now taken to waking and SCREAMING FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. WTF dude? He was supposed to be sleeping through the night by now, right? For the love of all that is holy, child, go to sleep! I want to take the rail off his crib so he can get down and play if that’s what makes him happy…but he’s Macky the Dismantler, and I can SO see him removing his carpet, too.
HUGS to you doll. Someday we’ll be laughing our arses off at our children’s children keeping them up all night.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and tile your bathroom….
Being tired sucks but I have to say, you are incredibly witty when you are tired.
tiffs last blog post..Blessed
Well of course he’s going to sleep………eventually.
I know it’s early days, but have you considered a little solid food? When he’s hungry so soon after a feed, it’s possible he might need a little extra. my second was hungry, hungry, hungry, he was eating cereal from 6 weeks. And still drinking his full amount of milk. Luckily he had no allergies, he refused that yukky baby rice cereal and settled for weetbix.
Oh Veronica! I just want to help. Any suggestions, let me know.
Tanyas last blog post..Pregnancy Brain
Oh no! I can’t say that I have had any experience at all with crying babies – but I wish you the best of luck! I’m sure he’ll sleep eventually!
I think all mum’s know why they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture! I hope you get some sleep soon.
PlanningQueens last blog post..10 Time Management Tips For Parents
that’s a tough part of any mom’s life. it makes your gorge rise, I’ve seen it. you have no choice, got to put up with it. Wish you get to sleep soundly soon.
You know how they make those life like sex toys from rubber or whatever? You know how they mold the porn stars parts and then make working replicas of them… (what I worked at a sex shop back in the day!)
Well why not have that done with your boobs? That way you can have a spare boob for those times when he just wants to fall asleep with it in his mouth!
Talinas last blog post..Live broadcast and chat fun is coming to the blog, come get your chat on now!
sorry to hear he isnt sleeping well..
i hope you get some sleep soon..
I’m so sorry hon, and I wish I could do something to help. I don’t suppose you have any lactating friends nearby who could stick their boob in Isaac’s mouth for awhile so you could go and take a nap?
badness joness last blog post..Who says romance is dead?
You should have named this post, “I am fucking tired.”
You wouldn’t have to have written ANY content and would have gotten 101 comments.
I almost did the same today, ‘cept I stopped myself after reading this. I have no 8-wek-old baby. Just a 2yo who sounded as if he had whooping cough and was struggling to breathe at 3am. My boobs were nowhere in the equation, so the honor of the post title goes to you! 😉
Colleen – Mommy Always Winss last blog post..All it took was 90 seconds.
so this is not a good time to tell you about the awesome nap i just took?
seriously, wishing baby sandman makes it out your way soon so mama and her tits can catch some zzzzzzz
Cats last blog post..i’ve got negative street cred now
Yuck.
I suppose you’ve tried a pacifier?
Robin G.s last blog post..Early morning.
It sure is the hardest aspect of having a bub, the lack of sleep. I HATE having interrupted sleep and lack of sleep is pure hell. So, dear mum, mother, mummy, yummy, bummy (whatever!) can I just say take your time, let the day pass, nothing is more important than you finding comfort for yourself however you can and in whatever way brings you comfort. If that means being a bitch (and you aren’t really) then be a bitch. Who cares what others think, they are not in your shoes, they may have or be similarly experiencing what you are going through, but they are not you. And you are being a great mum looking after your brood. So make sure you spoil yourself, because that is not what mums do best, spoil themselves enough.
As we are currently going through a few weeks of sleep hell i really can sympathise (well when i say weeks i mean months).
DH knows better than to say he is tired or needs sleep , he gets his head bitten of if he utters those words.
Do you ever wish sometimes you could just bottle feed and make someone else take a night? Breastfeeding is way to important to me to ever do that but gosh it would be nice
Laura McIntyres last blog post..Mothers Day
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