I awoke early this morning with Isaac snoozing soundly – still at my breast and a crick in my neck from where I had been sleeping sitting up all night. It wasn’t yet dawn, so I wiggled him over to his side of the bed and swaddled him, before arranging my pillows and attempting to fall back asleep.
A minute later, my soundly snoozing boy was wide awake, well aware that he had been moved and he was more than willing to let me know how unhappy he was at this fact.
And this is how my days and nights go.
Isaac is more than happy to sleep, just provided that he is sleeping on my chest or breast without interruption from me or anyone else. Woe is Isaac if I try and put him down for just a moment to do anything minor in his eyes, like pee or eat. Unfortunately for Isaac, using the toilet and eating are kind of neccessary to my survival and therefore, his.
It would maybe be easier to be a human pillow all the time if there was another human pillow that Isaac would be content to swap me with. Say, maybe the other human who helped give him life. But no, apparently I am the only one who will do. Some days I would be more than happy to stagnate on the couch, with nothing more to do than change nappies, breathe in the smell of a warm baby and breastfeed, but there are two other people in this house, plus me and things need doing. Which, yet again apparently only I can do.
So, this morning I awoke with a baby on my chest and after trying to move him, 10 minutes later he was back on my chest and fast asleep while I made the best of it and dozed myself. I’m tired, I’m strung out, my breast is still sore and there are these two short people who need every ounce of me that I have to give.
No matter that they have another parent. A PERFECTLY GOOD other parent, who has changed his working hours in order to be home nearly all day every day, who gets a PERFECTLY GOOD amount of sleep each night and should in theory be PERFECTLY GOOD at changing nappies and giving cuddles and preparing sandwiches.
Heh.
I’m thankful it’s Sunday and Nathan doesn’t work today at all.
I’m thankful that I went into town with Nathan while he worked yesterday and managed to cope for 3 hours alone with both children – Amy in the stroller, Isaac in the sling, not a playground in sight and I didn’t go insane or lose Amy. God knows I needed to get out of my house. This SAHM thing would be a lot easier if the staying home part wasn’t exactly what we do every day.
***
I’m also feeling a little strung out, because the mother of our kittens disappeared 6 days ago. Hit by a car? Caught in a trap? Shot? We don’t know. We do know that her five kittens were much to young to be weaned, although we are trying to make the best of it.
Unfortunately we started with five kittens and are down to three today. Seven killed two by ‘playing’ too hard. Unfuckingfortunately she two she killed were two of the kittens who had mastered the eating of food and weren’t doing too badly at all.
I now have 3 kittens living in my bathtub [so they can’t make too much mess, they haven’t mastered cleaning themselves yet] hampering my showering and keeping me on tenterhooks as I keep them alive by the skin of their teeth. Yesterday I was hopeful that all three would survive, they were healthy and active and LOUD and not having too many issues with their eating.
This morning I am worried about two of them and wishing I had the equipment and the inclination to bottle feed them. There is something that goes against every bone in my body to be all ‘come what may’ and let them take their chances. Dammit, I don’t want to let them die, no matter how much easier that would be; for me now and in the long run.
Sigh.
I remember when you were about 8 or 9 and found a “dead chicken” and I said to you to throw it into the garden and I would bury it later. You noticed that the “dead chicken” still had a faint pulse and you nursed it back to health.. Good luck sweetheart. You are doing a GREAT job with those sleepless children of yours. Oh and if Nathan is getting too much sleep just point Isaac in his direction when he vomits.. xox
frogpondsrocks last blog post..A winner, A winner, Yay! Yay! Yaaaay!
you got a syringe? That’s what I always used for kitten feeding.
Good luck.
I hope you get Isaac into a sleep routine that doesn’t involve your chest soon.
Mistress Bs last blog post..More than one way to weigh a vege?
Eek. My comment disappeared.
Ok, I was saying you need a baby carrier for Isaac. Maybe a wagon for the kittens… Amy would love that!
Mrs. Cs last blog post..
The only way I got anything at all done after my first was born and still breastfed, was by keeping him in the sling. After I gave up on the breastfeeding and put him on formula it got slightly easier if only because he would take a bottle from absolutely anyone. As long as he got food and attention he was happy. Our second son we used to have to wake him to feed during the first couple of weeks, but after that it was Mummy or scream the place down – and he was ‘on the bottle’ from day one! You’ll get there, you know this, it just takes time. Congratulations on getting out for a few hours, that must have made you feel a bit ‘better’ 😉
Sorry to hear about the kittens, Mother Nature can be very cruel.
Hope things get easier soon. For your sanity!
nikkis last blog post..Excuse me? WTF?!
Can you pump some of your milk into a bottle and have Nathan do an occasional feed? It would take the pressure off you. If Nathan were to sling a recently worn article of your clothing, such as a blouse, over his shoulder, Isaac would smell you and accept a bottle? It will be much easier for everybody if he learns to take feeds from breast and bottle. Another option is to make a deal with Nathan. Anything within reason in return for an afternoon nap for yourself. You can use a bit of your breast milk for the kittens too. A syringe if you have one, otherwise just put a bit in a shallow saucer and dip the kitties noses so that they have to lick it off. After a few dips they might start licking at it on their own. We had an unweaned kitten once when a family we knew was moving away, the mother cat got distressed and abandoned the kittens. I dipped my finger in “kitten milk” (available in supermarkets) and let the kitten lick it off, each time I held the finger closer to the milk until she was lapping at it on her own. Took about three days. She’s 8 years old now, living at my daughter’s house.
Maybe Amy would like to dip her finger in milk and let the kitties lick it off?
This just made me realize, again, what a different life it is. Here, I would go to PetSmart, half a mile away, and buy a kitten bottle and some milk for a few dollars – problem solved. But there are beauties and freedoms you have there that we could never find here. A different life.
My god daughter is growing up on a farm, basically. She’s raising pigs, and she adores them. I asked her what would happen to them when they are grown, and she said they would be sold and eaten. I asked her if that made her sad, and she looked at me blankly for a moment. “No. That’s just the way it is. That’s what they are for.” Good for her, I thought. City kids grow up afraid of death, rarely or never seeing it, but it is a normal part of life.
You’re so sweet to care for those kittens with your own babies to look after, and I hope you can save them.
Kats last blog post..I Love
I hope you are able to keep the kittens alive. Also hope you are able to get Issac to sleep somewhere other then your chest soon so you can get some decent sleep.
Megans last blog post..I just realized..
big hugs hun..
i hope the remaining 3 kittens survive..
and i really hope you get so good sleep soon..
((hugs))
Tazs last blog post..68 Weeks Old and 10 Weeks Old
Sounds like things are exhausting for you right now.
Biggest hugs for you.
tiffs last blog post..Weekly Winners
Aww hon, it’s tough isn’t it? These first few months will soon be just a memory, I promise!
Hope you manage to help those wee kittens to survive. xx
Marylins last blog post..Photohunt: Nautical
Oh my gosh! I can TOTALLY relate! Little One is the same as Isaac!!! Here’s something new though: she had her shot at the doctor’s the other day and was totally Little Miss Cranky Pants all yesterday and last night. She’s usually a very quiet, easy baby but yesterday only wanted to be carried or on the chest. She fought and fought with me with the breastfeeding, which she normally doesn’t. Nothing seemed to settle her. Times like those make me think “Am I sure I don’t want to bottle feed her???” Gah.
Oh hun, I’m so sorry. It all feels so hard when they’re tiny and having an extra 3 babies must be stretching your precious resources to the limit. I hope you’re managing to get some rest.
Barbaras last blog post..46/365 – Boing
Express, express, express, express, express and express.
Then shove the bottle into Nathan’s hand and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Jaynes last blog post..Manky Monday Trivial History Done In The Best POSS-i-ble Taste February 16
Oh no. Oh no.
I have been there with the baby thing. It does pass and the sleep deprivation does deaden the memory. Those poor kittens. And you…you DO need to leave the house just to escape the overwhelming dependence on YOU!
hugs.
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvanas last blog post..Potluck for the Advancement of Stick Figures
Baby carrier! Do you have something comfy that you can nurse in? It won’t help with the sleeping thing (but will he sleep side-lying with your breast in his mouth?) but at least with the bathroom and food thing. And honestly, the shower thing! I can recall taking many-a-shower with a child in a sling. Good times.
It will get better! It will it will!
Taras last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Go Tar Heels!!
Shit. So you have 5 babies to look after? Kudos to you… xxx
P.S I have not yet experienced the mother thing (15 weeks to go!!!) but is it possibly to wear the sling and sit half upright with a heap of pillows in a comfy spot, then you could snooze a little when he does? Then when you wake up just hop up and walk around with Isaac still in the sling? I wonder if you could go to the loo as well wearing the sling. Mums friend was talking one day about how she used to wear a sling nearly 24/7 so she could keep going with everything and baby got used to her moving around so stayed asleep. Let me know?
If not I have no suggestions 🙁
Sorry.
Tanyas last blog post..Better
UGH. Girl, wish I could help you in some way.
Wish I could send you supplies in time to make a difference. Ugh.
Oh no! Not Poof, I hope?
Robin G.s last blog post..Spark Word: Border
Can you take them to the humane society for someone else to foster them?
Also, just wear your sling to the toilet, shower etc… Won’t that work? It may look funny and make for some great photos but it may help you…
Talinas last blog post..Wild Salmon Fillets from Walmart are nasty! (are they even salmon?)
Your commenters are so sweet. See, now, I would be a snarky-butt and tell you that you DO have the equipment, but you’d need to watch for kitten teeth. 😉
love you sweetie. This too shall pass.
hang in there and I hope mommy kitty gets back home soon
your patience will be paid back, in karma points if nothing else! you’re doing a great job looking after all those people you love, and who love you back, but don’t forget to look after yourself too 🙂
If I was closer, I’d at least drop a prepared meal at your house to help you out in a one small daily task 🙂
When theyre living ion your bathtub youre past the come what may thing. I know you’ll be bottle feeding before you know it.
Hi. I followed links over at Ali’s blog (callapippertree.com) and I just had to say: I RELATE. My son is 9 months old and our sleeping pattern is: NURSE ALL NIGHT. If I attempt to so much as MOVE, he awakens and God Forbid that he should do that. I know it’s awfully tiring and trying at times, but so worth it. I just know how you’re feeling. I hope it gets better soon– for both of us!
Magic Moms last blog post..How Ya Like Me Now?
Monkey Girl is the only baby I nursed for a full year (she’s 2 now, btw). I remember how I felt that she ate constantly. I weaned my little boy after 6 weeks because I couldn’t handle it. But, I was determined with her. She wouldn’t take the bottle even with expressed breast milk. Good luck! It will pass. Right now, every bone in your body is tired and achy and all you want is sleep. I wish I could be there to give you at least one afternoon nap. ((HUGS))
Joyce-Annes last blog post..A Sunday Afternoon
Oh, girl, Oscar was JUST like Issac. I couldn’t get him to sleep in his crib at nigth until he was three months and he refused to nap anywhere but my chest until he was four months old. At least I didnt’ have a toddler to chase back then.
“This SAHM thing would be a lot easier if the staying home part wasn’t exactly what we do every day.”
Ain’t it the truth, sister, ain’t it the truth.
Jennis last blog post..Wow do I Love Airplanes!
Comments on this entry are closed.