1) Food that is on Mummy’s plate is twice as tasty as food that is on my plate. Even if it is the same food. Also, food tastes much better if eaten while sitting on Mummy’s lap. Preferably so that Mummy can’t eat too. Unless I share.
2) Anything that is stacked or folded, needs unstacking and unfolding RIGHT NOW. All cupboards and drawers need emptying and then sitting in.
3) The dog food is mine. So is the cat food. And that blowfly. And LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY! I’m gonna eat it now. And no, I am not spitting it out. Unless you let me spit it down your top. Or on your crotch. In public.
4) Nappyless poops shall be done on the floor, not in the potty. Don’t you know? THE POTTY IS EVIL AND WANTS TO EAT MY BUM. Don’t worry Mummy, I will clean it up. Then I will hand you the warm poop, right into your hand. No! Don’t worry Mummy, my hands are clean, look, I used a wipe to pick the poop up with. See? See?
5) The toys in the toy basket are much more fun than the toys I already pulled out onto the floor. Once the toy box is empty then I need Mummy to clean it back up for me with me.
6) I am allowed to bite the dog. The dog is not allowed to bite me back.
7) All hurts must be kissed better every time I realise that it is there. This must be repeated until I can’t see the hurts anymore. Even if I can remember having a hurts there, then it must be kissed better.
8 ) If you want a kiss, I will kiss you. Then you must be prepared to let me nom on your nose (complete with nomming noises) until I am done. Otherwise? No kisses.
9) The sugar bowl needs to be left near the edge of the bench so that I can eat sugar at my leisure. YOU WILL NOT MOVE THE SUGAR BOWL.
10) All books are mine. Your books are mine. My books are mine. You will not take them off me while I am reading them. I DON’T CARE THAT THEY ARE UPSIDE DOWN. I am reading them. Yes, all of them.
11) All shoes are mine. I need them so we can go outside. Do not tell me that I need to take your shoes off and put mine on. I am happy. YOU wear my shoes and then we will go outside.
12) Daddy’s socks are my leg warmers. Daddy shall not wear any socks if my legs are cold and need them.
13) All hot drinks are made specifically for me. What do you mean I can’t share your coffee? WHAT KIND OF CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PERSON ARE YOU?!!!
All personnel must adhere to and abide by my rules at all times. Failure to do so will result in withholding of kisses and hugs, I will also be favouring the other parent until such times as my rules are obeyed.
Thankyou.
Amy.
Comments
27 responses to “The Rules, According to Amy”
Amy’s a tough boss! Wait til she has siblings, they’ll be thoroughly cowed.
witchypoos last blog post..Food Quirks
Ha, Ha. SWMBO Jr.
Lous last blog post..100 Word Challenge – Want
I think Amy and B have been working on these rules together. I didn’t realize they had email access.
Suzies last blog post..Why Kids Have More Fun
I bet you’re glad she spelled it all out for you, aren’t you? 😉
Rees last blog post..Four Hundred Eighty One?
Just wait until you decide it’s time for her to wipe her own bum. You think you’re done with the whole potty thing and then you end up wiping your kid’s bum until she’s 8 (apparently average age for learning to wipe properly is 6-7! Must commit suicide now!)
Memarie Lanes last blog post..Dear Googler
you’ll have your revenge my dear……….. as soon as she’s old enough for you to start screwing with her head 😉 lol
Bettinas last blog post..Hot Hunk Thursday
You totally forgot the
“If I am doing something then I will ignore you, but the minute you try to do something that does not revolve around me, I will whine and beg you to stop to pay attention to only me.”
nikkis last blog post..In the garden
Dear Amy,
When Colin was an infant he was given a shirt that had, “Benevolent Dictator” printed on it. I was just thinking… that doesn’t really apply to you. And certainly doesn’t apply to Colin any longer. How about “Truculent Totalitarian”? You short people would wear it proudly.
Please, little Amy, I ask that you only push your nice mommy to the edge… not over it. It is a fine line. Just keep her slightly more in love with you than infuriated. It will pay off, I promise.
Love,
Kat
kats last blog post..The Goddaughter Goes 4H
That sounds scarily like Zack at the moment… I hope you’ve not been giving him tips missy!!
Marylins last blog post..Dandelion boy
Hey, I think Amy stole Wynnie’s list of rules. Hmmm, maybe there’s a conspiracy against all parents. You don’t suppose they’re hard wired this way? Oh hell, we’re SCREWED when they’re teenagers. Now I’m just rambling.
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..Pet Peeve Thursday–Two for the Price of One
let me see, she’s bossy, opinionated, doesn’t sleep and eats what the hell she wants…
…now WHERE is she getting that from…
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..I said ‘Nappy’, dammit
Of course Amy would write the definitive set of rules! She’s dangerous! Between her love of organizing babies into political movements and this–her clear love of radical policy to create social change–she is one to watch!!
Too funny, but oh so true !
hmmm.. 🙂
Tazs last blog post..29 Weeks Old.. (mothers day special)
You just have to love a girl that knows what she wants.
I’ve shamelessly ripped off and plagiarised your post. Thanks for the inspiration. 🙂
Anjas last blog post..Shamelessly ripped off.
hehehehe “that’s Nanny’s girl…”
frogpondsrocks last blog post..Where is a schwacker when you need one????
I’m all caught up!
oh, and the month we conceived I had EWCM for the normal timeframe and then it went away and then it came back.
Dawns last blog post..Short Photo Essay
Oh Lordy, i remember that stage. it was fun.
Now they argue with me when i say No.
tiffs last blog post..It’s hard to be angry when…
I know how to fix #9. Fill the sugar bowwl with something she absolutely hates, or maybe salt or flour and then just leave it where she can get it like always. Keep the sugar supply somewhere else for a day or so. Don’t forget to warn Nathan. He might not appreciate salty coffee. Two year olds are tough aren’t they? It all changes when they go to school.
LOL – sounds like my place and Sam & Joel rules.
Trishs last blog post..TGIF ?
ahhhhhhhhhhhhahahahahha!
Did Braden co-author? Hm. 😉
Sarcastic Moms last blog post..…and then I whined some more. Yay!
Yup, those are the rules in my house also.
Barbaras last blog post..137/366 – Pushing It
did amy and ava write these togethor?
zoes last blog post..This is the end
bawhahaha! love the list – don’t let my son see it, please.
Jennis last blog post..Oscar is Brilliant
[…] in honour of my gorgeous daughter, she of the sleepless nights and busy days. The erstwhile inventor of the fantabulous word schwacker. She of the mousecepades and indoor ponds […]
i always use leg warmers during the winter months to feel comfy.;:’