The Rules, According to Amy

1) Food that is on Mummy’s plate is twice as tasty as food that is on my plate. Even if it is the same food. Also, food tastes much better if eaten while sitting on Mummy’s lap. Preferably so that Mummy can’t eat too. Unless I share.

2) Anything that is stacked or folded, needs unstacking and unfolding RIGHT NOW. All cupboards and drawers need emptying and then sitting in.

3) The dog food is mine. So is the cat food. And that blowfly. And LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY! I’m gonna eat it now. And no, I am not spitting it out. Unless you let me spit it down your top. Or on your crotch. In public.

4) Nappyless poops shall be done on the floor, not in the potty. Don’t you know? THE POTTY IS EVIL AND WANTS TO EAT MY BUM. Don’t worry Mummy, I will clean it up. Then I will hand you the warm poop, right into your hand. No! Don’t worry Mummy, my hands are clean, look, I used a wipe to pick the poop up with. See? See?

5) The toys in the toy basket are much more fun than the toys I already pulled out onto the floor. Once the toy box is empty then I need Mummy to clean it back up for me with me.

6) I am allowed to bite the dog. The dog is not allowed to bite me back.

7) All hurts must be kissed better every time I realise that it is there. This must be repeated until I can’t see the hurts anymore. Even if I can remember having a hurts there, then it must be kissed better.

8 ) If you want a kiss, I will kiss you. Then you must be prepared to let me nom on your nose (complete with nomming noises) until I am done. Otherwise? No kisses.

9) The sugar bowl needs to be left near the edge of the bench so that I can eat sugar at my leisure. YOU WILL NOT MOVE THE SUGAR BOWL.

10) All books are mine. Your books are mine. My books are mine. You will not take them off me while I am reading them. I DON’T CARE THAT THEY ARE UPSIDE DOWN. I am reading them. Yes, all of them.

11) All shoes are mine. I need them so we can go outside. Do not tell me that I need to take your shoes off and put mine on. I am happy. YOU wear my shoes and then we will go outside.

12) Daddy’s socks are my leg warmers. Daddy shall not wear any socks if my legs are cold and need them.

13) All hot drinks are made specifically for me. What do you mean I can’t share your coffee? WHAT KIND OF CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PERSON ARE YOU?!!!

All personnel must adhere to and abide by my rules at all times. Failure to do so will result in withholding of kisses and hugs, I will also be favouring the other parent until such times as my rules are obeyed.

Thankyou.

Amy.