There are words, screaming in my head, wanting to get out.
I sit down to type them out and find that I’ve lost them. They used to fall from my brain to my fingertips effortlessly. I think they’re getting lost in there somewhere now. Maybe I’m crying them out? Maybe there is a backlog in around my heart somewhere and one day the dam will break and you’ll find yourself reading five posts in a day.
Who knows.
I know that I used to use my blog as a dumping ground, write it out and move on.
I want to write about how heavy my heart feels when I help Mum clean Nan’s house. How possessions of hers weigh heavily on my chest. I wish she’d been able to give more things away herself like she wanted to, rather than the sorting process we’ve got going on.
There are words in my head screaming to get out.
***
A few days after Nan died, I had a dream. We were sitting at Mum’s talking, as we used to do often.
Nan said ‘You need to come down and help me get things organised.’
‘Okay.’
‘The cupboards need sorting. You’ve got to be careful of all the lids though.’
Nan had a cupboard filled with all her plastic containers. Ever single bit of plastic she owned went in that cupboard. When I woke from the dream, I assumed that Nan saying ‘be careful of all the lids’ meant ‘for the love of god don’t lose my lids!’.
I was wrong.
When Mum and I sorted that cupboard? We found lids. And more lids. And then some more lids. Most of them without the accompaning containers.
I should have known. It wasn’t ‘be careful of all the lids so none get lost‘ it was actually ‘be careful you don’t drown in lids while you’re sitting on the floor sorting things.’
Thanks for the warning Nan.
Hugs V, she’s with you still.
The words will come.
tiffs last blog post..Torn.
hang in there babe.xx
ps. this post gave me a chuckle…sounds like your nan was a wickedly funny gal just like you!
brendas last blog post..I am an addict
I reckon that sometimes the words and their meanings are just too big to come out whole.
xx
big hugs hun..
am thinking of you..
she is with you everyday..
your words will come back soon.. 🙂
the words may come. They may not.
I am in a similar dilemma. I NEED to get it out, but the words just won’t come.
Take your time sweetie.
Hang in there love, the words will come. Grief is not a quick process and if affects everyone differently.
Barbaras last blog post..Well Read
The words are absolutely there. I just read them and they were beautiful. They may not be the words you THINK you want to write, they may not be the words you think you NEED to write, but they are there.
I lost my sister, my only sibling, 20 months ago (3 weeks before my baby was born). I kept waiting to write about it, but it was too awful, and I never did. Now I’ve realised I may NEVER write about it. However, I’ve written a great deal else, and maybe that’s enough. No, definitely, that’s enough. Some things take time to share with the world. Other things can never be shared. But there will always be words.
KerriSackvilles last blog post..What Does It For Me
Don’t worry too much about the words, they will come when the time is right.
I do my container/lid match up every year, at the time of our hard rubbish collection. I haul out every container and lid I can find, then match them up. Any that don’t match go out on the footpath with other “hard” rubbish. I also do a clean out of other stuff that I haven’t touched or needed in the past year. I seem to still have so much stuff though. Where the heck does it all come from??
Take your time, take all the time you need. Words or no words, we’re still here for you. x
Beas last blog post..not pregnant, but stuck in the 2-week wait
Thinking of you x
Oh sweety, she is still with you, she always will be. ((huge hugs)) Have been thinking of you lots. xxx
Marylins last blog post..New beginnings
Maybe you just need to hold on to all of those words for a little while. Keep them just for yourself until you have done some more grieving. I’m sure the time will come when you feel able to share them.
xx
Alis last blog post..He’s asleep with the remote in his hand, what do you reckon my chances are of stealing it?
Give yourself time. Grief is different for everyone. Try to take comfort in the fact that she’s still with you and loves you very much.
Joyce-Annes last blog post..Vacation is all I ever wanted
I think we all packrat strange stuff and it’s surprising how someone with “not that much stuff”‘s children need to hire out a dumpster for the extra stuff when they look through it and go… WHYYYY did she save this?
Yeah. Our neighbour across the street is in a nursing home now, and two dumpsters have come and gone already. In a small 3 bedroom house. She must have had the rooms (besides kitchen and living rm, which I’ve been in) positively packed with *stuff*.
Mrs. Cs last blog post..Homeschooling is "Her Thing."
IN time the words will come again.
Suzies last blog post..Im the Queen!
They will come, and so will the release.
That much I do know.
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Into the wild
Don’t worry about the words, I think they are there just mixed up with lids, Would your nan have minded a garage sale for non precious stuff that you want to keep do you think, the procedes of which could go to plants for your mum and your gardens, plants etc. She sounds as though she may have been the sort of person who would love someone to find stuff she needed to keep become something someone else wanted to keep. It sounds to me like you are finding this ‘sorting out of stuff’ tough emotionally and I would too, bizarrely I have only made one post on my apology for a blog since your nan’s passing, the words will come… in the meantime let the tears flow…
thinking of you.
acheloiss last blog post..Just popped in….
Looks like the words are coming along just fine to me. As long as you are articulating something you’re making progress sweetheart. Time will soften the edge of your loss, there just not been enough of it yet.
Hugs.
ahhh she is still there to watch out for you…
beautiful xxx
Tanyas last blog post..1 month old
Good that you can dream about her. There are those who would say she hasn’t left yet – that she’s waiting until you’re ready. Me? I’m not sure – but I’d like to think that was possible.
lceels last blog post..Humpty Dumpty, et al.
It must be so hard to communicate when you are shocked by the death of someone near to you. I think when someone so close to us dies, as sad as it is, we do learn more about what it means to be human. This is because we are tied to something outside this world.
I don’t know WHAT you’re talking about. This was an incredible post, Roni.
Cats last blog post..Cannot Be Bothered To Name This Post
I was positive you were going to say you found bundles of money in that cupboard!
I hope she continues to come to you in your dreams!
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