Are you at your wits end? (Yes!)
Are you contemplating beating things into very small pieces with an iron bar? (Oh god yes)
Have you seriously considered locking your children in their bedrooms? (or the closet… Just for a little while. But yes.)
Have you got things going on in your life that you can’t blog about, but you are seriously thinking of murdering people? (Please tell me I am not the only one…)
Has your toddler been so fucking clingy and needy lately that you are ready to send them outside with nothing but a stick? (Yes. Yes and yes. Or maybe I will sell said toddler to the Gypsies. I haven’t decided yet.)
Do need some time out? (I would kill for some time out)
Well let me be your wits end sponsor!
I will bring you chocolate when you need it. (Everyone needs chocolate sometimes.)
I can run interference while you go to the toilet/shower/eat in peace. (Because damn, what I wouldn’t do to poo/shower/eat by myself)
I know where the good cheese can be found. (Even if I can’t eat it right now)
I will hold your hand as you cry over that thing that everyone seems to think you should be over by now. (Because god, hurting over something is SO last year. Especially when that something is huge and life changing.)
And I have a good store of wine in the bathroom. (That I can’t drink. I actually bought it to cook with)
I am skilled at the bedtime song and dance routine. (And that person who has an angelic sleeping angel (who falls asleep easily every. single. fucking. night. can just go get fucked)
I know all the methods you can use to not smack the toddler. (These are very handy if you have a toddler like mine, who just LOOKS at you and then determindly does whatever she got in trouble for again.)
I am becoming very good at NOT strangling the dog. (Things which I will happily pass on to you in your hour of need, because GOD FUCKING KNOWS, if I have to clean up one more crap, or rewash a whole basket of washing because it was pissed on, I might just need you to counsel me.)
And all these skills for the everyday low price of NOTHING! Yes, that’s right, NOTHING. Nothing to pay, nothing to spend, absolutely nothing.
I will do all this for free because I love you. Honest. Just one condition…I need you to do the same for me.
Perhaps Amy and Seven would like to run away and join the circus….
There’s not a lot I can say to help except that this will all stop eventually, you just have to stick to your guns in the meantime. Shitty but true. Have you been able to get outside for a walk with Amy, sometimes little people just need to burn off some of that excess energy.
Give me your address and I’ll send you chocolate, you need it more than me, you could send me Amy although I don’t think AusPost will let you put her in a box and I’m not taking the dog – sorry.
Hugs
How would one open a wits end meeting? ” Hi, my name is _____, and I’m at my wits end? Or, “Hi, my name is _______, and I’m at my fucking wits end? Or, “AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH”
Gypsies might pay you a pretty penny for your daughter.
I just can’t wait until the day when my butt is the only one I have to worry about wiping.
nikkis last blog post..I have no freaking clue
Sending chocolate now.
Right now.
need anything else?
Bettinas last blog post..Ok, so here is all the juicy goss….
Deep breaths just take some deep breaths it doesnt really get any better but when you can have some stinky cheese and wine again it will seem a little better
Suzies last blog post..Another Not So Wordless Wednesday With Tumors
Since it’s already Thursday where you are, why don’t you tell me what Wednesday night’s Illinois lottery numbers were and I’ll play them and win and then all of your dreams will come true. ‘Cause it’s only Wednesday morning here. 10 o’clock. And the lottery isn’t until 9 o’clock tonight.
(((hugs))) You know I would if I could hon 🙁
*hands over some chocolate*
Marylins last blog post..Standing at last!!
Really … it does get better. It just doesn’t seem like it ever will. I had a child like yours … only he is a boy. I hear you, Veronica .. and am sending lots of *hugs* your way!
Jenn FLs last blog post..Quiet
So is this a long-term contract? Do we play wife swap??? Do I get to be pregnant?
🙂
Rees last blog post..WW – A Record
Am I the only one who thought that was really funny?
Xbox4NappyRashs last blog post..Waiting and donating
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and a NER NER thrown in for luck. I often wondered if the reason that you have such long slender arms is because quite often I only just “catch-ed you” by the tips of your fingers.mmmm xxx love mum
frogpondsrocks last blog post..Mystery Object????
Now that sound like a great plan, wits end buddies… but what if you are all at your wits end at the same time? 😮
Your theme looks amazing by the way!
Sounds like your still having a rough time. So sorry to hear it. I pray things will get better for you soon.
Kellys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
hugs..
thinking of you hun..
Tazs last blog post..special for the week
who says time outs are only for kids? i would give anything for a time out!
<>
Leighs last blog post..no tubes and plateaus
Puts hand up! Me! Me! Me! I’m in! so long as it involves red and blue paint in water bombs…oh and cholcolate lots of sweet sweet chocolate.
tiffs last blog post..The IVIG poster girl.
Holy mother, were you talking DIRECTLY TO ME, because it really seems like it!
*big hugs*
Well, for one at your wits end, you sure presented us with a great deal of it.
It’s funny, kids think naps and time outs are cruel and unusual punishments. We, on the other hand, are cruel and unusual without them.
Sending you chocolate and non-alcoholic-but-still-tasty wine thoughts (don’t bicker with me about existence – it’s the thought that counts).
I have a rule that when kiddos cry, Mommy goes to time out for a while. It requires bedroom doors with locks, though. My door, my locks. They are locked OUT.
Use the bathroom without an audience? Does that even EXIST in this life?
Hyphen Mamas last blog post..How to Make Feta Cheese at Home–12 Simple Steps
HA ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!!!!!!
Damn, I am so there for you.
Just wish we lived a little closer.
My friend who survived twin toddlers recently said to me, “It all gets easier from here.” and now I’m repeating it like a mantra. I think I’m going to tattoo it on my arm actually. It makes me feel better.
Kats last blog post..There’s my girl!
It’s winter so I don’t think there’s any gypsies about, they’re probably all set up in there winter camp and won’t travel again until spring/summer. You might have to do a google search and go to them. Amy could come home again in about 5 years with all kinds of marketable skilss. Fortune Telling for instance.
Or you could just tranquillise the pair of them for the next year. (just kidding)
Is Seven not house trained yet?
Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. Throw in a whiny 9 month old (well, you’ll have to wait a bit for that) as well. If you were nearer I would definately do it for you as it is we’ll have to do it virtually. Watch my back, I’m just off for a wee.
Barbaras last blog post..206/366 – Bravery
Veronica, I think we are living parallel lives, except I’m not pregnant!!!
Seriously, with those skills Amy will grow up to be the CEO of a major company and will be able to keep you in clean clothing into your old age 😉
Do you think thats why some mothers go back to work?
A girl who worked here with me said that work was her ‘adult time’
I thought that was interesting.
(I’m not trying to start a debate though.)
How about Hot chocolate, always find that is better than just chocolate !!
missed your blogs the last couple of days, hope all is alright, and the pregnancy is going really well !
Liking the new page layout !! layed back, yet really slick !!
have a good weekend, gareth, jayne, and Darcy !
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