Evelyn flops around in her bed all night, imitating a fish out of water. She can’t find a spot she likes and so she wakes up every forty minutes to let me know how angry she is that she can’t stay asleep.
She flips and flops and gets angrier and angrier before shrieking her displeasure, feeding briefly and starting the whole process again. I change her blankets. Softer, heavier, snugglier. I put bunny rugs under her sheet to soften everything. I come very close to just giving up and learning to never sleep again.
She hits her head on the cot bars and I weave blankets around them to create a barrier. She tears them out.
Evelyn does this every night for months. I spend my nights half asleep, patting her back or rubbing her feet, letting her settle into the soothing round and round of my hands. I am exhausted, but these are the sacrifices you make for a baby.
Last night, she wouldn’t settle. After I’d put her down for the nth time, only to have her flopflipflop and scream, I gave up.
I found a pillow. Thin, but soft, I put it in her cot. Carefully I snuggled her back to sleep and put her down with her head on the pillow. She sighed, rolled on her side, snuggled in and slept for four hours.
Now, if only I’d thought of this a month ago.