Month: May 2008

Dear Mummy,

I know I am a little late with this letter, but it has taken me this long to assure you that I am asleep, so I haven’t been able to get near the computer. I would appreciate it if you don’t look in on me right now though, okay?

I know you said something about it being Mothers Day today, so I have gone out of my way to be nice. I slept in until 9am this morning, just for you!

I wasn’t sure if Daddy was willing to let you stay in bed (he was) so I just figured that if I stayed in bed my very own self, it would just be easier on both of you.

It took me a few hours to grasp it, but once I realised that you wanted kisses, I took every opportunity to kiss you silly.

‘Mummee? Tiss pleas?’

MWAH!

‘Tiss now?’

MWAH!

‘I tiss’

MWAH!

I know that my kisses were sloppy, but sometimes the drool just escapes. You love me anyway, right?

I love you so much Mummy, that I didn’t want to be separated from you all day. I admire how you coped so well, even when I didn’t nap. One day you will have to show me how you cook dinner one handed. It probably helped that Daddy prepped all the vegies for you. He is a clever Daddy, I heard you say so.

Thankyou so much for teaching me how to crush garlic with the mortar and pestle. Smashing things has never been so fun and you didn’t growl at me once! I think I could become a Master Squasher. And not just of your boobs.

Which, speaking of boobs, I still miss my boobies. I am pleased that you don’t scream anymore when I thrust my freezing cold hand down your top. Sometimes I just have to make sure they are still there, you know? I wish I could still have boobies, but you have told me that there is no milk left and I believe you. Truly, I do.

Daddy thinks I am starting to swear, but I am actually saying ‘Sit!’. I’m not quite sure why it comes out as ‘shit!’ though.

Everything I do and say contains and exclaimantion mark after it.

‘I sit!’

‘I Hungeeee!’

‘Dink?!’

‘Mummeeee!’

But I know you forgive me because I am just so damn cute. Your words not mine.

So anyway, to finish up (because I am getting very very sleepy here), I just wanted to say that I love you Mummy. Especially when you are busy. Especially when you need to pee.

Love, Amy.

xxx

I know, I haven’t participated in Lotus’s Weekly Winners for a while, so here is my contribution. Also, Happy Mothers day!

Running.

The first time she fell asleep without me holding her in AGES. WOO! Not that we aren’t still having sleep issues though.

The river. I took this from the car as we drove across the bridge.

Amy wondered of she would fit in the bin. I wondered if it was wrong to contemplate throwing her out.

FINALLY! MUAHAHAHAHA.

See more Weekly Winners here.

Wooden building blocks have to be THE BEST toys ever. There are so many things you can do with them.

Stuck for ideas? Never fear! That’s why I am here.

1- You can stack them. (Hey, don’t you DUH me. Yes, you in the back. I heard you. Shush.) Then you can knock them over. Then you can stack them. Then you can knock tham over. FOR HOURS.

2- You can build Teddy a house. Then you can play EARTHQUAKE and knock teddys house over. (Teddy carnage cannot be shown due to the disturbing nature of the images.)

3- If you are a puppy, you can bury them. See?

4- Great for gaining an extra inch height. No, those aren’t my feet. Nathan’s feet are much prettier than mine, so he modelled for me.

5- You can spell inappropriate words. Leave messages for your partner in the kitchen. Hehe.

6- You can sit for ages while your toddler tells you what the pictures are.

‘Loooook! Doooog. Looook Mumeeee, TAT! Loooook! DOG! LOOOOOK TAT. MUMEEEEE LOOK!’

‘Yes sweetie a dog and a cat!’

7- Using a rolled newspaper, you can teach your daughter what to do when she see’s one of these. Clever girl learns fast.

Things not shown:

You can throw blocks at the dog. The dogs head goes CLONK when a block hits her. Poor puppy.

The blocks make for great booby traps at 2am when you are wandering through the house to go to the loo. A better use of blockage would be to booby trap the study where Nathan is busy playing computer. His feet are tougher than mine.

You can fill your glass of water with them. Or Mummy’s coffee. Or her bowl of soup. Really, they will bring up the level of just about any liquid substance. I like to think my daughter enjoys science. In reality, she just likes putting things in things.

You can drop them on Mummy when she is laying on the floor. Mummy’s head goes THONK when a block hits her. Then Amy runs away, shouting ‘Wun, wun, wun, JUMP!’ Yes, she does indeed know when it is smart to run.

All kinds of things blocks are good for…

Thanks heaps to Trish from My Little Drummer Boys for posting about the Million Blogs List. If it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t have heard about it for AGES.

So, thanks Trish.

What the creaters are trying to do is get One Million Blogs registered on their wiki-like site. I HIGHLY recommend heading over and getting your blog added to the list.

I’m # 1440

I love the word schwacker. It just rolls off my tongue so nicely, schhhhhhhhwacker. Go on, say it out loud. You know you want to.

Schhhhhhwacker.

Anyway, since I have been running around like a mad women, desparately trying to schwack mice (mice=100 Veronica=0) I have begun to see the various pros and cons of schwackers.

Like this schwacker. This schwacker is actually a book. See? A David Eddings book to be precise. Nice and light, it has a good feel to it. Very nice weight and it makes a good SCHWACK sound when you hit something with it (say, your husband when he is giving you the shits). I am hoping that the sound would turn into more of a SCHWOMP when I actually manage to hit a mouse. Then I worry about mouse bits getting stuck to the cover…

However, with Nathan being so anti-clutter, I regularly find myself chasing mice without my handy David Eddings book.

In cases like those, anything will do as a schwacker.

Take my shoe for example. It wasn’t my first schwacker and it probably isn’t the schwacker of choice. It was the one I picked up when I hadn’t yet discovered the David Eddings book. It makes more of a THIMP sound when you schwack something with it.

I’m not sure anything that made a thimp sound would suitably stun a mouse to be honest.

Now, here we have the wooden woman model of schwacker. I grabbed her off the bench when the mice were partying in the dog food the other night.

She has a lovely curve to the back of her shoulders and I doubt very much that a mouse would be running away after being hit with this baby.

She also has wonderful handle like legs. Great for holding. When you hit her on something she makes a lovely THWACK sound.

Isn’t she pretty?

She cracks nuts too apparently. Between her legs. Trust my partner to have something like this. However I will forgive her all her sins if I can use her to kill mice. Heh.

I don’t imagine a flyswatter would be much good for schwacking mice, do you?

However, I suppose if that was all you had to hand and you wielded it hard enough and fast enough (oh, there are so many jokes I could make about now…) it *might* work.

I wouldn’t count on it to do much more than annoy the mouse. And annoyed mice are vicious mice, so make sure to sleep with your toes tucked tightly under the covers. Mice are great ones for revenge.

Just sayin’.

Also? I really wouldn’t recommend schwacking with a slice of bread. It *may* have the right shape and size, but a slice of bread is really not going to make a good schwacker. Well, unless you glue it to a piece of wood. Then it might work.

Maybe.

Now, personally, this would make a great schwacker, ESPECIALLY if you tied it to a broom handle. A little unwieldy, but practise makes perfect, right?

I can just imagine it, SHCWAP! SCHWAP! as the mouse tried to run away.

Perfect for those people who are scared of mice.

You could even get really bloodthirsty and stick thumbtacks to the paddle bit. Then no matter how softly you hit the mouse, he wouldn’t be getting away. Yup, I am a little bit evil. Shhhhhh.

A tennis racket would make a great schwacker, but please, don’t hit the mouse too hard. You don’t want mousey bits to ooze up through the holes. No, really, you don’t.

My advice? If you use a tennis racket, then make sure you don’t schwack the living daylights out of the mouse.

Yes, the idea is to kill the mouse, but not to mangle it! Sheesh! Ask yourself, do you really want to clean mouse guts out of the carpet, lino, tennis racket? Really?

However, of all the schwackers I have looked at today, this one must be the best.

It would be the biggest, hardiest schwacker that I have seen. I wants it. I needs it. I could kill 10 mice at a time with it.

Look, isn’t it beautiful?

IMAGINE HOW MANY MICE WOULD DIE IF I COERCED THEM TO SIT UNDERNEATH IT AND THEN DROPPED IT ON THEIR HEADS!

Many many mice.

Pity that I wouldn’t be able to lift it. Or get it through my doors. Or you know, even get close to dropping it on them.

Damn mice.

*****

I promise, unless the mice kidnap me tonight, I will have something other than mice and shcwackers to talk about tomorrow.