An open letter to the spiders in my house

[No photos because I haven’t taken any.]

Dear Spiders that live in my house,

I’m officially putting you on notice.

Up until this point in time, you’ve been allowed to live in various corners, without being molested, squashed or destroyed. I allowed you to do this in the hope that you would do something either a) interesting or b) useful – both of those things involving flies.

If I thought I was seeing a noticeable difference in the amount of house flies I was seeing inside the house, I would not be writing this. If you were doing something interesting, like eating flies, or spinning webs, you would also not be in trouble.

I let you stay, hoping that I would be able to photograph a decent insect massacre, or show the children how you kill flies, but it appears that all you’re doing is creating unfancy dust collectors in my corners and threatening to bite me when I drop the curtain rod on myself.

You’ve got one more week. If I don’t see any improvement in your behaviour by then, I’m going to vacuum you.

You’ve been warned.

Sincerely,

Not Impressed With Your Behaviour House Owner.